Has anyone ever had credit card debt that they kept from their spouse? If so, how did you talk to them about it, without them flying through the roof? I wasn't trying to keep it from him, it is just that it kept growing becaue of the interest rates and I thought that maybe I could get it paid down by making larger payments and it still seems to be growing and I'm frustrated and I am starting to lose sleep over it. Uggh. I do all of our bills. Anyway, need advice quick, please. I am going to talk to my husband tonight, but I am nervous about how ill he will be at me. By the way, we have this credit card debt now, but our credit is fine because I pay our bills on time.

By Anonymous on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 04:00 pm:

Also, I need any suggestions that you may have tried to pay of a credit card. I had thought about using home equity line of credit, but I am not sure about that either.

By John on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 04:12 pm:

You should be real careful about using a home equity line of credit for these sorts of debts since they are secured by your house.

It would be a shame to lose your home over a few thousand or so in credit card debt.

By Kellyj on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 04:35 pm:

If you own a car you can borrow against the car and take out a loan to pay off your creditors. DH had incurred alot of debt while he was in college so when we got married we borrowed against my car. You can also take out unsecured loans with no collateral but the interest rates tend to be higher...however their rates probably would be lower than what you pay now.

If you are desparate, you can apply for a card with 0% APR (try to find one with a long time frame) and transfer the balance to that card and make aggressive payments. It's not an ideal solution but anything that greatly reduces your interest rate is going to make paying down the debt quickly doable.

Good luck tonight.

By Yjja123 on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 04:41 pm:

The very best way to pay off debt is always to pay above minimum payments. If you only make the minimum amount it can take 20 years to pay off!
I have never hidden debt from husband so the only advice I have on that matter is to sit down and explain how you got in the situation you are in.
I handle all our finances too but discuss everything with my husband. We dealt with credit card debt a few years back and have since paid them off and cut them up. We no longer have any credit cards and plan on keeping it that way. I doubled up our minimum payments and cut back on expenses (take out, convenience foods, etc.) It worked. We even managed to pay our vehicle off 2 years early with this method. You will realize once you stick your mind to it, you CAN pay it off. Treat it like a game "how much can I cut back on" and it will not seem like such a chore.
The big problem with home equity is if you pay it off and start charging again. You need to deal with what got you in the situation to begin with.
Maybe consult with a financial advisor.
Good luck!

By Mrse on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 04:42 pm:

Well I think you should be able to call the credit card company , and temporarly suspend the card, and ask if they would reduce the interest untill it is paid off. The important thing is not to use the card anymore. If your mortgage is up for renewel, you can add the debt to your mortgage to clear up the debt, if their is eneough equity in your home. You may need to get a appraisal on your house, which will also cost you. I would try calling the company, and if they will not reduce the interest, start looking for another company with lower interest, if you do not want to go the mortgage route, which really just puts you x amount of years behind. I would not go for the equity line of credit, since your payments would be higher, if the amount was added to your mortgage since it is over a longer period of time, it is usually not that much of a change, but you would most likely have other costs as well like all the paper work, at the lawyers changing everything. We have done this and it is costly to add onto the mortgage. If you can think of a way to do it without putting on the mortgage it is better in the long run. But if you have a fair amount of debt which you can not get out of, it is a fast way to clear it up. Hope that helped a bit , good luck tonight with hubby.

By Missmudd on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 05:06 pm:

Do you have specific things that had to be purchased or were unavoidable that caused you to get into debt? If it wasnt just little things it may help explain why you got in over your head. Tell him that you really didnt mean to keep it as a secret, just that you didnt tell him about it right away because you thought it was handleable and then when you figured it might not be handleable you realized you hadnt told him right from the start and then you worried that he would be angry. GL

By Anonymous on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 05:41 pm:

Yes, I wasn't really trying to keep it a secret, I just kept paying on it every month thinking I could put a dent in it, but it didn't work and now I realize the best thing to do is come clean with my husband so he can help me figure this out. The home equity line is the last resort for me, but the interest rate on that would be half of what my card rate is so it is an option. I really would like for the credit card company to give us a 0% for at least a year to help pay down the balance because we have been with that company for 7 years and never had problems and we have never been late - they might be willing to do that for us.

Oh, and it wasn't just me spending, actually a lot of it was my husband and I think he figured I could pay it in full each month, like I did when we first got married, but we have more bills, bigger house and three children to support so paying in full changed too. I just want to pay it off and then never use it again. I have learned a lesson.

Thanks for your advice. Gosh, I am counting down the hours before my husband comes home. I will keep you posted.

By Boxzgrl on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 05:53 pm:

What I did with DH's and my credit cards when we had them was that I paid $200 towards the card PLUS whatever my statement said was charged that month in interest. So, if I had 54.78 in interest that month, I paid $254.78 so that way every month it would get $200 cheaper. I depends on the type of money you have to play with but that worked fine for us and it was our only credit card debt.

Write your monthly bills on paper and see what you can commit to that card every month, even if that means cutting out fun expenses. After all, its only temporary as long as your not still spending on the card. Once you see what you can afford to pay, commit yourself to it every month, NO MATTER WHAT! You may suffer for a few months but it will feel nice to see the debt disappear, believe me!

Good Luck!

By Dawnk777 on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 07:34 pm:

We don't have any secrets about that kind of stuff. We do have some credit card debt, but we are both aware of it.

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 07:40 pm:

Be careful about suspending or canceling your credit card account. Read your contract. I recently got an offer from Capital One that had a nice several month teaser of 0%, plus 7.99% after that, but if I closed the account and didn't pay the balance in full on demand, the interest rate went up to 24.99%. Ouch!!

Yes, you have to tell dh. Yes, you have to explore ways to cut down on the amount of interest you are paying. And yes, you have to stop using the credit card for anything other than dire emergences - like getting stranded on the road late at night, or the furnace blows up.

Do talk to your credit card company and see if they will give you 0% for a while, and have offers from other companies for 0% on transferred balances in hand when you call. Who knows - they just might do it.

Spend the small fee involved to get a copy of your credit report - Experien comes to mind as one of the big three reporting agencies - to see if your credit is good enough right now that you might be able to get good credit with another credit card company. If so, then look for one that is offering 0% on transfers for a 9 to 12 month period and transfer the balance. For that period of time all of your payment will go to the debt and none to interest.

Do be very careful about a home equity loan. From what you have said, you may be a person who has problems handling credit, and it will do you no good at all to pay off the credit card with a home equity loan and then run up new credit card charges. That is what happens to a lot of people, and you are putting your home at risk.

Do not use any of those companies that promise to help you with credit card debt unless it is a truly non-profit company. One of my sons tried that, and it was a disaster and left him worse off than when he started because the company charged fees on top of his payments to the credit card companies. Often these "get out of debt" companies (like Debtscape, whose ad I am listening to right now) are themselves technically non-profit but they are linked to a profit making company that handles the actual process (and charges the fees). Here is a link to the page for NFCC, which is the member organization for truly non-profit debt management organizations: http://www.nfcc.org/

Any legitimate debt management organization (legitimately and truly non-profit) will insist on counseling, and will charge only very minimal fees, if any. Read their Standards at the bottom of the web site.

By Mrsheidi on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 08:59 pm:

I TOTALLY agree with John... and, don't go with the companies that "help" you with your credit card debt. My brother did that and didn't realize he wasn't paying enough on his car...now his car is worth $5,000 less than what he owes.
Pay it off aggressively and call them to lower your APR. Tell them you got a competitor that is willing to give you 0% and that you want it too...even if it is for 6 months. We get those deals in the mail all the time.
As far as telling your husband...tell him that it's taking a lot just to tell him and that you need his help. Guys are always willing to give a solution!

By Anonymous on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 09:21 pm:

I did it! I told my husband and he was angry, in shock, and then disappointed and then understanding. Anyway we called and got a 0% interest on purchases and transfer. We are going to pay triple what our payment is and will not be adding to the card so hopefully before the year is up it will all be gone. I feel better. Thanks everyone.

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 10:11 pm:

OK. Good for you. And good for your dh for working his way through to understanding. Now, put that credit card away and use it only for dire emergencies, and work out a mutual definition of dire emergency. Maybe make a rule that the credit card cannot be used unless both you and dh agree on it, think about it for three days, and both still agree.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 11, 2005 - 01:50 pm:

We are planning on shredding the card just paying the balance on it for the next 15 months with the 0% interest rates. Everything else will be bought with cash/debit card only. We are also just going to cut back on doing all of the extras until we begin to bring the balance down. I have promised to never use a credit card ever again. I think the cards are too tempting - or for me anyway.

By Breann on Tuesday, January 11, 2005 - 06:08 pm:

I was going to tell you to call and get a card with little or now interest.
I'm glad it worked out for you! Good luck paying it off.
Credit cards really are tempting.

By Hol on Thursday, January 13, 2005 - 01:39 pm:

I'm in the same situation as you are right now. DH had open heart surgery in May 2004, and couldn't go back to work until September. We lived on disability pay, which was 2/3 of his normal salary. The expenses stayed the same, so, unfortunately, I was using the card to buy groceries, pay for prescriptions, etc.. Then, Christmas came along, and more on the card. It's up there now, but not anything that I can't pay back in a year. (God willing). I called the credit card company and asked them if they would give me a lower interest rate. They would only lower it by 3 percentage points. So, I just got an offer for 0 percent for fifteen months, and 7.99% after. No annual fee. And, no, Ginny, it isn't Capital One. I'm going to transfer the balance, then close the other card when it has no balance on it. Too many credit cards, even if there is no balance on them, or you don't use them, hurts your credit score.

We have excellent credit, also. Our home is long since paid off, and I would NEVER borrow against it unless it was a medical emergency for one of us. That's the roof over your head! Lenders LOVE to get the deed to your house!

I also do the bills, and DH doesn't know about this. He picks up the mail, but usually doesn't open it. If he does, he will blow his top, but it won't be the first time, or the last! He got upset because one of the boys told him how much I give to church (big mouth kids!). However, I believe that giving back to God that which is already His, is imperative. Everything else will come.