MySpace.com and a parent's experience
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: MySpace.com and a parent's experience
http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=1644984&page=1
I think this article just reinforces how important it is to know what your kids are doing on the internet, where, what they are saying, and whether they protect themselves with basic security steps.
I happen to have a myspace page and have never encountered such a problem. Sure, there are people who leave inapropriate content, but thats to be expected. Its no different than hearing inapropriate conversations at a high school...even in a middle school.
I graduated from high school almost 4 years ago
so I know alot about what people talk about and its far worse than what I've ever seen or read on myspace.
To me, myspace is no different than this very message board. This site asks you for your profile, your state. Thats enough for any serious preditor to find you.
I think parents tend to over react about internet dangers. The internet is safer to me than walking up my own street.
I also believe that social networking site or forums and message boards are very fun as I participate in many of them. What parents need to realize is even though you kid may have over 50 people on his buddy list that doesn't mean all of them are bad people.
Chances are that all of them are just teenagers trying to find a cure for boredom. And all networking sites, such as myspace, have a place where you can report someone who has posted offensive material.
Kids love to express themselves and I think myspace is a good opportunity for that and they get to meet new people who like the same things they do.
I'll add one more thing. I do agree that parent s should keep a close watch on what they're children do online.
You children, at least under 15, should lock they're profiles from any visitor excepts they're friends. 16 and up I'd say if they wanna be public, fine. But that don't mean that you can't look to see what they are posting as well.
Firstly, as a myspace rule of thunb. No provocitive pictures are allowed. Kissing however is, no mater what sexual preference is.
But no nudity or sexual content is alowed. So far
i haven't seen any. The only thing I've seen is a pic of two girls kissing. But you can't block your kid from the world even as much as you might want too. ^__^
I think its good to keep an eye on what they are doing. But to also give them they're breathing room.
Our local news did an entire story on myspace.com.
I think that it can be used appropriately, but can just as easily be used inappropriately. That's why, as you said Ginny, it is SO important for parents to monitor.
Within just a couple of clicks, I can pull up pornography on myspace.com It's not as patroled as they claim.
I agree that kids love to express themselves, but IMO, there are better/safer ways to go about it.
Yeah, you can find pornography on myspace. But ONLY if you are purposely looking for it. Of course with in a click you can find pornography all over google as well. The only way to truly be 100% safe is to never get online. And if your child is searching for pornography thats more of a family issure than an online problem. Also make sure your child is being honest about there age...alot of the time a 12 year old may lie about his age, claiming he's 18 just so he can view all of myspace's content.
There are no suggestive pics on my dd's myspace, or on her friends' pages, either.
I think this is all about the maturity of your child. Kristine is 17 and goes to myspace and has a profile, etc. I've been on there also and never seen anything bad, like Mazoku said, two girls kissing, but oh well. If your teen is mature I don't think this is a problem. I think maturity may be the issue here and some kids just don't realize what they are doing. This happened once when Kristine was 14. Someone got her phone number out of her. The person called about 100 times a day. By searching through the online history I figured out where she had been and we had a SERIOUS talk about internet safety. She did not realize that by saying what school she went to and what sport and her first name that it would be very easy for someone to figure out who she was if they decided to go to her school and mess with her! It never happened again. SHe is 17 now and I don't worry about it anymore as she thinks first, most of the time.
I really think it depends on the kids.
I dont have time to read all posts. Have to come back later. I want share a couple of things that happened to us. My jr high ds was going to Xanga.com and blogging. His friends from school were going there. They were giving out way too much personal info!!!! Like OUR PHONE NUMBER. grrr He was also getting IM's from a girl w/p o r n pics in her profile. He didnt have to go LOOK for it- someone just offered it up to him. I doubt this was actually a 14 yo girl too!!! It was probablt a gross old man.
My 12 yo ds was allowed to buy a T rated computer game. No big deal. Just a computer game. Bought it with his own money. I got into the game one day and somehow led myself to some p o r n pics!!! You could get to them from this game!!!! I threw the game out. Moved the upstairs computer down in the living room and we took them offline. When they go back online they will have a time limit, dh is getting a BETTER netsitter type software, AND it will be supervised in the living room with me and dh.
I think its pretty darn sad.  It makes me sick that they dont have to GO LOOKING for it. The p o r n industry would love for them to get hooked at a very young age.
Video games are really bad about nudity and language..and some go to far with the violence.
Even "The Sims" pc game where you can create families and build houses has some perverted conted. You can get nude patches for the characters. (basically the characters can walk around naked.) A major game to keep young children away from would be any "Grand Theft Auto" Game. The games lets you live the life of a criminal, shooting cops, stealing cars, being a hit man, running over prostitutes and civilians, and many other bad things. Most fighting games to day feature young sexy girls in really tight clothing...usually leather and every step they take they're breast bounce uncontolably. Everything is about sex now a days. If a game doesn't feature nudity, criminal activity or really bad language I would let it slide
We had a brief, very disturbing experience with Myspace. My dd's freind set her an account up, she visited there, and accepted her "real" freinds as freinds, than went out of town the next day, I was checking her e-mail, because I needed to e-mail something to her printer, and yes I have access to her e-mail, (shes' 12), she had a freind request, I went to her myspace acct, and pulled up this request, it was horrible, very graphic, very sexual in nature, this was not a "real" freind, just someone is cyber space that sent her a freind request, her profile was private. Upon further snooping there was a young lady from her school, pix taken in playboy bunny costume, leaving HORRIBALLY sexual messages for my dd and other friends, this gal is obviously troubled, but my dd does know her personally and said she does not act like this at school, but as mentioned above, chose my space to express herself. It was so explicit and harsh, and vulnerable, I felt I needed to go to the school about it. Not sure what her outcome is.
the problem for me is, my dd's real freinds are very innocent, but see they leave these questionairres all over the place, where do you go to school, favorite place to hang, another one, your biggest wish, one of dd's friends put for my parents to re-marry, this is very innocent, but to a predator it's very telling!
My dd will not have an account on there again, it's wide open for kids of all ages to intermingle, and express themselves but totally not appropriate for this mom
Leigh, you are in the age bracket of the kids that are using this site with good intentions, and are at an age when it's OK to express verbally and pictorally what they are thinking/doing etc, a young teen who can't be responsible for themselves let alone the actions of others are the ones in danger here.
All of this talk about MySpace made me wonder....So last night me and my DD went on together and I checked out all of her friends. My daughter is not allowed on the internet, and won't be allowed to have a Myspace account for a long time. LOL These kids give first and last names, pictures of them at their school, pictures of all their friends etc.. Everyone of them lied about their age just to have their own page. Makes me wonder how many parents even realize what their child is up to?? I do agree that there are risks to everything now days, but as long as I can protect my children I will!
I have an old friend that we just recently got back into touch with, she sent me her niece's myspace webpage link and I was FLOORED by it. This is a little girl who I used to babysit for and really knew her parents, etc... SHe had VERY revealing pictures on there and said she was 18 when she JUST turned 16.
I guess the sad thing to me is that her aunt (my friend) AND the girls' own mother SEE that she lied about her age AND the pics yet choose to let them stay on the webpage AND be pubicly viewed.
The thing about video games is they come rated and you aren't dealing with outside people (at least not typically). My kdis won't play grand theft auto, it is rated M for mature.
I think myspace has some great features and intentions, but I am sorry, I don't think under 16 (at that age may be too young) really have the ability to such big choices. It is even hard for me as an adult, to not give out too much info. We all have the need to connect and feel part of a group, teenagers are the worst. At least as an adult I see that dangers are REAL. Even at 18-20 I don't think I really got that, just ask my friends in college about some of my choices. I know my children will grow up and make mistakes, but that will happen soon enough. I let my 12 year old daughter (12 today!!) have email, she can email any of her friends that she wishes. It is an account through my server and I can delete it at any time. I check her email about once a week to make sure nothing inappropriate is popping through. She knows this, she is usually sitting there with me.
As parents I think we just let our kids have too much freedom. Life altering decisons only take a second. I feel like if we as parents stay more involved, tighten the reins a bit, we would see a drop in drug use, alcohol use and teens having sex. All of those things are things they would never do in front of you, and typically do to fit in. Also I think back to my growing up years and my friends, those who started dating young were having sex at a young age. It seems like after just kissing for years they felt ready to move on. My poor kids won't have much freedom, they can have that in college when they are old enough to live on their own!
I will at some point let my daughter have more web time, but not for sometime yet.
No myspace for my children either. They are allowed to email friends via my account. These are friends that live out of state and relatives. While I think the internet is a great way to "meet" like minded people--thus this board, I do not think my children need to be IMing or blogging online. I think they need to spend more time with friends/family in person.
Kaye, I agree with you. My kids will not be dating at a young age. When we allow them to start, it will be in groups. We are 110% involved in their lives. My son recently came home upset because a friend was mad at him for refusing to play grand theft auto. He told him he was not allowed. The friend tried to convince him that we would ever know. A proud mommy moment--my son said no and came home.
We have many discussions about what is out there. We watched Primetime last night about Natelee Halloway. It ended up being a 2 hour conversation about why she shouldn't have gone off with a strange boy and other situations that could be dangerous. Part of me hates discussing predators, drugs, sex, violence, etc with children who you want to be innocent forever. The other part of me feels that knowledge is power and the more they know/ask will prepare them for any situation they find themselves in.
OK...I am rambling...sorry! No myspace in my house.
Yvonne, your post could have been mine exactly. My kids are several years younger than yours still. But our rules and values are about the same. With the internet, dating, video games. And we have conversations about things I wish I could just shield my kids from, but I know that they are safer being equipped with information.
Ditto Kaye, Yvonne, Kim, Conni, Kym........should I go on?
I and my kids are no strangers to the internet. We first got a computer when my kids were 11 and 12. Even WITH all the talks about internet safety and security and child predators, etc., at that age, they have NO clue. Kids think *it will never happen to me*. They have tons of peer pressure. They want to be *cool* and accepted. They all long to fit in. And they are naive. Period. I don't care HOW many times you talk to them about this stuff, they are kids, they have no life experience, they trust, and they are just plain naive, so they will believe whatever a faceless stranger tells them.
They are also curious about sex and relationships; even if pornography is *harder* to find on some sites, it's there, one person discovers it, it gets passed on down the line, soon they all know where to find it.
Yes, they need *breathing* room, yes they need to express themselves. But until they are young adults, that breathing room is monitored by their parents.
Read the countless stories about kids who were harmed that began with innocent interaction in the internet. While the child predators are setting up profiles that give false information about age, etc., and telling the kids lies, the kids are also giving false information about themselves - saying they are older, giving the impression they are sexually experienced, whatever.
This messageboard allows you to delete your personal information from your profile once you're a member. That information is needed for our approval process. And do *some* applicants lie? Most definitely! But with all the info we ask for, including a valid traceable email address, we try to eliminate the shady ones. We check out the email addys and websites on each one. You can't imagine some of the pervs who have applied for membership here and we've checked them out and rejected them.
By the same token, that doesn't prevent one of our members from adding who-knows-what to their profile after they are approved, and we periodically check profiles for information as well.
I guess my rambling point is, the internet can be a very unreliable and dishonest place, and for a child, that can be extremely dangerous, and if not dangerous, it can be unacceptable, at the least.
It's up to parents to control and monitor what their kids are doing on the internet. And as long as they are children, if they're allowed to have pages on sites like myspace, then their parents have the right to - and should be - reading their profiles, their posts, and checking out those who have contacted them. Kids are not born wise and worldly, with the ability to distinguish fact and danger from the alternative stuff fed to them through complete strangers seeking to gain their trust. It's up to us to protect them from that, and from themselves in those situations.
Too much freedom produces disastrous results. Period. Pregnancy, molestation, early exposure to drugs and alcohol and diseases and God only knows what other illegal and even legal activities that kids have no place in. I'm not saying that all kids with pages or profiles on sites online have problems by any means. I agree it's a vehicle for self expression and chatting with friends, etc. BUT the kids who lie about their age and post provocative pics and give false impressions about who they *really* are, IMO have some emotional or esteem issues and are literally asking for trouble, and that needs to be dealt with BY THE PARENTS.
Bottom line - kids are just that - KIDS - and it's up to us as parents to teach, guide and PROTECT them.
Another thought on our message board.
You do have to be a member to post, but not to read. When I first started reading here one of the members was talking about taking her kids to play frisbee golf. Innocent enough post, but that is a pretty rare thing. Anyway after reading several post by her, I figured out where she lived, really only because my dad happened to just moved to her town. She put her house on the market, voila it was one that came up on the list for dad to look at. He didn't, but I will say that I thought of going I know she had NO idea that she gave out that much info. She didn't know who I was, I might of been crazy (who knows..could still be..lol). Anyway my point is, as adults we aren't great about being careful, there is just so much to think through.
Anything that asks for any personal information is in fact, dangerous. You could place an order online for something. And your computer stores this information as cookies onto the website. (this is also how you wind up getting lots of spam on your e-mail without ever knowing how it got there) I actually have a friend. (who is harmless by the way) who knows how to go to websites, such as Paypal, Amazon, and various other online stores and dowload those cookie files and get peoples addresses even they're bank accounts and credit card numbers. If he was infact a crazy preditor he would have no trouble finding a person he was looking for at all. Kind of scary..but myspace isn't the only place you should be concerned about.
You're right about that, Leigh, which is why I have my privacy settings set up so that I don't get cookies unless I give permission. And for sites where I place an order, I go into my cookie file a couple of times a month and remove cookies. I'd rather go through the hassle of typing in my username and password on a site than carry the cookie.
You have to be careful with the video games because once you go online with it (like via xbox live) you're innocent little game can turn very adult. I think the manufacturers state something like online experiences may change rating or something like that.
What they mean by "online experience changes the rating" is ONLY if you have the xbox head set that lets you hear what the other players are saying. All it means is that Microsoft is not responsible for what other people may say to you while playing.
Older Man Solicits Young Girl
...a 37-year-old man solicited a 16-year-old girl by visiting MySpace.com. The man misrepresented himself as being younger, then tracked her down. Lafayette Sheriff Lt. Craig Stansbury said the man showed up at the victim's after-school job and followed her to the parking lot, where he forced her into his car and attacked her. 'The assailant knew where she worked because she posted it on her MySpace profile,' Stansbury said.
Firefighter Sentenced
A Hughson firefighter was sentenced Thursday to a year in jail for engaging in sexual activity with a 16-year-old Lodi-area boy he met online. Camagna was arrested, and investigators soon learned that the two had met on MySpace.com, a popular Web site where friends meet up and exchange messages.
Teacher Accused of P+rn Chat
A high school teacher accused of making sexual advances to a 14-year-old girl on the Internet was arrested on computer pornography charges Wednesday. William Warren Greico, 42, first approached the girl after he saw her posting on myspace.com in August.
Man wants sex with young girl, then death
Scott was arrested in March 2005 and accused of searching the Internet for an 8-year-old girl to have sex with, and for a 16-year-old girl to kill him immediately after the sex act by smothering him.
MySpace romance leads to criminal activity
Joshua Perry, 27, faces up to five years in prison after being convicted earlier this month of four charges that included sexual misconduct and furnishing alcohol to a minor. The criminal complaint resulted from a romance that began after Perry read the girl's profile on the computer service MySpace.com.
Kayla Reed is still missing
Livermore police are asking for the public's assistance in locating a 15-year-old girl, missing since December and initially considered a runaway, whose case is now being investigated as an unknown circumstances missing person.
MySpace website cited in sexual encounter cases
...Stephen Letavec, 39, molested a 14-year-old Connecticut girl in his car while visiting from Elrama, Pa., in October, according to another FBI report. The FBI said Letavec made several visits to see the girl between last summer and January.
-----------------------------------------------
There is no need to get defensive about myspace. The issue isn't whether or not there is p-rn or other inappropriate content on myspace or any other online community or part of the web that teens can access.
I feel that the real issue is that we have in our society a "Perfect Storm" if you will. 1) Too many parents simply don't educate their teens and aren't involved in what they are doing online. 2) In addition to that, and it is unfortunate, but at the young ages of 12-17 or so, a kid's need to be accepted overrides their judgement. If they don't feel accepted at school, they can now go to the internet for that acceptance.
So take these two factors, 1) freedom and 2) insecurity, and add to it 3) the predators who know that the kids are vulnerable and without much supervision and you have the Perfect Storm for the expoitation of young people.
Leigh, I think that you may be a bit naive. I may be wrong, but I get the impression that you seem to feel that since nothing inappropriate has ever happened to you, the likelihood is low that it would happen to anyone else, either. You probably feel safe and don't see how online communities are in any way threatening to teens.
Perhaps that is because you are "net smart." You understand that you need to safeguard yourself, and you will probably teach that to your ds when he gets old enough to learn how to use the computer. But the fact is that if this weren't a problem, there wouldn't be stories like the ones above and there wouldn't be websites like safeteens.com, safekids.com, and missingkids.com.
If you hand over an internet computer to your teen, you may as well be handing them the keys to the family car. You may have confidence in your teen to be able to drive the car, but what about their ability to watch out for other dangerous drivers on the road, too?
I got this in an email today and wanted to share it:
NOTE: Be sure to read this completely - then - if you like you can
toss but read first.
Shannon could hear the footsteps behind her as she walked toward home.
The thought of being followed made her heart beat faster. "You're being
silly, she told herself, "no one is following you." To be safe, she
began to walk faster, but the footsteps kept up with her pace. She was
afraid to look back and she was glad she was almost home. Shannon said
>a quick prayer, "God please get me home safe." She saw the porch light
>burning and she leaned against the door for a moment, relieved to be in
>the safety of her home. She glanced out the window to see if anyone was
>there. The sidewalk was empty.
>
>
>
> After tossing her books on the sofa, she decided to grab a snack
>and get on-line. She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213. She
>checked her
>
> Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on.
>
>
>
> She sent him an instant message:
>
>
>
> By Angel213:
>
> Hi. I'm glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home
>today. It was really weird!
>
>
>
> GoTo123:
>
> LOL You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you?
>Don't you live in a safe neighborhood?
>
>
>
> ByAngel213:
>
> Of course I do. LOL I guess it was my imagination cuz' I didn't
>see anybody when I looked out.
>
>
>
> GoTo123:
>
> Unless you gave your name out on-line. You haven't done that have you?
>
>
>
> ByAngel213:
>
> Of course not. I'm not stupid you know.
>
>
>
> GoTo123:
>
> Did you have a softball game after school today?
>
>
>
> ByAngel213:
>
> Yes and we won!!
>
>
>
> GoTo123:
>
> That's great! Who did you play?
>
>
>
> ByAngel213:
>
> We played the Hornets. LOL. Their uniforms are so gross! They look
>like bees. LOL
>
>
>
> GoTo123:
>
> What is your team called?
>
>
>
> ByAngel213:
>
> We are the Canton Cats. We have tiger paws on our uniforms. They
>are really cool.
>
>
>
> GoTo123:
>
> Did you pitch?
>
>
>
> ByAngel213:
>
> No I play second base. I got to go. My homework has to be done
>before my parents get home. I don't want them mad at me. Bye!
>
>
>
> GoTo123:
>
> Catch you later. Bye
>
>
>
> Meanwhile.....GoTo123 went to the member menu and began to search
>for her profile. When it came up, he highlighted it and printed it out.
>He took out a pen and began to write down what he knew about Angel so far.
>
>
>
> Her name: Shannon
>
> Birthday: Jan. 3, 1985
>
> Age: 13
>
> State where she lived: North Carolina
>
> Hobbies: softball, chorus, skating and going to the mall.
>
> Besides this information, he knew she lived in Canton because she
>had just told him. He knew she stayed by herself until 6:30 p.m. every
>afternoon until her parents came home from work. He knew she played
>softball on Thursday afternoons on the school team, and the team was
>named the Canton Cats. Her favorite number 7 was printed on her jersey.
>He knew she was in the eight grade at the Canton Junior High School.
>She had told him all this in the conversations they had on- line. He
>had enough information to find her now.
>
>
>
> Shannon didn't tell her parents about the incident on the way home
>from the ball park that day. She didn't want them to make a scene and
>stop her from walking home from the softball games. Parents were always
>overreacting and hers were the worst. It made her wish she was not an
>only child. Maybe if she had brothers and sisters, her parents wouldn't
>be so overprotective.
>
>
>
> By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her.
>
>
>
> Her game was in full swing when suddenly she felt someone staring
>at her. It was then that the memory came back. She glanced up from her
>second base position to see a man watching her closely.
>
>
>
> He was leaning against the fence behind first base and he smiled
>when she looked at him. He didn't look scary and she quickly dismissed
>the fear she had felt.
>
>
>
> After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach.
>She noticed his smile once again as she walked past him. He nodded and
>she smiled back. He noticed her name on the back of her shirt. He knew
>he had found her. Quietly, he walked a safe distance behind her. It was
>only a few blocks to Shannon's home, and once he saw where she lived he
>quickly returned to the park to get his car.
>
>
>
> Now he had to wait. He decided to get a bite to eat until the time
>came to go to Shannon's house. He drove to a fast food restaurant and
>sat there until time to make his move.
>
>
>
> Shannon was in her room later that evening when she heard voices
>in the living room.
>
>
>
> "Shannon, come here," her father called. He sounded upset and she
>couldn't imagine why. She went into the room to see the man from the
>ballpark sitting on the sofa.
>
>
>
> "Sit down," her father began, "this man has just told us a most
>interesting story about you."
>
> Shannon sat back. How could he tell her parents anything? She had
>never seen him before today!
>
>
>
> "Do you know who I am, Shannon?" the man asked.
>
>
>
> "No," Shannon answered.
>
>
>
> "I am a police officer and your online friend, GoTo123."
>
>
>
> Shannon was stunned. "That's impossible! GoTo is a kid my age!
>Heâ?Ts
>14 and he lives in Michigan!"
>
>
>
> The man smiled. "I know I told you all that, but it wasn't true.
>You see, Shannon, there are people on-line who pretend to be kids; I
>was one of them. But while others do it to find kids and hurt them, I
>belong to a group of parents who do it to protect kids from predators.
>I came here to find you to teach you how dangerous it is to talk to
>people on-line. You told me enough about yourself to make it easy for
>me to find you. Your name the school you went to, the name of your ball
>team and the position you played. The number and name on your jersey just made finding you a breeze."
>
>
>
> Shannon was stunned. "You mean you don't live in Michigan?"
>
>
>
> He laughed. "No, I live in Raleigh. It made you feel safe to think
>I was so far away, didn't it?"
>
>
>
> She nodded.
>
>
>
> "I had a friend whose daughter was like you. Only she wasn't as lucky.
>The guy found her and murdered her while she was home alone. Kids are
>taught not to tell anyone when they are alone, yet they do it all the
>time on-line. The wrong people trick you into giving out information a
>little here and there on-line. Before you know it, you have told them
>enough for them to find you without even realizing you have done it. I
>hope you've learned a lesson from this and won't do it again. Tell
>others about this so they will be safe too?"
>
>
>
> "It's a promise!"
Well I had never looked at Myspace but this post prompted me to go and look. Well one poster was inquiring about what people thought of "hentia". Well I had never heard of this and didn't know what it is. So I googled it and guess what? It is graphic JAPANESE CARTOON ••••!!! There was no warning, I didn't have to go to a special blog room for XXX content. It was right there for any kid to come across. There is no way my daughter will engage in these blog places.
Leigh I disagree that parents can over react about the dangers of the internet. I don't think many parents react enough because they are lulled into a false sense of security since there is a feeling of anonimity. I think the internet is as dangerous as walking down the street. At least on the street you are looking for the problem situations. On the internet I think the problem situations can sneak up on you or your child and the damage can be done before you even know what happened.
Breann, that email story is an urban legend. Its on snopes.com. However, It does send a good message.
Shannon's Story
With parental controls in place the "hentia" will not come up on the computer. I just tried it.
Thanks for another awareness.
I long for the good ole days before the internet...when reports/ homework were handwritten at the library, using an encyclopedia and a dictionary! LOL
Colorado Police Use MySpace to Identify Rape Suspects
I should be able to let this lie, but for some reason everytime I read an article about internet community websites like myspace, I just think about this thread. Forgive me if this is overkill. But I just read one more article that lends itself to the importance of watching over our kids.
http://www.bradenton.com/mld/bradenton/news/nation/14557681.htm
I don't think there is such a thing as overkill in this area. If one parent is made more aware by reading this stuff then it's a good thing!
Michelle - I agree 100%! Your kids are the most precious thing(s) in your life. You can NOT be too careful. I think the more said, the better!!
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