This isn't a marriage issue, it's a neighbour issue.

I have a neighbour 2 doors down who has a child 3 weeks younger than Matthew and she is home again with a new baby so we have that in common. But that's about it.

Maybe this is kind of a vent.

Have you ever maintained a "friendship" just for the sake of your children? I put friendship in quotes because it's not really a friendship.

Matthew loves this little girl, he likes to go over and play in the backyard and likes going to the park with her. He seems to be seeking companionship from other children which is understandable. We have gone to playgroup a few times and he does not like group activities, he will not participate and is disruptive. He constantly tries to leave the room. So I won't force that on him again for awhile anyway. When we go to the park and another child arrives he is so happy he runs up and almost hugs the other child.

I'm having a hard time listening to my neighbour when we are together. Everything is a huge competition for her, "My child did this, my child did that". I don't mind celebrating our children's successes but for her it's like a competition. She's smug about it, even gifts for Christmas and birthdays. We don't make a big deal of gifts are children are so young, they do and that's fine but it's like she is comparing and it drives me nuts. I just keep my lips clamped tight when I'm around her and I try very hard not to mention any of Matthew's accomplishments so I don't have to hear her say "Well A did this and A did that".

We also have very different parenting styles which is fine as well but I have a hard time talking to this woman about anything when we are together. Discipline is a huge thing that we have different opinions on. They spank, we don't. So I find myself saying "Oh yeah" a lot when we are together.

I just want to avoid them but every time we go anywhere Matthew calls this little girls name and it breaks my heart.

Anyway our house is on the market and hopefully it will sell and we will be moving to a new community and this will be a mute issue.

How do you handle dealing with your children's friend's parents when you didn't really pick them as friends but you have to maintain a friendly relationship with them anyway?

BTW, I'm going to try to get Matthew into a group activity he likes so he can make more friends.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, April 16, 2006 - 12:19 pm:

I haven't really been in that situation.

By Tripletmom on Sunday, April 16, 2006 - 12:24 pm:

I too ran into this problem with competition.Its hard when you dont care for the parents.My DD would sometimes go to the backyard but competition would run between the kids also.Its ok to try and find him new friends with better parents My DH and I just call them PARK parents and thats where we leave it.Things are different today if I dont know the parents or dont trust them my DD doesnt go there.It was alot easier in my younger days I was basically home for meals and that was about it.Playgroups are good b/c you know at least the parents have making friends in common with you.Hopefully in you're new house it will be alot different

By Sandysmom on Sunday, April 16, 2006 - 05:39 pm:

Cori, how old is this mom? If she is really young (early 20's), maybe she is just going on and on to gain your approval. It's just a thought.

I have been in this situation and it is not fun. My dd had a friend from school who thank God moved to Florida recently. Well his mom was nice, but she would just show up at our house anytime she wanted. I would just get dd off on the bus and wanted to get a little more sleep and I would hear this knock on the door. It drove me nuts. And though she was nice, she had one health problem after another and swore she was on the brink of death at any time. I had to wonder about her sometimes.

My suggestion would be to try to just deal with it for now since you are moving, but it is a hard situation. Sorry I could not give better advice.

By Sandysmom on Sunday, April 16, 2006 - 05:44 pm:

It's me again. Matthew sounds like a sweetheart. I was a lot like him when I was little. I never liked groups for some reason, one-to-one was how I played best with others. Bigger groups intimidated me. And if I was in a big group and felt even a little left out, I completely shut down. I eventually grew out of it, mostly.

By Heaventree on Sunday, April 16, 2006 - 06:08 pm:

Sandy, you are right about the group thing. The playgroup that we attend is a music group and the kids get right in there. Matthew tried to get to the drum but couldn't and gave up. After everyone was done he had some time with the drum. I was the same way, still am, I prefer things like, running, tennis, cycling. Individual stuff.

The other mom is a bit younger she's in her early 30s I'm in my late 30s. I think she's a bit insecure and that's why she behaves this way. She as well is a nice person, we just don't click. Too bad really we are both at home she has 2 year old and a baby and so do I.

And thanks, Matthew is a sweetheart, he's the kind of child that gives all this toys away to other children and gives his baby brother his favourite blanket. Thanks for letting me brag a bit.

By Conni on Monday, April 17, 2006 - 03:51 pm:

No, I dont maintain relationships just for the sake of my kids.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 07:54 am:

I have done it very minimally in the past - as in continuing to be very *neighbor friendly* - but no more than that. Let's face it - we are not all the same, and when you have kids playing with other kids, there is no way you are going to hit it off with each and every parent. Being polite, respectful and friendly is a bare minimum. There's no rule that you have to endure them beyond that. Of course, if it's a playdate where you are both required to be there, I can see how it's uncomfortable to find things to chit chat about, and in your specific case, I doubt I'd want to spend a lot of time with this mom either. In that case, I'd look for other kids for my child to play with if possible.

By Tink on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 07:53 pm:

In as little a way as possible, yes. My dd's best friend's mother is just one of those snotty, superior types. I can't begin to tell you all the underhanded little digs she always manages to get into the shortest conversation but I've made sure that she treats Samantha well and the morals and values she's raising her children mimic ours pretty closely. The girls get along very well and have been friends for three years now but I know that the mother and I will never be the type to have a cup of coffee while the girls play. We coordinate their playtimes and I have no issues with my dd spending time with them, I just speak to the other mom as little as possible without seeming rude. I think it's easier when the kids get a bit older and can have a relationship outside of the parents.