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At wits end!!

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive March 2005: At wits end!!
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 12:51 am:

OK hate the Anon thing but this is just something I can not go "public" on......I am at wits end here!
As of tomorrow or the day after.. I am moving in with my dad, me, DD,DS and DS who is only home from college .DH daughter moved in with her boyfriend and I just can not stand it anymore. To many problems going on!! DH seems to think DSD is always right and can do no wrong..NOT...as of tonight I have had enough...in 10 days with her and her boyfriend here I have had enough..
I wish I could go into detail, but I would be here forever!! Just not a good situation with drugs and all!
Just needed to vent! Karen you know who I am ...with the DSD and drugs. Just a really bad time here!!! And can't handle much more...at 21 she should be doing something....but no work and wants daddy to do everything...I feel Not, but he is just being an A ** right now. And giving in to her all demands!!
I just talked to my dad and it seems I just might be going to stay with him...kids and all. Can't handle all the pressure....so we will see what happens in the morning.

By Palmbchprincess on Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 01:29 am:

I'm sorry to hear things are not going well, I hope this is more of a wake up call for your husband, and he does what's best for everyone. Enabling his DD is not helping her at all, believe me, I learned that the hard way. I have an inkling of who you are, and I'll certainly keep you in my thoughts, let us know what happens. (((Anon)))

By Colette on Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 05:36 am:

No advice anon, but lots of hugs. (((anon)))

By Anonymous on Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 06:07 am:

I also send lots of hugs. Bad enough that DSD's boyfriend has been allowed to move into your household, but DRUGS!!! Never.

When one of my kids was about 4 months shy of his 18th birthday I finally discovered he was using marijuana frequently. I said, NOT IN MY HOUSE. He said it was his right to use mj if he wanted to. I said maybe, although it is illegal, but the day you turn 18 it is my right to change the locks on the doors and put your clothes on the front porch - and I will. He believed me - thank the Lord - and stopped.

I saw a neighbor whose older son was into drugs, and he stole and sold her silver, television, and other stuff before she kicked him out.

Going anon to protect my son's privacy.

By Karen~moderator on Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 07:53 am:

((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))\

I truly know what you are going through. Went through a similar situation when Jules was a bit younger than your DSD, but it culminated in my X making her leave.

Your DH is doing her a dis-service by making excuses for her and justifying things for her and enabling her to continue doing the things she has been doing.

What she needs is a kick in the butt and a deadline to get her act together. As long as she knows she has him for a safety net she won't change.

I'm so sorry. I will email you later on.

By Tunnia on Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 08:20 am:

I'm sorry for what you are going through.:( Your dh really should be backing you up.

By Anonymous on Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 03:17 pm:

Well I have decided I am NOT going to leave my home for anyone. And thats how its going to be I told DH we have to sit and talk...Hopefully tonight.
I am so stressed and didn't sleep all last night. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Keep ya posted...

By Colette on Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 03:29 pm:

I am glad you decided not to leave. I hope things work out anon.

By Anonymous on Friday, March 11, 2005 - 07:18 am:

Well DH gave DSD 2 weeks for her to get her act together and get a job. And told the boyfriend last night to save his next 3 weeks pay checks so they can get an apartment.
So DH is finally seeing what she is doing and said he is not going to lose me because of her. We have 2 younger children to look out for.
I am feeling better today and know things will work out.
Thanks for the support.

By Karen~moderator on Friday, March 11, 2005 - 07:39 am:

GREAT news! You and he are doing the right thing.

By Trisa on Friday, March 11, 2005 - 07:51 am:

So glad you are feeling better today.

By Trina~moderator on Friday, March 11, 2005 - 09:23 am:

Ditto Karen! {{{HUGS}}}

By Meltonmom on Friday, March 11, 2005 - 11:02 am:

WOW! That is great news. Congratulations on confronting and getting your needs met and I am glad he cares enough about you to give out some ultimatims and hopefully get some solutions. My prayers are with you. MM

By Palmbchprincess on Friday, March 11, 2005 - 09:10 pm:

That is great news. It's very difficult to use tough love with your teens/young adult children, but I honestly don't know where I would be if my parents hadn't done so, and this is going to help your DSD. Good luck to all of you, I'm glad things are working out.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, March 11, 2005 - 10:09 pm:

I know who this is and I am glad you stayed. And he can't let her do this no matter what happened before......... Enabling her is unacceptable because he will only carry the guilt of that too...
And I hope, wish, pray you can find some normalcy because you two just keep roller costarring from one bad/terrible thing to another......

Take care of yourself, stand your ground but don't leave and try not to make this about you and DH. We know why he is doing this... And I know it is hard living through it. But in a way it should break your heart a bit too... Big hugs and you know we are always here.......

By Kernkate on Saturday, March 12, 2005 - 12:57 am:

Melton,Chrystal,Bobbie,Trish ,Trina, Karen,Colette,Stacy, and everyone who read this post.... Thank you so much....I just read Bobbies reply and you know what it made me cry....My DH has the biggest heart and all he has been through...God only knows how he does it.
I am standing my ground and right now its working...
"She" is still here...but I can see things getting better. DH is now realizing what she is up to. And hopefully in a short time I will have our life back.
You guys are the best :)

By Kernkate on Saturday, March 12, 2005 - 01:01 am:

And you know what I didn't hit the Anon button.....but thats ok....because we all have problems and my favorite quote is...........

Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had... -F.S. Fitzgerald-
And so true!!
Nite all...
And remember....
May your Angel shre your pillows and whisper sweet dreams to you,,,,From my bestest internet buddy....Bea

By Andi on Saturday, March 12, 2005 - 01:20 am:

I am so happy you are working it out! :)

By Feona on Saturday, March 12, 2005 - 05:51 am:

Oh yeah.... I would tell them I am calling the cops if I see drugs around. what if you little kids saw it or ate it by accident... Not in my house...

By Karen~moderator on Saturday, March 12, 2005 - 09:09 am:

{{{{{{Kathy}}}}}}. I have a sister whom my mom bailed out of trouble and financial jams for 25 years. She said recently that Mom made the biggest mistake *helping* her becuase she never learned how to make it on her own without running back for help.

There's a time and a place to help someone out. There's also a time and a place to make them stand on their own. This is the time.

This will be a valuable lesson for you and DH in raising your younger kids still at home. I want to see you work this out, and grow from it. Start NOW, being strict and staying involved in your younger DK's lives, establishing rules and guidelines, and above all, having a united front with your DH and letting your kids see and know it exists.

{{{{{{MORE HUGS}}}}}}}}

By Happynerdmom on Saturday, March 12, 2005 - 09:19 am:

(((Hugs))) Hope the day goes well for you today, Kathy.

By Debbie on Saturday, March 12, 2005 - 11:11 am:

{{{hugs}}} I hope things get better for you, Kathy. You and your family have been through so much lately. It sounds like your dh is trying really hard to make things right.

By Colette on Saturday, March 12, 2005 - 11:28 am:

(((Kathy))) I am so sorry you have to go through this on top of everything else.

By Kernkate on Saturday, March 12, 2005 - 05:16 pm:

Feona, there is no drugs in my house or around my kids.
My DSS died from drugs and I would never allow it to be done in or around my house or kids.
DSD did have a drug problem and did go to rehab and maybe it helped and I am hoping it did.


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