Need suggestions for a kindergarten student that cries?
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Need suggestions for a kindergarten student that cries?
I need suggestions for my son. It is 6 months into kindergarten and he still cries, almost daily. His teacher says that he won't risk being in error. She admits that he is so smart, knows all of the questions to her tests, but still doubts himself.
Today she informed me that she would like him to take part in the "special friends" program, that the school offers. This program is for kids that still aren't comfortable at school. It allows him to have playtime with someone for 30 minutes a week for 12 weeks and it is suppose to make him feel speical etc. If you have any experience with this I would love to hear about it. TIA
Start making mistakes around him. Point out when you or someone else goofs. Show him that it's only by being wrong that we get it right. There are lots of children's stories about making mistakes.
I know this is an oversimplification. You may be dealing with a perfectionist personality, or the teacher may be "overcorrective" and he may just be scared.
I had a second grader like this. I worked a little each day, just letting her know I liked her whether or not she got it right.
It's not easy to think of your baby crying every day. Hugs to both of you.
Ame
Sounds like a good program for him to try. When I worked in Extended day kindergarten the teacher had several phrases she used, the one about mistakes was always "mistakes are how you learn" and she used it when she would accidently mix something up so the kids knew it wasn't just them. Good luck!
I think that the program sounds great, I volunteered for something similar when I was in highschool.
I also agree with Ame, he could be a perfectionist & seeing that making a mistake is not anything major might help bring him out of his shell.
Truestori, i don't know what to say really. My son cried almost every day for about three weeks when he started nursery but then stopped and started to like it. Now he has the same problem as your ds, although he doesn't cry he feels that he can't do things and would sit there sulking while his teacher knows he can do it.
I'd say keep an eye on him but don't make a big fuss about it, at least not when he is around. And try to normalise the situation, he needs to go to school and needs to learn, so he should do it. However, are there any problems in school? maybe a child that is bothering him? or he just doesn't feel comfortable under pressure to answer the teacher's questions correctly. He probably knows the answer but that doesn't mean he wants to say it. I'd say give him time and have the teacher to have more one to ones with him. And also i think the more us mums get anxious about it, the less we are likely to resolve the problem. The "special friends" programme sounds good as long as your son likes it.
I'm sorry, i really don't know what to say only that i sympathise with you because i used to get really anxious about my son not being entirely happy at school. Hope everything turns out ok.
Perfectionism can be a trait of really smart children. Does his school have a gifted program you could have him tested for? If not, I'd say go ahead and try to special class. Maybe it'll help his adjust.
Ds does this. We constant give him compliments for not crying.
You are doing such a good job in not making a fuss when you make a mistake. You really just fix your mistakes or forget them... Good job.
I also read him a list of stuff he need to change every morning.
One thing on the list is
I will fix or forget my mistakes. I won't make a fuss if I make a mistakes. Teachers don't like it when I make a fuss. I can't continue my work if I make a fuss. Fix it or forget it. No fuss.
The teacher should be catching him not crying too and compliment him on it before every activity he can make a mistake.
My dd is gifted and while she didn't cry, she did not know how to ask a question until well into 1st grade, she was going to quit her Gifted program because they were to write what there philosophy about something was, and she didn't even know what a philosophy was!lol
I think as parents we give our kids so much information while they are little, they don't have to ask, I remember w/ her driving down the street just pointing out things and telling her what everything was! With my 3 other kids, I try to step back let them explore and ASK me what things are.
I think the program sounds great! Do you know who he'd be buddying with? I don't know anything about the program, but it's an interesting idea.
Than there is also the laws of natural consequences, the least favorite of parents! But eventually kids in his class will let him know crying is not cool, and may pick on him for it, while this would not be easy for you ds, it will usually cure it.
I hope it all works out for the little guy
I agree with all of the above. I've been teaching K for 7 years and I've had kids who are just want so much to never make a mistake. It's often a personality thing and you just work with it the best you can. The teacher should be encouraging him, praising him, and also modeling making mistakes. I have always emphasized to my kids that it's how hard you work and not if something is 'perfect'. Some kids just take longer to get comfortable with this than others. I wouldn't make a big deal out of the crying...just keep encouraging and modeling. Sometimes if you just say "you're okay, you did a great job today" and go on, the crying goes away without focusing on it.
Thanks for all of the replies so far. 
When my husband got home he spoke with him about it. This is what we came up with. He doesn't feel comfortable writing his numbers to 100 and he doesn't feel comfortable writing sentences. They do this on a daily basis in class and the teacher always makes a point of telling me that he can do it. He is so scared to take her test, so my goal is to ask her what it looks like and if we can practice something similar at home. Yesterday, my son cried so much the teacher called the priciples and they brought my son to thier office. When I picked my son up I was under the impression that the priciple came to help him in class.She never told me that my son was in their office, or that my husband was reached at his place of employment because my cell phone wasn't with me. I frustrated that His teacher doesn't seem to be communicating real well at this point. I am just so worried that if kindergarten isn't a good expeirence, then neither will be all of the other grades. I am going to set up a conference with her on Monday and me and my husband are going to address all of our concerns. Thanks for everyones support and input here, it truly helps.
Well, in my opinion, if it really is perfectionism, you making mistakes are not really going to help. My son is very much this way and it is very difficult to handle.
To me, those expectations sound way too high for kindergarten. Is his teacher pushing him or are those the expectations for the class? If the teacher is trying to challenge him, I think she should offer challenges but have him choose what he wants to pursue.
I think the program sounds great. Does he have playdates with the other kids? That might help as well.
Most kindergarten age children, especially boys, do not have the fine motor skills to write the numbers 1 - 100 or to write sentences!
You need to have a sit down with this teacher and find out exactly what she's trying to get him to do. If it's not age appropriate, then don't be afraid to say so!
Ame
Just to let you know from my experience as a K teacher, the majority of my students DO write 1-100 (not always without copying) and can write phonetically spelled sentences during second semester. It's what we are focusing on. I know the curriculum is different everywhere, but that is not unusual at all. K is now like the old first grade, and the old first grade is like second grade. My kids are/should be reading by the end of the year based on a list of 25 high frequency words. All children are different and if they're not doing that it doesn't MEAN anything, but it is the expectation. Just a clarification. Check your state's standards.
My son is in K and has trouble with his fine motor skills. He has been expected to write his numbers to 100 since the beginning of the year. I don't think it is unreasonable to expect that. He is also expected to be able to write sentances, especially that have a carrier phrase such as " I like to ______." My son was having some trouble not liking the way his writing looked so we broke it down into 0-9 until it was as good as he expected, then moving onto 10-19, etc. He was in a cycle of not doing it because it wasn't perfect looking and not getting any better because he wasn't doing it. When it was more manageable, he felt more confident about it.
My son is in kindergarten, and while they are expected to count to 100 and they are learning to read, they are never required to write their numbers 1-100 at one time.
They count aloud, and write sets of numbers at a time, but isn't it a bit much to expect a kindergartner to sit down and write 100 numbers at one time? My hand would be tired, not to mention the hand of a small child just learning to get control of things.
This, to me, seems completely outrageous, and I would definitely be complaining if it were my child.
It may be the "norm" now, but our children are being expected to do too much too early. What, may I ask is the big hurry all of a sudden? We all seem to have managed just fine on the schedule we all were on during school.
I may have misunderstood this writing their numbers thing, and they don't have to actually sit down and write their numbers 1-100 at one time, but if I haven't then my opinion is it is just a babysitter assignment.
I work in a primary school with grades Pre-K through 4th and am currently working on my elementary ed degree so I am experienced in these areas. Sentences, yes, my child is working on this and I am okay with, but the other? NO WAY!!!
By the way, I am in no way directing this post at anyone inparticular, so don't think that. I have just seen so much nonsense in these areas and it is a very sensitive subject with me.
In my class children don't sit and write from 1-100. Once we get past a certain point second semester, the kids work toward writing 1-100, a little every day. They may only write 10 numbers at a time, I check them, we practice, etc. It's a 15 min. act. at the most. It's not developmentally appropriate to expect a child to sustain a sitting, fine motor activity like 1-100 all at once.
Well,
Let me just say that it is required that the kindergarten children write from 1-100. They have a sheet with small boxes and it needs to be filled in. He is also learning to read and write lots of sentences. It is so amazing to me that kindergarten isn't just socialization and learning the alphabet at one's own pace.
Today was much better I really stressed the fact that if he felt he needed to cry just remind him self to try and wipe his eyes. He love the fact that it rhymed. LOL Needless to say he wrote his sentences and such without a tear, so we went to the movies with a little friend of his as a reward. I truly appreciate everyones input it helps more than you know.
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