I have a question for you:

Do you have people telling you that they disagree of you staying at home and not having a job? My Mom tells me all the time that I should be working, and I say that I do, I just don't get paid. Then I change the subject. I am tired of her saying this. My sister told me that she says this a lot to her.

This got fired up. I can't stand that she thinks this. I am doing what my DH wants me to do. You better believe that if he said onday that I had to put Rylee in daycare and find a job, I would. I am blessed to be able to stay home.

I just want to scream so loud, but if I do, I'll wake Rylee up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Mrsheidi on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 11:43 am:

ACK! I would be so frustrated too. With the costs of daycare, the lack of attention they get, and the time you miss out on them, it's really not worth it.
Did she stay at home with you, or did she work?
I would ask her "why"?

By Happynerdmom on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 11:47 am:

No, I don't, but I come from a family of SAHM's. I also feel very blessed to be able to stay home, as I know many people don't have that option. I will say though, I've come to understand that some women, especially older ones, don't understand why a woman would choose to stay home. It wasn't so long ago that women were expected to stay home...many had to, even though they would have rather worked. So, whereas women in the past HAD to stay home, we GET to! As for your Mom, that would irritate me, too!
BTW, "Hello!" to everyone! I've been off the board for a while, but I'm back...well sort of...I'm going away again this weekend...Gosh, you sure miss a lot!

By Rayanne on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 11:47 am:

She worked because I was better off in daycare. She said that it was good for me to get interaction with other kids, and it built my immune system. OK, my immune system still sucks. LOL.

She is also the bread winner of the household. I think that had a lot to do with it and also my Dad traveled all the time, so someone had to watch me.

By Emily7 on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 11:50 am:

I take it your mom was not a SAHM. I am sorry that she is giving you a hard time about it.
I noticed though that you say that this is what your dh wants you to do & that if he wanted you to put Rylee in daycare & find a job you would. I hope that you are doing what you want to do, not just what some one else wants you to do. Maybe that is what your mom is trying to say.
I love being a sahm now, but I know that when the kids get into school I will go back to work, my dh & I have discussed this at length & made the decision together.

By Rayanne on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 11:53 am:

Oh, of course I love staying at home. I have always wanted to be a Mommy and take care of my kids. When Chris and I started dating, we would talk about kids in the long future, and he siad that he would like to find someone who would stay home with their kids. I knew he was a keeper.

By Emily7 on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 12:01 pm:

I personally think SAHM is the best profession in the world. I feel lucky that I am able to do it. Sounds like you feel the same way, so don't let anyone make you feel like the choices you have made are wrong. If they are right for you, Rylee, & Chris than that is all that matters.

By Debbie on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 12:55 pm:

I don't hear it from my family. Both myself and dh had SAHMs. However, I left a very high paying job to to be a SAHM and some of my friends just didn't understand. I love being a SAHM and even though my youngest is entering K next year, I have no desire to go back to work. Dh is fine with this. I plan to remain a SAHM unless something changes and financially I no longer can.

Since you are happy being a SAHM, then just ignore her. Or, tell her that you are doing a job that you love(being a SAHM is definitely a job) and you wish she would drop it. In fact, Dr. Phil said that SAHM work the equivalent of 2 full time jobs!!

By Frasersmama on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 01:01 pm:

I have the opposite problem. My family (mostly just my Dad) thinks that I should stay home with my dd. I have not yet returned to work, but will be starting in June - she will be 15 months by then. It is hard because a part of me really wants to stay home, I love the time that I have with her, but I also worked really hard for my degree and have been offered a great opportunity to work part-time. My dh is a little more understanding, although I know he would prefer if I stayed home as well, but supports my decision entirely. Just remember all SAHM, the WOHM are getting some slack too

By Mrsheidi on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 01:06 pm:

To add something else...you REALLY ARE earning "money". To save money is to earn money. I know MANY women who tell me, "I wish I could stay at home with my kids like you".

With money, you can always achieve it and always have it, then spend it. Time is not something you always have and it MATTERS how you spend it.
Sorry she cannot realize this... she will later...when Rylee visits her and wants to spend TIME with her grandmother.

By Mommmie on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 01:13 pm:

When I stayed home, people told me I should work and when I work people tell me I should stay home.

You know what they say about opinions....

By Reds9298 on Friday, April 22, 2005 - 09:40 pm:

You can't win for losing in this area. I agree with Mommmie - somebody is always wondering why you aren't doing the opposite. There's advantages and disadvantages to both, so there's no right answer accept an individual choice. It's too bad that your mom can't accept that this is what's right for you and your family.

By Missbookworm on Saturday, April 23, 2005 - 06:57 pm:

The only person I've heard it from was my ex husband. His take on it is why should he pay me child support when I'm smarter than he is and fully capable of working. Nevermind that I have 3 kids I'm taking care of full time. Two of them with learning and social development problems. The youngest in kindergarten. Nevermind that if I even leave them with childcare for two hours to attend my single mom's group he throws a fit because I've left them with someone he doesn't know. Nevermind that he says my depression etc. is all just a load of crap that I made up. etc.

can you tell it makes me angry?

Everyone else in my life is supportive of my decision to stay home and help me out in anyway they can. It's hard sometimes but I'm making it

I love being here for my children whenever they need me and really even though it makes me angry with my ex I just don't say anything and the only time he says anything about it it's in court and the judge counteracts him on it.

I'm sorry that some of the people around you can't be supportive in your decision that makes it hard, but if it's right for you and your family I'd just say I appreciate your feelings but this is right for us. {{{{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}

By Cocoabutter on Sunday, April 24, 2005 - 02:33 am:

It is possible that most women who criticize SAHMs are either bothered by guilt that they don't spend that kind of time with their dks and/or they are jealous that you do and they can't or don't. It may also be that they honestly believe that you aren't fulfilling your potential as a human being, that you could be contributing so much more to society than you do baking cookies all day long (ala Hillary Clinton).

My response to the later is that I am in fact making the greatest contribution to society that I will ever make, and that is my son.

When you say that you are working you just don't get paid, I would change that response. You do get paid; they are paychecks to the heart, the income is residual, and the investment will give you unlimited returns.

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, April 24, 2005 - 03:32 pm:

My dear father used to say - free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it. By this I mean both your mother's advice and mine.

However, Rayenne, from this and other posts, have you thought about giving yourself a timeout from your mother. She sounds really toxic, and while we grow up believing we are "supposed" to love our parents, I don't believe that. As parents we are supposed to love our children. Our children are supposed to treat us with courtesy and respect and, if we are lucky and earn it, they will like and love us. But it is so guilty-making to feel you might not love your parent. Even if the parent is acting in non-loving, non-nurturing and hurtful ways. I've known some very unloving, unloveable parents, including my mom's mother.

I sometimes think it should not be WOHM, WAHM, SAHM. Every mother who stays at home with her children is working - BTDT. I was able to stay home until my youngest was 7, which gave me 13 years of working at being a mother. (Which is a learn on the job kind of experience, and I'm not sure I ever really learned it.) The only difference is you don't get a paycheck. But even the world of work realizes that a parent who stays home with the children contributes to the work life of the working parent - that's why a spouse is automatically the beneficiary of the 401(k) and/or retirement program and the paid spouse cannot withdraw the funds without the permission of the unpaid spouse, and a spouse who didn't earn can collect Social Security based on the earnings of the paid spouse.