Okay, are you surprised it's ME? No, Connor did not magically age...thank God. But, I had to have my very first (mono y mono, solo, no group...just one on one) sex talk with a student I tutor. GULP! I was so not prepared for this.

Kids have a way of opening up to me and, yes, I'm grateful but in another sense...scared to death I will give them the wrong advice or say the wrong thing.

This kid told me that his good friend let him touch her "chest area" today while waiting for the bus after school...AT the school. He didn't know what to think of it and seemed a little confused with what happened. So, I told him it was ok to be curious about the physical side of women but I urged him to explore their personality instead and that he was just too young. He's having a hard enough time being sidetracked at school...he doesn't need this. I gave him my frog speech (I posted on another thread) and asked him questions about what happened. How it made him feel and he said "good" because it made him "cool with his friends" and I didn't know how to handle that one. I asked him, "She's ok with you telling people?" He said yes and I gave him a look like "I don't believe you". But...you never know these days. Me and my friends didn't talk about those things, nor was it "cool" to be groped...much less at school!

Ok, I need a drink...I thought I was prepared for this but I looked at Connor thinking...my gosh...in 12 years???? I think I'm gonna pass out just thinking about it!

PS- I told Scott the scenario and it's official...he is NOT giving Connor the sex talk. EVER.

By Cocoabutter on Monday, February 5, 2007 - 12:34 am:

I had an opportunity to speak to my son once a couple of years ago when this neighbor kid picked a Kohl's ad out of my recycle bin waiting by the curb for pickup the next day. The neighbor kid turned to the page where the models were wearing lingerie and was all google-eyed and giggling.

Ds told me about it, and while I explained to him that these women were not being sexual, that they were showing what someone could buy if they were to go to that store, I was also thinking forward to when he might encounter a woman either in a magazine, a movie, or in real life who wears these types of clothes and takes them off for pictures or in front of real men whom she does not know.

I talked to him about the respect that we should have for our own bodies, and also focused on how a woman should have respect for her body enough so that she keeps it to herself until she is married. That we should have admiration and respect for the beautiful purpose of women, that God created a woman's body to carry and bring forth new life. That sex and sexual contact is sacred, and was given to us by God for use only in marriage, for that one special person to whom one dedicates their whole entire life to, both body and soul, for the rest of one's life. (Pipe dream? Maybe. But I am trying to plant that seed.)

I also told him that for a woman who gets naked in front of a bunch of strangers, or in your student's case, a girl who wants to be known as "easy", makes that beauty commonplace, like it's not special at all and disrespects the beauty.

Sex needs to be discussed with kids, and the earlier the better given the way today's society is sexualized. Be matter of fact, because that's all kids want- the facts. For my ds, I framed sex and sexuality in terms of my Christian values.

I can't stress the importance of this enough.

By Kaye on Monday, February 5, 2007 - 08:01 am:

I can just day the best sex talk I could of ever had with my daughter revolved around my dad..LOL. He got engaged shortly after my stepmom died to a horrible woman out of lonliness and despair. With in 3 months they met, set a wedding date, he bought her a HUGE ring, sold both their cars, bought new ones together, etc, etc. Big decisions. Thankfully he kind of came to his senses and cancelled the wedding, but we spend the next week unsorting their lives, it cost him a lot of money (like the new car he had bought her). My daughter was so suprised about how quickly the breakup happened, etc. I took the opportunity to explain that part of the reason you wait to make big decisions is things can happen, including sex, you don't rush into something because you just never know. LOL. It did really impact her.

As far as sex, I speak pretty openly about it to my dd, when the subject comes up. We haven't ever had formal talk and we won't. But those little topics do come up a LOT. I just heard a rumor last week that one of her 7th grade classmates was pg. This girl was over heard saying, I am not sure if I am going to marry the dad or get one of those abortion thingies. At least my dd and I got to talk about that. Geesh!

By Latonya on Monday, February 5, 2007 - 08:46 pm:

I try to be as open and honest with my Dk's as I can be and depending on which kid it is. There is more I can talk to my 14 yr old DD with than my 10 or 8 yr old DS's. I don't hide anything from them. My DD has a friend that is 16 and she had twins last month. They were born 11 weeks early and pretty sick. She only went to the Dr once at the beginning of her pregnancy so she didn't know that she had an STD. I don't know how anyone can not know something is wrong down there but at that age maybe she did and was just afraid to tell anyone. Anyway she gave the boys up for adoption to a couple that live close and couldn't have kids of their own. Now my DD tells me that this girl has been with 4 guys since having the babies and the last was 34 yrs. old. OMG!!! WHAT?!?!?! I was blown away. I had my DD when I was 15 but I married her dad. I can't imagine what drives this girl. I have told my daughter that I don't want her hanging around with this girl anymore. One reason is the influence she may have on my DD and the other is that I don't want her to have a reputation like this girl and we all know that no matter what you do you end up being judged by the company you keep. So my DD daughter knows all the basics of sex and all the possible consequences. Her school had a class on sex and I know of a few parents that wouldn't let their kids take it and a few that did were angry about the pictures they showed the kids. They showed very graffic pics of STD's. Girls only seen pics of girls and boys only seen pics of boys and boys and girls did not take the class together. I wasn't upset at all. I want her to know the whole truth. I hope it keeps her from doing it and if she does to protect herself. I have always told her there are alot worse things that can happen other than getting pregnant. I was glad the school showed the pics. It made her understand I wasn't kidding. It is scary though. She is getting to that age where I know it could happen anytime and I pray for her to wait. I also pray that if she does she will be careful. Ok enough. I can not stand to think about her doing that stuff even if I know it is normal and natural. I still hate it that she is growing up so fast.

By Imamommyx4 on Monday, February 5, 2007 - 09:35 pm:

The first sex talk that I was involved in with the boys after dh and I were married came about 6 months into us all living together. Ds's were 5, 7,and 9. They spent a week at papa and granny's. Dh went to pick them up and I met them at the house by supper time. We were all sitting around the supper table and 5 yo ds says "We heard noise from papa and granny's room and peeked thru the keyhole (it's an old house with the big keyholes). One time we looked thru and papa was on granny. Next time granny was on papa. What were they doing?" I don't really remember what I said. Something about respecting other privacy and mumble, mumble, mumble while dh snickered. LOL All I could think was how I so don't want that image in my brain. I wanted to drink a bottle of wine to drown that image. Ugh!

I asked dh later why he didn't help me out. He said that he'd already stumbled thru the topic and just wondered what I'd say.

I had another lovely conversation with the older two a few years later. But that's a longer story.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, February 5, 2007 - 11:44 pm:

Yikes. I'm glad I've gotten one as far as 17, without so much as a kiss, let alone doing the deed. So many teens come through the clinic where I work, that are on birth control already. The 14yo still thinks boys are stupid, so they aren't really her concern.

By Marcia on Tuesday, February 6, 2007 - 12:07 pm:

OMG, Debbie, that's HILARIOUS!!!! I can just imagine needing that bottle of wine!! LOL