Not wanting to go to bed!
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For the last month probably, Natalie has gotten progressively worse about not wanting to go to bed, whether it's nap or nighttime. Once she hears the word "night-night", she first gets totally silly (which is hysterical). Then she winds down a bit, has a cup of milk, snuggles with us. Once we start heading for the bed, she starts coming up with everything she can think of to NOT go to bed..."pee-pee on potty"(she's already gone and even when we give in and try she never goes again); "I want a raisin", "I want Daddy to sing Sunshine" (after already in bed); "My feet!"(out of her blanket)...the list goes on. She's very sweet about all of that. We're not doing ANY of that, we try to kiss her quickly, whisper love, then leave. As soon as the door closes, she starts screaming! It seems that the screaming is getting longer ever night. Only once or twice have we gone in to her, and when we have it's just starting the cycle all over again. She's crying herself to sleep every nap and every bedtime for heaven's sake!
Once she's asleep, she sleeps all night as usual. We have wind down time, the same routine EVERY night for ages. We also moved nap times a bit earlier and bed time a tad later (at different times) IN CASE she's changed and really wasn't tired at 8:00. Now it's news if she gets to sleep before 9:00 from all the crying.
Anyone else experience this? I think she just simply wants to be up. We're letting her CIO but it doesn't seem to be changing but the crying is getting longer. Any suggestions or just "it's normal"? TIA
Alright, you've scared me...every time Natalie is going through something, Connor isn't too far behind.
Although, he did this for a bit too.
Maybe have her spray a water bottle that has "Princess Sleep Dust" in it that lets her fall asleep peacefully?
I usually let Connor choose if he wants to turn the light off or mommy. This usually makes him believe that naptime or sleepy time is under his control. I would pick something that you wouldn't care about and let her choose what she wants to do when she falls asleep. I also let Connor pick which blankeee he wants. They are both the same so I could care less.
I'd be interested to see what everyone else thinks though...I haven't been through it like you have (yet).
We went through it with Katie also.I put a nice basket with books in it on the bottom of her bed.We started this when she went to her big bed though.We would read a book together and then we would make up a story together.When my DH and I were done with her bedtime rituals ,then she was allowed to chose a book for herself.We didn't mind if she wasn't tired but she had to stay on her bed with her books.Most times when we went back in she was already sleeping with a book on her face.Still today we give her 1/2-1hr of wind downtime with books on her bed only.This is also the stage where she needs to learn that she is the child and that you set the rules and that she doesn't have the same privleges as Mommy and Daddy.((HUGS))We are still teaching Katie that once she gets older she gets more privleges.
JMHO...
Deanna, I don't think that she's confused about her position in the family as I think you have set rules for her and I know you guys are consistent. I just think it's hard to know how to impose the rules that you have without causing a major blowout. That's our issue around here too...in general.
We have just put her big girl bed in her room, although she hasn't slept on it yet. I think when she *is* sleeping on it at night (which is hopefully in the next couple of weeks), if this is still going on then, that it will be an even worse nightmare.
Sherri- Natalie has about 7 stuffed animals in her cirb, of her choosing. Prior to this "stage", she has always been very independent and happy playing by herself at bedtime. She's always been one to sing herself to sleep, or just talk herself to sleep. I don't mind if she plays for 2 hours in her crib or sings for 2 hours, but she is screaming for roughly 40 minutes each night. She *doesn't* have any books in her crib though...only stuffed animals. That might be an idea, but she wouldn't be able to see them anyway because it's too dim in there.
If this is happening at night in the big girl bed, it will be worse on us because she will probably be banging on the door crying and THAT will be hard.
Heidi- This one has been kind of a long "phase". It seems that our daily tantrum was short-lived. It seems to have abruptly ended just a week or more ago and now we're only hearing a "fit" at sleeptimes. She does choose her blanket, her animals, and the songs she wants us to sing. She also chooses the "sleeping music" for bedtime. I think she just likes what's going on in the house more, but little does she know that there's nothing going on! LOL
AND, your princess dust idea is just TOO CUTE, so we're going to have to do that sometime if it doesn't work now!
Maybe we will go back to spending some time talking about whose going to sleep right now before bedtime. We used to do that (a long time ago). We talk quietly about our day usually and the important things we did. She gets plenty of love and snuggling at the end of the day, but she can make you feel like you're mistreating her when she's not picked up again, little stinker. This has been our least productive CIO phase ever. We did it when she was small and it lasted 3 days. Here and there since then when we felt it was necessary, and we've never been ones to run in at the slightest whimper, so she already knows that, you know?
I feel for you.We went through that with Katie when she went to her big girl bed.We added the books to her bed and actually took her door off and put up a gate.Its hard when they fall asleep behind the door crying and you can't get in.Katie had a light on behind her to read her books.Most times she fell asleep with it on and we just turned it off later.If she wouldn't stay on her bed we turned her light off early and told her nite,nite.She finally learned that if she stayed on her bed she got to read books.Usually within the 1st couple of pages she was already sleeping.
We usually tucked her in earlier b/c by the time we were done with everything she'd be sleeping by her bedtime.It is another stage and it does get better.
My kids did that when they outgrew their naps. Maybe just try one day skipping nap and making bedtime very early.
Oh gosh...I can't imagine her outgrowing a nap. She is so tired at both nap and bedtime but she just won't give in. She sleeps at least 2 hrs. during the day, and often 2 1/2, and 10-11 at night. Right before this crying phase started, she was trying to fall asleep around 10:30 every morning (yikes for her!) and I was keeping her awake to at least get some lunch in before nap just because we've never done anything different.
Kaye- I'll keep that in mind for sure
Sarah started outgrowing a nap, around 2-1/2. I would put her in her room, but she wouldn't fall asleep. One day, she had fun poofing the powder all over her room and another day she pulled all the diapers out of an almost brand-new bag!
On the other hand, Natalie is actually sleeping! Sarah wasn't.
Dawn - Yes, she is, and often I have to wake her by 2 1/2 hrs. because if I don't it affects her nighttime sleeping.
I also was thinking this morning that all sleep times last week seemed worse, but Daddy was on vacation and home all week. She always cries lately, but they were longer this past week. She's a MAJOR Daddy's girl.
Just wanted to add that for nap I almost always use a timer for the last 5 minutes before nap. She is usually busy with her books after lunch and I can't pull her away from them without a fight unless I use the timer. Again, I set the timer today for nap, reminded her that when it "dings" it's naptime. It started beeping, she happily hopped up and said "night night time!". We went through our routine peacefully (as always), we head toward the bed and she loses it.
And we all know that we "know" our kids cries...this is ticked off SCREAMING. I can tell she's really mad at me!
Arrrgghhhh...it's naptime and she's been at it for 20 min. 
Honestly, it just sounds like a power struggle at this point and all power struggles are about figuring out that you are still in charge, so Sherri is right. Unfortunately, it seems to be lasting a really long time.
She's such a smartie that I think she'd understand the idea of a reward after her nap if she goes to bed like a nice girl. Can you explain that IF she goes to bed nicely, she can have a trip to the park (or splash time in the pool or watch a new video, etc.) after naptime is over but that only girls that go to bed nicely get to play at the park and if she acts up, she'll have to stay home? Or make her a sticker chart and find some cute bedtime clip art to decorate it with so that she can put a sticker up for each day that she's goes to bed nicely? I think you'll just have to stick with the CIO, if you really want her to sleep, but you can try to find something that will reward good behavior. Otherwise, you're just reinforcing the idea that screaming and throwing a fit will get her what she wants. Good luck!
Tink, that's another good idea! I RARELY have gone in to her, once specifically I remember because she was banging so much in there that I wanted to make sure she wasn't about to hurt herself. Otherwise, it's totally CIO with no one going in to her.
It's worth a try! She was VERY into the potty stickers when we were training. She *might* be able to do that, especially for the nap.
I was scrubbing the toilet thinking "If I put her to down for a nap LATER, then she'll be worse at night. If she's really NOT tired (which I don't really think though) then she won't want to go down earlier anyway." If it's just a power struggle, fine. But I guess I'm second-guessing her sleep needs now, you know?
It's been 40 min. and she's still at it. It's been about 40 min. at night, too.
The other thing could be to put her down later (around 1:30) then still cut her off at the regular cut-off time. (Around 3-ish)
I'm just rambling and brainstorming now. I wish you could all be on speaker phone!!LOL
50min. and finally done. Could be a little longer this last week due to giving up the paci? Maybe a combo of everything? She certainly has slept very well through the night though(only one cry out) without her paci. I feel like she woke during the night with more "cry-outs" when she had the paci. Now maybe she knows it's not there so she doesn't wake up and look for it.
My 2 and 3 year old started taking shorter, later naps. They fall asleep on their own about 3pm and then wake up at about 430-500pm. Dad gets home at 530 and they play with him and such and then go to sleep about 9pm. It seems to work for us. The bad thing is that my 2 year old will wake up before 7am regardless of what time she goes to bed and my 3 year old will sleep for about as long as we let her. So I always worry about my 2 year old not getting enough sleep.
Tink's suggestion about the "being a big girl" talk seems to have worked!! Lastnight and nap today were back to normal, but we've been talking about and praising her for not crying at bedtimes and "being a big girl". She seems to be into that, thankfully. I also put her down a little later today (about 30-40min., which is what we used to do) and that may have helped with the nap.
Juli4-I've wondered about a later nap, then worried she wouldn't want to go to bed at night.
YAY!! I'll keep my fingers crossed that this bridge has been crossed and that you'll get a break before she finds a new way to make you question your sanity.
We had 2 good days Tink, then back to the old ways. I just typed forever and it got lost in cyberspace...grrrrrrrrrrr!
Anyway, this might just be a vent, so bear with me. Thanks to everyone for the suggestions!
DH and I are thinking that maybe it IS just a power struggle. We tried 2 days without a nap. Both days she was perfectly fine, no crankies, normal behavior. Cried for about a min. at bedtime the first night, then 15min. lastnight. (This is mostly SCREAMING, like the blood curdling, little girl scream. Not a crying scream.) Up early this morning (which may have to do with giving up her paci, that's another issue), exhausted today. Not grouchy, but obviously tired. She napped today, cried for 10min. before going to sleep. I woke her at 2hrs and she was sound asleep.
Bedtime tonight..screamed for 40 min. About halfway I went in to her, as sweet as could be (even though I felt like growling!) and snuggled her doggy to her, covered, kissed, etc. She was happy to lie back down (I didn't pick her up at all), said goodnight to me, see you in the morning etc, happy. She talks to herself happily for about 5 min. before starting in again for roughly 20 more min. before going to sleep.
I would say this has all been going on between 3-4 weeks. She hasn't slept one minute in the big girl bed...we're putting that off given the circumstances, but sometime soon that's going to happen, too. If we're still in this phase that won't be pretty either, I'm sure! We talk every night and nap about not crying, we use a timer to signal sleep time and she seems to like that. She says every day and night "big girls don't cry at bedtime". I ask her why she's crying, usually she says nothing, but a few times has said "I want to get up." (A couple of weeks ago) When we go in to her, she doesn't even reach up about 70% of the time, so it's not like she just wants to be held.
This was all going on before we gave up the paci, so no changes there. If she wakes at night, she goes back to sleep on her own with no problem.She sleeps well at night and naps once she's asleep.
Thoughts are appreciated but I don't expect them. I just feel better writing all that down! Am I wrong to keep trying to figure it out? She's having some paci issues in the MORNING, which I think I will start a new thread for. That's another story! Like I said, all this was happening before we took the paci away. At least 2 weeks before.
Ahhhh...the days of our lives.
OK, beyond talking to her about "being a big girl", are you giving her any kind of incentive for behaving correctly? When we used a chart for Seth, we'd make a grid of ten squares and then put a big picture of whatever he was working for. Then you can play up the idea of "Six more nights of you acting like a big girl with no crying at bedtime and we can paint your fingernails (or whatever her reward is)". Most kids do so much better with a visual reminder of what behavior is expected and what they'll get for their good behavior. You might even keep the poster in her room so she can see it when she starts acting up. Just an idea and it might not work for you or Natalie. If you don't want any more advice, then have a {{{Hug}}} and know that there's another mom out here that's BTDT.
No, I'm all open to advice! We haven't done anything visual, but I'm willing to try.
Timmy did the screaming at Natalie's age. We just toughed it out and after what seemed like forever he stopped. It was hard on me but I could hear him going through the sounds of being upset to just plain mad that I wouldn't come and let him out of his room. It passed but by far, it was not my favorite stage.
I've found that consistency is our key. He gets his bedtime routine and then it is off to bed. No changing beds, no additional tuck ins, nothing that gets him anywhere close to out of going to bed. Try sticking to the same thing for a week or two and see if it helps even if it seems to get worse for a little while.
Natalie sounds like one tough and determined kid.
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