as you all know my brother has just had his kidney transplants well this is what happened we got the call Wednesday night my parents along with my brother left well his girlfriend and her kids followed we waited until they got up there and he was settled. Well I guess my brothers girlfriend started taking over well we get there and she wasnt doing it or we didn't see it. Well the night of his surgery he started having problems the drs were think he was having a heartattak. well she is out in the hall telling the nurses and Drs he has to have this transplant if he dont we cant get married he needs we need to get married well my bil told her that there was more improtant things going on.Well he went in for his transplants everything was going good. he comes out and was able to have visitors. well she gets up takes off running to his room and my Mom yelles No at her. that my Dad and my Mom were going to go in first well she got mad and sat in the corner my parents were with him a little while well the nurses said that let the family come in in 2's and the ones who were leaving let them see him first. well my sister and myself and dh were going to go home because of work and school. well as soon as my parents come in she takes off running and is gone so my sister goes down see's my brother and tells him she is going home and she would be back up to see him in a couple days. she leaves but his girlfried stays so I go down with dh and I get in and she is kissing and hugging him and I asked her if she could step out and let dh in she got upset but oh well. So we left. his girlfriend along with her kids stay. this was Thursday well as soon as we left she started butting in telling the drs things about my brothers health that wasn't exactly righ signing medical papers that my Mom was suppose to well my mom got her feelings really hurt so my sisters who are cowards wouldnt say anything to her. so I called up to the hospital and told her she needed to either come home or step back and let my Mom finish taking care of him. she got all mad and said she loved him and I told her that if she loves him then she needs to step back and let them take care of him because she babied him real bad and told the drs not to move him or touch him because it hurt him to bad but thats what he needs to be pushed and get things going laying in beds not going to help. well she keep arguing with me and I told her she needed to go home not much for herself but for her kids. she had them sleeping in a hosptial waiting room she left them at there own will when she was in the room with my brother she only came down to see them when it was breakfast lunch and dinner and they are only 7 and 11 and that is still to young to be alone that much well she got mad and said I was calling her a bad mother and hung up on me. In the end my Mom told her to go home. She came home Sunday she hadn't called her work the whole time she was gone. that was wrong in my book. Well My brother don't know anything was said and told my mom that when he came home that I would tell him but now my sisters are saying to just drop it don't say anything to her anymore or about her. Thats easy for them to say because they didn't have the guts to confront her on what she was doing. now they are acting like nothing happened and to me it makes me out to be the bad person. They are going to act nothings happend because they didn't do anything which makes them out to be the good guy and db will know I said something and will get mad at me and my 2 sisters come out looking all perfect and that really hurts my feelings and it mad me cry. like i told them my priority was my Mom and brother and if it happened again I would say it again. but they need to get a back bone and stick up for atleast our Mom. If it wasnt for our Mom my db wouldn't be where he is at today. she was his back bone for 27 years or atleast when we found out he was a diabetic. he never gave himself his shots because he was afraid to do it she did it she dialysis for 5 years he lost his eye sight 8 years ago and she has been there for him and I know it is rough on her with his girlfriend butting in and she has said its rough because its her only son and I understand that and she said that when she knows that he is healthy and fine then she will start learning to let go. I am sorry this is so long it is just frustarting. I woke up in a good mood and then I talekd to my sister and my day went sour but today is my dd 10th birthday and I am going to ignore everything and enjoy her day. but thanks for letting me go on and on needed to get it out

By Kay on Wednesday, April 20, 2005 - 11:43 am:

Marie, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. What stuck out in your post was the fact that the girlfriend is signing papers for him. Are they established as a common-law couple? If not, unless he has named her as one to make those decisions, I believe it goes to the closest relative, which I suppose is your mom.

The hospital could get into a lot of trouble, too, for not checking to see who has authority to make these decisions. Have you encouraged your mother to contact the hospital administration regarding this matter? If not, it would not be a bad idea - they need to have this information. Now if your brother initially signed hospital paperwork and named her his authorized representative, there's nothing you can do.

It's sad for your brother that there is so much tension going on while he's simply trying to recover from major surgery and get his strength back.

I know you want to help him, but I'm sure he's well aware of how his girlfriend is, and he's chosen to stay with her. This is not the time to alienate yourself from your brother - our time here is so precious, and not worth giving ourselves ulcers over something which we cannot control, however much we would like to, and possibly need to.

But he's an adult, and he's made his choices with this woman.

I wish you all the best and a happy and relaxed birthday celebration for your dd!