Sometimes at bedtime (during the bedtime routine) I feel like I get a little short-tempered with Natalie and I feel badly afterwards. She has been sooo wound up before bed lately and getting her to slow down long enough for jammies, brushing teeth, potty, a book is a little exhausting. DH and I work together but on the days I'm really tired I feel like I'm short with her regardless. In my rational mind I know she's 2 and life is way too exciting to be getting ready for bed, but I'm just reacting to my own tiredness or whatever is on my mind that day. Do you ever feel like this? I don't want my personal emotions to affect how I respond to her. I know that's inevitable on some days/situations because we're all human, but I still feel badly when it happens.

Just feeling a little guilty I guess. DH gently pointed out to me tonight that I seemed short-tempered with her at bedtime. My intial thought was "You've been dealing with adults all day! Not going back and forth between enforcing rules and playing house and working through tantrums and finding bugs!!!" The other part of me knows that he is right, but it's easy to say on his part, you know? I just don't feel like running around anymore at 9pm and sometimes that comes through.

We have family in town and had a late visit with them tonight. I should know that it will take her a while to settle down, but apparently I'm only thinking of myself. Tell me I'm not alone...or at least lie!

By Trina~moderator on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 10:21 pm:

You're definitely not alone! I often feel like this when going through the bed time routine with our two kids. DH and I tag team them but it can still be a challenge, especially when they get each other going. Par for the course of family life! {{{HUGS}}}

By Nicki on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 10:34 pm:

Deanna, I have trouble in the evenings, too. Especially if I'm doing it solo. My patience is almost depleted some nights. Please don't feel bad! The fact that you are tells me you are a caring, loving mom, and you're human. Just think, take an eight hour work day and add overtime on a typical day at a job. I don't know about you, but those last few hours of overtime for me are far more taxing and challenging than the initial eight. And the job we are doing now requires many hours of living in a toddler's world. It can be wonderful and exhausting at the same time.

I know my dh has seen me less patient in the evenings. He doesn't usually say anything, but he comes and takes over if possible. So, don't feel alone. I've lost my patience and felt guilty, too. Especially when I look down at Lara's sweet face, sound asleep! Oh, I know the feeling! Hugs to you.

By Tink on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 10:49 pm:

Bedtime is the only time you do that??? I think you're doing REALLY well if that's your only short-tempered time! Mine tends to be at dinnertime and by bedtime, I'm doing well again but I certainly can't say that I get short-tempered only at 5pm. Bedtime can be really hard since we as parents have a game plan that is basically the exact opposite of they want to do. If my dh (or my mother...or my sister...or my FIL lol) point out an area I can use some improvement on, I try to get past my own pride ( and, ooh boy, do I have to really get past that!) and keep it on my mind in that situation. Don't beat yourself up over it. We've ALL BTDT.

By Dawnk777 on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 11:48 pm:

Been there, done that! Gary worked a month of days, followed by a month of pms (second shift!). So, a lot of times, I was putting 2 to bed by myself! Yes, I would be crabby some nights! I just wanted time to myself!

By Emily7 on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 12:55 am:

More often than not I am putting both kids to bed by myself, in fact my dh is leaving for 3 weeks soon, so it will be all me. I do find myself getting a little short sometimes, I am sure all parents do it.

By Reds9298 on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 07:50 am:

Thank you ladies.

Tink-regarding my pride...you're so right! I was TRYING to overcome my pride when we talked about his, but didn't accomplish that.

Throughout the day it seems like I'm as patient as Job. Maybe it's the years of teaching K where patience is absolutely required or you would go insane. But I think, like Nicki said, it's the "overtime" that gets me sometimes. When I taught, I loved it but was so ready to go home when my work was done.

I told my DH - the problem with being a stay-at-home parent is that there's no OSHA! No one here the majority of the day to make sure you get your "legal" breaks. LOL

Ditto Dawn-At bedtime I'm so anxious for my down time.
Thank you girls!

By Fraggle on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 09:38 am:

I was wondering if it was just me, too. Bedtime always seems to be my breaking point during the day and usually I have to handle it myself.

By Tripletmom on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 02:15 pm:

Bedtime was my breaking point also.Just the not listening and finding many ways of not wanting to go to bed.I will NOT have as many bedtime rituals with the boys as I did with Katie.Her rituals were so time consuming that it seemed going to bed took forever.Once the boys are in beds (not for a long time)I will go through it all again.I use to feel guily when Katie was asleep and she'd look so angelic and I'd feel bad that I had lost my patience with her.You're only human.((HUGS))

By Amecmom on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 02:56 pm:

Chiming in late here ...
I am the perfect mother - I never become short tempered - and I'm a great lier, too.

Bed time and getting the kids up and out in the morning in time for school are the two times of day I find myself really short tempered.

And yes, it does spill over in how I interact with the kids. I found that if I take ten minutes to relax with a small glass of wine, or a cup of tea and an activity I enjoy before I start the bedtime routine, I do it in a more relaxed state and a better frame of mind.

Hugs!
Ame

By Mrsheidi on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 03:22 pm:

I'm reading this, crying...it's so overwhelming since Scott has been gone now over 131 days, and over 220 days since January.

I get 2 hours during the week where I can leave the house by myself and it's still not enough.
I get SO tired and exhausted and trying to explain something to a 2 year old is so difficult. Especially one who has comprehension issues and can't talk and express himself.

I cried today because Scott kept trying to IM me and here is Connor, not going down for his usual 1pm nap. Scott had to take a phone call so I went to the bathroom. Connor followed me (like usual) and then wanted to flush the toilet over and over and over...and I just wanted to talk with my husband after a week of not hearing from him. (He's been on a week long mission.) I got SO short with Connor and said "Just ONCE...we flush the toilet JUST ONCE!" and I had to drag him out of there so my bathroom wouldn't flood and I could shut the door. So, he's kicking and screaming and I just wanted to IM my husband!

I came back to the screen and apparently he had to go and deal with a Colonel while I was in the bathroom and I couldn't even say goodbye...I heard the IM "door shut" sound as I approached the computer. I CRIED SO HARD...and it was so difficult not to be mad. Poor Connor, he looked so confused!!!
Thanks for posting this Deanna!! Some days I feel SO lonely and this comforted me...knowing I'm not the only one lately!!!

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 05:24 pm:

{{{{HUGS}}} to Heidi!

By Tink on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 06:18 pm:

Last night (while putting the dks to bed by myself again), I got to feeling so sorry for myself. My dh works evenings so I have them 100% of the time from after school until I get them into bed and I read about many of you "tag-teaming" during bedtime and started thinking about how nice that would be. Now I'm just thinking how selfish am I to want DH home to make my life easier, not even thinking about how blessed I am to know he's just a few minutes away and that he'll be home each night. I'm so so sorry that you're having to do all of it, all the time by yourself. If only there was something I could do to help... {{{Heidi}}}

By Nicki on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 07:52 pm:

Oh Heidi, love and hugs to you. You are never alone. Sometimes I think all of us moms are a bit cautious to admit we're human and make mistakes. I know I am very much this way. Yet, people like Deanna posts honest feelings, and we can sigh and say, "Me, too". Thanks, Deanna, and Heidi, we are here for you in a heart beat. Like Tink, I wish I could do something to help you. Hugs to you, friend.

By Reds9298 on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 09:39 pm:

Heidi - I'm so sorry! Now I think I'm feeling sorry for myself! I can't imagine how hard everything must be for you during this time away from your DH. I honestly can't even begin to imagine what I would do all alone. You're doing a great job. Just remember that this is temporary and before you know it this tough time alone will be a memory.{{{hugs}}}