I remember at one time I thought it was odd that a married couple slept in separate rooms because of this.. I dont find it odd anymore. My husband has been sleeping downstairs for the last 6 weeks due to his snoring and me not being able to sleep. Mostly it has to do with the fact that Faith doesnt sleep through the night, most nights she gets up at least one time. I use to get up with her, get back to bed. But, then Id be tossing and turning because of the loud noise of snoring from my husband. And, in turn,Id get so resentful that I had to listen to this...and couldnt fall asleep. I had went out and bought an airmattress so I could sleep downstairs. In turn hes been down here, and Ive been sleeping so much better since we made this arrangement. Granted I still get up with Faith. Normally its about a 10 minute process, and then I can go back to sleep in a matter of seconds.
I remember when I was a child I could hear my dad snoring through the walls and often wondered how my mother could stand it.
Maybe Im just not a good wife as I cant deal with the lack of sleep I get because of a baby, and snoring from my husband just makes it worst.
How do you all deal with the snoring?

By Annie2 on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 10:23 am:

I often get up and move, too. This is the reason I use a travel alarm clock instead of a plug in one. LOL If I am sleeping and he starts to snore, it usually doesn't wake me up but if I am awake I can not get back to sleep. It is so loud sometimes. I also use ear plugs and that does seem to work most nights.
Sometimes I will ask him to roll over and he'll say I'm not even sleeping"! I hate to wake him up, too because that disurbs his REM even though he doesn't become fully awake.
No help from me, sorry. Cuddling, love making are truly important in a marriage and if these are not being hindered because you want quality sleep, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. Maybe once Faith doesn't need nighttime care, you'll be able to spend a full night together. In the mean time I think quality sleep is so important for our bodies as well as for our minds.

By Alberobello on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 10:37 am:

My dh is really bad! I have a terrible night's sleep most nights. My dh works nights, so i go to bed after he goes to work at around midnight. Then he comes back, sometimes at 3 or 4 am and i can hear him coming home -so i wake up- then he comes to bed after a while -and i wake up again- and after a few minutes he starts snoring!!! I can't handle it because i have a really difficult time going back to sleep so sometimes he goes to our son's room or i go. During weekends when he is at home, we go to sleep together but then when he starts snoring i have to get up and go to my son's room. Sometimes i manage to make him sleep on his tummy and then the snoring stops, but sometimes he is sooo tired that i can't even wake him up, so i have to go... It is really stressing but i suppose i am getting used to it now. We are not a very common family with him working nights so i cannot compare to my friends and ask why i don't sleep properly. And then of course there is my son who wakes up to ask me to go with him to the toilet, or my cat who wants to go out of the window... aaaargh!

I don't think you are a bad wife. As long as you both agree and are fine with it then it doesn't matter. We are not one of those couples who sleep hugging each other so it doesn't matter to us, we can still cuddle each morning or before going to bed. We still have our moments of intimacy so i am not bothered with our sleeping arrangements. Good luck anyway, and don't despair!

By Jann on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 10:41 am:

Same here in our house. Mine is so bad. There is a time for sleeping and a time for intimacy, just because we don't sleep in the same bed it doesn't mean we can't have both!

By Angellew on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 10:53 am:

I am couch-bound more than I care to admit, but, sometimes, I just need to sleep without killing myself to try and get my DH to just roll over!!! You have to do what you have to do!!!

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 11:11 am:

My husband was diagnosed with sleep apnea due to this very thing last year. Now instead of sleeping in another room because of his snoring, I end up sleeping in another room when he refuses to wear the breathing machine. He stops breathing 3x an hour. Very scary! I try to get him to wear the machine every night but it is a battle. He hates it. I do not blame him. It is a mask and a huge vent connected to a machine. If you move around in your sleep you get tangled. Still--it makes sure he doesn't stop breathing! We are looking into surgery options. Please make sure the snoring isn't more serious!
As far as the question, I know it is very common to sleep seperately. Sleep is very important.

By Jackie on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 11:28 am:

Tonight my husband is going for a sleep study at the hospital down the street.They told him most snoring is corrected with that sleep thing CPAP(I think thats what he calls it), but doesnt that make alot of noise as well? I dont know, we will see what happens.

By Alberobello on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 11:32 am:

So what's the point on the machine if it makes noise? Good luck to your husband.

By Jackie on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 11:45 am:

Yep Maria, thats my point,!

By Heaventree on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 12:09 pm:

I might be wrong, but I thought that in most cases there is a simple procedure done that can cure snoring? I think it's just day surgery? Like I said I could be wrong. But it might be worth looking into. Good luck ladies I know I could not stand it.

By Jackie on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 12:22 pm:

When my husband went to talk to the drs at the sleep study(right at the hospital)they told him they didnt do surgery for certain types of snoring problems.Im thinking it depends why you are snoring as to whether they do surgery or not.But, I really dont know.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 12:27 pm:

Most nights we can sleep together just fine. Some nights, he falls asleep in the basement and so we sleep separately. Sometimes, he chooses to sleep in the basement, like if he has a cold, because then snoring is worse. Once in a while, I wake up when he comes to bed, later in the night, he falls right back to sleep, but then I'm laying there awake. So, if I can't sleep because of the snoring, I just go out to the couch. It's not worth losing sleep over. I have to take an alarm clock with me, as well, because even if mine is still set, and goes off, he doesn't get up and wake me up! LOL!

By Jann on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 12:59 pm:

I am not sure any time you go under anesthesia, you can call a surgery 'simple'.
If it was interfering with our sex life, it would be a problem worth investigating the risks of surgery, but we never slept all snuggled up, so it's not a problem. Me being b*tchy from lack of sleep is a bigger problem! LOL

By Missmudd on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 01:30 pm:

Many years ago my dh was an avid snorer. After many nights of countless attempts to get him to roll over and for the love of pete to just stop snoring long enough for me to get some rest, I got up and went into the kitchen. I REALLY woke up when I realized I was going through the silverware drawer to find something to poke him w/ to make him stop. Realizing that that would probably not be the best decision of my life I slept out on the couch. DH was heartbroken that he woke up alone. It did get him into the doc and eventually did get him to lose some excess weight, lowered his cholestorol, got his blood pressure down, and got some sleep issues resolved. He is now human to sleep w/, only rarely does he shake the timbers when really really tired and I can almost always get him to stop. I do know at least one person who have seperate sleeping quarters because of snoring.

Would your dh go to the doc? Sometimes snoring is just snoring, othertimes it is something that really needs to be addressed regardless whether you 2 are ok w/ seperate beds.

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 02:10 pm:

Ok my hubby uses the CPAP. It does make a slight noise but being constant in/out sound it is more like "white noise". It also is very low in sound--nothing like his snores or gasps for breath. The fact is, my hubby could stop breathing completely! He does stop and restart but God forbid he could just stop. The CPAP makes him breath consistantly all night long. Our insurance may not cover surgery.

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 02:19 pm:

Losing weight is the first defense against snoring. This cures a lot of problems, but not all.

By Palmbchprincess on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 02:30 pm:

We end up having the argument like this. (him)"Why'd you hit me?"
(me)"You were snoring, I didn't hit you, I nudged you to get you to roll over."
"You were hitting me! I wasn't snoring, I was still awake!"
"Believe me, no you weren't. You were shaking the house with your snoring. I didn't hit you, stop being dramatic!"
"I was NOT snoring!"
"Ok, sure, whatever."

Repeat scene most days, get annoyed most nights, contemplate sleeping on couch. It happens, and I don't really know of too many solutions other than Breathe Right strips or medical intervention. Has he tried the Breathe Right strips?

By Kay on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 02:51 pm:

You just nudge, Crystal? I use my foot to give him a push. (The advantage of being really short)
LOL

I've talked to mine about the Breathe Right strips - I'm told that I snore, too (gleefully told by my children, I might add). Maybe I'll offer to try them if he does.

I'm a much lighter sleeper than my dh - if I snore, it's not nearly as likely to wake him as it would me. I've been exhausted lately, because I think his allergies are bothering him.

By Kay on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 02:53 pm:

Incidentally, this is me after one of those sleepless nights.....

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 03:07 pm:

Breath right strips did not work for my husband. The DR told him one of the reasons he stops breathing is how short his neck is. Somehow it causes his throat to close during sleep. Weight loss would not correct his problem. The sleep clinic is what my hubby had to do too. Hopefully you will find out what is causing the snoring so it can be treated.
Good luck!

By Palmbchprincess on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 04:47 pm:

I forgot to add that having broken your nose can really intensify snoring, which is Nate's case (he's broken his nose more than once). A childhood friend of mine had broken her nose 4 times before high school (she was quite the tomboy, as was her mom!) and my mom told me she had a nose job recently because of the sleep apnea and snoring due to multiple breaks. I remember her wheezing snore from sleepovers, it was awful! Maybe the Breathe Right strips will help in situations like that.

By Tink on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 08:30 pm:

My dh and I sleep separately. He works until midnight and snores terribly. He has the CPAP machine and we both hate it (him more than me). Really, it hasn't affected our sex life or cuddle time since he is at work so late anyway. Rob isn't the least bit overweight but he has had his nose broken years ago. Both of our parents slept separately due to the men snoring so badly.

My father had the snoring surgery done but it has a really low success rate (30%, I think) and is only done as a last resort. It didn't work for my dad and left him snoring even worse because of scar tissue.

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 09:48 pm:

Does he smoke? My dh used to snore a LOT until he quit smoking. He would always snore when he was on his back. I would nudge him just enough to get him to change positions and he would usually roll over on his side and be quiet.

I had a friend who used to work 7 days a week and he was always so exhausted. He told me he snored and that was why- his extreme fatigue.

My aunt had surgery to correct her snoring- not sure what they did, but it had something to do with the size of the opening to her airway. She was always real tired all the time so she was tested and found out that her snoring was keeping her from her deep sleep. Is he getting enough rest himself? Maybe he should go to a doctor?

Being overweight can also cause snoring- extra weight on the esophagus (sp?) in a lying position.

As far as the marriage, as long as you find time to take care of the intimacy, I don't see the problem - unless your dks notice that you are not sleeping together and ask why.

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 09:52 pm:

Guess i should have read the whole thread BEFORE I posted- glad to see he is getting help!!!

By Pamt on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 10:43 pm:

How I can relate!! Especially since I slept on the sofa last night with my cellphone as my alarm clock. My DH does the "I wasn't even asleep" thing too...and sometimes he's not. The problem is that he has a deviated septum and so he just simply BREATHES loudly and sounds like he is really working to breathe. Add snoring on top of that and ugh. He's going for a physical and will probably have a sleep study since I'm worried about apnea. Then we'll see about surgery. I know my DH would want surgery over separate sleeping quarters because he is a big snuggler. I don't think sleeping apart affects sex per se, but I think it can affect intimacy, plus I don't like the picture it sends to kids either.

Lately I've been really tired, but I am a much lighter sleeper than DH so the snoring can drive me wild sometimes. I try to fall asleep before he does, because then I don't have trouble falling asleep. My DH is not overweight either, so that's not the problem. No big solutions here, but I do feel your pain. Sometimes I wake up SO MAD at him even though I know he's not snoring on purpose, but I can see how snoring can become a big enough issue to call marital problems in some cases...esp. when the man is in denial.

By Bea on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 11:25 pm:

I moved to my own bedroom right before we moved to this house. It was a tiny sewing room in the basement, but it was heaven compared to spending sleepless nights in my marital bed. Because of his time in Viet Nam, DH can not be touched while he sleeps. He lashes out. That can prove to be dangerous. Therefore, snuggling and feet warming were never part of our nighttime rituals. He not only snored all night, but his sleep apnea caused him to snort, choke, gag and whistle. It was impossible to sleep with him. When I complained, I was told that my sleeplessness was, "MY PROBLEM". So I fixed MY PROBLEM, and got my own room. In this house, I have a large, bright and wonderful bedroom, furnished to my taste. Before I couldn't even have floral sheets...."too feminine for him". He has, just recently, gone to a sleep clinic, and is using the CPAP breathing machine. I find the sound of it is soothing, and when we travel, I can actually sleep in the same bed again, but will I ever give up my own room. NOT ON YOUR LIFE.

By Jenn34 on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 11:38 pm:

In my house I'm the snorer. Funny story from when I was little-a friend of my mother's was over one evening and thought that an animal had gotten in the house. When she went upstairs to use the bathroom there was a strange noise coming from my room-it was just me snoring!
I sometimes feel like we aren't as close as we use to be-at one time we shared a house with friends and separate sleeping wasn't possible. But between my snoring, the baby and his trouble getting to sleep we all be VERY cranky if we tried to sleep together every night.
BTW- I snore because I have a large soft palate that wasn't full repaired when I was younger. I was born with a cleft palate and double hair lip so not much I can do about the snoring.
I like the idea of separate bedrooms then you don't feel like your losing any person space by being the one on the couch.

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 07:38 pm:

We don't have extra bedrooms at our house! LOL! Last night, I was worried about something and just could not fall asleep. Hubby was snoring, but not that loud. I turned over and it woke him up, so he went downstairs. When he was gone, I fell right to sleep. Usually I DON'T have trouble falling asleep and probably won't tonight. I'm very tired today.

By Wandilu on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 09:48 pm:

You ladies don't know HOW much I appreciate this thread.I have been going through this snoreing/getting up out of bed situation for 3 or 4 yrs now.My dh snores very loudly most nights,and I have many sleep disorders.I have sleep apnea(they said I stopped breathing 150+ times in 8 hrs)and fibromyalgia,that causes sleep problems.And the list goes on and on!! Anyway,I tried so hard to just stay in the bed while dh snored,but eventually I started having to get up EVERYnight.We are big time snugglers/touchy/feely people,so it was rough.When he would wake up and find me gone,he would WAKE me up to COME BACK to bed!!!I felt sooooo guilty.But,lately ,since we had that problem with our new furniture(I was allergic to the chemicals)I've been sleeping either on the couch or the guest room.And I have gotten more rest,but it has taken a toll on our closness.Last night was the first night I have slept in our bedroom with dh in a couple of months(we got rid of the furniture and bought a Simmons Beauty Rest pillow top mattress !!).It was kinda strange.The mattress was VERY comfortable,but I would wake up every time dh would move,or touch me,since I'm used to sleeping by myself.And then the dreaded snoreing began...and the "turn over,honey"...and by 5 am I was back on the couch!!!! So,it really helps knowing other people go through this too,and they work things out.

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, April 14, 2005 - 07:46 am:

Yeah, even though I sleep better with hubby in another room, I miss waking up next to him! Sometimes, I wake up and he is all wrapped around me, and I feel so connected. If he sleeps in the basement too much, I start missing him. The only time that it's night after night, is if he has a cold and truth be told, when he is sick, I would be miserable and not getting any sleep. So, to a certain extent, I'm glad that he sleeps somewhere else, then.

By Peggy13 on Thursday, April 14, 2005 - 09:57 pm:

I can so relate - my husband snores the second his head hits the pillow and once I start hitting him - he says "I wasn't even asleep". Anyway, most nights he falls asleep on the couch and I wake up with a full night's sleep (love that), but some nights he comes strolling in whenever, then I'm wide awake waiting for the snoring to start. He won't ever go to a doctor (god forbid). How do you get your husbands to see a doctor? He doesn't EVER go to a doctor for a regular checkup or anything. I think the last time he went was the required physical before college - 30 years ago.

By Cocoabutter on Thursday, April 14, 2005 - 10:15 pm:

I posted that I really didn't have that problem with my dh anymore. Well, ha ha, he has my cold now, and since his sinuses were clogged up, he snored SO LOUD that I woke up and nudged him to roll over three or four times but each time within 10 min he was back on his back honking and roaring that I got up and went to the couch at 5:00 this morning. SHEEESH!

The funny thing was his snoring was incorporated into a dream I was having- he scared away the bank robbers!

By Dawnk777 on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 01:31 am:

Hubby can be asleep and snoring as soon as his head hits the pillow. I don't know how he can fall asleep SO fast! We can be talking, even, and I will ask a question, and he is asleep, already!

By Breann on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 11:14 am:

My dh used to snore. He had sinus surgery to fix some other breathing problems, and it cured his snoring!! It's been great.