I am just wondering, do any of you have a little ones that find large gatherings of children and/or adults a bit intimidating? I am asking because my daughter Lara is one of those "slow to warm up" children when faced with new situations. I worry a bit, but figure she may be a lot like me, in that I am very much the same. An example. We went to a family gathering this weekend. Her two little cousins, who she is crazy about, were celebrating their birthdays (twins). When we arrived, Lara went into their large playroom where several little girls were happily playing. These children all attend preschool together, so they knew one another. Lara ventured out, but came to me shortly and said she needed to use the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, she hugged me tight and the tears came. She said "Mom, I'm feeling shy." I talked to her for awhile and assured her I was feeling much the same, and I imagined daddy was, too. I told her we would take our time, go out to the pool if she wished, and after awhile we may all feel better. Sure enough, about an hour later, she was eager to go back inside and try again.

I find that Lara is troubled and nervous in large groups. She does so much better one to one. Lots of noise upsets her, as well. She will cover her ears and ask to go to a quiet place. She is going to be four. She isn't in preschool, so her exposure to groups of children is limited. She does better outdoors, and plays well with the children at the park.

Should I be worried? I am thinking I need to help her in social situations to feel better. Perhaps at the party, I should have taken her over to the other girls and helped her join in. I'm not really sure. Part of the problem is I was nervous, and she reads me like a book! I want her to feel comfortable, but I also want her to know it's okay to feel as she does. The good news is, after we all relaxed, Lara had a wonderful time. We stayed on until some of the children left, and Lara had a great time with her cousins.

Thank you for any input. I am a worrier, and just want to be sure I am doing okay with her.
Thanks!

By Tink on Monday, August 21, 2006 - 04:29 pm:

My oldest (she's 9yo now) was much like this and still is to some extent. I can't tell you how many birthday parties she's been to where she spent most of the time playing with another shy guest in a quiet bedroom. I know you're planning to homeschool but starting school is what changed things for Samantha. I used to get so frustrated that she wouldn't respond to adults (like waitresses and store clerks) that asked her questions or complimented her but she's gotten past that for the most part. My dh and I are both very soft-spoken and semi-introverts so I know exactly where she gets it from.

I think there are several ways to react to a situation like her cousins' birthday party and the way you handled it was fine. I would have been more likely to push my dd to join in but, if Lara ended up playing later, it really doesn't matter how it was accomplished! Just go with what you feel comfortable with, maybe join a dance class or take her to the park often so that she's exposed to those types of situations as often as possible and relax. Most kids grow out of it at some point.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, August 21, 2006 - 08:55 pm:

Emily used to be more like that, when she was younger. It has gotten better, since she's gotten older. About in 4th grade, she didn't get upset on the first day of school. She has now been to a week-long horse camp 2 years in a row, and has done fine, but I remember having to go pick her up from a birthday party once, where she didn't feel comfortable.

By Amecmom on Tuesday, August 22, 2006 - 03:27 pm:

It sounds like you are already doing a great job of helping her cope! You gave her the time and encouragement she needed to feel comfortable enough to play.

No need to be worried. Just keep doing what you are doing.

Ame

By Nicki on Wednesday, August 23, 2006 - 01:50 pm:

Thank you for your thoughts, Tink, Dawn and Ame. I'm glad to hear Emily out grew her shyness. And, Tink, glad school helped Samantha. I wonder if it would do the same for Lara. My dh and I haven't decided to home school or not, rather we are still researching. It's good to get feedback. Ame thanks for the words of encouragement! I have always struggled with shyness, so I guess I want to spare Lara some of what I went through in social situations. Yet, I imagine she has inherited some of her personality from dh and I. Poor kiddo! :-|

Thanks everyone.

By Mrsheidi on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 02:19 pm:

Hi Nicki,
I read this post but haven't had time to respond.
Connor is the same way. I had to go back twice to the County Fair just so he wasn't so afraid the second time so I could just get some calm pictures.

For his music class, the first 2 sessions he wouldn't even step foot in the room. His first 4 swimming lessons, he screamed the ENTIRE 45 minutes.

So, to remedy this, I've tried a few things....
For the parties and music classes, I take him in 15 minutes before anyone else is there.
I also expose him to the same "loud" things over and over.
I also video him in class or, like the county fair, so he can see it at home and he's more familiar with the idea of a crowd.
Hope this helps...sorry, I gtg...connor calling

By Nicki on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 10:14 am:

Thank you, Heidi! I can relate to the problem with the fair. We skipped it this year. She's not so much afraid, but acts out because of the over stimulation. Okay, it is a bit much for me as well! We're fine if we stay with the horses, pigs and goats, lol. But the rest of it sends her over the top.

Those are really good suggestions! I hadn't thought about the video. Good thinking.
Thank you, and hugs to you and Connor.