My oldest dd will be 13 this summer and has been on a competition cheerleading team for the past 4 years. She loves it and does well with it but it is just getting to be too much financially. The team has evolved into a national team that travels outside of the state for competitions. We have worked out what it will likely cost for this next year with travel expenses and new uniform and we are looking at over $4000.00. We are a one income family and while dh does make a very decent income we do have 5 kids.

We have told dd that we don't see how we can swing the cheer team this next year and she goes from being VERY angry with us to begging us to let her stay...all her friends are there (which really isn't true she has many friends that she does things with that aren't involved in this group). She has to put a lot of effort into her school work to get B's and we have insisted that she keep at leat a B this past year to reamin in the cheer group. I am afraid that if she doesn't have the cheerleading that she won't be motivated to keep her grades up and I won't have anything to threaten to take away from her if she doesn't put in the effort that she need to. Dh is really very close to caving on this issue and letting her do it again but we really don't have the $$$. I hate dissapointing my child but I really do think that she will be OK without the cheerleading if we can get her invovled in other things at school and church, this past year she had time only for cheer and so she didn't get to belong to any clubs or extra cirricular activities at school.

What would you do?

By Beth on Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 01:47 pm:

Is there something cheaper that she could pick? I mean like gymnastics or something? Can she cheer at school? I think that is a lot of money to spend on one child in the family but I can see your dd's disappointment. This is tough but I think she will have other disappointments in life enevitably (sp)? I would involve in other things and let those be her new motivators. I would just insist she still keep her grades up or do her best to be in these new activities. Good luck!

By Melanie on Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 01:48 pm:

Find out from her if she has any ideas on how she can help with those costs. Do you know anyone who might hire her to be a mother's helper, help with housework, etc? Is she willing to organize a yard sale? Is there any type of small business she could organize? Talk to her about things she can do to raise the money and you may be surprised what kinds of ideas she comes up with. You would actually be giving her a great gift by letting her work for this rather than give it to her.

Good luck!!

By Crystal915 on Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 01:50 pm:

Is there any way you can discuss the situation with the coach, and see if there are any ways to help lower your costs? It seems unfair that a child could be excluded from something like that due to financial situation, and they probably have some way of helping with this. Good luck...

By Truestori on Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 02:18 pm:

Well,
I think it is in her best interest to stay involved in cheer. It is awesome that she has stuck with something this long, and I do think it could be potentially devestating to take that away from her. Mel, brought up a good point about asking her how she could help earn the money so she can stay active in her sport. I would also talk to the coach and see what his/her suggestions may be. I always tell my children where theres a will, theres a way.
Goodluck, hope it works out

By Conni on Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 02:31 pm:

I think this is a good life lesson for her myself. I dont think you should feel bad about being honest about the expenses.

I completely agree w/ Melanie. I have a 13.5 (14 in june) and a 12 yo- they pay for alot of their own things. They have savings acct and if they want something they save up for it and buy it. We have a huge yard almost 2 acres and its exhausting for me to care for. My oldest is going to keep the backyard picked up and mow inside the privacy fence for me this yr and weedeat, thank the Lord. (i hate to weed eat) I am paying him $20 a week and only if it is done well. lol You should have seen the grin on his face when I handed him his first weeks pay last Friday evening. Plus he had earned $10 from his normal weekly chores.

Does your dd have anything to sell? My oldest is wanting to buy a cow that's bred. He came to me and asked if he could sell his trumpet and asked his Dad if he could sell his 4-wheeler to add to what he has saved. He bought an electric guitar tho so that took a good chunk of his money. lol argh

There should be no free rides. ROFL I bet people think I am awful to my kids.

BTW- when I was in cheerleading I worked for my Dad on his farm all summer and he put my paychecks in the bank. When it came time for all of my school clothes and cheer. uniforms and camps, etc... I had to buy it all with my money and figure out how to budget it. I was 13 when he started that with me. That is something I have thanked him for many times over the yrs.

Good luck and let us know how it all *goes down*.

By Mommyof5 on Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 02:55 pm:

Hmmm...Thanks everyone you have given me some ideas to work with. Conni, dh and his older brother and their parents have a dairy farm. There may be some opportunities for her there that we haven't taped yet

By Hlgmom on Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 03:03 pm:

I did competition cheerleading for 10 years and loved it! It was a very good thing for me. I know with the squads I was on we did have some ways to help those who could not always afford it..it is very pricey. I would definetely talk to the coach and see if there are any options, and earning some of the money herself is always a great idea. Maybe you could even help organize some team money drives... I am sure all the parents could use some help with expenses!
Best of luck and I hope you are able to find a way to work it out!
I know how hard it can be to feel like you can't afford something for your dd that you really want to! I feel that way often!

By Reds9298 on Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 03:26 pm:

I haven't read ALL of the posts but...
a) I think it's GREAT that you are being very honest with her about how the expenses will affect the entire family
b) I really admire that you're not going all out with your finances just to make her happy because I think there's more to it than that
c) It's a great idea to see how she can earn $ to help cover expenses and exactly how much she would be able to contribute. It could really be a great life lesson for her, IF she can contribute enough that you feel you can afford the balance.

My in-law cousins were BIG into cheerleading in KY. (Dunbar, they have shows about them on TV) There were 3 of them participating and their parents did nothing less than re-mortgage in order to finance this endeavor. It sounds like you are very big on getting good grades, and that's great to hear, but the cousins parents were NOT. Every one of them had below average grades and since they've all finally graduated from high school, have little to no interest in college. I just think they're parents made cheerleading the #1 priority.

I'm not knocking cheerleading I was captain of the cheerleading squad (not competition, we don't have much of that here!) from 3rd grade until I graduated. There are pros and cons for sure, like with any sport.

The cousins had LOTS of team drives, but really with the traveling especially it was still very expensive. We went to a few of their competition when they were near us, and there were ALWAYS people talking about the girls who needed the extra $ (from fundraising) to participate. I HATED hearing that! Maybe it was just their team. Dunbar is a famous team and pretty snooty, too.

And I can relate also on not always having the $ you want, and I have only one child! Good luck and I hope it works out for the best.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 04:05 pm:

Deanna, I just watched a show on Dunbar's squad over the weekend!

By Sandysmom on Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 05:04 pm:

I have briefly read the posts and I have a few questions. 1. Are the other four children involved in anything special? 2. If the next one in line wanted to also do something that cost that much money and takes that much effort, would you be able to devote your time and finances to that child too? 3. Is this an opportunity that you would offer to all five children when their time came to have a special opportunity? I hope these questions aren't too personal. I had 2 older sisters and 2 younger brothers growing up and we lived on one income, but what you are going through now is a question my parents had to decide early on. They knew they would not be able to offer that kind of opportunity to all of us kids so instead, we did youth group at church, girl scouts and boy scouts (which are great confidence builders and also helps kids to work as a team) and local community sports that didn't go out of the county. Also, some of us did after school activities. My parents felt that was the best way to keep things fair to all the kids and not go crazy trying to keep up with everyone's activities. If your dd can earn most or all of her cheerleading money, then I say go for it. It shows that she is really wanting this. If she can't, then I would have to talk to the coach and see if there is "scholarship" money and if not just explain to her that even though this is a disappointment, other opportunities are still there. Try to keep positive and also tell her that she has siblings to think of. JMHO.

By Sandysmom on Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 05:37 pm:

Also, Tammie, you are NOT a terrible mom. Even if she doesn't get to do this, she has already had an opportuniy that lots don't get.