Okay I am sure I have mentioned this before, but I am still looking for advice. I have an almost 11 year old daughter. She has no friends. We have moved several times, but we have now been here a year and a half. Last place we were there 4 years. She has never really had a friend. Now she has hung out with children of my friends (they all happen to be boys now). But she pretty much is never invited to anything. We started a girl scout troop when we moved here. I am the leader. The girls are all nice. My daughter seems to hang out with them all fine. But she doesn't really click with any of them. I guess she keeps waiting for someone else to make the first move and she just can't. So today both my sons are playing with friends and she is home, miserable. She has no one she wants to invite over. She wants to play with someone, but she doesn't have any friends. So what types of things do you teach children so they can make friends? What type of social skills do they have? Any suggestions? WE have invited a myriad of people over, it has never been returned. My daughter is now very insecure over the whole thing and really struggles. I feel for her, but also know that she probably isn't trying very hard. We are active but not too active, she is in girl scouts, she does school choir and plays a sport in the spring.

By Sue3 on Monday, January 17, 2005 - 05:15 pm:

Maybe suggest her to invite a girl over from your girl scout troup.Can the girl come over after school and have dinner at your house
before the meeting?
Has she invited any
of these girls to your house before? Do you ask her who she hangs out with at school?
I have 2 daughters one is 10 and one is soon to be 12.We do sleep overs and play dates a lot because we are in a rual area with hardly any neighbors.
If she invites some one over you can observe them somewhat and see how she is with her friend.
Maybe she is really shy?
I usually suggest a craft for the girls to do when they have a friend over ,
or they make play-dough or cookies or something.
Hope this helps a little

By Kaye on Monday, January 17, 2005 - 05:38 pm:

Well she has invited several people over, but no one has been able to come. She doesn't hang out with anyone at school, this is our problem. I want to invite someone over, but there just really is no one. As far as the girl scout troop goes, when they are here things are fine (we meet at my house), but there isn't anyone she really wants to have over outside of scouts.

By Mrse on Monday, January 17, 2005 - 08:37 pm:

I am not really sure. I have 3 daughters the youngest who is 12 wants friends over well a little too much, drives us nuts, and the oldest sometimes she has someone over and the middle daughter not once. She does have friends at school, but does not want to bother with them as far as entertaining them at home.
A friend of mine, her daughter was in the same boat , she sat back and expected to be invited into a group, instead of just getting in their and getting herself involved, she would tell the teacher that the other kids would not play with her, even when she came around our kids she would just sit by her mom and say ------- won't play with me and she did not try . The other kids resented her because they were getting told on all the time. I have no idea if your daughter does this or not, in the end the girl ended up going to church and connected with some kids. I guess you could get her involved in some other activities, swimming lessons, or any community activites for kids. But she really has to put in the effort, which may be hard for her if she is shy.

By Beth on Tuesday, January 18, 2005 - 09:28 am:

Your daughter may find that some of these girls from the girl scout troop might be fun if she gave them a chance. I am not saying that she is not giving them a chance but someone who she thinks doesn't spark her interest may suprise her. I mean it wouldn't hurt if she invited one that was semi interesting to her and see how it works out. She could plan something fun so the day would not be a total bust. It sounds to me that reaching out is very hard to her and she seems to be waiting for that one great friendship. But I think frienships take time to grow and for some people unfortunetely they have to make a concious effort others it comes naturally. I feel for her and hope that she will be able to go for it!

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, January 18, 2005 - 09:42 am:

One thing you said that really caught my attention is that she didn't *click* with any of them. What are her interests? Could be that she is A) shy and is afraid to suggest activities with the girls out of fear of rejection, or B) doesn't feel like she has anything in common with them? Are there clubs in her school she can join? Maybe the trick to this would be if she can meet/find someone who is interested in the same things/has the same hobbies she has. It's hard at the age, adolescence is upon her and girls start to get *cliquey* then.

Try to define what things she is most interested in and when she invites someone over, concentrate on encouraging those specific activities. Hopefully she can find someone who is more like her and the friendship will start to grow. Maybe you can arrange a *playdate* (sounds sort of funny to call it that at her age! LOL) with one of the girls and make a point of taking them to do something fun - movies, or whatever is available in your area.

I know how painful it is to watch your child struggle with friendships. I'd say just keep trying and encouraging the friendships. HOPEFULLY she will start to click with one of the other girls.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

By Kathym on Tuesday, January 18, 2005 - 11:02 am:

Have you talked to her teacher? She might be able to suggest some nice girls that your daughter might "click" with with just a bit of effort. Or, she may have some insight as to what is going on socially with your daughter. I've always felt that my kids social adjustment in school was just as important as academics. Not being popular, just finding a good group of kids (or even just a friend or two)to hang with. Each child is diffrent...my oldest loves to socialize but often just wants to hang out at home. My middle wants someone over all the time and my ds is the same way. Kudos to you though for making the effort to help her...it is so hard when your child is on the outside looking in.

By Melanie on Tuesday, January 18, 2005 - 02:22 pm:

A friend of mine had a similar issue. Her daughter is in my son's grade. There are only 12 kids total in that grade in the school. Their daughter was friends with kids, but didn't really have anyone similar enough to her to click with. The mom and I organized one of the class parties together. We watched as all the girls sat together-except her daughter who sat alone. It was heartbreaking to see just how lonely it was in that class for her. They ended up switching her to a new school with more opportunities for friendships. That may not be an option, but it worked wonders for their family.

Good luck. I hope you find a solution for your daughter.