I am so angry right now. My husband dropped Christopher off at his mom's this morning. However, he forgot that she would need the car seat to pick up her son from school.
So she decided, instead of calling me at work or getting someone else to pick up her son, that she would buckle MY 16 MONTH OLD INTO THE BACKSEAT OF HER CAR!
When I pulled up to her house, and saw that her car was gone, my heart jumped in my throat. I was so scared and angry.
HOW IGNORANT!! There were so many other options. She could have called me, had a neighbor come over, anything! I just grabbed my son, all his things and left. I couldn't say anything because I was too angry. Obviously she won't be keeping Christopher anymore. Thank God nothing happened!

By Rayanne on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 04:18 pm:

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would be mad too. There is no excuse for what she did.

Did she say anything to you? What did your DH say?

By Jelygu on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 04:20 pm:

All she said was "By the time I realized I didn't have a car seat, it was time for me to go" She acted like it wasn't a big deal at all, and I am STILL shaking.
My husband was so upset. He felt bad because he forgot the car seat, but it isn't his fault. He thinks I am mad at him because he wanted to let his mom babysit, even though I had a bad feeling about it. I will NEVER ignore those feelings again.

By Emily7 on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 04:27 pm:

Jennifer I am so sorry that she put your son in danger. I can not believe that she put him in a car with no seat. I don't think I would ever let her watch him again. That is the reason my mom has her own carseat.

By My2cuties on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 04:31 pm:

OMGoodness!!! That is soooo horrible, I would be very upset too. No matter how far the school is it is not an option to not buckle up a child in a carseat. Is the school close? Could she have walked to get her son? I am so sorry, I know I would be shaking from anger too.

By Reds9298 on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 04:49 pm:

Oh My GOODNESS!! I would be so mad I'd be spitting fire! With my temper I'd have told her where to get off! I'm so sorry this happened. You have a right to be angry and a right to still be shaking. Thank the good Lord there wasn't an accident!!

By Jelygu on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 06:11 pm:

Emily, my mom has her own car seat too. She just couldn't babysit today. Normally we just leave the car seat when someone else watches him. Jimmy just forgot

By Mrsheidi on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 06:37 pm:

Woah. I would seriously be angry!! And, to add to the fire, she seemed so nonchalant about it!! Maybe you can send her a web page that shows what can happen if you do what she did!! (Not sure if she's technically savvy.)
I'm SO SO SO sorry this happened! I'm in such shock!

By Trina~moderator on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 09:45 pm:

{{{HUGS}}} I hear this story a lot and unfortunately, not all have happy endings. In defense of your MIL, NOT to excuse her actions by any means, but car seats weren't prevalent when her kids were little so she doesn't see what the big deal is. In cases like this, I don't think it's enough to just leave a car seat. Chances are if she was so nonchalant about letting a child ride without a car seat she's not going to make an effort to install the car seat correctly. If Grandparents have their grandchild on a fairly regular basis, I suggest purchasing a budget car seat for them to keep installed in their car. Teach them how to install it correctly in case they ever need to remove it. Better yet, send them to see a CPS Tech. I love working with Grandparents!

Is your MIL computer savvy? I can give you web sites but that may not do any good. I do have Grandparent Fact Sheets (paper form) if you're interested and would be happy to mail them via snail mail. If interested e-mail me at cpstmom @ gmail.com .

By Karen~moderator on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 10:47 pm:

When Jules had Madison, I bought a car seat to keep here for when she is with her Neena. I use it only a few times a year, but I'm into my 2nd carseat for her.

I know when most of my friends were having kids, and when Jules and Jason were babies/young kids, carseat use was not the norm or required, but when I had Jeff and Jenm, they were always in a car seat, and so is Madison.

How scary to think of your baby just strapped in the back seat, but Trina is right. However, your MIL definitely needs to own a carseat.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Saturday, April 23, 2005 - 12:59 am:

I agree the no car seat is a huge issue BUT... Is this woman a good grandmother???? What happened today was a major lapse in judgment but is she a good grandmother otherwise? The reason I ask. I have seen very stupid mistakes ruin families and I am 100% sure she didn't do it setting out to harm your child/her grandchild. She more than likely doesn't have the knowledge about car seats you do. I think/hope before you do anything rash that you think all this through and that you calm down enough to process rational thought. You are going to have "scares" the rest of your life when it comes to your child but unfortunately refusing to let the people that bring you the scares isn't always an option. I some day want to be a grandmother, I know I will be a good grandmother but I won't be perfect. I just hope that my kids and their spouses will remember who I am if and when I make mistakes with their children. I plan to buy my own car seat when I get the privilege of being a grandmother.... Maybe this could be suggested to your MIL or maybe you could upgrade the one you are currently using and give her the old one... If this woman is a loving caring grandmother, educate her on car seats and the fear this gave you BUT don't cut her out of your child's life over this.. JMHO of course.. Step out of protective mommy mode and try to see the big picture.. And I wish you the best..

By Jelygu on Saturday, April 23, 2005 - 07:45 am:

Trina, not to worry, we always install the car seat ourselves before we leave! I wouldn't trust her to do it, its been awhile since she had to.
Bobbie- I don't really think she is a "great" grandmother or mother to my husband for that matter. She wasn't around for Jimmy's childhood and has done a lot of bad things thoughout the course of his life. This was one of those things where we had given her a chance because she seemed to be so good with Christopher, and very cautious with him. But I don't think I can trust her again.
However, I won't cut her out of Christopher's life. I will still bring him over, she just wont babysit

By Jann on Saturday, April 23, 2005 - 10:21 am:

Not saying that what she did wasn't serious, but does she have a pattern of making unsafe or unwise decisions in regards to your son? Or was this the first time?
If there is a pattern, please excuse my next comment.
It sounds like you already did not care for this woman or trust her based on treatment of your husband and are looking for a reason to limit her exposure to your son.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Saturday, April 23, 2005 - 03:43 pm:

Well, you are the only one that knows the whole story. But I don't think a child can have enough people that love them. I also don't think that our past should be what standard we are held up to today. We all make mistakes and have lapse in judgments. I know people that were terrible mothers but turn out to be great grandparents. I also know terrific parents that turned out to be terrible grandparents. But only you know your story. And I am glad you aren't cutting her off, just monitoring her better... I hope that she can recognize the gift she has been given and work on setting things straight...

By Jelygu on Saturday, April 23, 2005 - 05:09 pm:

Jann-
I do not care for my MIL, but for personal reasons. I think she has made terrible decisons as a parent, but that is in the past, and I am not holding that against her.
I think what she did is scary and horrible, and she acted like it was not a big deal at all. The fact that she was so careless with my son makes me worry.
She knows how I feel about car seats, yet she chose to drive my son without one. I'm not looking for a "reason to limit her exposure to my son", but she happened to give me one. I don't think I am overreacting at all. Like I said, she will continue to get to see him almost as much as normal, because she rarely babysits. She just won't be put in the situation to be careless with him again.
I just wish she would have sincerely apologized, or respected my wishes. When my husband talked to her later, she STILL didn't act like she did anything wrong, and it scares me that she might do it again. Not taking any chances.

By Bea on Saturday, April 23, 2005 - 05:31 pm:

By Coopaveryben on Saturday, April 23, 2005 - 06:52 pm:

I just have to jump in here. She made a mistake but please keep in mind carseats were never a big deal when she had children. I remember laying in the back window of our car, my brother in the floorboard, and my other brother in the seat going down the interstate...it's just what people did. My Dad remembers sitting in his Mother's lap while she was driving...no one thought anything of it. So in her defense just calmly explain to her why that isn't acceptable for your son, I'm sure she didn't think anything about him riding like that on a quick trip to school. To distance her from her Grandchild because she had an incorrect way of thinking, which it sounds like you fixed that, is a little extreme. I wish I had someone so willing to watch my children .

By Jelygu on Saturday, April 23, 2005 - 07:04 pm:

Geez... I said that she was still going to see Christopher, and that she rarely baby sat anyways. I'm not going to distance her from her grandbaby.
I agree that carseats weren't a big thing when she had kids, but she KNEW how I felt about them, because we have had discussions about this. She obviously went against my wishes. I think that bothers me most of all. And when she pulled up in the driveway and saw me she said "oh, you're here early" like she was trying to get away with something.
I just feel like if she would go against my wishes once, she would do it again.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Saturday, April 23, 2005 - 10:30 pm:

That is fine. It is clearly your choice to limit and monitor her contact with your son. I don't think that we are saying, "Aww come on let her have him." We understand your concerns and where you are coming from. We are just saying don't let this create a big problem in your family. Let it be a lesson learned but not a life long resentment. Mistakes are going to happen at the hands of everyone that comes in contact with your child. Even at your own hands.. We have to just Thank God and move on...

And unfortunately blending families seems to leave something to be desired by most, doesn't it? LOL I wouldn't allow anyone in DH's family to KEEP my kids (many reasons, lack of judgment being the main one) but I do not limit their contact. It is very important that they have contact from both sides of the family. They love my kids very much but loving them and knowing how to monitor them are two different things. So I understand where you are coming from for sure..

By Feona on Sunday, April 24, 2005 - 08:00 am:

I would buy her a car seat and give her another chance. Of course I am not emotionally involved so it is very easy to say.

By Eve on Sunday, April 24, 2005 - 09:27 am:

Oh my. I would be upset too, but I think I would just talk to her. Just think, she could have had a car seat and still might not have had him buckled properly. I just try and show my Mom over and over how to buckle my DD in. I even let me Grandmother take my DD to church with her. She just had to drive through a parking lot, but I was still nervous about my Grandmother being able to buckle my DD back in. LOL!

I understand where you are coming from, but I would just use this as a good opportunity to bring up car seat safety and for her to learn. I think it would take me some time to calm down before I could think about it. I do understand where you are coming from. ((HUG))

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, April 24, 2005 - 10:10 am:

My X-inlaws attempted to do something similar with Madison when she was about a year old. They had offered to babysit so Jules could go to a doctor's appointment. They had no car seat. As Jules was leaving they told her they *might* make a run to the store. Jules stopped walking and turned around and asked when they got a carseat. They said *Oh, we don't have a carseat, one of us will just hold her in our lap. That's what we did when you kids were babies*. So, that generation, for the most part, isn't aware of the safety issue, and probably not the laws regarding same.

Ditto Bobbie, I don't think anyone is saying you shouldn't let them see your DS.

Most of the moms here on the board are younger moms. I'm one of the older moms, so I vividly remember the days of no carseats, and holding babies on laps in cars, and no seat belts, and kids standing up on car seats, from when I was growing up, so I know many grandparents of today just don't think of carseats.

If you can get her a carseat, then I'd do that. And tell her that *IF* she is caring for your DS, and wants to take him in the car, he MUST ge in the carseat. Tell her that it is not only your wish for him to be in the carseat, but it is a law as well now.

By Jann on Sunday, April 24, 2005 - 11:38 am:

Did not mean to offend you Jelygu, I just know that each of my kids' grandmothers did something very similar with my kids when they were younger. I love and trusted my mom totally, so when she did it, I very patiently explained to her why it was not ok. My mil on the other hand gets on my nerves, I was not as patient with her. Same offense, different reaction. I think how we feel about the person doing the 'offense' most definitely colors our reaction to it.

By Bea on Sunday, April 24, 2005 - 11:53 am:

I think you hit the nail on the head here Jann. I would have reacted as Jennifer did, had it been my MIL. (the witch on wheels) I think the rage is more deep rooted than this one incident.

By Jelygu on Sunday, April 24, 2005 - 04:45 pm:

LOL... I will agree that I dislike her, and had it been my own mother I wouldn't have been as angry.
It also wouldn't have made me as angry if we hadn't already had the car seat discussion. It's like she knew how I felt about the importance of car seats, but did it anyway.
Oh and Jann, you didn't offend me. I don't get offended that easily