Christmas 2003 my BIL and SIL gave me a really nice watch as a gift. I was really touched as our relationship up until that time had been tenious to say the least and I thought what a nice gesture and a thoughtful gift.

Anyway I was having a conversation with my BIL just before Christmas and he mentioned that his wife's supplier gives her about 10 watches every year for Christmas and I said jokingly "Well there you go, you have all your Christmas shopping done". He said "Oh there is no way we would do that". In that instant I knew that I had received a recycled gift from them the year before.

I felt really bad and I haven't been able to wear that watch again and everytime I look at it I think I guess it wasn't so thoughtful after all.

I have to admit that I have recycled gifts on occasion, however, I was really careful that no one ever found out. I probably will never do it again now that I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

What do you all think, do you recycle gifts? What do you do with gifts that you know you will never use?

By My2cuties on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 12:57 pm:

When my dd gets doubles for her birthday I have gave the extra away only because I am not real good about taking things back. I just get her something else to replace that gift and give the duplicate gift to someone else. I normally don't give it for an occasion I just give it "just because" I think occasions are supposed to be more sentimental than giving a gift you recieved and didn't want...does that make sense? lol

By Alberobello on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 02:17 pm:

I've done it but never for anyone close to me or when they could have found out. We just gave some really nice after shave for one of our friends. The after shave was a gift from my dad to my dh. My dh never, never uses after shave and i thought that it woud be a waste to keep it just for the sake of keeping it so we recycled it. It was a present that we would have bought anyway so it really didn't seem a recycled one. Our friend was happy as he loves nice after shaves and my father will never know. But i will never give something that i didn't like and that i would never buy and if i do give it away i would say that someone else gave it to me and its no use to me and if they would like to have it. One of m best friends just gave me for christmas a toothbrush and soap holder (nothing special or funny, just a plastic one) i would never give something like that to her but i know she was probably very stressed because of christmas so i don't mind. Maybe your SIL is not the type of person that enjoys choosing something for everybody so it just seems easy to give a watch to her family and friends. I understand how you feel because my mum gets really really offended and if something like this happens to her she would never talk to this person again. I am more flexible, i know not everybody are as thoughtful as others so maybe your SIL has other qualities? I don't know really what to say. I quite like to buy presents for my friends and family and choose them accordingly but we are all different. I kind of know how you feel because it shows you that certain people are not as thoughful as you would have been with them and it hurts a little.

Why do my posts always end up too long? Sorry about that.

By Mommmie on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 04:08 pm:

Oh yes, I regift if I need to and I don't care if someone has regifted to me.

By Vicki on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 05:36 pm:

Well, I do regift...BUT LOL If it is something that I either don't like or need, and I know it would be perfect for someone else, I will regift. I don't do it just to get it out of my house or anything like that. It has to suit the person. To be honest, I really don't see anything wrong with giving those watches as gifts! What on earth is she going to do with 10 watches?? Do you think she should just give them away since she got them free?? They at least thought about you when choosing who to give it to. My dh brings home TONS of boxes of candy at the holidays that people bring to him at his office. When we go to someone house, we always take them a box of candy!! LOL They always thank us and we say your welcome. Now, that isn't the only gift we give people. We don't advertise that it came from some place else. So is that wrong??? It is either give it out or throw it away. There is no way we could ever eat as much as her gets. So anyway, I do regift!!

By Meltonmom on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 05:49 pm:

Yes. I recycle gifts. And I do not mind if someone recycles a gift to me. An example, I have a Christmas village. Well, my Grandmother just thought it was beautiful and last year she gave me a new building for my village and she gave my siblings buildings to start a village for themselves. She also gave my Mom a building for a village. Well, I have a January birthday and guess what I got for presents?? :-) My siblings and My Mom don't want to start a Christmas village so they regifted all the buildings to me!!! Grandmama doesn't know and I have a bigger village. It doesn't offend me. I have given things and seen them "turn up" at other folk's houses. Once a gave my Mom a beautiful blue lace trimmed mirror and brush set that I thought was lovely but I guess it was too girly for my Mom so she regifted it to my sister for some occaision and when I helped my sis get ready for her wedding day, guess what brush and mirror set we used?? :-) Yep, the one I had bought for My Mom. But I didn't mind. We protect "Grandmamas" and all but I think if it travels through the family, it's okay and friends usually never know the difference anyway. Meltonmom

By Kaye on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 05:53 pm:

I think it can be done well. I can see where you might be hurt thinking something thoughtful was picked out for you and then you found out that it was not. BUT I do not regift unless it is something I would have bought for that person anyway. With kids gifts I do it, because honestly I am just too lazy to return doubles.

One funny. When I was pg I went to/co hosted a shower for a friend. She got a lot of neat stuff, it was a huge party. Well then came my turn and she hosted a shower for me. I don't recall what she got me, I am sure it was nice, but she also threw in some xtras, like diapers, wipes, etc, in a basket. Well there was this shelf liner paper. When I took it home I commented to my dh that she had gotten some at her shower and I wondered if she regifted or if she loved it (it was scented for baby...lol) and thought I would too. I leaned towards the later because the lady who gave it to her was at both showers. Well so a month passes and I go to use the paper, inside was the note from the other gifter..rofl! Same friend sold the wedding gift we gave them in a joint garage sale, she apparently didn't have a great memory! The funny part was we regifted the gift to them. It was a set of very expensive nice knives, but we had picked out soemthing different. It was one of those things we gave away I wished we had kept, but didn't feel like I could buy it from the sale..lol

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 06:26 pm:

Since he told you they would never do that, I'd take him at his word and enjoy the watch. Why look for trouble? And, even if they did "recycle" the gift, (1) they didn't have to give you the watch, they could have given it to someone else; (2) it's a nice watch and you like it; (3) you enjoyed having it before you became suspicious.

If the relationship has been tenuous in the past, thinking about this (or, heaven forbid, talking about it) could make it even more tenuous. I'd forget it and enjoy the watch.

Now, my dear dil (early in their relationship and long before she was my dil) gave me concert tickets once for my birthday, that I am sure she got from her job. Ordinarily I would enjoy a concert, but at that time my dad was totally in dementia and in a wheelchair and my mom could not put him to bed without my help - so if I went to the concert it meant getting an aide in to help mom, train to the city, train back, and walk a mile home from the train. What made it worse is I guess my disappointment showed, and she was quite put out that I wasn't sufficiently appreciative. Fortunately, we put it behind us and I do love her dearly.

By Yjja123 on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 07:00 pm:

I have a gift drawer that some things I receive but do not want I place in there. If I have a friend who would love the item I will give it to them just because NOT as a gift for a holiday. Generally regifts are for the people we gift but barely know (teachers, christmas little thank you gifts, etc) or they end up in our charity box at holiday time. I put a lot of thought into gifts for friends and family so do not choose to regift them anything. We have been on the receiving end of regifts and it was obviously done just to give us "something" with no regard to what the something was---meaning it was not something we would ever use and the person knew that prior to giving it to us. It can feel hurtful to be on the receiving end of an obvious regift.

By Heaventree on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 07:51 pm:

Thanks for all your comments, I was looking for a different perspective. I guess I was hurt as it appeared that they put thought and effort into everyone else's gifts but I was the one they just gave what they had laying around. If my SIL said to me "Hey, I got all these watches and I would love for you to have one", I would have been more than pleased.

As for taking dear BIL at face value, forget it, he is a big jerk and I could go into a whole rant, but I won't, he has had many problems with others in the family whereas I have not.

I guess my whole point to regifting is that you have to be careful of others feelings. You might not mind receiving a recycled gift but the person who is receiving a regifted item might not understand your intentions and could be hurt by this. I put a lot of thought into gifts for others and maybe my expectations are too high, I don't mean to sound snobby, I really do think that I expect too much from others at times.

By Vicki on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 08:54 pm:

But how do you know she didn't put thought into it? She could have seen that one and knew you would love it!! Which by the way... you did!!

By Jann on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 09:05 pm:

Exactly, what Vicki said!! How do you know she didn't think "It is so ridiculous that I have all these watches. I know that Heaventree would really love one and I would love to see her happy?"
It sounds like there is some baggage associated with these inlaws.

By Jann on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 09:07 pm:

now, if she went on and on about how she picked this out just for you and then you found out she regifted. (my stepmother did that! LOL and got busted...made my day! LOL)

When you regift, do you just toss it in a gift bag with no thought, or do you give if cause you think the person might like it? Why is this different?

By Heaventree on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 09:14 pm:

Vicki, you are right, maybe she did put a lot of thought into it and maybe there was no ill intent, I will never know. Personally, I won't regift any longer because of how this made me feel. I will never approach them on this topic, I'm not looking to stir the pot.

The next time I receive a gift from someone I know I won't use I will give it openly to someone saying that I received but I won't use, if you like it, it's yours. A very good friend of mine received a purse for her birtday. I commented on what a great gift she got and she said "You can have if it you want, it's not me and I know you will use". I was happy to accept and used it often. She was careful though that the person who gave her the purse never knew she gave it to someone else.

I just think we have to be careful of others feelings not everyone thinks the same way.

By Cocoabutter on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 09:41 pm:

Regifting can be tacky if it's done carelessly,, but we can all also be a bit sensitive about things we receive. The term "gift" may mean different things to different people. It can be given with earnest sentimental value, or it can be given just because the giver doesn't want the receiver to feel forgotten or begrudged. Either way, we all need to be thankful that we were thought of. Like Ginny said, why go looking for trouble?

Not just speaking about you Heaventree, but more or less about women in general. ;)

By Jann on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 10:05 pm:

Not sure I would feel any better by someone saying "eh, don't like it, can't use it, but you can have it"! LOL

By Feona on Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 06:11 am:

Who cares? I love it. You got a lovely watch that someone may or may not of had to pay for. Just enjoy it. They say the thought counts.

This is not regifting. These 10 watches are payment for something. No one can use 10 watches a year.

By Bea on Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 01:31 pm:

We hold our Open House every year and invite near to 100 people. Many bring hostess gifts. I mark each one, send a thank you card, and often bring several as hostess gifts when we go to later affairs. We don't drink much wine here these days unless we are entertaining. Many folks bring Champaign. We never drink it, and we bring it along for other's special celebrations. Boxes of chocolates also get passed on. We certainly don't need that temptation around. Some friends know our tastes and collections, and will bring an ornament that goes well on our tree, or something that adds to a collection. Those are the keepers. I have a cabinet that I keep the extra gifts and little treasures I find all year. When I need a gift in a hurry, I have this resource.