Lying...
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I don't even know where to start.. Yesterday I was sick and so was my oldest child. We had that stomach virus that is going around.
Today I woke my younger child up who told me that she felt like she was going to throw up and her head hurt really bad, so I figured that she had gotten it too.
I have a lot of work to do at work and DH doesn't go in until later so I went to work to get some stuff I could bring home to do for the rest of the day so I didn't get too far behind.
I got home about 1 min after DH left for work (I passed him about a block away from our house). To find my "horribly sick" child running around the house playing.
I told her sick children don't get to play they have to either read, color or sleep not run around and act silly. She then told me that she is not sick so she should be able to play. I told her that she lied about it and that she was going to have the same rules as a sick kid since she wasn't at school. She then told me that she didn't understand why lying about being sick was a problem at all because DH and her sibling lie to me all the time.
How do you respond to something like that? I am at a total loss right now. I have never allowed lying in my house and I don't lie, neither does DH. Anytime I have caught either of my children lying they have been punished for it.
How am I supposed to handle this? I need advice..
BTW...I am glad she isn't sick but I don't feel like I can take her to school at this point because I already called the school and told them she is sick.
Does your husband perhaps say things like, 'don't tell Mommy we jumped on the couch!' or 'don't tell Mommy we went to McDonald's for lunch!' when he is alone with them? Maybe that sort of thing is what she's talking about. Or does he tease and she is confused? As for her sister, I assume that HAS been an issue at some point??
How old is she? One punishment that would really drive home the point would be if she had to write an apology letter to your boss and to her teacher, saying that she lied about being sick and she is sorry you had to miss work and she is sorry she missed school and is causing her teacher to work harder to catch her up and possibly causing problems at your workplace. I wouldn't actually GIVE the letter to your boss, but I would give the teacher her letter. It's a lesson I doubt she'd ever forget....
How old is your DD? Has anyone ever called in sick to work when they really were off doing something else or something like that? Has her older sister done this, too?
In my house, if you're not sick, you go to school. I have sometimes let the kids stay home for other reasons, but they were up front with me about why they didn't want to go and still had to adhere to the rules of a sick day (no outside, no friends over, etc.) Imagine my one son's reply when he stayed home on a Friday because "he wasn't feeling well" and had to stay in all weekend!
I guess regardless of age, I would remind her of the story about the boy who cried wolf and then tell her that next time she complains about feeling sick, she better have a fever or a doctor's note else she goes to school (and I would keep to my word). No ifs, ands, or buts (I have done this with my own kids and it's worked.) To me it all comes down to trust and I have explained to my kids that if you lie to me once, I can't trust that you won't lie to me again and trust is something that is earned. It works well on all of my kids except one, but he is still a work in progress. 
My DH does tease but she always seems to get that, but does call it lying sometimes. As for her sister I have never really had any issues with her lying except trying to get the out of trouble or saying something wasn't her mess when it was (nothing major but she got punished for it anyway)
She is 10 but we are having some MAJOR responsibility issues lately. She doesn't want to take responsibility for anything not her own actions or even the responsibility of remembering to brush her teeth twice a day, it is like having a 4 year old again. I have to tell her exactly what to do and watch her to make sure she does it.
I know she wants more attention. I give her one on one attention for at least an hour every day and the rest of the time I have to divide with the rest of the family. I don't know what to do anymore.
I will talk to her about writing those letters, but things like that haven't really had any impact on her in the past. I think I will make her do it anyway. Hopefully it will help.
I wouldn't make her write any letters. You must explain that what she did was wrong and will make it harder to believe her the next time she really is not feeling well. Address the lying issue She obviously knew she was lying.
Make her adhere to the sick at home rules. She tried to pull one over on you; but you caught her. A couple of times when I let a "sick" child stay home, they feel much better when their friends get off the bus.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Uhhh, I stayed home one day from school, because I must have had some sort of stomach ache. I don't think I lied about it, though. When my mom saw me doing yoga, in the living room, along with the woman on the tv, she decided I wasn't sick and made me go to school, about halfway through the school day. She really wasn't too amused that I didn't act more sick. I was in middle school, so somewhere between 5th and 8th grade. I can't remember exactly when, anymore.
So, I think I would have packed her up and sent her to school and said we thought she was sick, but she really isn't.
Well since I am trying to do some work from home I am making her really regret that she isn't at school. She can only be where I can see her which means the living room where none of her toys are.
She can draw, read or sleep.
My biggest problem is that she is arguing with me that lying is a bad thing or that there is anything wrong with it. She has no remorse for me having to take off work and doesn't seem bothered by any of this at all.
As for the other kids getting out of school, since she doesn't have any friends that live close by or that she plays with after school is out. The biggest problem is going to be when her sister gets home from school and wants to play but that will be a while since she was not at school yesterday and will probably have a lot of homework.
How can I make her understand that she did something wrong?
I just noticed that I have been posting Anon.. didn't mean to.. sorry...
I think the letter writing might help her see the consequences of lying. At least she'd be listing the ways lying caused inconveniences for others. I'd also make a point of questioning things that she tells you, even if it is just to make the point that you can't trust her. I have one dd that is always completely honest and I make a point of mentioning how easy it is to trust her and how important that is. I have another dd that has a much more carefree attitude about honesty and will lie to get out of things or to not deal with the consequences of her actions. There have been a few times when she's had to miss out on something or lose privileges because I don't know if she's telling me the truth. Maybe give your dd a few chores around the house that you would have had time to do yourself, if you hadn't had to work from home today. {{{Hugs}}}
I would talk to DH too...tell him exactly what was said, and just ask, soo anything we need to talk about
On that, you need to have a united front. You all need to come up with a punishment. I can say for my children who really don't get the consequences of punishment often, the big thing in my house is to simply say. I am so angry with your choices and I can't make a decision alone about your punishment, what you have done is so bad that it will take dad and I together. And then we do. And then we tell them together.
For example my middle kid had a horrible report card, really bad for him. When I looked at it, I just said, this is bigger than just me, you will have to wait to hear what dad and I think together. So we decided he isn't allowed to use or participate in anything that uses batteries or electricity short of lights and dinner stuff. Until progress reports and we see that he can take his school seriously (he dropped 20 points in two subjects because of not turning in work and then not showing me all his grades!). It is only 2 days, but boy he is working hard...LOL. Also for us we get progress reports in 3 weeks, so it isn't too long.
My oldest ds had issues with lying for years. Drove us out of our minds. And nothing we did or said or any punishment ever seemed to have an effect. ONE time when I was particularly nuts with him, he asked to do something important to him (I don't remember exactly what it was--long time ago) and I said Yes. When it came time to do it and he was all ready to go, I said "oh, I lied. You're not getting to do that." It was a huge blow and he was furious at me for lying. I really did not let him do it. I let him fume over it and the next day we discussed it. He said that he didn't like being lied to. I wanted to say "DUH!" but I spoke more appropriately. His lying decreased dramatically after that. Not sure I would recommend that but it helped in our case.
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