8yr old will not listen
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I swear I wonder if he enjoys getting in trouble or if he just doesn't care anymore. I have to repeat things to him 5-6x and by then am beyond angry at him. He is being told something he needs to do and takes off running to do it before even hearing what he is suppose to be doing. Or he will totally ignore what he was told and just not do it. He will be told it is bed time and argue but this andf but that. Or if he gets in trouble he will just keep talking back and when he is told to stop it is like he has to get that last word in so he will attempt to keep talking. I want to scream.
His party for his B-day was yesterday and the thought of listening to me was beyond him. I told him to help me take some stuff out of the car and his reaction was I don't want to and started to walk away. I got angry and went to yell well as soon as he saw his dad walking over he went to do it. DH asked what was wrong with me and I told him so he told DH I was going she heard me wrong.
Why are they scared of DH but not of me?
DH was making popcorn last night DS says the table is not turning DH told him fine just leave it so DS repeated himself DH again said it is fine leave it so then DS proceeds to open the microwave door. Not caring to listen.
Or we are in the kitchen a few nights ago DD is trying to decide what type of popsicle she wants we tell DS hang on let us get her out of here with hers and we will get you yours DH is squated down in front of the freezer door giving DD options and DS is told again just a minute we will get yours. 2 seconds later DS trys to squeeze in and get his own.
He just won't listen. And then when he gets in trouble (generally sent to his room to sit on his bed for punishment) he crys uncontrollably and just keps saying I didn't do anything. I try to talk to him and he tells me I am wrong that he was fine in what he did he didn't do anything wrong.
Now DD everytime she gets in trouble it is I didn't do nothin. I am so tired of hearing this I could scream.
Help ladies what can I do? I was in tears yesterday because I was so angry I am tired of yelling at him and punishing him and it gets us nowhere.
Hold on tight Tonya you have at least another year to go. My younger DS will be 9 in four months and it's been one heck of a year. Same situations, has to have the last word, will not listen, does what he wants, thinks he knows everything, and so on. (maybe it's our area, we live in Flat Rock) I'm assuming this is a stage but I don't remember my 15 year old DS doing it as much but I had a two year old at that time. Personally I think it is a transition from little boy to big boy and testing to see what they can get away with. Sometimes I let him think he's won the battle but he really hasn't. Good Luck!!!
We just went through this about 5mths ago.They always seem to think the world revolves around them at this age.We had to make sure we followed through with everything we said.She was grounded from a few things,for being disrespectful.I always pick the things she cherishes the most.It does get better but I think as they get more independent a fine tuning is always in order.((HUGS))
OH DOES THAT SOUND LIKE DD!!!!! I am at Wits End. I know you know the place. I just wish I had the map to get out!
Even my family and friends are asking "what happed to A? She used to be so nice."
She has decided she doesn't like any of her very close friends. I understand they are growing and changing from each other, but oh my, EVERY friend is not right now?
The not following directions and doing what you say not to do (5X) and still DOING IT!???!!! AGHHHHHHHH.
I have spent many times talking at her level explaining "You are the CHILD, we are the ADULTS. We are NOT the same. You DO NOT have the same rights as an adult. You may not speak your mind, run wild or jump and scream during an adult conversation. You may not talk back to me...." the list just goes on. I feel like a terrible person for not allowing all this stuff from my daughter, but then I look, and you know, she's not an adult. She is unable to discern right from wrong and appropriate from inappropriate, so no, she can't have the same prevliges.
I have spent much time explaining to her that I understand things seem to not make sense to her. She is expected to act grown up, and yet remain a child. I told her she is inbetween being given these extra boundries and wanting to act like a four year old. Hopefully, it will sink in and I will see changes in her.
Many conversations (I use that term loosely) end in "this is not up for discussion. I said XXX and you WILL do it." Often I then have to sit there and watch her against her choice just so I can make sure the task/chore it completed properly.
I have made a chore chart. It worked the first week and now I'm lucky to see any of it used on a regular basis. We still push the need each and every day, but oh what a struggle.
Well, I could go on and on. I'm just glad to see another 8 yr old doing all the same things taht I just can't figure out.
I sure hope and pray that she does not act like this at other family homes.
It's not just hte 8 yr olds. My 7 yr old and my 5 yr old are doing everything you just described. I felt so mean when i got down to their level, looked at them and said "i am not your friend, or your buddy, i am your mom. That means that I am the boss, you must listen to me and do what i say. End of discussion" But i had to do it.
They think they can back talk to me! huh, i don't think so. Ds is the worst. I tell him to be quiet and he says "NO! You be quiet!" I am dreading the teenaged years!
Good lord, dd is 11 and most days, I could have written most of this post!! Does it ever get better?????
Last night was the final straw I have said he is too old to spank well last night he got it from me. (Not up for debate) I was on the couch and Rich was folding blankets and had them piled on me so you could not see me. I yelled for Jade to come find me and Timmy came running down the hall and jumped right on the pile of blankets (that I was under) needless to say it hurt pretty bad. I jumped up and scared the he!! out of him he didn't know I was under there and Rich had left the room so he thought he could jump on the furniture without being caught. Well I caught him totally off guard and the bruise on my left boob is proof. I grabed him by his arm and got him 3x on his butt and since he was only in underware I know it hurt. I told him he was grounded and go to bed. He said but I didn't know you were under there. I asked him if he was allowed to jump on the couch and he said no so I told him weather I was under there or not doesn't matter. We just told you 30 minutes ago stay off the furniture until you can respect it.
He went off crying and talking under his breath how no one likes him and how he wishes he could move out and let me tell you it was a great end to the evening.
So he went to bed crying then I sat and cried with Jade telling me it is OK mommy you be OK.
And Rich telling me not feel bad he had it coming. he listens to Rich (most of the time) but not me. He will push every button I own 2-3x's before he stops for a while.
I thought you ladies would make me feel better and tell me it will pass but thanks Vicki 11 and still going doesn't give me much hope.
Tonya, a thought occurs to me, that he *might* be doing some of this for attention. When young kids are trying to get your attention, they will do whatever it takes, even if it is *bad* attention. Just a thought............ and I am NOT saying you don't give him attention, so please, please don't take offense.
You said something above about him being scared of Rich but not you. The thing is, you don't want your kids to be afraid of either of you, but to respect you, and your rules. I think you need specific rules in place and specific consequences for breaking them.
Also, I'm sure he senses your anxiety over planning your wedding, and you've been feeling bad lately with these headaches, and he is probably feeding off of all that. And most kids react to those type things by doing things they shouldn't. Don't ask me why, it's one of life's mysteries. LOL
You are stressed, he is misbehaving, his pushing your buttons pushes you to the point of yelling at him and becoming angry, in return, *he* is angry for being punished... you're in a viscious cycle here, and you need to break it. I think you and Rich need to agree on your rules and agree on the consequences of breaking them, and then tell DS exactly what those will be and follow through - consistently. When he breaks them, try not to raise your voice, and don't give him 6 chances to follow the rules, but very firmly (and consistently!) enforce your consequences.
And on the other side of this, make sure you give him praise for the things he does RIGHT. Positive reinforcement does so much more for a child. And I know you are working and I know how hectic it is to work full time and raise young kids and get them to their extracurricular activities and take care of the house, meals, laundry, etc. Your time and patience is stretched to the limit. But try to pick your battles, try to see and acknowledge the *good* behavior, the good things he's doing and reassure him, and you may notice a difference in the *bad* behavior.
Believe me, I am in NO way judging or criticizing. I have BTDT, made the mistakes and have the Tshirts to prove it. Those are just my thoughts.
Good luck, I can feel how frustrated you are.
Thanks Karen I don't take it as criticizing trust me. I come to you ladies for a reason.
I don't mean scared of Rich so much as I mean he knows that dad means business. He has bee nsat down lately many times and given the rules and the consequences of actions. He has lost many things due to punishments and he gets praised for good deeds. Praised for remembering the chore chart and doing those things.
He gets alone attention from both of us so he is not lacking there.
I am not stressed about the wedding I am having a blast with that.
I know that we have issues to work on he just seems to want to push these buttons with me and it drives me crazy.
I am going to work on a rule-consequences-chore-reward chart today at work and take it home for Rich to look over and add to or revise with me and then in the next couple of days it will be posted at home.
Something has to work.
Sorry Tonya, I didn't mean to make it sound like it will never get better. Dd has her days where she can act very much like you talk about in your post, BUT it isn't every day!! Actually, it doesn't happen near as much as it used to, but she had her days let me tell ya!! It will get better I promise!!
You have to get all "nanny" on him! Get down to his level, give him a warning, send him to a naughthy spot, if doesn't do it, etc. You have to try to stay calm, though. (I know it's hard, when you are steaming inside.) That is just going to make it escalate.
(or is 8 too big for a naughty spot?)
I know Emily keeps freaking out lately, because she is anxious about starting high school this year!
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