My mother is (pardon the expression) driving me crazy! She is bipolar. I had a very fun upbringing, NOT! We had a love/hate relationship until the last few years when good meds came out. She was like a different person when she got on the right combination of drugs. The problem is, lately, she has decided that since she feels better, she doesn't need medicine. It has devestating effects on her mood and her behavior. I have always been the one to coddle her, let her cry on my shoulder when my other siblings banished her from their lives. I understand that she has an illness, but it is getting hard for me to deal with. I wish I could go to her house every morning and poke her pills down her throat.

I told you guys about my younger brother just having a baby that I feared could have been born under the influence of drugs. Well today, I had to travel out of town to work and on my way home I got a call on my cell phone from someone in my office who said my mother was trying to call me with an emergency, they put her on speaker phone so I could hear her because she couldn't remember my cell #. I do not let anyone at my work place know anything about my personal life because it is none of their business. Here she is hysterically rambling on speaker phone so that I could hear her on my cell phone. Turns out, she had gone over to my brother's house and told him that his baby did not belong to him and the he should have a paternity test done. He was very upset by this and has a tendency to lose control of himself (alot like dear old mom). He tried to make her leave and she wouldn't leave or shut up, so he roughed her up a bit and pushed her off his front porch. She is 61 years old and in very poor health, so it wasn't pretty. I don't think he hurt her very badly, she was walking really slow and had scrapes on her knuckles, but no signs of any real injury. My husband went over there and got her. I was about 90 miles away from home at this time. He brought her to our house so that we could see if she is really hurt, and to try to calm her down, but she wanted to go home. He volunteered to take her home because I went outside and started spreading mulch in my flower beds so I could clear my head. He still isn't home, so I'm sure she is whining away.

I feel sorry for my little brother because that was a cruel thing to say to him and he is trying to recover from being on very bad drugs. I am upset with him for man handling her like he did, but he is also upset with himself. He called me and told me that he didn't mean to and he was sorry and what should he do, but I really don't know what to tell him.

I am so embarrassed that she acted so foolishly over the phone at my office. I have a professional job, I am a VP at a mortgage company, so that really looks great on my image. I am so tired of her not taking her medicine like she should and I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I can talk to her Dr. because of HIPA, does anyone know?

Sorry, I just had to vent.

By Missbookworm on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 10:07 pm:

Katherine I really don't have any suggestions but I wanted to give you big {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} how hard this all must be It sounds like your hubby is very supportive and that's good. I don't know what HIPA is but I don't see how it could hurt to try to at least talk to her doctor...maybe he/she doesn't know that she's stopped taking them? They might have some advice and be able to offer you some further support too.

And I don't think apologies are necessary we're here for venting whenever one of us needs it

By Missbookworm on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 10:07 pm:

ok I guess I came up with some suggestions while I was typing ...

By Christylee on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 10:38 pm:

I think unless you went with her to one of her appointments the HIPPA law would prevent them from talking to you about her state unless you are her legal guardian or power of attorney. Is it possible you can go with her on her next appointment and voice your concerns with them? Maybe together you, her, and the doctors can get her to where she is more stable.

I'm sorry you are going through this, I know it can't be easy. BIG HUGS!

By Cat on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 11:15 pm:

{{{{{Katherine}}}}} One of the biggest problems with people once they get "stable" on their meds is then they don't think they need them anymore! Even for us, now that Robin (my 11yo who is Bipolar) is pretty stable, even I question if he needs them. But I know he does, and I'd never take him off them without the pdoc's advise (which I'd probably have to question!). I hope and pray that when he's older he'll continue to take care of himself and manage his condition. I also pray your mom "sees the light" and tries to manage hers. Also, as I'm sure you know, Bipolar does tend to run in families and from what you posted about your brother it probably wouldn't hurt for him to have an evaluation (jmho, but with what you said about the drug abuse and the argument with your mom--including the consuquential remorse, it's possible). More hugs, Girl, and vent here anytime.

By Tink on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 11:44 pm:

Believe me, I know how tough it is to deal with a bi-polar mother! I really don't have any suggestions other than going with her to a Dr's appointment and see if she will talk to both of you. Sometimes, my mom gets caught up in the moment but, later, is able to say that she was out of control. It doesn't sound like your mom is to that point and I'm so sorry. It also sounds like you have really ended up in the middle of most of these tough situation. I hope that this all comes to a satisfactory ending with as little wear and tear on you as possible. Can you circulate a brief memo at work, saying that you are having minor trouble in a personal area and you hope that they will all treat you with the respect and compassion you would offer to them in a similar situation?

Lots of {{{hugs}}} and we're here for you anytime.

By Missmudd on Thursday, April 14, 2005 - 11:03 am:

If it helps any, it probably wasnt as big as a shocker to your coworkers as you feel it is. Everyone has a loose cannon in their families, I would however not allow this to happen again, unless someone is dead the speaker phone at you office isnt appropriate, tell her you will call her, have someone at the office give her your cell number or someother solution.

By Cocoabutter on Thursday, April 14, 2005 - 05:46 pm:

I don't think HIPPA laws prevent you from bringing new information to the attention of her Dr. It just prevents them from giving out any info to anyone else without the express approval of the patient.

Even if you went with her to an appointment, she has to be in agreement with it.

The sad part about mental illness is that it is often the children who take on the burden of caring for the ill parent. You have a husband and two children to care for. You should be able to focus on them and their needs. That would not be selfish- it would be responsible.

As Cat said, she hopes that her ds sticks with his regimen into his adulthood. Beyond that, it is HIS responsibility to himself as an adult to take care of his own mental wellbeing. So it is with your mother.

My MIL is mentally ill. She has been in therapy for 28 years and she is on antiphsychotics and antidepressants. Every day is a battle for sanity for her. She has matured from the mentality of an 8 year old child in the beginning of her therapy to that of a 29 year old woman now. She has gone off her meds once and ended up in the hospital. She realized early on that if she didn't pull herself up by her bootstraps and get with the program she would never be able to enjoy life and be self-sufficient. She has said time and time again that she absolutely does NOT want to be a burden to my dh and me. That us why she has worked so hard. She is a great and wonderful woman in my eyes.

I wish that were the case for you, and I am sorry it isn't. But you have the right to have a normal life and an obligation to protect your family from dangerous or destructive influences. See if you can get her help, but beyond that, it is her responsibility to use it.

By Imamommyx4 on Thursday, April 14, 2005 - 09:34 pm:

If your mother gives consent to the doctor, he should be able to talk with you about your mother.

The HIPPA laws are intended to protect the privacy of individuals but sometimes they get downright under my skin. But that could be another thread.

Good luck. I'm very sympathetic to your situation. My mom has her own issues, very needy, always some illness that has her at death's door, but she's 77.
It's very hard juggling the needs of your family and sympathy and help to mom.

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, April 14, 2005 - 10:31 pm:

Yes, that is true. Her doctor could talk to you, if she gives consent. HIPAA (health information portability and accountability act) makes it hard sometimes for health professionals, sometimes, since we really need to talk to the patient on the phone, not their spouse or parent if they are a young adult!)

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 09:00 am:

HIPAA rules are the rules governing doctor-patient confidentiality. I would be very, very surprised if the doctor will talk with you about your mother's condition without her consent. Unless you get appointed your mother's guardian, which would mean a really messy court scene and probably wouldn't be granted. You can, however, report to the doctor that your mother is not taking her meds appropriately, report what happened with your brother, etc. That is not a violation by the doctor of confidentiality, and it may cause the doctor to rethink her treatment and possibly think about inpatient treatment for a short period.

There is really nothing you can do with or for people who refuse to take their medications.