I was the one who posted before about "feeling blue". I guess one of the reasons I'm feeling this way is that I feel as though I am taking up space in the same residence with my DH but I don't feel like we are a couple anymore. Sure, we kiss each other goodbye each morning, but it's more of a peck than anything and say the "I love yous" but I'm not sure I feel that way and I know I certainly don't feel loved anymore.

At night DH will stay upstairs and read or listen to the tapes that are supposed to be making him feel better while I'm downstairs. We never do anything together anymore and the last time we made love was just before Christmas.

It's wearing on me. I'm sad, tired and have no energy for anyone or anything. I believe his depression is because he has fallen out of love with "us" but he is the type of person that would never say that because he doesn't believe in separation.

I'm just not sure how much longer I can go on living like this. I feel like a big lump.

By Bea on Friday, February 11, 2005 - 12:45 am:

Have you tried to interest him in doing anything with you? Have you tried to seduce him? Are you waiting for him to make the next move?

By Mrse on Friday, February 11, 2005 - 12:58 am:

Well I will tell you something, when you are depressed you feel like a huge weight is on your shoulders, all you want is for everyone to leave you alone,and you really don't feel like talking to anyone, well at least that is how I felt when I was going through a period of depression. You have most likley become depressed, because of what he is going through, my answer get him out of the house, start going on walks, every night start a routine. Just from what you said I don't think he has fallen out of love, it is just the depression, you really do feel like you are in a dark hole when you are depressed. I think you should just have a heart to heart with him, and tell him how you feel, I think to many people just hold their feelings inside and don't let their spouse know how they are feeling, I am not sure if you have said anything to him or not , but you should if you have not already. If he will not go for a walk go your self, and ask him every time to go with you. I would also be getting him back into see the doctor, maybe he needs some new med's. Try not to take it personally, just don't let your self slip into the depression too, it is not a good place.

By Happynerdmom on Friday, February 11, 2005 - 10:10 am:

Ditto Mrse. From your "Feeling Blue" post, it sounds like you both are battling depression. That is really hard, because you are not able to lift each other up. Right now, I would concentrate on getting the depression treated for both of you, and refrain from making any judgements on the state of your marriage. Also, I don't know how long you've been married, but even in good marriages there is a natural ebb and flow of the romantic FEELINGS. Mature love does not rely on "feeling" in love...it understands that you CHOOSE to love someone. You two have chosen to be partners in this journey called life, to "do" life together. This journey gets interesting! Depression is a tough road, but if you are committed to each other, even if right now it's just as best friends, you will come out the other side of this obstacle stronger, and with a stronger marriage. Best of luck to you. (((Hugs)))

By Boxzgrl on Friday, February 11, 2005 - 10:38 am:

No advice, just (((HUGS))). I think everyone else has great things to say.

By Eve on Friday, February 11, 2005 - 10:43 am:

I totally agree with Mrse. I would go talk to your Dr. and just get a check up. When you are depressed everything is magnified. Take care of yourself first, so that you have more to give to helping your marriage. My Dr. was wonderful when I talked to him!! Lots of people just have different chemical levels, just like hormones or anything else with the body. Life is too short to feel bad! ((HUG))

By Nicki on Friday, February 11, 2005 - 07:44 pm:

I'm very sorry you are feeling down and sad. I have struggled with depression since the birth of my daughter two years ago, and it has taken a toll on my marriage, as well. I'm doing better now, thanks to a good doctor who suggested I get my thyroid levels checked. Sounds strange, but if it's not functioning properly, it can cause one to feel very tired and depressed. (And I guess it's common to have thyroid problems after one has had a baby.) I'm on medication for the thyroid, and it has helped so much. Also taking an antidepressant. I think my husband and I would benefit from counseling, and that is the next step.

I sincerely hope things will look up for you. Just know you are not alone, and I think there are a lot of caring people here to turn to.
Sending a hug.
Nicki

By Jelygu on Friday, February 11, 2005 - 11:54 pm:

I also agree with Mrse. I hope things get better soon! I will keep you and your dh in my prayers!

By Tunnia on Saturday, February 12, 2005 - 09:58 am:

I have no advice that hasn't been given, but I want to send you lots of (((((hugs))))).

By Renantex on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 06:33 pm:

I am definately not an expert, but I think the first thing to do is sit back, think real hard and figure out where it started. To me, the most important question to ask yourself would be this...
Did the relationship problems cause the depression, or did the depression cause the relationship problems?
Of course, both need attention, but you have to find the root of the problem to know where to start. I'm sure you didn't just wake up one morning and all the sudden you were depressed and pretty much ignoring each other. You can't fix something if you don't know why it is broken. I agree with everyone else. Go to the doctor. I hope that things get better and I wish you happiness. Depression can be such an awful experience, especially if you just don't understand why it's there in the first place. So, lots of prayers and (((hugs))) !

By Phillygirl on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 08:08 pm:

(Pulling out my mental health degree..lol)Whoooaaa...relationship problems cant cause depression. Depression is a chemical imbalance that the individual has no control over. It is true that traumatic events can be so emotionally overwheling (death, violence etc)that they affect your serotonin level, but in general not a relationship.

I would suggest you BOTH seeing a professional. Usually they will have u guys come in together for a session then you all work indepently for a few weeks then go back for a "together" session. I would also talk to his doctor..s/he needs to know that the course of treatment is not working. If you would like to email me you can..i see patients all week who suffer from depression.