My oldest dd (9yo) has her own room and it's constantly a mess. She doesn't have much in there, her bed, desk and a bean bag chair. She has a walk-in closet with five shelves and her dresser. She only keeps a few stuffed animals in her room, no other toys. She has books, art supplies, and clothes in there. I can't figure out how to help her keep it organized.

When she first settled in, I helped her decide where she wanted to put things and we have a pick-up time in her evening schedule. It just doesn't matter what we do. At any given time, I can walk into her room and find clothes, paper, pencils, shoes, pillows and CD's scattered all over the floor of her room and closet. We've removed all the "extras" so that she doesn't have the excuse of not knowing where to put something and I've even labeled all of her shelves, drawers and bins. I really think she's too old for that but I thought it might help. She just doesn't EVER put something away where it belongs when she's done with it or she needs this item to play with that item and then wants to pull out paper and markers to draw the whole set-up. I told her she wasn't doing anything this weekend until it was cleaned up and she spent seven hours in there on Saturday and another four on Sunday. It still wasn't organized but at least all the surfaces were cleared. It's already a mess again. My DH vacuumed the house today and the pile he cleared off the floor covered her bed and was two feet tall.

I don't think my standards are too high. I don't expect it to be perfectly organized but she loses homework (which I find in the dirty clothes basket) or breaks brand new colored pencils when she steps on them under her dirty clothes. I just don't know what to do to help her stay in control over her belongings anymore. I remember Melanie suggesting a book "The Well-Organized Child(?)" and I'll look for it at the library but I'm wondering if there are some strategies that I start using now.

By Tonya on Wednesday, October 25, 2006 - 08:38 am:

Take everything away from her except for her cloths. When she can learn to put the dirty and clean stuff where it belongs then you give her something else back and so on until she has it under control. By the sounds of it there is not allot of stuff to put away and it is clear where it all goes she is just being lazy about doing it.

Make her do homework at the kitchen table and put it in her bag when she is finished.

By Tink on Wednesday, October 25, 2006 - 10:12 am:

I've thought of doing that but that feels like such a punishment and I'm not sure that's going to teach her how to take care of her things. I think she's completely clueless on where to even start with organizing or cleaning up. If I come along behind her and say "Don't drop your backpack there. Put it where it belongs and put your shoes on their shelf.", she's agreeable and will even apologize for not doing that in the first place. She is just so mentally scattered that she doesn't follow through on what she knows she needs to do. She's always focused on what she wants to be doing next. At least that's my take on it. I could be wrong...I just don't want to punish her for not being organized. I feel like that's something that needs to be taught to her. I'm just not sure how to go about doing that.

By Bemerry84 on Wednesday, October 25, 2006 - 10:16 am:

This sounds so familiar. Could just be her age. I have an almost 9 year old DS whose room is a disaster. He can spend hours in there and not accomplish a thing because as he's cleaning up he's playing. For the time being I just don't care anymore as long as I have room to walk to his bed (so I can tuck him in at night and wake him up in the morning), the dirty clothes are picked up and his clean ones are in the dresser drawers. His room is small 9' x 10' and he has a bed, dresser, book shelf and a very small desk. He does his homework at a table in the living room where I can keep an eye on him and help him if needed. Personally I think they just get overwhelmed and don't know what to do. He does try. I remember my 15 year old DS's room being the same way at that age and now (and has been for awhile) it's immaculate, he can't stand clutter. Give her some time and just keep on her about organization and the ease of knowing where everything is. She'll be fine.

By Tarable on Wednesday, October 25, 2006 - 10:25 am:

My 9 almost 10 yr old DD has the same problem. The way I am trying to help her fix it is... I go in her room and sit on her bed and tell her okay start by picking up all your dirty clothes. When she finishes with that I have her pick up another kind of thing like all the paper, and so on. Now we are to a point where I don't sit there anymore I do whatever it is I am doing and I tell her from there to go put all her clothes in her dirty clothes basket and so on. My next step I am going to try is making a list and printing it out with check boxes, and see if she can follow that. I don't know if it will work but so far this has changed her room cleaning time from 16+ hrs to more like 2. But you have to remember she makes any excuse she can to take a break (in the 2 hrs she goes to the bathroom about 4 times..) I have actually take everything but my DDs bed and clothes out of her room before and it is still a disaster. I just limit what all she can have up there now and try to have her clean one thing up every day so it doesn't get too overwhelming.

Don't know if I am doing this a good way but thought I would share what I have been trying.

By Tripletmom on Wednesday, October 25, 2006 - 10:37 am:

Ditto above,I'm hoping its just a stage.My 7yr old DD is exactly the same way.I could have written your post.She has alot of stuff and sometimes I think she has too much.I had to make an art/craft room on the main level of the house for her.She's only allowed a couple of pencils in her roon and thats it. It bothered me to find pencils/crayons all mixed up in drawers.Everything in her room has a home but it just doesn't seem to find its way there unless mom/dad remind her or help her do it.She will clean up and put things away BUT she has to be told.Its very frustrating having to tell her the next step for everything.I find when she brings her homework its very disorganized and I'm sure her desk is a complete mess.She does excellent in grades but I'm sure she'd enjoy everything alot more if she was more organized.I'm at a loss on how to teach her.I find it more frustrating because I'm the complete oppostite of her when it comes to putting things away.I've just gotten in the habit of asking is this/that done ALL the time.I will have to check into the book mentioned above.I agree with not wanting to take everything away.I couldn't punish her for a trait I find frustrating.I think she has to taught it or hopefully she'll just want it to be nice one day.I'm hoping sooner than later.She's a nice and well behaved child but she just doesn't seem to care to have things put away and her room looking nice.

By Tink on Wednesday, October 25, 2006 - 04:30 pm:

Well, I'm glad to know we aren't the only ones dealing with this. I just wish there were some coping skills or strategies that other moms have used that I could try incorporating.

Tara, I've stayed in there with her and helped break it down into smaller tasks but the fact that it's a disaster in 24 hours is what has me more frustrated. I certainly don't keep my house clean 24/7 but I'm always trying to do a little on it and most of my cleaning is cleaning up after the dks and dh, not myself. I had "Don't put it down, put it away" drilled into me when I was very young and it's still a habit. The fact that she drops everything in the doorway of her room or just leaves things where they are when she's done with them is what is driving me batty. If she really wants to spend an entire weekend cleaning, that's her time and her choice.

By Tarable on Wednesday, October 25, 2006 - 04:41 pm:

Trust me I totally understand. My DD does the exact same thing. She is actually so bad that the other night she wanted to eat some pistacios while sitting in the floor watching a movie. So I gave her a bowl with them in it and another empty bowl to put the shells in and she decided to use the floor instead of the empty bowl to put the shells in. She drops everything where she is standing when finished with it. My mom would have killed me if I did that when I was a kid. Everything had a place and I was only allowed to have one thing out at a time. I wish I knew some way to help my DD better. Good luck.

By Melanie on Wednesday, October 25, 2006 - 05:42 pm:

Oh Tink, if you find the solution pass it on to me to help with my 9 year old son! He is just terrible! LOL.

The book I had recommended before was called "The Organized Student". It deals with organizational skills with regards to school work. However, the tip from that book that you may find useful is that it is most important that, whatever system is in place, is a system she creates, not you. Your brain works differently from hers. Work with her to experiment with different things that she finds useful, even it if isn't the method you would use.

Good luck!!

By Yjja123 on Wednesday, October 25, 2006 - 05:57 pm:

"A place for everything and everything in it's place" is our motto. I have lots of bins and organizational tools in my children's rooms. Everything is labeled. If you have that, and items are still not put away, I would take away some privileges. Once you are in the habit of putting things away, it will be easy to keep it that way. My house is far from spotless but I truly dislike clutter. I found it helps me (and the rest of the family) to make sure everything has a place to be put away. I love big baskets and trunks. For pens we use one of those carry-all cleaning bins. It is full of pens, markers, crayons. When not in use it goes on a shelf. When the kids want to draw they have a huge selection at their fingertips to use. The papers go in a 3 drawer bin that has construction paper, white paper, etc. I have a bookshelf with a curtain covering the "mess". This is where all these items are kept. The kids also keep any projects they are working on in a bin labeled with their name.

By Amecmom on Wednesday, October 25, 2006 - 10:48 pm:

As a very messy kid, and an adult that still finds it tough to keep things organized, I can offer only from my personal experience. You are already keeping things simple for her, which is great. Be consistent. Have her organize in little steps each day: before she leaves for school, before she does homework, before dinner, before bed ... this way the clean up is never overwhelming.
If she develops this pattern, she may just start to put things away as she uses them.
Another thing ... does she have a of time to put things away? So many of us (adults included) are so rushed, that we just put stuff in a convenient spot and move on to the next thing, thinking we'll put it away later.
Another thought. I know I have sensory integration issues. I discovered them only after trying to decipher the sometimes puzzling behavior of my son. One part is being disorganized -an almost inability to be organized. I am NOT saying this is the case, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
Be consistent, be loving, be supportive and when she's ready to take pride in her room, she'll astound you with her neatness.
Ame

By Tink on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 01:35 pm:

Our family has been much like your's, Yvonne, until this year with my dd. I think that's one of the reasons I'm having such a hard time dealing with this. It's not as if I've thrown something new at her and she doesn't know what my expectations are. I truly think that she's just so caught up in what she's going to do next that she just doesn't realize that she's leaving a disaster behind her everywhere she goes. If I point it out to her, she's more than willing to stop what she's doing and go back to clean up since it rarely takes more than a minute or two. The problem is that I can't and won't follow her around minute by minute telling her what to do each and every time she's ready to move on. She knows that her backpack belongs on the hook, her shoes on the shelf and her dirty socks in the hamper and that none of them belong in the middle of her floor. I really only go into her room at bedtime so I don't even realize what a mess it's become until she's already in bed and done for the night.

Ame, I think you nailed it with your idea that she "just puts stuff in a convenient spot and moves on to the next thing, thinking she'll put it away later". With her, it seems that by the time later comes, it's overwhelming to her and then it takes her hours to clean up 30 minutes worth of stuff. I will try to be better about reminding her periodically to clean up at regular intervals, it just feels like I'm always nagging at her then. I'm also going to try to help her come up with a solution that works for her, rather than giving her a solution that works for me. Thanks for the advice and the BTDT stories. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that it's also an age issue and she'll outgrow it.

By Breann on Friday, October 27, 2006 - 12:08 pm:

My room was ALWAYS a disaster growing up. I get so upset with my kids when their rooms are a mess. I just have to calm down and remember how I kept my room, even in highschool. I figure that in 20 years, it's really not going to matter if their room was kept clean. I'm a meticulous housekeeper now that I have my own house.

One little trick that helped me clean things up...my mom would have me pick up everything on the floor and put it on my bed. That way I couldn't get into bed without cleaning it off first. And, it made the room "look" clean, so it was easier to put things away. I wasn't tromping through a big mess to get to something. It was all nice and clean, except for the bed. That really helped me get moving.

By Tink on Friday, October 27, 2006 - 03:33 pm:

Breann, I like the idea of putting everything on her bed. My DH moved everything up there to vacuum one day this week and she had a much easier time putting things away. I'll have to look into that a little more. Thanks!