THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive February 2005:
THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand ex-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance.
"The torment that so many young women know, bound hand and foot by love and motherhood, without having forgotten their former dreams." Simone de Beauvoir
As the mother of three, I can tell you that almost everyone of these is TRUE! The only one that wasn't mentioned was when you clean the pacifier by popping it in YOUR mouth to get the fuzz off. 
Absolutely hilarious.
After raising 3 boys and waiting 16 years, I forgot a lot and started all over though.
I only have 1 child so far but this sounds like the way it will be when the 3rd comes.
I picked up my first baby at the first whimper once, and then waited an hour for her to really wake up to nurse! LOL! I learned right then not to pick her up at the very first whimper and to let her get a little madder before I picked her up! LOL! She wasn't even awake yet!
As a mom of 3 I can relate
I have three boys and have worked with small children for years and this was so true! Thanks for the laughs
Most of these I am still on the 1st baby... #3 on the way and I hope I don't get like this..lol No saggy diapers here. that is funny though.
very funny.
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