Did you get a lawyer to do it? I really don't want to have to pay someone for something I can just have notarized and done myself.

We want a certain couple to have Connor if in, the unlikely event, that Scott and I die. I want it in our will though. And, we want to do a living will too.

Any ideas, advice?

By Tonya on Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 12:35 pm:

When their are kids and other things of that nature involoved I was told that going through a lawyer was safer to ensure your requests and demands were met if need be. I was also told even with a will if there is not a living will then your family will have to go to family court to have your needs and wishes met.

I don't have a will yet but do have an appointment with a lawyer in June to get 1 done.

By Debbie on Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 12:41 pm:

We have a will. We did it through a lawyer since it involved custody of our dks. Like Tonya stated, I was told that it is better to go through a lawyer when there are dks and custody issues involved. We went to a lawyer who specializes in wills and it was around $200-$300. (I don't remember the exact amount) It was definitely worth it for the peace of mind.

By Palmbchprincess on Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 12:44 pm:

I had one written by JAG (military legal) with my ex-husband, we each had one drawn up. I have to have mine re-done (for obvious reasons). I'm pretty sure you can write it yourself and have it notorized, especially if you don't have a huge estate to take care of. Mine just said in the event of death, A would be legal guardian of my children, all of my estate would go to the children, if they were under age 18 the estate would go to their guardian to be used for the care of the children. You may want to see if you can get a free consultation with an attorney, and go from there.

By Boxzgrl on Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 02:31 pm:

Ditto Crystal.

By Rayanne on Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 02:32 pm:

DH and I have a living will and that is all.
We found one that was free, and it doesn't have to be notorized.

Free Living Will

By Melanie on Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 02:34 pm:

We used a lawyer to have ours drawn up. We wanted to go to someone who specializes in this area so that all bases were covered. No doubt we would have missed something if we attempted to do it ourselves.

By Kay on Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 02:59 pm:

I encourage all of you moms to have wills drawn up....your children deserve the assurance that there is someone to take care of them in the event that you're gone.

I remember insisting to my husband that before I took my first plane trip after the first two children were born that I wouldn't board unless we had it drawn up. Of course, it was quite simple, because my FIL is an attorney. But, it gave me peace of mind that I had someone *in writing* whom *we* chose to care for our children - not someone the court chose.

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 03:45 pm:

Oh my gosh...you have me thinking. I don't know who I would want dd to be with if something happened to us. How can you decide that???!!!

By Kaye on Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 04:24 pm:

WE have one...it is in the wrong state though. But in texas the law is pretty lax and as long as you have something in writing, be in on a napkin or whatever they will take it. It really depends on your state, also how weird is what you are doing? If you think there will be contest to who you choose, like a non family member, then be sure to use a lawyer. Also it doesn't hurt to actually say it out loud to a few people. At this point my dad will get custody of my kids. It isn't ideal as he is 64 and you hate to leave an old man with 3 kids, but for us we thought it was the best choice, he is retired, has enough money, and a similar belief system. He just recently remarried, so time could really change how we feel about that, these arrangements were made with the last wife. I had to think of it this way, NO ONE Is going to raise them like I would, so what is best case, where could I sacrifce. Ultimately for us we decided that time, money and religion were more important than active, travel and other kids.

By Amecmom on Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 04:54 pm:

You should have your will drawn up by a lawyer. Someone may contest it, so you should be sure it's done right and witnesed properly.
My sil died suddenly w/o a will. Her husband and daughter had passed about 6 months before. This left her son in the middle of a huge custody fight between his father's family and my sil's family (us).

By Lauram on Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 05:58 pm:

We have a will and I have a living will. My dad (a lawyer) did both. I would strongly advise talking to the couple you assign custody to. I would also suggest (actually this was my dad's suggestion) to assign a DIFFERENT person as executor. My brother is executor and my bil and sil are the legal guardians.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 06:58 pm:

You should absolutely have your will and living will (and health care power of attorney) drawn up by an attorney. Only an attorney knows the laws in your state and exactly how to word things so as to have things come out the way ou want them. Laura has excellent advice, both about talking to the couple and obtaining their full agreement BEFORE you name them as custodians. And having someone else be executor. You should also think whether you want the same persons who are custodians also be financial guardians (different from executor, whose role ends when the estate is settled), or whether you want to involve another person to be financial guardian along with or instead of the people who would have custody of your children. I say this only because when money is involved, people often do strange things. And, you can set up a trust so that your insurance monies and other monies go into a trust and only the interest can be used for normal living expenses, with the body of the trust to be used only for extraordinary expenses and for education (college). These are all things a lawyer can advise you about. And, don't name the lawyer as executor or financial guardian or trustee if you set up a trust - s/he would be perfectly entitled to charge their normal hourly rates for handling those for you. Also, don't use a bank as trustee, as banks charge horrible fees for acting as trustees and sometimes invest trust money in ways that are more benefit to the bank than the beneficiaries of the trust.

Believe me, it will be $200-500 well spent to have it done properly. Then, if you want to make changes in the future, you have the right format and words and can just change the names, because that's what is usually changed.

And, while you're at it, the lawyer can advise you about how to best arrange the titles to your house, cars, bank accounts, investment accounts and retirement accounts so that things go the way you want them to. I have found that sometimes people get married and forget to change the beneficiaries on their accounts from their parents to their new spouse, or get divorced and forget to remove the divorced spouse as beneficiary (my brother almost did this).

By Mrsheidi on Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 08:03 pm:

HHHHmmm...thank SO much! All of this I did NOT know!!!
The guardians would be my best friend and her husband. That's why I would want a will to be drawn up. I would worry that family would fight over custody when, really, we want him to be raised by my friend. They would raise him the way we would and we trust her the most!

By Debbie on Thursday, May 12, 2005 - 10:11 am:

Heidi, I would definitley have a lawyer do it since you want a friend and not family to raise your ds. It sounds like it could be contested. My BIL has said before that he would raise our boys if something were to happen to us. I think the only reason he wants them is because he has all girls. We do not want him to since he would not raise them the way we want. This is one of the reasons we used a lawyer. It is also good for all the reasons Ginny stated.

By Debbie on Thursday, May 12, 2005 - 10:17 am:

Deanna, the best advice I can give about deciding who to choose to raise your dks, would be to think about who would raise them the way you would. We picked my parents as primary and my brother if they were unable too. It was a hard decision because my parents are older and my brother is single. But, these are the only people we would trust to raise them. I was actually pleasantly suprised when we approached my brother about it. He was actually hurt because he was second choice. Like someone else suggested, I would definitely talk to whoever you choose and make sure they are okay with it since it is such a big responsibility.

By Lauram on Thursday, May 12, 2005 - 07:12 pm:

Ginny- that's right. It was the financial guardian is different from the legal guardian. In our case, the executor is the same as the financial guardian but different from the legal guardian.