DD got off the bus and started crying.....
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She was holding her hand and started crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said the little girl next door bit her. I said "Oh, honey. Why did she bite you?" She said "She doesn't like me anymore." I looked down the hill and thought about walking right down to resolve it, but there was a car there and I didn't know if the Mom had a play date. Uggh. I hate to be a pain! So, I called and left a message and told her what DD said. ALso, after I mentioned calling her Mom she said "I bit myself! Really I did!" But when I said "So, she bit down hard, huh?" and DD said "yeah." I'm not sure what happened! Uggh! She did have a red mark on her hand.
Also, a side note: a little boy in her class is constantly saying rude things. DD comes home and tells me, but never cries about it. We just discuss things she can say back to him and that seems to be working. I've heard from other Mom's that he's not a nice boy. I would like her to resolve that one on her own for the time being.
How do you know when to call and when not to call?!
Sigh. Oh Eve, here's my advice....withdraw DD from school, sell your home, and the four of you need to move to a remote island where you will all be safe from hurtful people and where you can grow your own pesticide free food, be away from horrible influences, violence in the media, kidnapping, abuse, etc.
While I'm obviously not serious, I'm NOT being sarcastic....there are so many days I want to do just that...take my small family and hide from this world. It's so overwhelming and frightening raising children these days. Today it's a bite and a bully....tomorrow it's a school shooting. I just can't stand it. 
That hurts us mothers . Nothing to help you out though. There have been situations and I know exactly what I will do, but when it comes time, fear or doubt wins out and I just sit and do something so-so, but not what I thought I would do.
How do you know when to call and when not to call?!
That is the million dollar question!! I USUALLY try to let dd handle things on her own and give her tips etc on what to do (much like your doing with the little boy) However, physical things should never be left alone. If this little girl did bite her and nothing is done about it, she could see that as a green light to do it again. Are you friends with her mom? I would approach it as you are calling to see exactly what happened and to find out if she did indeed bite her and why. Ask if your dd did something to provoke it. Not that it makes it right, but the mom might be less defensive that way. I would just approach her as you are trying to get the whole story and get it resolved before it gets worse since you are neighbors and all. Good luck!
What about asking the bus driver if he/she has noticed anything? Or just calling the mom and telling her what happened. Maybe she can talk to her daughter and between the two of you, you can figure out what is going on?
Good luck and let us know what happens. ((HUGS))
Ok, I talked with the Mom and she said her DD said Syd was playing around and turning around to look behind her and the bus started moving and she accidentally got herself. DD keeps changing her story and can't keep in straight. I just can't figure why should would lie about it. I understand she could be embarrassed, but geesh! So, we've been talking about lying tonight and since I wasn't there, I don't know what to do. She doesn't seem upset anymore at least.
I think it's good that you talked to the mom. You know I am one to let me kids handle things on their own. However, she is five. She won't instinctively know how to handle these situations. It's up to you to talk to her and guide her, as you have done here. With the boy who is mean, say things like, "How sad for him that he treats people that way. He is missing out on having a good friends like you when he is like that." It let's her know it's not her issue, but his.
As to when to call, you have to assess what it is you will want to accomplish with a conversation. In this case, you were trying to get information about what really happened. Sounds like a pretty innocent situation and that the girls are both okay with each other.
Last week, I was working in Peyton's class. One of the little girls told me that Peyton isn't her friend because she is mean. Whoa! After school I talked to Peyton about it and she told me that the girl always wants to play with her but she is playing something else so she doesn't. So we talked about inviting her to play with them and what it means to be a friend. The next day she came home and proudly told me they played together. In that situation, I needed to know what was going on so I could help Peyton realize there was a better way than just telling the girl she wasn't going to play with her. I would have been very happy to talk to the mom about it if her daughter was upset. Luckily, the girl said something directly to me. Otherwise, I would not have known there was an issue.
We had a situation a couple years ago where a boy in Griffin's class was targeted to be left out. It happens to be the son of my dearest friend. Griffin and I had many conversations about how to help this boy out when kids told him he couldn't sit with them/play with them/etc. Once Griff started speaking up to his friends and telling them he could sit wherever he wanted, others started doing the same. The issue quickly resolved and hasn't happened again.
Letting kids handle there issues on their own isn't a completely hands-off approach. You are very much aware of and involved in these situations. But rather than marching in and solving the problems yourself, you are discussing options with your child on different ways they could choose to handle it. Each year, you will have to do less and less of it since they have had practice along the way learning what works and what doesn't. Don't be afraid of gathering information from other parents so you can guide Syd along with these kinds of things. You are doing the right thing.
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