My neighbors are really nice people. We go out with them a few days a week and while they aren't anything like our typical friends and no one else in the neighbor cares for them, we like them.

But, why oh why cant my cleanliness rub off on them, or atleast her??? I dont know why I let it bug me. I know its not my house and not my business but its bugs me that the way their house looks is just from pure laziness. Were talking weeks worth of fast food bags around the house, piles of dishes, a carpet that I dont think has been vacuumed in a few months and a floor i'm sure hasnt been mopped in a while. Its just nasty. I've gone up to both of them on their days off and offered to help them clean and have even told them i'd clean their entire downstairs for $100 (which is great considering the condition of the house). But, Nooooooooooo, they like their dirty mess, I guess! They have nice furniture and their place has great potential and i've even told her I dont like going in her house because its so dirty.

I guess I just dont understand how someone I get along with so well has such a dirty house. I know i'm a bit of a perfectionist but its not just me who complains to them. They know all the neighbors prefer not to go in their house because its so unsanitary.

I guess lately i'm annoyed because if she is indeed pregnant (she thinks she may be), that is NO house for a baby to be raised and and surely cause for a complaint through CPS if anyone were to see that. I guess i've offered all I can and all I can do is sit back and hope they need my help at some point?

But honestly, how does ANYONE live like that??? YUK!!!!

By Kate on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 10:29 am:

Wow! What do they say when you tell them you don't like entering their dirty home? Are they a 'clutterer'? That's an actual disease! The fast food bags made me think of that. Hoarders can't tell what they should keep and what they should throw away, so they keep garbage. How are the bathrooms? How do they keep THEMSELVES? Do they shower? Wear clean clothes? Do laundry regularly? I couldn't handle it....I'm a bit of a germ freak/neat freak myself, so I can see how you would be soooo uncomfortable!!!

By Amecmom on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 10:34 am:

I knew a couple like that. Their apt. was just as you describe. The wife was severely depressed, and their marriage was not great.

By Missmudd on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 10:37 am:

You have done the most you should have, asked to help, they refused. They have made the decision to live that way, they are willing to lose friendships because of it. If you still want to be friends meet at where you are going, or have them drive or have them meet at your house before going out. IMO it really isnt your business, why should someone elses housekeeping skills or lack of concern you? You dont have to live there, you arent in charge of their house. Let it go and enjoy their company.

By Vicki on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 11:51 am:

I wonder too how they keep themselves? I have had friends that are less than perfect housekeepers, but they kept themselves clean, so to me it wasn't a big deal. I just didn't go to their house! I don't think I ever even mentioned it to them. It isn't hard to not go there if you try. Now, if they keep themsleves that dirty, I don't think I could hang out with them. BO just makes me sick to my stomach!!

By Boxzgrl on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 12:41 pm:

I'm definitely not going to end a friendship over it because I think they are nice people. And where we live in a duplex so we share the same sidewalk that leads up to our house and we share the same yard. We already pick weeds and keep up with their side of the yard so it doesnt make our place look trashy. DH does that and it doesnt seem to bother him, he loves working outside anyways. I guess to each their own!

I know its none of my business and I mentioned it above but I honestly thought the only people that lived like that were the druggys I watched on Cops, lol. I never thought people would *choose* to live like that.

Oh well, welcome to reality, Melissa!

By Boxzgrl on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 12:43 pm:

Oh, and they do keep themselves pretty clean as far as showering. But I have noticed that the hubby is either in his coveralls (work clothes) or he wears the same outfit all weekend long. She on the other hand always changes her clothes and is kept pretty clean.

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 12:59 pm:

Well...........JMHO..........but it's nobody's business......and you should probably just not try to get involved in it.

And *if* they have a situation that is unhealthy for an infant, that will have to be determined by CPS or whoever.

But just because you keep your home clean and neat doesn't mean you can talk someone else into doing the same.

If I were you (and I'm not. ) and I wanted to remain friends with them, and being in their home bothered me that much, I'd just make a point of seeing them in MY home and not enter theirs at all.

By Beth on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 01:02 pm:

I agree I wouldn't end the friendship if you like these people otherwise. If they choose to live like that while sad, I would just meet in your home. Hopefully they will change by the time the baby comes.

By Boxzgrl on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 01:26 pm:

Like I said, its not going to in any way put a damper on our friendship. And we DO meet at my house only. I just dont know how people live like that. Thats all.

By Vicki on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 01:48 pm:

To answer your question, I have no idea how they live like that either!! It would drive me batty as I am somewhat of a perfectionist also. BUT, I am sure they wonder how it can drive US so crazy to have things out of place. LOL

By Boxzgrl on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 01:52 pm:

LOL Vicki, good point.

By Unschoolmom on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 02:59 pm:

We used to be like that. Our house was an embarrassing pit and NO WAY would I accept any help cleaning it up because I'd just be to embarrassed to have someone else sorting through my mess of a house. It's not just a mess, it's chaos that ties your insides up in knots. It's a very personal problem and not many people like to involve others in their personal problems.

Someone bringing it up to me was no help. It was just too...again...embarrassing. It only pointed out to me that another person thought I was incompetent at keeping house (which was true! ) and made me feel worse about it.

Since I came home it's been much, much better. Our house can still approach chaos but it's not the same level of mess it used to be and it never takes more than a morning to get into reasonable order.

What helped? Being home, being able to break a mess down into smaller jobs, doing LESS to clean, concentrating on small or tiny jobs and not the big mess. A huge mess is a huge obstacle, esp. to someone who doesn't know how to tackle it.

Kudos to you for seeing the people beyond that mess and being willing to embrace them despite it. It's not a reflection of their worth or intelligence and it's fantastic that you haven't let it get in the way of your friendship.

So what do you do? Don't say anything about the mess. Compliment their furniture, tell them how great you think it is. If fast food garbage is building up, maybe she needs some help with meals? Maybe you could cook some freezer meals together? If you're going to donate some stuff to a local charity (clothes, books) let her know and offer to drop stuff off for her. But most importantly, go to her house if you dare and don't even let a hint of judgement shine in your eyes. Try to honestly admire the nice stuff she has and let her know you're comfortable in her house. Once she feels she doesn't need to be embarrassed (and I'm betting she is no matter how well she hides it) and that you find her more interesting than her mess she may begin to open up about it and ask for help. And when she does, don't go at it gung ho. Model restraint and pick small short jobs, turn her on to Flylady.com and make small but important dents in the whole. I'm betting they need help learning how to manage the mess and just cleaning it all for them won't help.
And keep making her feel good about how her house is filled with wonderful things.

That's my advice IF you choose to commit to helping them with the mess.

By Palmbchprincess on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 03:12 pm:

Melissa, aren't you on post? Put a call in to the soldier's NCO (or whatever his superiors are in the USMC.) I know the Army has the right to do inspections of quarters, and there are standards of living. What you described doesn't meet them, so they would be told to clean up, or else. It seems drastic, but those living conditions could bring bugs to your home since it's a duplex. I know that my apartment before kids was a lot messier, but certainly never like that. If she is pregnant, maybe they'll realize they need to grow up and clean up.

By Happynerdmom on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 03:19 pm:

I’ll join Unschoolmom as a recovering “messy.” I was raised with a bi-polar mother who was a terrible housekeeper. When she was depressed, the dishes would not get washed until the last dish in the house was dirty. The clothes would not get washed until no one had anything to wear. You get the picture. Then, either when someone was coming over, or when she was in a manic phase, we would have marathon cleaning sessions, and it had better be cleaned right, or else! Needless to say, I did not learn how to be an effective housekeeper, and I learned to HATE housekeeping. When I got married and had my own house to keep, I was lost. Of course I wanted it clean! I could get it clean, but I didn’t know how to keep it that way. I was easily overwhelmed at the amount of work, and instead of doing a bit at a time, I would become paralyzed and do nothing. I didn’t know how other women managed it so easily…I honestly thought something was wrong with me. I had a wonderful family, I was well dressed and clean, but my house was a disaster. I know most of you cringe at the mention of Flylady, LOL! But honestly, her system has turned my life around. For the first time, someone was giving me what I needed, and not judging me. I am now a good housekeeper! Yay! We even have a college-age student living with us for the school year! I never could have imagined that! But it involves a lot more than just “choosing to live this way.” I needed the tools, and a hefty dose of encouragement along the way. Not sure it helps, but I really wanted to share my story.

By Lorebunde on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 03:28 pm:

I used to be that way but no so bad but I would get overwhelmed and not know where to begin. What works for me is to just do something small each day in addition to the regular stuff, such as dishes, making beds. One night I may just wash kitchen floor, next night dust bedroom, etc.
I found that by the time the weekend comes its not so bad and if company is coming it doesn't take as much than as if I did nothing. My friend gets up 7 am on a Saturday morning and spends all morning cleaning but thats not for me. I rather sleep late, hang around and then do my normal "few" things. It works for me.

By Anonymous on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 04:00 pm:

My gosh that was me only a few years ago. I changed only because I had to. Mess doesn't bother me. I spent a lot of time playing with my children and no time cleaning. We ate on paper plates and mostly take out food. It is not a big deal for me or my husband, but it does affect the children, so I try harder. I would have been terribly offended if someone said that to me. I would have cried and cried over it. It is just none of your business how I keep my house.

By Mrsheidi on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 04:06 pm:

It just sounds gross...bugs are attracted to that (ants) and then with ants, come spiders...ick.

By Hol on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 04:33 pm:

In my opinion, if you enjoy the company of these folks, and they are true friends, can't you overlook their house? And as far as reporting them to CPS or the base command, THAT is NOT being a good friend in return.

I grew up with a mother with horrible self-esteem. She could only feel good about herself if she were trashing someone else. One of the few things that she did well was clean house, so she critiqued everyone else's home. The first time that she visited my boyfriend's (now husband, for many years) parents' home, all she could talk about when she came home was how "dirty" their house was; there was dust on the baseboards, etc..

I've been around a long time, and travelled with a military husband for thirty years. I've seen all kinds of homes. Some of the nicest people that I have met were the ones who were laid back, and easy going. They wouldn't have received the Better Homes and Gardens Award, but we had fun. I was never afraid to eat in their homes. My immune system is pretty strong. Their kindness and hospitality meant more to me.

Conversely, I have met people who were "hospital clean", and they were so uptight that it was not enjoyable to be around them. I have a friend now, whom I have known going on eight years. She can't relax, or sit and visit. And she's a "germ-phobe". We have given up going to restaurants with them, (although her husband isn't that bad). She is constantly watching the wait staff. If they touch their face, or do anything else that she perceives as unsanitary, we have to pay our bill and leave. She goes into a fit. NO ONE can take a sip out of her glass (as in trying a drink that she has). They used to rent a cottage in New Hampshire every summer, for a week. Her husband stopped taking her there because she would bring all kinds of cleaning supplies, bedding, etc. She would spend the whole week scrubbing everything. I love her, but I don't really find visiting her very enjoyable, and we drive an hour to go see them. When they come here, she is just as ill at ease, holding her glass up to the light and examining her silverware. That is just as much of a sickness!! They can't have children.

My house is clean and comfortable, and we shower
and wear clean clothes, but if I have a chance to do something with DH and my boys, or go hold my baby grandaughter, I sure am not going to opt to scrub my kitchen floor instead. Your home is a place to be yourself, and to relax. I don't think that others should interfere. JMHO

By Boxzgrl on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 05:20 pm:

Just for reference:

*I'm not reporting them to CPS
*I'm not reporting them to his command
*This has not affected our friendship

.... I guess i've just always lived in a clean household and it rubbed off on me so I never suspected people actually lived like that. I wasn't rude when I offered my help... I just didnt want them to feel overwhelmed. And while I am thorough disgusted with their house, I dont act that way to them. I just continually offer my help. That is why I came here to vent. Because its not my place to tell them how to live. I understand that, like i've mentioned at least a few other times.

But i'll be honest in saying it is complete laziness to have weeks worth of fast food bags laying around the house and a pile of dishes 3 times the size of your sink. Will I tell them that? NO. Will I stop acting like the nice friend I have been? NO. Its just something thats always bothered me so I came here to vent.

By Amy~moderator on Thursday, January 27, 2005 - 12:20 am:

I understand the way you are feeling, Melissa. I have a friend whose house sounds similar, though not quite as bad. She has no children and does not work - that's what I don't understand. If you are not running around after kids, feeding, changing, playing with kids...If you are not working, either at home or out of the home, AND your house is STILL a mess....WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALL DAY??? I completely understand that those suffering from depression can end up with no motivation to clean, and that is understandable. But, there are just some people that are straight lazy. I have no right to be judgemental, I would never tell someone how I felt about their bad housekeeping, but it is still a major pet peeve of mine.

I have 3 boys, ages 5, 3, and 1, AND a husband that is so worn out after work and suffers daily from back problems and other medical problems, that keeping my house in order is a MAJOR battle for me. Every day, I get up, put my battle face on, and try to keep up with what is always going towards chaos. Honestly, I don't think there has ever been a day that every room in my house was clean and decluttered since my second boy was born. But, I do the best that I can, and I would say that my house is very clean considering I have three small boys. The only thing that concerns me is: am I spending too much time on the house and other responsibilities that I am not giving my children enough attention and one-on-one time? It is so hard to live up to my own strict expectations regarding the household as well as having enough time to get down and play with my kids....Oh and then there is supposed to be "me" time! That's a laugh...

So, I understand, Melissa - everything that you are saying... ;)

By Unschoolmom on Saturday, January 29, 2005 - 07:27 am:

But, there are just some people that are straight lazy.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Or cleaning is just way down on their list of priorites. Your friend may value her leisure time more than cleaning. Chosing not to clean is sometimes just a choice and not a reflection of laziness. It seems like laziness because it's a high priority for you maybe but it's just not important for some people.

Our house is nothing like what it used to be but there are still plenty of times when I';m betting another mom would walk in and see the mess and chalk it up to my laziness because truthfully, though I now enjoy cleaning, I still don't consider it a priority. My kids, my activities outside the home...even my fun time for myself all trump a clean house. I do it when I'm in the mood (though that's fairly often) and that's it. A messy house is no more a reflection of my laziness than a sparkling house is a reflection of another mom's anal retentiveness. Just a reflection of our different views and priorities.

By Breann on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 12:54 pm:

Our next door neighbors are messy. Their house is messy inside, but I don't really care about that because I don't have to look at it.

But, their patio is a disaster area. Our yards are pretty close and we have a direct view of their patio. Yuck.

They have boxes stacked on their front porch from when they moved in (6+months ago). The boxes have gotten wet and soggy and have turned brown and moldy? Yuck

They have toys and junk all over their grass. They never wash their vehicles so they are always covered in mud.

I tried calling their landlord one day when I had had enough. It was windy and their stuff was blowing into our yard again. I tried calling 3 times, but never got ahold of anyone. I haven't tried back since.

We live in a nicer area, and their house looks so out of place. It would be nice if they would at least clean their front yard.

Hopefully we never try to sell our house! I wouldn't want to move into a house with a next door neighbors yard looking like that.

By Sue3 on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 02:19 pm:

Well said Dawn , I agree with you . .

By Boxzgrl on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 03:01 pm:

Yes but there is a certain extent that you can let enjoying leisure time over cleaning get. Going weeks at a time without cleaning IS laziness. Going a few days is enjoying leisure time wisely. I myself clean my house everyday and I still have plenty of time to spend with DD and even DH when hes home from work. I learned a lot from posting here and getting advice from others and now I can get it all done in one day. I guess i'm more of the minority that thinks the way a house is kept tells a lot about a person.

By Emdee on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 03:33 pm:

I haven't gotten in on this debate, but I do agree with you, Boxzgirl. However, I think part of what we do has to do with how we were raised. I lived with a perfectionist mother and from that experience I know I don't want to do that to my kids. But I do keep the house quite clean. Yes, I may let a few dishes pile in the sink, but nothing that 5 minutes won't cure. Alot of it is personality; I can't stand to see clutter, so you won't find that in my home. But there is a big difference between clutter and dirty mess!!! I personally can't see how people live with clutter, but that makes alot more sense to me than someone living with trash piled everywhere just asking for the bugs to come and join in. I hope I never judge someone based on cleanliness/dirtiness, but what is funny is that I think I have been judged based on cleanliness--people label me b/c I do like things in order! To each his own, I guess. If you did watch Oprah the other day she was saying that just cleaning up the mess isn't going to get rid of the problem--there must be something else going on inside a person to let the mess get to that extent!

By Kaye on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 06:13 pm:

I jsut don't think how my house looks is a reflection on who I am as a person. If you walk into my house, you might find it clean, you might find it trashed. For example, I did clean today, but by 3 today, there were fast food bags from two days ago, dishes from yesterday's lunch, oh and the coffee table broke so it was propped up in the middle of the room with it's contents all over the floor! Anyway, if you had stepped into my house you would have been disgusted I suppose. But you know I did plenty of non lazy important stuff and it just didn't get done. If you have a routine you can schedule in time for fun with dd and dh. I am just not that type of person. That means that some days, and some weeks we decide that we are going to marathon cook or we have been known to play monopoly for more than one day solid. We manage to eat and get back to what we were doing. And there are times regularly that I just don't feel like it, now is one of those. I certainly have my share of cleaning that needs done. Honestly I just don't even notice how big the mess is most days. I grew up with a healthy mother until i was 10 and then she developed MS, there was no more fun mom and life was hard. I also know life is too short to put cleaning in front of my family. On my tombstone I want it to read she gave all of herself to us, not my house was clean and she was well organized

By Tink on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 06:52 pm:

I am really disappointed that so many women here are so judgemental regarding a person's house. My house is almost always clean enough that I can have it company ready in 15 minutes. I was raised in a house that was cluttered and most of the cleaning was done once a week by the housekeeper. My mom was always busy and overwhelmed by the mess that three kids could make. That doesn't mean she was lazy or a dirty person. She showered everyday and held the rest of her life together perfectly. A clean house doesn't make someone a better person or more worthy of your friendship. There is no reason that your cleanliness should rub off on them and, as many other people have said, don't go over there if you don't like it. There's really no reason for it to bother you, if you aren't around it. If you didn't realize that people lived like that, consider yourself lucky.

By Andi on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 06:57 pm:

Ditto Cori!

By Vicki on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 07:19 pm:

I think there is a huge difference between a little messy and just plain filthy!! I have never judged someone for having a "lived in" house, but filth is another thing. Believe me, I wish I could be a little more laid back about clutter and messes, but that is just who I am. Drives me bonkers! That doesn't mean that when I go to someone's house that can stand a little clutter that I think they are a bad person...heck to be honest, I really don't even notice it!! No one believes that about me because I am such a freak, but it is true. LOL But filth, I don't think I could over look. To me, that is what the OP was describing.

"Were talking weeks worth of fast food bags around the house, piles of dishes, a carpet that I dont think has been vacuumed in a few months and a floor i'm sure hasnt been mopped in a while."

That to me just sounds a little excessive!!

By Alberobello on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 07:23 pm:

I agree with both parts. What i mean is that although i am fairly organised and "clean" (well, more tidy than clean, really) i wish i was more relaxed about it. My dh is completely relaxed about the house being messy (he is extremely messy) and always has a go at me because i get so stressed about the house being messy and dirty, and of course i take it out on him, which means it is not right in the sense that if i am not able to keep on top of it i might as well just let it go and relax.

One of my friends is VERY organised, she has two children, a big house, she works part time AND studies, ah and has a husband who doesn't help around a lot (he is a good provider though). Also, she never complains of being tired or about housework, or about not being able to handle the children. Me on the other hand, hate housework, have a dificult time trying to raise my child and wish had more spare time, mainly to pursue the pleasures of life.

Anyway, although i admire my friend i wouldn't like to be like her. What i need to learn is to accept who i am (messy, disorganised and a bit chaotic)and try to do the best i can without bothering my poor dh. The problem is that i grew up with a perfectionist mother (and sisters) and that has kind of stayed with me (so both qualities are fighting to show - sorry i don't know how to explain it).

I am one of those who after inviting people over for dinner i start doing the washing up because i cannot relax otherwise. This drives my dh mad because he says that people are more important than clean dishes and i know he is absolutely right. More than people like my friend, i admire those who do not care about how their houses look like, but are always happy to see you, even if you come unexpected (like my dh, unlike me...). So there you are, i think that as long as we put people (especially are own, but not forgetting the others) first then you can managed your house the best you can, some withmore stamina and energy and some with a more relaxed approach.

By Vicki on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 08:07 pm:

Oh boy Maria, something you said is ME!!! I would be so mortified if someone stopped (unless it was a really good friend) over that I wasn't expecting and my house wasn't what I would call ready for company!! I don't know if I would be able to relax either!! But, one thing I am much better about is the dishes after dinner. I try not to clean anything up (that doesn't have to be put in the fridge etc) until after the company leaves. I used to be like you, but I am getting better. LOL actually, I am much better about some things than I used to be! I AM making progress!! LOL

By Alberobello on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 08:23 pm:

I am also getting better Vicki, although it is so hard... And when we are having friends over i try to be organised before they come (i.e the rest of the house needs to be at least in order), so i just have to do the dishes and nothing else when they leave.

It is just sooo hard, but i like to think i am also making progress... (i wonder how long will it take me). LOL

By Unschoolmom on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 08:50 pm:

Going weeks at a time without cleaning IS laziness.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

No. Or maybe it is but most of the time, in most situations you just don't have enough information to make that judgement so why bother?

One thing I notice about some very neat people. esp. those who like to throw around judgements of laziness is that they just don't realize a) how much of a skill cleaning is and b) how much work it is living in a mess.

I never knew I didn't know how to clean until I read a bit and signed on to fly lady. I thought cleaning was just dreary work I had to push yourself through but usually it was so overwhelming I never made it. I'm on the other side and now I know how to look at a mess, break it down into smaller jobs, identify what's garbage. There is a way to clean and that's what I was missing. Saying it was laziness is a cheat that steals away the opportunity to LEARN how to keep a place neat.

It's also an awful lot of work to live in a mess and neat people just don't get that I find. Every job is a HUGE job because you've left it because some other job was overwhelming you. The dishes pile up because you had to get all the clothes put away and that took forever because all the clothes meant ALL the clothes. When you get to the dishes it's not a few or a sinkful, it's a whole counterfull and will take another day to do. You go from crisis to crisis and it's exhausting. Eventually, you may abandon it for weeks at a time. But if past experience has shown that the tremendous energy you expend is for nothing, why bother? It's like trying to climb a mountain with an anvil strapped to your back.

I now run a passable house and I know how much water the lazyness theory holds. None. It is sooo much less work to do a batch of supper dishes or pull folded clothes out of a drawer as opposed to cleaning every dish you have or sorting through Mt. Laundry at the foot of your bed. This is easy.

So...for most messy people it's as if they were handed a box of bicycle pieces and expected to put it together. The glitch being that they didn't have the instructions or any familiarity with bicycle parts that most of the other people sailing along with assembly have. Frustrated, they abandon it frequently or/and make furious, over-the-top efforts to fix it and all for nought.
Laziness? No, just some missing knowledge.

And sure, there always are the exceptions, the truly lazy ones. But they're often just that, exceptions and so laziness should be the last judgement a person might make when faced with a messy friend.

By Karen~moderator on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 09:11 pm:

I was a pig growing up - I was incredibly lazy when it came to my room. Once I was in my first apartment, I found myself mirroring my Mom's cleanliness habits. I drove myself and my roommate (Bubbels) nuts, and almost lost her friendship over it.

When I was first married and raising stepkids before I had my kids I was anal about the house being clean. Once I went from 0 kids to 4 kids in 2 years time, housekeeping fell WAY down on the list of priorities, though the clean house was still important to me.

Now that my kids are mostly gone, housekeeping is STILL low on my list of priorities. Do I like it clean? Yes. Do I always clean when it needs it? No. Is it *presentable*? Sometimes. Would someone think I'm a lazy pig if they knocked on my door this week? Yes. Do I care? No!

Life is short. I figure if it's not a health hazard and *I* can live with it the way it is, the things that I consider to be more important can continue to come first. JMHO....

By Boxzgrl on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 09:28 pm:

I think those that know me since i've been a member here know what i'm talking about since they "know" me a bit more than others. I'll just leave it at that. But, no i'm not judging anyone.

By Kaye on Tuesday, February 1, 2005 - 08:38 am:

And I will just leave it at, some people are much more concerned about appearances than others. To me it doesn't matter that your house is clean and you vacuum daily, you drive a new car, you have great credit or no credit, my life is far from perfect and that is okay with me.

By Eve on Tuesday, February 1, 2005 - 12:23 pm:

A very good friend of mine used to live in a home that wasn't what I would consider clean.(That's putting it nicely) She was wonderful to me though. She is the most generous woman I know. She would always invite us over for dinner and we would get together and bake. I consider myself her friend, so I just overlooked it. It was a wonderful lesson for me to be less judgemental and to look into her heart and not her home.

I would just keep on doing what your doing. If it bothers you, just don't go over and try to enjoy the friendship.

By Kate on Tuesday, February 1, 2005 - 01:02 pm:

Okay, I don't mean any offense to anyone, but if it's truly filthy, how can you actually eat over their house or bake with them, or things like that? Sure, if it's cluttered it can still be 'clean', but dirty dishes everywhere? Garbage lying about? I don't understand....

By Vicki on Tuesday, February 1, 2005 - 02:03 pm:

LOL Kate, I thought the same thing!! I have a problem with pot lucks with large amounts of people for the same reason!! You just never know where the food came from or under what conditions it was cooked... if it was handled correctly etc.. LOL