When did you start liking them?

By Karen~moderator on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 07:44 am:

My kids have had a lot of the same friends since preschool and I have liked *most* of them since then. I do remember a couple of kids who I didn't care for at age 4 or 5, and several since then. The older they get, the more you have to try to get to know the friends because you never know what kind of person someone is............

There have been, on a very few occasions, a few teens that came around that I just did NOT like and I told my kids I did not want them over here or them hanging out with them.

But for the most part, I've liked the kids they have befriended.

The most important thing I have learned is that you have to get to know the kids your kids are friends with, know what they like, what they do, where they live, what makes them tick.....that way you will know what influences your kid is around.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 07:47 am:

My kids have good friends. All of Sarah's friends are also on the High Honor Roll, as are Emily's. So, I think they have made good choices.

By Jann on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 08:42 am:

For the most part, I have liked all of my kids' friends. I have known 90% of them since PreK. I have found you have to be very careful with the ones you don't like and being too vocal about it (especially when they are older) because that will usually guarantee an instant attraction. If I have seen friends not being good for them (and it's not something that is against my rules) I talk alot about what being a good friend entails.
I also ditto everything Karen said.

By Kaye on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 09:58 am:

This year (5th grade) no I do not. I don't say anything really. Up until this year her friends have been find (as are my sons), but this year we have gotten in a lot of issues of "this and that is not cool", etc. Her best friend is a nice little girl but not popular, I wish my dd was more in the popular group at times. This girl is a very smart girl, but stands out as different, she will be homeschooled next year, so my dd will be friendless again.

I will have to say with my youngest, it is hard to let go a little, he had a rough prek experience because of his differences. It quite honestly just hurt when kids didn't play with him, or didn't "like" him because he was a little off. The friends he did pick were not the ones I would have picked. I have found myself to be much more sensitive with him.

By Janet on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 11:15 am:

My oldest dd is a freshman in h.s., and I truly like her friends! I love the fact that they are old enough to have an intelligent conversation with, and they have so much energy!
My youngest is in 4th grade, and her best friend is a good kid, but some of the others I could do without. I've known them since preschool, and they are at the age where they won't talk to me. I went through this with my older dd's friends, too, at that age.. I think they think I'm just too strange, LOL!

Ask me in a few years what I think about the BOYS my dd's are going out with! Ack!

By Vicki on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 12:56 pm:

Kaye, I just wonder if you really noticed what you wrote?

Her best friend is a nice little girl but not popular, I wish my dd was more in the popular group at times. This girl is a very smart girl, but stands out as different

and:

It quite honestly just hurt when kids didn't play with him, or didn't "like" him because he was a little off.

It sounds like you want kids to like your ds even though he is "a little off" but you want your dd to be with more popular kids. I think you should be extra proud of your dd for being best friends with someone who doesn't fit into the popular group! I just wondered if you ever noticed that??


As for me, I love dd's friends. Up until the past couple of years, her friends have been my friends kids, but now, she is getting to be friends at school with kids on her own. I couldn't pick nicer little girls for her to be friends with. So far, she is doing a great job!!

By Kaye on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 01:29 pm:

LOL tht does sound funny vicki. I guess it is hard to explain in words without knowing these children. For my daughter although I have no issue with her friend, my fear for her is next year she will not have a friend, this friend she has now is very nice and good to her at school, but they do not really like to interact outside of school. We have had a couple of play dates, they would never consider having sleepovers. My dd I feel like really misses out because she picks friends like this. She has only once been able to sleepover at someone elses house and once we had a sleepover party where only one friend could come. So I guess what I was trying to say is not that I disliked her friends, but at times I wish she chose differently so she could experince some more social things. I am not the most social so I know my kids need to get this. I do really appreciate that my daughter reaches out to others when they need a friend, but the backside of that she does it because it is easier for her, she doesn't have to try so hard. Her second best friend this year doesn't speak english (speaks arabic), this is our third year in a row that she has a friend whose parents speak little to no english and their daughter is learning in school. This means time together consist of playing games, not talking, so she doesn't really have that one special friend to "Share" with. I remember growing up having that best friend that I told everything to. My dd 11, does not ever use the phone, she freaks if she has to answer it, etc. Part of that is from the friends she has chosen. I know she is safe and not making bad choices, but still feel like she may be missing out.

As far as my son...well..when he was in preschool I did feel that way. Now it isn't the case. I guess where I was going with that is Feona and I have very similar sons, mine is older though. So now that he is in 1st grade, I have learned to love him and his friends for who they are. Yep a little different, he isn't so off now, just different..LOL. So his friends aren't typical boy friends, outside riding bikes, etc. They are they creative type. Which is as cute as can be, but not the norm. I finally realized that I cannot make him into what I wanted, or thought was right (same goes with my dd), but I accept who he is and am thankful that he is smart enough to want to be friends with boys who are similar (he has turned out to be quite social, but says no alot).

Anyway, hope that clears up my thinking a bit. I guess another thing to add here is, no matter what the issue is, each kid is so different, so for me my wants and needs for them are different. My dd is a giver, I hope that one day that doesn't get her hurt. My middle son is more of a leader, he is always in charge, good now, but again I hope this isn't what gets him trouble and then my little guy, well..LOL..you would have to know him to understand. But each year we hope and pray that he gets a teacher who can see how cute he is, because if you don't love him, boy can he make your life hard!

By Anonymous on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 01:46 pm:

I like my most of my oldest dd's friends (although one is probably going to head down the wrong path in life soon - I watch that one w/her). But I do not like one of my ds's friends. I really can't stand him. He has aspergers and he is totally out of control when he comes to my house. I have tried to let this friendship continue because my ds likes this kid but I had to put my foot down and tell ds this friend cannot come over to our house anymore because he is so disrespectful. My youngest dd is totally different from my other two, she will not take any bs from anyone. Her friends are fine and they really respect me because I work at their school. I am going anon because I wouldn't want the mother of ds's friend to come across this. She is very nice and I wouldn't want to hurt her.

By Vicki on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 02:10 pm:

I completely understand what you mean about your dd Kaye. But honestly, she could actually seek these girls out because she knows how things can be on your ds. That says allot about her compassion. Maybe her friend leaving next year will help break her out of her comfort zone and she will make even more new friends. That is what happened with my dd this year. She had a best friend since K. THis little girl was the sweetest thing, but was very one on one play. She would get upset with dd if she played with someone else on recess and last year it started to get bad. My dd wanted to play with others and do other things, but this little girl would get mad at her and tell her mom that my dd wasn't being nice! Finally I talked to the mom and she talked to the little girl and it came out that my dd wasn't being mean, she just sometimes wanted to play other things with other girls! Anyway, that little girl moved this past summer and now this year, my dd has so many more friends it is unreal. They all get along so well and it isn't so one on one anymore for her. I just hope it continues. You can't have too many friends!!

By Breann on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 03:43 pm:

I have a problem with a couple of my dd's friends. Their families don't have the same standards/values that we do. I try really hard to have an open mind, because I know that it's not the childs fault. But, I do remember that this childs family is an example to my daughter, and if the friendship progresses, it could play a part in my daughters life.

It is tough. I would love to go and pick her friends for her. I encourage play dates with kids that I approve of. I discourage play dates with those that I don't. I am careful to not place blame on the child.

By Cat on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 03:56 pm:

I like most of my kids friends. We had a couple of Robin's friends a couple years ago we didn't care for. They weren't friends for long. The reasons we didn't like them were that they were two faced and weren't really nice to the boys. They also were "users". They'd play with Robin (or both boys) whenever there wasn't anyone else to play with, but if there was someone "better" they'd drop my kids like hot rocks! Fortunately, my kids saw the light pretty quickly. Now we do like the kids friends. There are a couple of their houses I won't allow them to go to, mostly because of either family dynamics or like Breann said, they don't have the same standards/values as us (smoking around my kids is a HUGE no-no for me), but they're more than welcome to come over here--and they do! lol Robin's friends are a little different. They're "quirky", but that's okay. Robin's quirky, too! Most of his friends are from his self contained class at school and are special needs (autistic, severe ADHD, LD, etc). I don't have a problem with them, though. I think by now if I can handle Robin I can handle anything these kids might bring. It also creates great "teachable moments" and compassion/tolerance for differences. That doesn't mean I'll put up with disrespect or rude behavior (I have sent kids home before, but usually only once--they learn what's acceptable). My house, my rules and they all know it. So for the most part, we haven't had any real friend troubles yet. Now of course, my kids are only 9 and 11...