I have a friend who I have sort of drifted from, mainly because the friendship has become pretty toxic, and I had begun to dread talking to her. I've been pretty upset about the whole situation because I had enjoyed the relationship, until it became a soap opera, just everything was "the end of the world" when I talked to her. Anyway, Nate ran into a mutual friend a couple nights ago. The friend babysits the mutual friend's child, and had told the mutual friend and other parents Nate had certified her in CPR and First Aid. Nate is a Red Cross certified instructor, and had offered to certify her is she had enough interested people for a class (class is 8 hours), but she never actually took him up on the offer. Anyway, the fact that she's using his name to claim to be certified in order to get babysitting charges bugs me. I had asked Nate what he planned on doing about it, and he said "I didn't certify her and she doesn't have a card, so it's whatever." But I know the people she sits for are probably not asking to see her cards, and are just taking her word on it. Ultimately, there isn't much I can do about it, I'm just really kind of ticked off that she would lie and use his name like that. It's especially crappy since it could mean life or death one day, God forbid something happens to a child in her care. Do I confront her (not that I can make her stop, and I'm sure she'll deny it) or just let this be the final nail in the coffin?

By Sue3 on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 05:12 pm:

I would confront her.Thats just my opinion though.It would tick me off also that she lied and used my husbands name.
Can you call her and mention that you ran into so and so. Then tell her what was said ?

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 06:19 pm:

I don't see much point in confronting her. A toxic former friend is still toxic. I would strongly urge Nate, however, to tell the mutual friend that he did not certify her in CPR and has no idea whether she is certified or not, but that if she is she will have a certification card. The mutual friend whose children are being watched has the right to know that she does not have the qualification she claims, and to know that she lied about something important. My guess is that the mutual friend probably knows some of the other people whose children she watches and the word will spread.

One of my concerns is that if she lies about this to people whose children she is watching, what else is she lying about?

By Palmbchprincess on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 06:38 pm:

My thoughts exactly, Ginny... who else is she telling, and what other lies. He did tell the mutual friend that he did NOT certify her. I hope the other parents think to check.

By Kernkate on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 09:22 pm:

Ditto Ginny.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, February 1, 2005 - 08:38 am:

Ditto Ginny....

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, February 1, 2005 - 10:08 am:

I agree with Sue. She needs to know that it's coming back to her. Some people need to grow up and stop lying...who else is going to call her on it? It's hard yes, but she can't keep using your husband's name. She can deny it all she wants, but I think it would stop her. Who knows who else might say something in the future and then she would lose babysitting jobs. As a parent, I would want to know this!
What's REALLY sad is that she didn't take the time to get certified.

By Vicki on Tuesday, February 1, 2005 - 10:14 am:

I think it all might be going to get back with her anyway. If the person that Nate told that he did not certify her is indeed one of the ones she is watching his children, I would think that he would be LIVID and call her on it. I think this will all work itself out with you having to do nothing!

By Bea on Tuesday, February 1, 2005 - 11:40 am:

I'd certainly let anyone who's children she watches know the truth. I wouldn't go to her directly, but you and Nate have the right to correct lies she tells about him.

By Eve on Tuesday, February 1, 2005 - 12:11 pm:

Actually, I have a different take on it. If it bothers Nate that she is using his name, then he needs to confront her. ("Please do not use my name!")If he doesn't feel it's necessary, then I would let it go. It would just create more "drama." It's a terrible thing that she is doing by lying, but I don't think it's your job to babysit her.

Another option would be to suggest the class again so she could be certified. I'd be annoyed too!

By Renantex on Tuesday, February 1, 2005 - 11:45 pm:

I agree with the fact that these parents need to know. I mean we are talking about children's lives here! I hate to admit it, but I would turn my best friend in if I thought she was harming her children or someone else's. And no matter how you look at it, this could lead to a serious problem. This is not like lying on an application about a previous employer(which I don't agree with either), this is a huge thing and I think you should tell them. If it was my child I would want to know and she would be fired on the spot. This is just my opinion and it may sound harsh, but my children are my life and they come before anyones feelings.

By Sassy on Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 12:19 am:

I am also a Red Cross instructor. I would have concern for my name being used when it is not true. I have return people whom I have built good relationships with - if they got wind of some falsehood from this toxic friend - I would be hot. Also - this person may say she is certified by Nate but when push comes to shove and she uses her training - without a current card - she is setting herself up for lawsuits. The Red Cross stands behind it's instructors and the people they certify. The Amer. Red Cross will not protect her should she hurt somebody and they decide to sue. My name is everything to me - I would confront the person. She knows she is wrong and perhaps she will think twice before using Nate's name again in that manner. Perhaps the ARC chapter he works for would be willing to send this woman a letter regarding this matter. I know mine would. GOOD LUCK! Cathy

By Vicki on Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 08:11 am:

While I agree that the parents involved in this situation should be aware of it, they also should carry some of the responsibility. Isn't it part of our job as parents to protect our children and make sure we know who we are hiring to watch them? I find it amazing that none of these parents asked to see her certificate or card or anything. This woman could have told them anything and they took her at her word apparently. They couldn't have checked her out or they would have discovered this on their own!!

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 09:06 am:

My guess is that whether or not she is CPR certified is not something the parents care about one way or the other, since no one really expects to have CPR needed for a child (although, of course, one never knows). The issue in my mind is that she lied, and in fact probably lied unnecessarily as it is unlikely any of the parents asked - and if she lies about this, what else will she lie about, particularly with respect to the children or to events that happen while the parents are out and she is in charge. I know (unhappily, from experience) that a person who lies gratuitously about one thing will lie about almost anything else - and will be angry when you confront them with the facts of the truth/lie as if it were your fault.

By Palmbchprincess on Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 01:33 pm:

Thanks for all your responses. We haven't really decided how to handle it other than letting the mutual friend know, and Nate said he was pretty upset when he told him. It is only the tip of the iceberg with her because I've caught her in other lies, she tends to thrive on drama and will create it whenever possible. Ultimately, I can't warn everyone, but I may still confront her. It's just a pain since I *know* she'll deny it and get in a tizzy about it.

By Mrsheidi on Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 03:19 pm:

Wonder if that couple ever went to confront her yet. Maybe you could do it together...ain't no denying THAT mess! And, it really doesn't matter if she gets defensive...just stay calm and maintain eye contact. You know, some people lie because it's a habit and because people never confront them on things.
Even pre-empt the conversation with "You know, I really think we need to talk and it will only make it worse if you deny it or get dramatic about what I'm about to say. We are all adults here, right?" Then, she CAN'T act like she normally does because that would inadvertently mean that she acts like a child.

By Palmbchprincess on Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 05:12 pm:

Well, Nate just pointed at her name on my messenger list, and said "We need to say something to her about saying I certified her. That really (bleep) me off." So I guess we'll confront her now, since he's decided it ruffles his feathers too. ***fingers crossed*** that this goes without too much drama. Heidi, I do like your start, try to nip the denial in the bud, though I'm not sure how well it will work.

By Mrsheidi on Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 06:16 pm:

Be prepared for excuses too...
"I intended on doing the class, so I figured it was ok." It's obviously NOT ok, and just keep reiterating that she just plain lied and that she can't use his name like that, and that she needs to tell all her clients.
Really, you're doing her a favor...you're saving her from a potential lawsuit. I'd much rather be poor than in court.