4 Year Old Urinating in His Room
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: 4 Year Old Urinating in His Room
Hi! I'm relatively new to the site. I've gotten so much motivation and advice from all your posts. I'm now in desperate need of help.
In April we moved to a different state, leaving family and close friends. For the past two months I've noticed an odor coming from my middle DS's bedroom. Two weeks ago my husband discovered that our DS urinated on the floor of his room during his nap. He didn't have an accident, his pants and underwear were dry and he never even mentioned that it had happened. We confronted him and thought everything was "fixed". Needless to say we were upset and also concerned. Since then I've steamed the carpet several times (the smell never seemed to go away) and have tried to spend more one on one time with DS. Tonight I discovered that he has been using the heat vent on the floor everyday he "naps" to go to the bathroom. When confronted he said that he used to go on the floor all over his room, but now uses the heat vent. He was not sure why he did it, but knew it was not the right place to go. My oldest DS informed me that he also used the baby's heat vent once. How should we handle this? Could it be a result of the upheaval in his life and the move or a cry for attention? Or can he just behaving fun urinating in the heat vent? Please help!
As for the odor, check the products that are specificallly meant to remove urine odors - try the pet store, or the area in your supermarket or drugstore that sells incontinence products.
As for your son, I am guessing he is under 5. Why he is doing it I don't know, and it may be that the moving has something to do with it. But, your other issue is that you want him to stop. Is he old enough that you can make him help clean it up? (I know, it's the heat vent and it won't be easy, but he could still spend 15-20 minutes wiping at the insides of the heat vent with a wet sponge.) Can you make sure he urinates thoroughly before he starts his nap, and maybe no liquids allowed for an hour before nap "because you are peeing in your room instead of in the bathroom and I want to be sure that you don't have any liquid so you don't have to pee". Is he getting out of bed at night and doing it then also? Do you think he is not waking up thoroughly and doesn't know what he is doing until after he's done, or is he doing it deliberately?
I do know you're going to have to do something to get the heat vent cleaned out - all the way down, before heating season starts. Ugh! Maybe steam-cleaning??? I haven't the foggiest idea what would have to be done. I would sure put something solid under the vent cap for the time being - take it off and put oilcloth or something similar under it, with a long enough flap to come down to the floor and run out a bit.
It's been so long since I've had to think about things like this - my youngest is almost 39. I'm sure there are other moms who've had to cope with things like this who can be more helpful.
And, by the way, welcome to Momsview, Jen. I'm glad you've gotten some help from other members' posts, and sure hope someone can help you on this one.
This stuff worked for getting the urine odor out of our carpeting, when our dog had accidents.
Planet Urine
Well, interesting. This is more than likely behavioral and not physcial. BUT having the urge to go rather quickly could cause him to make the wrong decision.
I think I would address it with him very matter of factly, it is NOT okay to pee anywhere but the potty. It ruins the carpet, it makes the house smell, etc. You are a big boy and I expect you to act like you are, or ..... And then come up with what, if he is going to be a baby, does he maybe need to wear diapers for naptime? Are there other big boy privlidges that he could lose? I would also work on a positive system too. Like each day from nap that he doesn't pee on the floor he can have a sticker, work for a daily reward, like candy, and then a weekly reward, etc. Research shows 21 times make a habit, so you want to keep up rewards for about a month of successes.
You really just have to know the personality of your kid. What type of reward system will work best. One of my kid could really care less about sticker charts, but really thinks it is important to please me, so just saying how dissappointed I am, often does the trick.
I think him cleaning it up is important, just like any other mess he makes.
Also depending on the kid, I might mention that if he can't control this that a doctor visit might be in order to figure out why he can't. And in all seriousness, if you can't get him to stop within a pretty soon time, then I would take him to the doc.
Good luck and welcome.
Hi Jennifer. 
On another site a woman was having a problem with this, but without the same variables. She solved it by putting a potty chair in her son's bedroom. Maybe his own potty in his bedroom will be 'cool' enough for him to stop using the vent or the floor.
My guess, though, is that he's deliberately being naughty and might not want to be good by using the potty you provide. Does he wear diapers at nap time? Does he do this at bedtime? Have you decorated his room and fixed it all up yet so that it's like his old room in his old house? Maybe having it all done up the way he likes will make him proud of it and want to keep it clean and nice.
What about when you had all your company come at various times? How was he then? Did the problem come or go at any of those times? Any changes in his relationship with his big brother or little brother? Better or worse? Is big brother attempting to follow suit??
Thank you all for your help! He helped me clean the carpet and the vent this morning, but he didn't seem to care. He was in tears last night when I confronted him with it- I was calm and collective and didn't show any emotion. He knows what he did was wrong.
He does have some sensory integration issues which have been worse the past few weeks(diagnosed by me reading the out of sync child- we have an appointment to pursue getting him tested next week).
He wears pull-ups to bed but not at nap time. I'm tempted to put him in a diaper during his naps, but he can take it off if he really wants to. It's worth a try as well as the potty in his room. He doesn't really sleep during his nap, just plays quietly most of the time. Part of me thinks that I should forgo his "quiet" time and put him to bed earlier. I know he's jealous of his older brother not napping, but then am I sending him the signal that he can get what he wants if he pees in the house?
He keeps talking about wanting to move back to his old room and our old house. But, when asked how he'd like his new room decorated he's unclear. I'd be happy to spend a weekend painting and decorating it like his old room if that would help.
He seemed to love having company, but has a rough time adjusting when they're gone. His older brother is being very bossy to him lately, but his little brother has been a great play mate.
Any more thoughts?
He's *probably* not doing it for attention since it appears from your odor comments that he had been doing it for quite some time before you all even knew about it.
He might have some idea for whatever reason that he can't leave his room during naptime (kids come up with crazy ideas sometimes and you have no idea where they came from) or it could be that he's tired and not fully awake when he's doing it or he doesn't notice the need until it's nearly too late, as someone else mentioned. Either way, the potty in his room idea would solve that problem.
I agree with the rewarding him for not going in inappropriate places, except that unless you have a way to watch him, I don't know how you're going to know for sure.
I would recommend covering the vent for right now while you work through this too, if you have a way to do so. Perhaps his dresser or something could be moved to cover it for the time being?
I doubt sensory integration issues are at the root of this, although there could be some link we're not picking up on, but if that has increased recently, that does indicate he's probably stressed so this could be a purely emotional response.
If you really think he's ready to give up naptime and are considering that, and that's something he really wants, you could possibly even use that as his incentive. That way he doesn't get the idea that misbehavior will get him what he wants -- it instead could serve as a reward for NOT peeing on the floor for two weeks or a month or however long you think appropriate. If you just get rid of naptime to solve the problem, you not only risk your concern above about rewarding misbehavior, but since the behavior itself was never addressed, you risk a repeat of the problem when he gets to the point that he no longer wears pullups at bedtime...
Personally I'd do all of the suggestions. I'd put the potty in his room, cover the vent, and set up a reward chart for not peeing in inappropriate places. If the vent is covered, you could possibly tell if he did or he didn't by feeling the carpet all over the floor to make sure it isn't wet anywhere.
Good luck...
Please seek professional help. I had a neighbor whose son did this (in his closet and vents) along with pooping his pants until they moved when he was 11 years old. This child had severe emotional problems (was very very bright academically) and the parents refused to see it even though everyone else did and verbalized their concerns. The parents ended up divorcing and the mom and new husband took the daughter with them to another state and dumped the son with his father and new wife. I often think of him and if he was able to overcome this. Please check with your pediatrician for reference. Best of luck and good wishes for you and our son.
http://209.51.172.19/forums/ChildBehavior/messages/33254.html
http://www.healthboards.com/boards/archive/index.php/t-75310.html
Thank you all for your advice. Kate- those links were great! I'm in the process of finding the potty (we misplaced it in the move). I've covered his vents with furniture and started the reward chart. He's already motivated for his rewards. I know it's going to be a long term issue, especially since it's been going on for some time now. I have an appointment with our pediatrician Monday morning. Thanks so much!
I didn't read all of the posts, but I would think this could also be his way of gaining some control. (Maybe he's also being a little passive aggresssive) I know with DD, if I don't let her think she is having some control over things, she misbehaves more than normal. So, I've been trying to go back to offering lots and lots of choices and it's helping. Good luck! I know this can't be easy. ((HUG))
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