My soon-to-be 10 dd wants to invite a girl who has treated her like dirt all year to her overnight birthday party. I swear, all year I've heard about how mean this girl is, talking about dd, excluding her from the playground games, etc., and I've seen the behavior first hand. This girl is bad news. I asked dd about that, and she told me that they get along fine now. Not only that, but dd wants to invite this girl's best friend (dd gets along with the friend fine, if it's just the two of them). I can see those two really creating a problem for dd and the other girls, but how can I discourage dd from inviting her? I can't see why dd wants her to come, except to maybe try to win her friendship (she's one of the "cool" girls). I've been through this fourth grade girl nightmare before with my older dd, and I don't want to repeat it, but on the other hand, it's my dd's party, so she should be able to invite whomever, right? Any bright ideas? I really dislike this child's behavior. (Maybe she'll be on vacation!)

By Tonya on Thursday, May 12, 2005 - 03:37 pm:

Explain to your DD how you feel and what you think might happen if she invites her to the party and then after that you have to let DD learn by mistake and hope for the best if she comes. And then be there for her if it is a big mistake in the end.

By Rayanne on Thursday, May 12, 2005 - 03:45 pm:

I agree with Tonya.

By Tink on Thursday, May 12, 2005 - 03:46 pm:

I think Tonya nailed it. It is so hard for us to see heartache coming and not do anything to stop it but your dd will have to learn this lesson at some point. At least this will be in your home and you may have some control over the situation. The only other suggestion I have is to invite at least one other girl. I've noticed that "three's a crowd" is really true and two girls will pair off and someone ends up feeling left out or picked on. Is there a close friend of your dd's that could also come?

By Kernkate on Thursday, May 12, 2005 - 04:02 pm:

I also agree with Tonya. Sit down with DD and explain how you feel. I myself would feel a bit nervous about inviting these 2 girls.
Ask you DD why she would want to invite this girl that had treated her so rudely. If its to be in with the cool group, tell her its not worth it, and it just might ruin her party by inviting them. Especially the one that has been girl that could be mean. JMO
Let us know how things work out.

By Karen~moderator on Thursday, May 12, 2005 - 07:12 pm:

Ditto. As much as you try to protect them, sometimes they have to learn things the hard way. I'd be SO tempted to not let her invite the girl - BTDT, having raised 2 girls. Just make sure you have an even number of girls, including your DD, at the party. Girls tend to pair off, and if this girl AND her friend come, the likelihood is *they* will pair off and the others will be left to themselves. Just make sure there's an even number of girls OTHER than those two.

By Kay on Thursday, May 12, 2005 - 07:33 pm:

She's definitely old enough to begin making judgments calls on friends, and reasons for keeping them, etc. She'll be better equipped for her older years that way - but knowing you're there should she need you is great.

One big mistake that I have made in the past is to not keep up on a daily basis with whom they are friends - one raised eyebrow from me when one of my dd's mentioned doing something with a friend (with whom they were before sworn enemies), and I was given one of 'those looks' and a "Mo-o-m!" (Not an unusual thing as they grow older LOL)