Toddler power struggles??
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Okay, I know that toddlers (and most younger children) really want their way. Lately, Natalie is VERY particular about some things, but not always conssitently. It's the SILLIEST things. Examples: Daddy didn't put her potty seat on, I did, so she got mad saying "Daddy do it! Daddy do it!"; She wanted me to put a toy away instead of Daddy, so she throws a fit. It's not all day, and it's not always over the same thing. It's random and inconsistent. She will cry so hard and throw such a tantrum that she has almost made herself sick a few times.
We try to ignore, remain calm (even though it's very frustrating!), and just go with it. Rarely do we "change things back" and re-do it the way she wants. Oh, another one...she uses a paci at nighttime. They are always in her bed. She gets one out before bedtime and snuggling with her Daddy. Sometimes it's too far for her to reach, so I push it forward for HER to get it out. I handed it to her lastnight and she blew a gasket because SHE didn't get it out. We're thinking "are you for real child?!" 
I guess my questions are: Is she overly particular or what? Again, it's definitely not all day, maybe a 1x/day ccurence, sometimes less. We don't her to always get her way by re-doing something just the way she wants it, but we also don't want to get into a power struggle all the time either. She literally almost makes herself sick screaming about it.
Tonight she actually gave up a bathtime (which she LOVES) screaming because Daddy put on the potty seat and *I* didn't. (!!!) Daddy just ignored the whole thing, gave her a quick bath, and got her out. She was still screaming while I got her dressed and ready for bed as usual. She finally settled down with some milk.
Any suggestions? Is this just the norm? She is generally such an easygoing kiddo. I guess so far we are just ignoring, but like I said, she will almost make herself sick. It's like we're torturing her or something.
Yes-It is definatley the norm.Young children like the reaction they get with the action.Continue to ignore the power struggle.It will eventually stop and you'll find something new to deal with LOL.I found it very frustrating also.Some experts say the behaviour of you're 2yr old is the same behaviour you'll get with them as a teenager.(Boy are we in trouble)It does get better,just another stage in the toddler phase.You're doing a GREAT job.Its frustrating evaluating you're parenting skills everytime a new phase happens.Be consistent with you're beliefs and as long as she's respecting you/things it will all fall into place.((HUGS))
P.S.-Just when you figure them out,they have the nerve to change LOL
Isn't it a lovely stage?! Julianna is particular about certain things too. She is used to routine and sometimes if the routine is slightly changed she gets very upset (you're lucky that Natalie didn't get sick because Jules will vomit when she's having a meltdown-lol). I know the girls only like when daddy puts them down because they haven't seen him all day and it can be difficult if I have to do it because he has to stay at work. Hang in there. It's just them testing their limits. You are doing a wonderful job.
Oh my Deanna, this is just what we go through with Lara some days! Today she fell apart because we let the cat outside. It's not that SHE wanted to let him out,(that was the case about a month ago, lol) it's just because he was let out, period. We try to reason with her that the poor guy wants to go outside, loves the great outdoors, doesn't wander beyond our front porch, etc. No amount of reasoning seemed to help. To see her cry today one would think we banned him to the outdoors for life, and she would never see her furry friend again. I mean, it breaks my heart. She pleaded with me to get him and bring him back indoors. Okay, I did. I couldn't stand how upset she seemed. I can still see her face and those tears.:-( And the big hugs when I brought him back inside.
She also gets quite upset when she has a preference as far as who does what for her, just as you mention with Natalie. My dh and I just can't make sense out of it. I wish I could crawl into her little mind and see how it works. I mean to my dh and I, the things she gets so upset over seem trivial. But to her, well, they seem very important. So how to best handle it? I try not to react, and ignore, much like you. (Yet, I have a feeling letting the kitty back in was totally giving in, lol. I had to sneak him out later when she was busy playing!) I am not much help to you, Deanna. I think I have her figured out, then it all changes the next day. So true. If this is what the teen years will be like, I am scared.
Hang in there!
Okay, I'm feeling better that she's not going to be OCD!!LOL Kiki and Nicki - Your personal scenarios with your kids sound JUST like Natalie, too. That cat story, Nicki...I'm so with you. That sounds just like Natalie! Whew...load off. She's normal!!
I know DH was fuming tonight as he was giving her a bath, and I was so proud of him for just ignoring her and not givine her a speech, losing his temper, etc. I have lectured her a time or two just to make myself feel better (you know how that goes), so I'm working on it. It's worse when it happens in the evening, because you're just tired by that time and your patience is shorter anyway. (At least for me!)
Sherri- I think you said it perfectly: "It's frustrating evaluating your parenting skills everytime a new phase happens." That's SO TRUE! I think that's one of the hardest things (mentally)about parenting.
Thanks guys!
Hey Deanna,
I guess I have a blessing in disguise. I am doing everything at this point and he doesn't have a choice.
Although, here are some scenarios with Connor:
1. HE wants to brush his teeth and very little help from me. So, I give him the choice of using toothpaste or no toothpaste (seems trivial) but he'll always want the sweet tasting toothpaste and so by the time I help him with the brushing, he's felt some sort of control right before the struggle.
2. Putting shoes on right before we leave- He always runs away from me. So, I say ok, mommy's leaving and going bye bye and if he doesn't sit down to put his shoes on, I just take him and his shoes and put him out in his carseat. I then proceed to put on his shoes in the carseat.
It could also be that she's tired,hungry, or sick. If Connor fusses about something trivial that I don't care about, I just calmly ask him to say "Please". He calms down and asks nicely. Sometimes they need avenues and need to be taught how to express their desires.
He's always trying to dump his Mr. Potato Head stuff all over the floor and thinks it's funny. It's ok during playtime but if it's time to pick up the toys, he throws a fit. I remain firm (once you say something...we're both teachers...so you know) and then if he continues to cry I just let him cry it out in the room alone or I hold him, ask him if he's tired. Sometimes he will hit me if it gets bad enough and EVERY time, I put him in timeout.
Our time out consists of me holding him in my lap, face out, towards a corner. (I start the minute on the stove timer.) I sometimes have to hold him down in my lap and hold down his arms. I remind him that we are in timeout for such and such and NEVER speak or acknowledge him until we hear the "beep". I hug him afterwards and say "You heard the beep. Timeout is over. I love you" and I never lecture.
Timeouts are becoming fewer and fewer...he started out doing about 6-8 a day and now it's down to 2 or 3. I can also tell that he thought about hitting me this morning but decided not to. I think the timeouts are working...thank God.
I took some good ideas from this book and my pediatrician:
Book
I've read Love and Logic and liked it. She gets choices...like the other day she got a raisin for pooping on the potty. She didn't eat it, but instead sucked on it and played with it, making a sticky mess everywhere. I gave her 2 choices: eat the raisin or throw it away. She tested and played with it. I calmly took the raisin and threw it away. She screamed for 10 minutes. I ignored. Tonight when raisin time came, she ate it when I reminded her.
Sometimes it's just in the moment things...like she has to get on the potty (like right now or there's an accident!) so whoever is there grabs the potty seat, or we just go to the closest potty. Sometimes she'll get upset if we don't go to this bathroom vs. this bathroom, you know? I try to tell her that when it's time to pee, we go to the closest one and leave it at that. She cries while she pees. LOL
We have yet to do timeout, because we haven't felt it was necessary. I've noticed that this is happening about once a day so far, sometimes once every two days. I have the pack n play ready for a time out though! If she kicks at us or hits, she's in there (that's the plan), or if she's just plain physically out of control (which hasn't happened yet.)She had one the other day because Daddy brought her in from the car instead of me (Normally she ONLY wants him to bring her in, go figure.) I told her once about my hands being so full, then let her scream until she got tired of it.
I *have* noticed that illness or tiredness contributes and try to take that into account. Thanks a lot Heidi!
The two funniest stories with my dd revolve around this same issue!
Story 1...she was sitting on the potty (about 18 months), and her daddy came home. She freaked out, Daddy's not home yet, tell him to go away, I not finished. I guess the thought that she would be on the potty when he walked in was just NOT the routine. She threw this huge fit and ultimately ended up yelling and screaming and then falling asleep on the bathroom floor (boy do I have some cute pictures of her!).
Story 2...about 6 months later. We go to pick up daddy at work. He wants to introduce me to someone (of course someone important). A married lady with no kids, with no intentions of kids. My dd quietly looks up and says, "go to mall now". I just ignore her. She looks again, pulls my hand and says, MALL NOW, not so quiet. I look at her and say, in a minute honey. And then she gets this look, and says, I go mall now, now and then holds her breath and passes out! Geesh what a girl. Lucky for me I babysat a kid who did that, the mom said as soon as they pass out they start breathing again, don't stress about it or he will keep doing it. So I recognized the face and looked at the lady and repeated the above information..LOL.
Funny stories Kaye!
I think I'm going to start using the pack n play. We have not done that yet, but sometimes she gets a little out of control during a tantrum. I don't want her thinking it's okay to throw her toys or hit during a tantrum. She can scream until the sun goes down but none of the other.
I think I have strep throat (doctor today),so everything is magnified for me right now. Lastnight, she wanted Mommy to get her out of the car after gymnastics (highly unusal, she wants Daddy to do everything usually). Daddy did because it was convenient at the moment and it was the end of her world. We were talking about it lastnight and it's just getting old! I know we're in for it, LOL, but it doesn't mean we have to like it! Today I'm doing Pack n Play timeouts if necessary.
I also think she's going through something right now. She's VERY clingy to me and all of a sudden wants to be carried a lot. I can't think of any changes around here that would cause that, but DH and I have both noticed it. She was up half the night lastnight (yes, wonderful for Mommy's strep throat and Daddy had an interview first thing this morning so I tried to do it all by myself) and I think she just wanted me in her room rubbing her back all night! She never asked/wanted to be picked up, just cried hard until I came in, then laid back down to go to sleep. When I would leave she would cry for a bit, then sleep for half hour, then repeat the whole thing. She's a bear this morning because she's exhausted. Being a parent is so hard some days! So glad DH will be home after his interview this morning....I'm going to the doctor then hitting the bed.
Deanna, I'm so sorry you are sick. I hope you are feeling much better, soon.
You know, when I have been sick in the past, Lara has been very clingy and acts out more. The same is true if dh is ill. She seems to want the attention from whoever is least up to giving it to her! I've given it some thought, and I suppose little ones must feel pretty unsettled to have their parents ill. I'm always glad when we are all feeling better and things return to "semi" normal.:-)
Hugs to you. Hope you are feeling better today. You must be exhausted after being up all night.
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