Hey Ladies -

My dh has been wanting the two of us to go away for 2 or 3 nights... alone. Our son is almost 3.5yo. We have never been away without him. I think a big reason is that we don't have anyone that lives in town that we feel could take care of him. I feel like my dh is frustrated with me/the situation - but I cannot make a good babysitter magically appear. I feel that our friends with toddlers have enough on their hands without an extra kid and I can't imagine my ds staying at someone else's house for a couple days.

I guess my question is... parents of toddlers.. how often do you get to vacation without your children? Who watches them?

Thanks!
Amy

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, February 6, 2007 - 07:06 pm:

My kids are teens now and have spent 4-6 spurts of time, at Grandma and Grandpa's house. We just stayed home and worked, though.

We have never gone on a trip, that involved several days away, without the kids! It sounds like fun, though!

More likely, it was when the kids were on a sleepover, and then we be away from each other for one night.

By Colette on Tuesday, February 6, 2007 - 07:12 pm:

I never left my kids with anyone other than immediate family for the night. I would have been a wreck otherwise.

By Trina~moderator on Tuesday, February 6, 2007 - 07:14 pm:

Our kids are 8 & 10 and we have only gone on two trips alone together, both of which were for only 3 days. The kids stayed with my very best friend, who has two kids of similar ages. I think they were 1 & 3 and 3 & 5 at the time. Both my children have asthma and severe food allergies. There are very few people who I feel comfortable leaving my kids with for that amount of time. For this reason trips alone with DH are a very rare thing.

By Vicki on Tuesday, February 6, 2007 - 08:01 pm:

Dh and I have went a few times without dd. I think our longest trip was 3 nights. She has always stayed with her grandparents. I couldn't go if she wasn't with them, I just wouldn't feel comfortable. The first time we went, I was a wreck the whole time and barely enjoyed myself. When we got home she was so excited to see us and she was so excited to tell us what all she did with grammy and pops and she had a blast. Never felt guilty again after that and always enjoyed the nice break from being a mom!! Always ready to come home again though!!

By Tink on Tuesday, February 6, 2007 - 08:07 pm:

DH and I have gone on a few 3 night trips away and my parents or my best friend (she has kids at similar ages and handles it all well). They love it and have always been happy to stay with them each time. I'll admit that each time, someone has had some bedtime tears but it's never been long lasting or even remembered within a few days. In your situation without family or a long-time trusted babysitter, I'm not sure we'd be able to get away.

By Debbie on Tuesday, February 6, 2007 - 09:14 pm:

Dh and I have gone on a few trips without our dks. We are actually leaving tomorrow for 4 nights in Vegas. My boys are now 6 and 8. My parents always stay with them. We would not let anyone, but my parents or brother/sil keep them overnight.

By Reds9298 on Tuesday, February 6, 2007 - 09:34 pm:

We are just discussing this same thing Amyk! We DO have family right here who will actually come to our home for the night so she can sleep in her own bed, and we're STILL not convinced we should leave her overnight. How crazy is that?!?
She's 2 1/2.

I think as she gets a little older, we will not have a problem leaving for a few days, but our week long vacations are probably long over for quite some time. It's hard to imagine leaving her for a week.

Regardless of her age, I totally sympathize on the babysitter issue. When she's 12, I STILL don't see us ever letting her having an extended stay with anyone other than immediate family. It's just not going to happen for us.

By Dana on Tuesday, February 6, 2007 - 11:14 pm:

We have been blessed with a grandma that is so wonderful w/ the all her grandkids. All of us (my brother and sisters) have let Grandma watch our kids for more than one night. The longest DH and I did was a full week. DD was only 2 at the time and simply loved being w/ her cousins as well.

BUT if we didn't have Grandma???? That is a different story. I have no idea what we do. I do have a best friend that we swapped weekends with each weekend when DD was little. Sometimes we were even able to do 2 nights in a row. DH and I never left town, we just had time alone at home. That all stopped when that friend had a second child. And now I have the 2nd baby so the ages don't mix.

If you don't have a best friend that your little one sees ALL THE TIME and has spent nights before, then, if it were me, I think I wouldn't be taking a trip w/out the kids. Can you take a trip a trusted relative and let them stay there while you do the hotel?

By Jackie on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 - 06:37 am:

I know I am the odd one. I could not leave my kids and go on vacation without them. First, we live in a state with no family. Honestly, I could not imagine anybody wanting to take care of all 3 of my kids. Most important, I honestly do not want to leave them. Ok, The older two I could probably leave for a few days, but I could not leave Faith. I am just too much of a sap to go away without my kids.
The reality of it is, we are a one income family. We go on exactly one vacation a year, and that is as a family. I save and scrimp all year so we have a nice family vacation.
Growing up, my parents went away for weekends, and me and my brothers stayed with my aunt. I know it never affected me that they left us LOL..
Sometimes I think its easier for the husbands/dads to break away without the kids then it is for the moms.
My husband use to suggest it years ago, but knows how I feel about it.So no weekends for us. We are looking forward to our Family vacation to Disney in June

This becomes a hot topic...

By Kaye on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 - 09:27 am:

I left my dd when she was 18 months to go to alaska, long story, but it was a once in a lifetime deal and I was 7 months pg. My parents came to our house to watch her. It was hard and I missed her terribly, but it also was an amazing experience and things I couldn't of done with a toddler in tow.

However I did not leave them again for a vacation until my 10th anniversary. Again my parents came to my house to watch them. The kids were 8, 6 and 4. It wasn't so hard then.

I think only you know your situation. I wouldn't start with leaving for a week, but try for a night.

I do think it is good for your relationship to have alone time with your hubby and I can say that I tend to put him on the back burner. We have had the opportunity in the past not so long to go for a night or two local, it makes such a huge difference in our relationship. I know the kids are important, but the reality is if you don't work on your marriage also it may not be around when the kids are grown. That being said, don't rush into anything. You will know when it is right.

My kids are now 13, 11 ,9 (by the end of next week at least..lol). We are just now thinking of doing a full fledge vacation (maybe a 4 day cruise). It is a whole different ball game now that they are older. But there are places I just wouldn't consider, and I really just can't go too far and be comfy.

However I am the queen of babysitting, we are the family that takes care of children when their families vacation. We have kept one particular child for 10 days once while they went to europe. He is like my own child, he loves being here, honestly he doesn't think twice about them being gone, because my house is a lot of fun (he is an only child..lol). I kept another family for about 3 days while they attended a funeral. Again, it just wasn't a big deal. I think if you have family and you see that keeping your child isn't stressful, and you want to go, then do it for a night. From a babysitters perpective, if it were hard work and I thought they wouldn't be okay I would say no, at the very least I would say welll... So read your sitter.

One more thing...with a toddler, it is so easy to schedule time alone. Feed the baby early, set up a nice romantic dinner for the two of you. It isn't the same if they are still up, but it is still nice. Wait till they are nearly teens and they say...ewww, can yall stop that (and they are talking about dinner, nothing else..LOL)

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 - 10:16 am:

Jackie - LOL on the husbands being able to leave easier than the moms. Not for us! We're thinking of taking a weekend in Chicago for our upcoming 9th anniversary,and although I worry about leaving Natalie, I think it will be fine and I'm dying for a mini vacation! DH is totally stressed about it though. The idea of leaving her for ONE night, let alone 2, is really killing him. I completely understand it, but I'm overtaken by the Hilton on the water so I'm quickly getting past it!LOL We used to travel so much, and we are also like you regarding the one income. We we will either be taking a few small vacations during the year or one big one as a whole family because that's all we feel comfortable with financially on one income.

I think this is a hot topic for some people. I have friends who left their 6 week old babies for cruises and week long vacations that were far away and I couldn't believe it. That's totally not for me, obviously since we haven't left our 2 1/2 overnight yet WITH fmaily being here! LOL I think if we do this Chicago thing and all goes well, I could get used to it pretty quickly!

By Andi on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 - 10:31 am:

DH and I get away a few tims a year without the kids. We do a couple trips to Vegas and I tag alog on some of his work tips. My kids are 6 and 2 1/2 and we have been doing this for years. It's the best thing for our marriage and It really helps me since I'm a SAHM. My MIL stays at our house and watches the kids. Once they stayed with my Best Friend. This year for DH Christmas party we had to stay the night because it was so far so I had our 18 year old Babysitter spend th night.

I thnk you and DH should ty to get away even if it's just for one night. Have a good friend come over at dinner time. The two of you go out to a nice dinner stay at a hotel and come home he next morning. That way you aren'tgone for to long and you still get some alone tie.

By Bellajoe on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 - 10:56 am:

my kids are 6 and 7 and we have not gone out of town with out them, ever. Believe me, i tried. It just never happened to go my way!
Our first time will be this May when we go to Vegas for 3 nights. My in-laws will watch the kids then.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 - 12:07 pm:

Amyk, Do the two of you date? Do you have a regular babysitter so you can? Maybe that would be a place to start.. Evenings out, instead of jumping in with both feet.. Or an evening in with DS at a sitter.. I think, as stated above, you have to work on a marriage the whole time.. It won't wait until your child is grown. Maybe DH is willing to work towards a middle ground that can some day build up to nights away... He is asking for alone time with you and I know couple time can refresh a marriage more than you could ever think. Ruts become hard to get out of once you start digging them. It is important to your child that his parents stay connected.

Just a tip for those with out family/close friends near by, contact your local early childhood development instructor at your joint vocational center/school, I believe most if not all counties have one, at least they do in Ohio. Those kids are running a day care/preschool. Their instructors will know their temperament and level of training. You may even be able to come in and observe the students working with the children. The joint vocational centers here have observation rooms with one way mirrors and you can sit in and watch the classes. Ask for a referral for a evening babysitter. There are ways to get safe babysitters, with training.

Taking time away from your kids to take care of yourself and your marriage doesn't make you a bad mom.... Happy parents makes for happy kids... Some people are fine with staying home and others are fine with leaving their children but you have to do what is right for you, not what others think is right. If your DH is wanting time alone you need to get creative, if you aren't ready for such a big step then look into smaller ones.... But don't say no all together.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 - 12:19 pm:

Oh another tip.. My mom worked for a doctor. First child, 2 years old, very protective. The mom would hire in girls to take care of DS while she cleaned and such, mothers helper. She would watch the girls, ask questions about their lives and get to know the lives of the girls. If the child and sitter seemed to mesh she would start venturing out for small trips. If at any time she didn't feel comfortable she stopped using the sitter. She has four girls that she and her friends use now. It took time but she can comfortably leave because she knows the girls through her contact during the time they were there with her and she knows they know her rules and that they love her son. She is comfortable because it became more than just a sitter popping in.

By Imamommyx4 on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 - 01:40 pm:

Never gone a trip w/o dd who is now 6. Don't know when we ever will.

To make dh feel better about stuff, I will get a friend to babysit and take him out for a grown up movie and/or dinner. Our church has Kid's Night Out every few months and our dd loves to go. So that is a 4 hour date. Every so often I will do something special for dh and get dd to bed earlier than normal so the 2 of us can have time to ourselves. Making him feel special and important in our day-to-day lives got him off of the need to take a vacation w/o her. That was a relief for me.

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 - 01:58 pm:

We date often but overnights haven't happened.

By Cocoabutter on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 - 02:13 pm:

Haven't read all of the responses, but I think it's a bit much to ask a little one who has never spent any time away from her mommy and daddy to suddenly expect her to be okay with it for 3 days!

Why not plan a trip where you can take her with you and a close friend or grandma, so that she sees mommy and daddy, but mommy and daddy get some wife and hubby time alone too?

By Nicki on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 - 03:26 pm:

We have never left Lara over night, and like you Jackie, it's because I can't do it! I think Lara would be okay with her grandma for just one night, but I know I would be a wreck. I think dh and I had the advantage of a lot of time alone before we had dd. So although it would be good for our relationship, neither of us want to go somewhere without her now that she's with us. So we settle for an occasional night out and we get home in time to put her to bed. I think it will be easier when she's older, I think! :-(

By Amyk on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 - 06:47 pm:

Thanks so much to all of you for your thoughtful responses! Popular topic - I can see that I'm not alone. My dh and I do go out on dates -at least once a month. My inlaws babysit for a couple hours -we just don't feel comfortable with them doing an overnight with our ds. We will try to sneak away for a night next time my mom comes up... it's a start!!

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 - 10:38 pm:

Nicki - Our thoughts exactly! You guys sound very similar to us.

By Tonya on Tuesday, February 13, 2007 - 01:13 pm:

Good topic. We just got back from a cruise and the kids stayed home with my grandparents and my parents while we were gone. Also last year we wnt on a trip for 4 days and again the kids stayed with family. Now we also take a few mini-vacations with the kids every year too. I have no problem leaving my kids with my parents or grandparents. They are family and I trust them. And their homes are like extra homes to our kids.