*I don't want to start a debate about using a paci*

Natalie is 2. We took her paci away from her during the day around 8mths. old because she loved it so much she would never let it go. We have been strictly at bedtimes only since then. She knows that she gets her paci when she goes to bed and that it goes right back in her crib when she gets up.

Up until now, she's had the same 2 pacifiers since the day she came home from the hospital. (I know, it's weird, they are 0-3mth!) Anyway, she's always had those 2 in bed with her, with clips. Over the last year DH and I have talked a few times about how important we thought it was to ditch the paci. We both agreed that a comfort item is a comfort item and we really didn't care.

We are getting her a twin bed next week and will start napping there for the transition. This past week, she tore/bit holes in both of her pacis. One she sucks on and the other one she plays with (just likes to handle it before going to sleep). The one she plays with got destroyed pretty quickly from her putting her thumb in it. We threw it away together because it's "broken". She still holds the Pooh clip that was on it.

The main paci has a small hole in it, but she doesn't seem to mind at all, and she never chews on that one. Having her paci at night is VERY important to her. On a rare occasion when she wakes and can't find one paci, she gets distressed. (99% of the time she's fine). She sucks it to get to sleep, but it's never in her mouth when we check on her or when she wakes up. She finds it and puts it in her mouth upon waking.

How do we get rid of this last paci? I think throwing it away like the other one will NOT go over well! I have shown her the tiny hole in the paci she still has, and when she sucks it I can even hear the air sometimes, but she doesn't seem to mind. In her new twin bed, I know she will never be able to find a lost paci, and it will end up causing her sleeping problems.

We have added comfort items over the last year...the same blanket (she always requests it at night) and the same stuffed animal, in an attempt to create comfort items outside of the paci. I don't think they are NEAR the comfort she finds in the paci.

Also, I'm not even sure how important I think it is for her to ditch the paci, since she only uses it at night/nap. We mostly just feel that yes, she is going to eventually have to give it up so we might as well seize the day. AND, once we decide to get rid of it, we get rid of it. there will be no turning back. If we throw it out cold turkey, I'm afraid she will need a shrink. LOL She snuggles with Daddy before bedtime each night. Lately, we've forgotten to mention to her to "get her plug", but it never fails that by the middle of the snuggle session, she sits up and says "I forgot my plug!" and runs off to get it.

After all that....suggestions, tips, what to expect through this process? I could tear a big slit in the paci like the other one, and then we would HAVE to get rid of it for safety issues, but to be honest, I would feel like a terrible mom if I did that. Is that silly??
TIA

By Reds9298 on Saturday, July 1, 2006 - 10:19 pm:

Oh, and something else...should we forget about losing the paci until we've transitioned to the big girl bed, or vice versa, so there's not too much at once?

By Breann on Saturday, July 1, 2006 - 10:38 pm:

"break" it by cutting the nipple off. Then she won't be able to suck on it anymore. If she's terribly upset, take her to the store to get her a "big girl" item. Maybe a new baby doll, or something else that she would enjoy. Then when she asks for it at night, tell her to remember that it's broken, but we got you this new ______!

By Pamt on Saturday, July 1, 2006 - 10:38 pm:

Well Deanna, you know this is one of my hot topics. I'm not gonna debate though, but I will reiterate why it is important for her to get rid of it. It causes her to have improper tongue placement when swallowing which down the road *can* (but doesn't always) cause orthodontic and articulation problems down the road. She also doesn't need it for non-nutritive sucking purposes since she passed that stage at about 6 months.

I am an advocate of the cold turkey method myself. I think as a parent we have to do some things that seem brutal to our kids and that they don't understand (i.e., vaccinations, not feeding them oreos for dinner, taking away the fork they were about to stick in the outlet, etc.), but you are the parent and have the authority to do so. If you throw it out cold turkey I would do it over a weekend because you will have 2-3 horrible nights (typically, but maybe not) of crying and wailing. However, once you decide to go cold turkey you absolutely can't give in, so make sure all pacifiers are out of the house so you won't be tempted to cave. After about 3 nights it will all be a distant memory. I won't lie---it will be MUCH harder with an independent, button-pushing 2 y/o which is a big part of why I recommend getting rid of it before 1 year. However, if you are consistent it CAN be done.

I would recommend getting rid of the pacifier before going to the big girl bed, because just be in her familiar crib will be of some comfort to her. Or...if you think she would do better, then you could do both simultaneously and tell her that big girls in big girl beds can't have pacifiers. The danger there is that she may just want to stay in her crib so she can have her passy.

The fact that her remaining pacifier has a hole is also a safety issue. She could very easily bite a piece off and choke. I would remove ASAP for that reason alone.

Good luck with however you decide to go about it.

By Pamt on Saturday, July 1, 2006 - 10:39 pm:

Sorry about the double "down the road"--LOL

By Kaye on Saturday, July 1, 2006 - 11:23 pm:

I have heard and agree with all Pam's reasonings, but in reality we just didn't do it that way My dd started biting into her pacis and we made her throw them out, when she was down to the last one, we warned her. Made her toss it (safety issues) and it was fine.

Personally I would pick your option here, you either want to be rid of it or not. If you don't, buy her a new one and worry about it later.

If you are ready, then you need to just tell her, honey this has a hole, it isn't safe if it gets bigger and we will have to toss it. And then in a couple of days, enlarge the hole (or wait for her to do so) and then get rid of it.

With a hole in it, it is a choking hazzard, a piece can fall off and she could get hurt. These are old, the plastic is falling apart. You need to replace it or get rid of it.

A kinder option would be to tell her so, and tell her you bought a replacement, get one you know she won't like. Or I love the idea of telling her it is time, this one is broken, you pick a new paci or a new big girl something.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, July 2, 2006 - 01:05 am:

My kids didn't have a paci, since neither one liked it. The thumb was hard for Emily to give up, but she finally did. Emily also had a purple stuffed bunny, that was a comfort object. She eventually had to give it up cold turkey, because we lost it somewhere. She was upset a few nights, but eventually got over it, because she had too. There was no way we could replace the purple bunny.

By Reds9298 on Sunday, July 2, 2006 - 08:33 am:

We absolutely will NOT buy a new one, and there are no others in the house. So once it's gone, it's gone. I like the idea of buying her something else that's "big girl" to sleep with as well. I hadn't thought of that. I also had thought that if we did paci and bed at the same time, she would just want to sleep in her crib. I could totally see that happening. I think we should do the paci before the big girl bed, too...good suggestion.

Pam-Thanks for the info, but really I already know all of that and what's done is done. I don't have any regrets about the paci, although we knew it would be harder to break the later we did it. I'm prepared for the crying nights, but not looking forward to them

Dawn-Right now, I feel like your purple bunny! I'm afraid there's no way we can replace the paci. It is DEFINITELY her comfort item at night, without a doubt. I'm afraid we won't be able to replace the oral comfort she's getting from the paci.

Thanks for the wonderful suggestions ladies! DH and I are going to talk about this again today. Most likely what we will do is go cold turkey, talk about the hole in the paci, show it to her, and throw it away like we did with the other one. Maybe holding the clips will be a comfort for her. She handles those A LOT while in bed. I do like the idea of possibly buying a new "big girl" comfort item.

I'm so glad I can come to the "council of the wise" for all the great tips and advice. Thanks everyone, and open to anymore suggestions/ideas as well!!

By Beth on Sunday, July 2, 2006 - 08:36 am:

I think that I would cut it and tell her its not safe anymore. Its sneaky I know. This sounds horrible but my ds got hand foot mouth and he could not suck his paci. By the time he was healed we never went back. It was a couple of days and he was over it. Not suggesting that was a good thing just that it really only takes them a couple of days to forget about it. We did the same thing he never had it out of his bed. We only used it for sleeping from the time he was born.

By Cocoabutter on Sunday, July 2, 2006 - 01:37 pm:

I don't have much to add. Sounds like you know what you have to do, you are just going to need some support while you are doing it. You are a good mom, and you know that if it gets difficult, you can come here and cry!

By Reds9298 on Sunday, July 2, 2006 - 02:39 pm:

Thanks Lisa, and your little graphic is too cute!!

By Amecmom on Sunday, July 2, 2006 - 04:47 pm:

I can tell you what I did when Randy was about 2 1/2. He liked his Thomas trains. The paci for him was the same thing. He liked the comfort of holding it more than sucking on it. So I gave him a choice. I asked him if he wanted to take Thomas up for a nap with him. He said he did. I told him that Thomas wouldn't want to be up there with a paci and he had to chose Thomas or the paci. He chose Thomas. The first nap worked like a charm. Then it got harder. The second or third night was brutal. He kept crying for his "bee-bah"(that was his word for it). I finally said that I threw them away. I will never forget the cry of sheer agony that came from that child. He was inconsolable and miserable. But he fell asleep and never again asked for a paci. I still feel horrible to this day, but I know I did the right thing. If I had given in then, who knows when he would have iven it up. And he did have speech and oral motor issues that were unrelated to the paci, but improved along with his dentition when he stopped.

Good luck and do whatever works for you.

Ame

By Tripletmom on Sunday, July 2, 2006 - 08:27 pm:

I remember the paci too well!! We initially cut it off and told her it broke.What a nightmare that was.We gave in,we couldn't handle the sadness and crying.We decided that at Christmas she would give her soothie to Santa and he'd leave her a baby doll of her own.Everything was great until it was bedtime.She kept tossing and turning and we knew she was having a rough time.She asked if she could get up and have some warm milk.My DH got her from her room and took her into the kitchen.While in the kitchen I could here Katie say "Daddy, is it o.k. for big girls to cry?" Daddy said "Yes" Katie"I missssss my soooothie sooooo much." I was in the living room bawling,feeling so bad for her and at the same time thanking Santa because there was no turning back.They do survive but you just have to be strong and not give in.I had to use Santa because my heart broke for her.Just find the right time for you.If you think the transition to a big girl bed will be too much then hold off on the paci or the bed.How many children go to school with a paci? You know Natalie best.Just give lots of cuddles and feel sad with her.It really was one of the most difficult decisions we made.It took about 3 nights before she finally settled in.(((HUGS)))

By Crystal915 on Monday, July 3, 2006 - 01:33 pm:

I didn't read all the replies, but Amy gave me the best advice possible when I went through this. Shane was my binkie baby, and at 10 months he would literally suck right through them. She told me to just throw them away, it'll be 3 days or so of he!!, but then he'll be over it. The older they get, the more difficult to break a habit (think about an adult breaking a habit!), so start ASAP. She will cry, but try to find something to distract her, like a lovey, and be prepared for a couple days without much sleep. ((((Hugs)))) Good luck!!!

By Reds9298 on Monday, July 3, 2006 - 02:25 pm:

Thanks Crystal. I give her paci 1-2 more days before it's toast. Everytime she gets up/goes to bed the past 3-4 days, I've been reminding her that pretty soon we will have to throw the paci away and then we won't have it anymore. (She already watched us throw away one of them.) She just listens really intently, like she's thinking about that, but no real response. We are going to the zoo on Wed....I'm hoping we can make it through tomorrow night with the paci, then throw it away. I don't want to be zonked (and I don't want her to be either) for our zoo trip! LOL Other than that, I'm armed and ready to be up with her (with every favorite stuffed toy I can think of!!LOL)

By Crystal915 on Monday, July 3, 2006 - 02:47 pm:

That's a great idea, make a big "ceremony" of throwing it out. Since my kids were younger, I didn't do that, but I have heard other parents say it worked wonders!! One idea I've heard is telling her there are little babies who need the paci, and it's time for her to be a big girl, and give hers away. Another is to "trade" it in for something she really wants, like a new doll or something special. Good luck!!

By Tink on Monday, July 3, 2006 - 04:37 pm:

Bella was about two and a half when we decided it was time to give up the binky. Like Natalie, she'd only have it in bed and was down to a single one so it was just a matter of us deciding it was time. We gave her a few days of warning and then one day, after her nap, we put it in a gift bag, took it to a friend with a new baby (she'd been warned why we'd coming over) and we gave it to her little boy. It worked like a charm and the only time she mentioned it was in reference to John loving it now, just like she did. She does occasionally still mention it and I'm surprised by how much she remembers about it (color, design, only at bedtime) but it wasn't too traumatic at all. Good luck with the adjustment. Maybe she'll surprise you and take the change really well. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

By Cat on Monday, July 3, 2006 - 04:52 pm:

My nephew who is now almost 16 lost his last paci at the zoo. He got a little too close to the monkey cage and one of the monkeys stole it! lol He was almost 4yo and my brother told him, "Oh well. They're all gone now!"

You've gotten great advise. I never had to deal with giving up paci, or "binky" as we called it. Robin sucked his thumb until he was 9yo and Randy gave his paci up on his own at 18mo (he just handed it to me one day and that was it!). Good luck.

By Tonya on Thursday, July 6, 2006 - 08:21 am:

We just went through this with Jade. And we did it on a Friday. I told her 2 days before in 2 days that is going in the garbage and will be gone. Then the next bed time I said it so many more bed times that will be gone. Then Thursday night I said enjoy the plug will not be here tomorrow. And the next day while she was playing I took them and threw they away. That night she asked for it and I said sorry they are lost I have looked everywhere but you can cuddle your baby she decided she had to look first and the first hour was rough but she fell asleep the next night she tried to find it and could not so she went to bed. Within 3 days she stopped asking.

Just put it in the garbage and tie the bag up and take it outside and be done with it. Give her a few days warning then tell her it is lost.

Go cold turkey it is not that bad. You want to do this before the big girl bed issue arises. Good luck.

By Kaye on Thursday, July 6, 2006 - 08:37 am:

Here's my funny paci story....

When my hubby and I were newly weds we did a lot of babysitting. One couple we sat for a lot and did a couple of overnights for them. Well one time they dropped their 3 year old daughter and 5 year old son off for two nights. Well the parents aren't gone an hour and mandi panics..."my p...where's my p". We talked about it for a little bit, only to realize she is in full distress mode and we say, no prob, lets go buy one. Well parents pick her up, a little horrified. Apparently a week before they had done the no paci thing and thought they were finished. OOPS! Obviously they should have told us, we didn't feel too bad, but even then thought it was pretty creative of her

By Brandy on Thursday, July 6, 2006 - 02:25 pm:

Is it gone yet? Nick and Alex never had any problem giving theirs up thankfully = ) i think they were both gone before either one was a year old... = )

By Reds9298 on Thursday, July 6, 2006 - 07:50 pm:

Not yet...it is a small hole, so it's fine as far as safety goes for the next few days. My plan is for Monday..starting with the nap. I'm SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!! We've talked about it for days, she knows it's going to happen I think, and she doesn't protest me. But when push comes to shove in the middle of the night....like I said, I'm SCARED.

I'll let you all know when we start. We may HAVE to get rid of it before then.

By Brandy on Thursday, July 6, 2006 - 11:08 pm:

don't be scared lol = ) she'll be fine...

By Melanie on Thursday, July 6, 2006 - 11:33 pm:

I haven't read all the responses, so I apologize if I am repeating anyone else...

Ds was just over 2 years when we finally got rid of the paci. He was still using the same one he came home from the hospital with (sound familiar?). I hated the thing.

I tried putting hot sauce on it as a friend suggested that so he wouldn't want to use it. Funny kid-he developed the taste for hot sauce.

So one day I decided that was it. I was not going to give it to him for bed (he only used it at bed time). I was prepared for the worst.

He cried for ten minutes and fell asleep next to his door. He never cried for it again. And I never gave one to his younger brother or sister. (My preference-I've never liked those things, LOL).

Good luck. I hope it goes as well for you!

By Reds9298 on Friday, July 7, 2006 - 04:24 pm:

Okay...the paci is done. She woke from her nap today and it's chewed like crazy. We talked about it (yet again) and threw it away as a family, LOL (DH is on vacation this week) She seems okay with it. When she was putting the teddy bear attacher back in her crib, she questioningly said "plug?" one time and I reminded her that we had to throw it away.

DH and I are finding that WE are sad at this point. There's no way we would give in, but it just seems like it marks some baby to big-girl moment. We both looked at each other so sadly! It doesn't help that we ordered her a new big girl bed just lastnight and it will be here tomorrow. We're probably just feeling a little emotional...no diapers, no plugs, no crib....sniff, sniff, our little girl is getting so big!

Wish us luck tonight!

By Reds9298 on Friday, July 7, 2006 - 09:04 pm:

She went to sleep as normal...asked for the plug once or twice, we reminded her of what we did with it, and she seemed content with that. I really thought she would be okay GOING to sleep, but comforting herself in the middle of the night without her plug is a different story. We felt bad for her tonight, even if she didn't seem to mind. She went to sleep holding the two paci attachers....

By Tink on Friday, July 7, 2006 - 10:29 pm:

As badly as *you* feel, it's awesome that Natalie is doing so well! I really think that most kids handle it better than their parents expect them to. Let us know how it went during the night but she's a smart girl and probably realizes that gone means gone. {{{Deanna}}}

By Brandy on Friday, July 7, 2006 - 11:49 pm:

awe...

By Reds9298 on Saturday, July 8, 2006 - 08:00 am:

She had a great night! She woke once around 3:30 crying out (not unusual, she often will cry out for 15 sec. then go back to sleep). She quieted down after about 30 sec, then talked to herself for a while before going back to sleep. I was happy about that because I think she was actually awake and still didn't get bent out of shape about not finding the paci. I'm thrilled! She also didn't say anything this morning, just snuggled in the chair with me like always holding those 2 attachers.

Thanks everyone! I'm very relieved because we really thought that lastnight would be a tough one. She never ceases to amaze me.

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, July 8, 2006 - 10:21 am:

It sounds like she did great! Emily is good for waking up, crying out, and going back to sleep. I finally learned to not go in by her, because she really didn't need me.

Giving up the pacifier is another step to growing up. So, I feel your pain. They just keep moving forward.

By Crystal915 on Saturday, July 8, 2006 - 06:27 pm:

Yay!!! Glad she's getting over the binkie!! She sure is growing up fast!