Gotta ?, really way too long
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive January 2005:
Gotta ?, really way too long
Going anon as you will later see the reason.
I am on the classmate.com board. I went to a very small school. Our graduating class had a total of 68.
My sister is 3 years older than me and felt at the end of her senior year, almost like an outcast. Yes, the girls were very petty, snobby, backstabbers, nosy, has to know everyone's business or they ain't happy type people, etc.
I received this email from classmates.com from a girl in my sister's graduating class. My sister graduated in 81 so her next reunion wouldn't be until 06. This woman tried to tell me that she was getting ready for the next reunion. She was wondering where my sister lives and what she has been up too.
My sister was a friend of this girl years ago when her and her twin sister pawned a (leech)boy off unto my sister. My sister and this guy dated, but I'm really positive this boy date raped my sister among being mentally and emotionally abusive to her. And yes and no, she has received some therapy, but this story is way too long to post. And remember back then date rape wasn't known.
You know the type of guy, way too touchy, feely. I didn't trust him with a 10 ft. pole!!! That's why he was pawned off on my sister, they thought, hey if he finds another victim, he'll leave us alone.
Do not mean to sound accusatory, but that's really how it was.
The reason I'm so positive is one of my best friends from high school was set up with this guy and she had to literally jump out of his car because of what he was doing to her.
My dilema, my sister has serious mental depression, of course, she has been hiding out from her class mates.
It angers me that I received this email. I'm pretty sure most of the girls in my sister's class knew at the time what was going on, I was too naive and didn't ask questions.
What do I tell this woman?
It was really a way too sweet of an email (enough to make you throw up)!
Any suggestions, or should I not reply, or should I say in a way too sweet way, it's none of your business.
I'm pretty sure, this woman heard something about my sister or family and she's just looking for information.
Yes, when you live in a small town, nothing changes.
I would tell the person who emailed you that you would contact your sister and see if she wished to talk w/ her. Then I would ask your sister what she thought. If your sister didnt wish to be contacted put the womans email in spam and go on. Just because your sister is depressed really doesnt mean that you could or even should guard her against being contacted by this woman. At the very least that way your sister can be prepared if this person does track her down, she would be forwarned. It would also open a dialog about the situation that you are concerned about. I think it is great that you are worried about your sister but maybe this is the cause of her depression. Facing the problem may help. Of course if you feel your sister is too fragile to deal with this dont answer the email at all, put her address in spam. The writer will asume that the email is not valid and stop writing.
I think Kristin has some good points, in that this woman may be able to track your sister down by other means, so it might be good to forewarn her. But, because you are close to your sister (certainly closer than any of use), you are a better judge or her level of fragility or whether she is able to deal with this.
And, if you don't reply she may well assume the email address is not valid and may not try you again, but she may try to trace your sister by other means, and from what I have seen on the internet, it isn't all that difficult if one is willing to spend just a few dollars.
Your judgment that this woman is just seeking information that has nothing to do with a reunion is probably valid, given your analysis of the timing. And your desire to protect your sister is laudable - I'm just not sure if it will be effective if this woman wants to persist.
My sister lives in a different county than where she went to school.
She has no phone or address under her name. She is living with someone, but not a man or a woman. A family that how may I say it, has taken her in. She is like a live-in nanny. And the job suits her fine.
Their number is a nonlisted number and if I lose her number or address I have to wait until she calls me.
The incident split us apart. That was the turning point of our relationship. It went down hill from there.
I don't think she feels worthy of anything. I really don't know how she feels. I'm only assuming these feelings from what I see and what she says.
Due to circumstances, things are changing within our relationship over the past two years.
I did not see her for over 8 years, not knowing if she was dead or alive.
It is an awful life. But you can not make a person go into therapy and you can not have them committed.
I know what happened to her lead her down her path she took. She dated only what it appeared to be abusive men after that.
Dad, mom and I tried to get to her but she wouldn't hear anything of it.
She was once a physically and mentally beautiful person.
Her self-esteem is so low. Her lack of concentration makes it difficult to hold a job. I would go into so much detail, but it is such a long story.
I have only seen her 4 times the last year and spoke with her on the phone about once a month.
She has become a recluse (sp?). This really took everything out of her. She tries to seek help, but yet she can't even deal with the help she receives.
If she stays in this small world that surrounds her, she seems content.
I feel bad because I can change no circumstances. I do pray for her and pray that our relationship will grow stronger.
Yes, I feel I am protecting her from these people. Like I said, I am most positive these people knew what happened. Boys do a certain amount of 'bragging rights' while the girls really knew it was date-rape. But yet again, no one would talk about that end of it.
Given what you say above, I say by all means protect your sister from this unwarranted (and potentially very risky) intrusion into the safe life she has built for herself. And again, your desire to protect her is laudable, especially given that she has, in essence, rejected you and the rest of your family. I do hope, for you and for her, that at some point that may change at least a bit.
Probably, as Kristen advises, the best thing is to just ignore and not reply to the email you received, unless that person really persists and you feel you must respond - in which case you can simply tell her you are not going to give her any information about your sister.
You've gotten great advice, but just as an aside, it is not too early to be planning an '06 reunion. Most class reunions are planned a year in advance, and this would be about the time that they would be "going through the list" to see if everyone was accounted for.
Given the later info, I would ignore the email, I might tell your sister that this person had contacted you but you decided not to reply. Even that I am not sure of. I wouldnt do anything that would push your sister away. It sounds like you may be making headway at being a part of her life and I wouldnt jepordize that.
I agree, I would ignore the email. Just because it comes into your box doesn't mean you have to open it or answer it. Just press delete.. Your sister doesn't want or need to be in contact with any of those people. And those people surely don't need to know ANYTHING about your sister...... IF she persist? there is an option on your email account it is called block sender... Block her and then you won't have to worry about presistance...
Big hugs to you for all you all have been through...
My personal opinion - ignore the email. Period.
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