I've asked him not to in the past. It's a BIG deal to me. I have to feel intimate with him and I have to know that, while we are getting intimate, that he is not thinking of these women. I already feel that my body is not back into shape after having my child and now I don't even want to have sex with him anymore. It just totally deflates me. I don't want to share his sexuality with anyone. I just hold him up to a pedestal and now I just feel disrespected. How do you handle it? He gets so defensive.

By Colette on Wednesday, April 6, 2005 - 06:37 am:

You should feel disrespected if you've told him how this makes you feel and he does it anyways. You could try showing him this post - but if you've made your feelings clear on this it probably won't matter much. The only other option I see is to cancel your internet service, but even that still doesn't really address the issue. Good luck anon, I know there are several members who have dealt with this in the past.

By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 6, 2005 - 09:19 am:

Thanks, Colette. I'm having a hard time looking at him this morning.

By Colette on Wednesday, April 6, 2005 - 09:25 am:

I just reread my post. I am sorry if I came off as a bit blunt. I hope your day improves.

By Breann on Wednesday, April 6, 2005 - 10:07 am:

((((hugs))))
I agree. That is awful of him to continue doing it even though he knows how you feel. Totally disrespectful.

There is no form of pornography allowed in our home, ever. Dh knows that is a very hot topic with me. He respects that at doesn't have the desire to look at it anyway, thankfully.

There isn't much more that you can do if you've already had a talk with him about your feelings. It's up to him to decide if he wants to respect your thoughts on the subject or not. No one can make him do it. It just shows his immaturity and lack of self control, imo.

Hope your day goes better. Chin up! This is his problem.

By Conni on Wednesday, April 6, 2005 - 01:39 pm:

As a general rule in our home it isnt allowed. BUT, i have ran into some sites myself a time or too (without trying!) and dh has too. It isnt a regular thing around here. IF it was, dh would hear alot of complaining from me and threatening to lose HIS internet access. It would have to be embarrassing for a grown man to tell his friends and family he cant get on the internet at home anymore because your wife kept catching you looking up nasty sites. lol!

It really is a problem for alot of men. I hope your dh gets his head out of the gutter and can find more constructive ways to use his time on the computer!

By Anonymous on Thursday, April 7, 2005 - 09:48 am:

I just want to feel close to him, emotionally, in bed. I feel like he's going outside of our marriage and that he lacks self control. It's not appealing to have a man that wants to make love to you the way he sees it on the computer/porno movie. (In bed, he goes straight to the "hoo-ha" areas and hardly anything else.) What really hurts is that I've asked him to "pick up" in the romantic area over a year ago to improve our sex life and he really hasn't made an effort. So, he would rather "research" other women's bodies than research how he could really "reach" me when we get intimate. I do everything in my power to ask him how I can improve, etc. (I even shave certain parts for him.) And, when I tell him what I need, he says "ok" but never really LISTENS and acts on those needs. He likes to do it his way and that's it.
He also lied to me about a certain website that he goes to. It's a fantasy football website and he SWEARS that he doesn't click on the topics that men post about certain risque websites. And, I KNOW he did. He just lacks the self control not to. It's just really hard to respect a man when, not only is he going to the websites, but he lies straight faced to me and doesn't care. There's no honor in that. This just chips away at my feelings towards him...I try to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it just kills me that he covets other women.