I am not an Emily Post reading southern belle,(well not exactly)
but I was a bit offended by the behavior of the hostess at this one year old's birthday party today .
My dh and I have known this person for years but we are not close friends.She invited us to the party and when we showed up we did not know anyone else there.She did not introduce us to anyone, not even her husband and none of these people introduced themselves to us. The kids played together a bit and dh and I mostly talked to each other.
It was a bit uncomfortable and I felt like I was at a junior high dance.
Perhaps, because I had the disadvantage of not knowing anyone I should have introduced myself.I just didn't feel that outgoing and I've been feeling so pregnant and vulnerable.
I'm also just not used to people behaving that way. (Still missing my friends in Ca.)
What do you think is appropriate in this situation?

By Feona on Monday, May 2, 2005 - 07:59 am:

She was probably overwhelmed. Manners or not it is easiest to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Someone once told me that sometimes people don't have the the best social skills even if they look like they do.

By Vicki on Monday, May 2, 2005 - 08:14 am:

I agree that she most likely was very busy with the party and didn't give it a second thought that everyone didn't know each other. I usually can strike up a conversation with a brick wall, so I would have probably introduced myself to people and started gabbing away! I would give her the benefit of the doubt in this case too. I know how it feels to have a house full and I bet she was very busy. Doesn't make it exactly right, but it is understandable.

By Kaye on Monday, May 2, 2005 - 08:29 am:

Miss manners would say that it is appropriate to introduce new guests to one another. You are right, she was wrong. However, in the real world sometimes we get busy and overwhelmed and she missed...sorry you had a bad time.

By Jann on Monday, May 2, 2005 - 08:34 am:

She should have introduced you, but you should have mingled too.

By Mommmie on Monday, May 2, 2005 - 10:21 am:

I hear you! We hosted a bridal shower this weekend and it was a social challenge bec very few people knew each other.

True, she should have introduced you around and true you should have introduced yourself, but I'm thinking one step back - why you were invited to a 1-year-old's b-day party to someone you don't know that well and why did you accept? I think I would have RSVP's the sorry-we're-out-of-town thing. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20...

By Missmudd on Monday, May 2, 2005 - 10:41 am:

It could have also been that she *thought* you knew some of the attendees at the party. I know sometimes that I think since I know someone, my husband and friends should all know them too.

By Palmbchprincess on Monday, May 2, 2005 - 11:23 am:

I agree with Kaye and the others who said she should have introduced you. I get very upset if I'm left just standing there unintroduced, it often happens when Nate runs into an old Army buddy, or someone from the gym and I HATE standing there like and idiot waiting for him to say "Hey, this is..." At a larger social gathering, she should have AT LEAST introduced you to a couple people (someone who knew everyone there), so that if she was busy they could introduce you to the rest.

By Clarabel on Monday, May 2, 2005 - 11:25 am:

I accepted because after coming back into the area after being gone for five years I don't really know many people here who have kids.I don't have many friends here in general, so I'm trying to put myself out there.We knew this girl when we lived here before, and now that we are both married and have children, she wanted to include us in her community.
However, I guess I was just judgemental of the whole scene.It was outside in a park and it was a beautiful day, but everyone seemed to be smoking cigarettes and drinking beer and trying to look cool.I hope I don't offend anyone, but I don't think drinking and kids go together that well.
Maybe I'm a snob, but I'm learning that just having a child, doesn't necessarily make someone the kind of parent I want to form a community with. So when they didn't introduce us, I thouht, well,these are the kind of people they are, maybe they have a lot more growing up to do.

By Jann on Monday, May 2, 2005 - 11:40 am:

Not having been there, I don't know the dynamics, but we have had barbucue type parties with kids and adults where beer and wine was served. I guess I don't see how that would make me a bad person to meet. It sounds like you decided that you don't want to be friends with these people, perhaps they picked up on that and didn't want to introduce themselves to you.

By Clarabel on Tuesday, May 3, 2005 - 11:01 am:

Jann,it is not a moral judgement. I am simply saying that because I am pregnant and can't drink, and don't really drink anyway, it would have been an irresposible choice for me to drink at a child's birthday party.
I am certainly not in any position to judge others who do things differntly.
I am saying that maybe I need to find a group of people who fit better with my choices, lifestyle, or whatever you want to call it, and that would be more comfortable ..for me.
I hope you can understand that and I'm sorry if I offended you.
And yes, you are probably right, I may have been putting out a vibe and they picked up on it.

By Jann on Tuesday, May 3, 2005 - 11:40 am:

Of course you shouldn't drink when you are pregnant. It would be irresponsible anywhere, not just at child's birthday party (not sure why the distinctiong) Were they suggesting you should?
Oh well, we are all different. I just don't see how it's a lifestyle/choices thing unless you are against socializing with anyone who drinks,and that's fine, I know some folks who are like that. (but we aren't friends cause we do drink socially! LOL)