Members
Change Profile
Discussion
Topics
Last Day
Last Week
Tree View
Search Board
Keyword Search
By Date
Utilities
Contact
Administration
Documentation
Getting Started
Formatting
Troubleshooting
Program Credits
Coupons
Best Coupons
Freebie Newsletter!
Coupons & Free Stuff
|
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Kids and Animals
Do all kids go through the stage of torturing animals? Kaitlyn is horrible with that right now and I don't know where she learned it because i've always taught her to be gentle with animals. She gets in trouble on a daily basis for teasing the cat. She corners her and pulls her tail, has locked her in the dryer, tried putting her in the toilet. I've caught her trying to throw the guinea pig in the trash. She pulls the dogs tails and tries to run them over with her toy vacuum and stroller. What is wrong with her? I don't know how much we stress being gentle with animals. I don't know how many times the cat has scratched and bit her. The dogs have never done a thing but it won't be long until they are fed up too. The guinea pig has bitten her finger and made her bleed. But she still doesn't learn. What can I do to get her to stop? Any advice is appreciated. At this present moment she isn't allowed to touch the animals, even if she's trying to be nice. She gets time out if I catch her near any of them.
Melissa, I am sorry to say that my reading and experience says this is not normal. Most kids go through a phase where they don't realize that what they are doing is hurtful to the animal because the child is too young to understand, some kids play too hard, or tease a bit. But what you describe is well beyond that.
Ginny- Do you of any good sites that I can read up on behavioral issues? I tried googling it with the few minutes I have and came up with nothing worth speaking of. I'll try more later. Thanks for your honesty too.
I don't think my kids have ever done stuff like that, but we didn't have a dog, on a regular basis, until Emily was about 7, because for a few years, we were renting and couldn't have a pet. They were always good with grandpa's cat, though, when they were little.
None of my kids have done anything like Kaitlyn is doing. There was some minor fur or ear pulling when they were very young (not even a toddler) but none of them have ever purposely tried to hurt an animal, especially over and over or with so many different animals.
animal abuse link
Ditto everyone above. Tink has some good possible "whys", but you never know. What about issues with Dad? I know you have posted about their relationship before. Maybe that has something to do with it. I hope you get things figured out quickly.
Melissa, the situation you describe is so far over my head I can't begin to think where to start, but I don't think the web is a good place to go. What I found, in a quick search, is much like the articles Pam posted above. All of them referred to older children, certainly older than 4 and usually starting at 8 or 9, which doesn't fit Kaitlyn, who is just a month or two past her third birthday. And most of them link a child abusing animals to the child being abused, which I am absolutely sure doesn't fit Kaitlyn. If it were me, I'd ask my pediatrician about a referral to someone in the child psychology field.
I was just wanting to look online and read a bit about it so I can hopefully narrow down a few "whys". I don't like her pediatrician because he NEVER addresses any of my concerns so i'm in the middle of switching her doctors. I'll have to check out our insurance and see if we can look into a civilian doctor. Nathan could be a reason for why she's doing these things. The teasing started soon after I got pregnant. But also at the same time we moved into a new place and we were working through the issues that Deanna mentioned in respect to the father/daughter relationship with DH (which has improved for a while now). Before Nathan was born it was the tail pulling and chasing the dogs around but since he's been born it has gotten a little worse. She usually does it while i'm feeding him or when i'm busy doing things. How do I address that though? Honestly I am pretty busy all day between Nathan, getting her ready for the day and keeping up on the house but I try to make time for her every night after DH gets home. I've been teaching her new songs and bought her a preschool book we've started to work on. We don't get out of the house as much as before. Could it be boredom? It really bothers me that she does this because I know a lot of troublesome kids, teens and adults started out with simple things like teasing animals.
I am going to add another, not typical behavior. My youngest can be rough with animals, holds our kitty too much, too tight. But has never really put any of them in harms way, it is more about loving them more than they love him.
Melissa,
I am going to ask this because of my experience. How does your dh treat the animals when you are not there? My ex would kick the male dogs we had if they urinated in the house or chewed something. But I didn't know until the kids told me! He would not do this in front of me but he did do it in front of the kids. He would also play rough with them. If the kids did not tell me I would not have watched for the signs in the animals. I do not mean this to be derogatory in any way.
I too think preschool is a good idea. Look into Headstart or State Preschool. Those are free programs and they are only half day. If its only Steve working you guys should qualify. We did in 29. We put Alli in baby ballerinas so that she has something that is special for her to do every week as well as swim lessons and we have seen a huge improvement in her behavior.
It may be an attention getting thing, and it may be a behavioral thing. I agree that it would be a good idea to talk to someone. I totally understand you switching peds if you don't like yours (I've run into some real works of art with military peds!). I'm going to suggest you call the mental health clinic and tell them you'd like to see a pediatric psychologist or psychiatrist for an evaluation. I know that sounds daunting, but it's just an evaluation, and really it's just a way for you to explain your concerns to someone that would be able to tell you whether or not you really need to be concerned, and if you do they'll be able to tell you what your next step should be. I'm going to also say I disagree with sending her to preschool at this point. While it may be fun for her and it would give you a little break from her, it very well could backfire and it's not addressing the issues you're having at all. She may feel like you're sending her away and she is pretty young still. Of course, these are just my personal opinions. You know her best. Good luck and keep us posted. You can email me if you'd like, too. I've dealt with military health care (specifically mental health) and know some about how it works and how to get past some obstacles. cathylizme at falconbroadband dot net Oh, and in the meantime, don't leave her alone with the pets at all! Even if you have to shut them in other rooms or in a kennel. Don't give her the chance to misbehave with them. Hugs
My 2 yr old does the same things with our dogs. I have to constantly watch him. My oldest has never done anything like this, but I have to stay on my toes with Luke. I guess I am going to be the odd ball here, but I have mentioned it to the doctor, just because I never went through it with Jack, his only concern was that I watch and make sure the dogs don't turn around and bite him. He said it was quite normal for a 2 yr old to act in that manner, to a point. As I am typing this, I had to stop Luke from trying to run over our golden retriever with his little bike. I don't think it is any sign of an aggressive metal disorder or anything of that nature.
Well after a long night of really thinking about and and talking to DH and a few neighbors and friends who know us pretty well, i'm going to try a different approach at home for about a month and see if there's any changes. If not, i'll go the other route. The reward system sounds like a good idea. I'll look into that. I don't think preschool is good right now because I do fear that she will just think i'm sending her away. She will start back in daycare part time in September where she went before and the girl runs off of a preschool curriculum. Kaitlyn loved going there so it will be a bit of a reward for her and will prepare her for preschool next Fall.
And just another thought here....you are right you can't keep up with it all. It is okay to let the house go, so that you can spend time with your daughter. This is the toughest transisiton time. It means hubby may need to help out more around the house. But your most important job is being mommy, not being maid. Let the dishes wait, you don't have to pick up toys. When hubby gets home he can hold kiddos or do house work.
Ditto, ditto Kaye. Better to read a book to Kaitlyn when Nathan is sleeping than mop a floor. Meals and laundry won't wait but most other things will, or can get a "once over lightly"
Hugs to you, Melissa. I hope things will improve. Lara went through this with our two cats her second year. I can honestly say it was one of the hardest things to see and deal with, as our cats are family too! She would pull their tails or hit them if she was over tired. During the day, she was loving and gentle with them. I had to learn to get her settled and asleep before she reached that burn out stage. She is past this now, and I am most grateful. But I worried a lot, too.
|