Ok. He's not a baby.. he's 6 (kindergartener) but still my little baby. I am an emotional wreck. My ds has been in the same daycare for 3 years and has 3 bestfriends. Playdates, sleepover etc. Lately, my ds has not been himself and seems depressed. I found out that one of his friends and him had an argument over a board game. According to Josh his friend cheated and when Josh called him on it, he got mad. That was a few weeks ago and his friend will not speak to him anymore and has influenced the other friends, too. During reading time all 4 boys were looking at a book and when my ds asked to join, they told him "go away. we don't want you here". They then started walking away and told him "don't follow us or we'll tell". He said he just sat down alone. They also exclude him from games and when the teacher makes them include him he says they are mean to him. There are only 5 kindergarten boys in the class so ds has been trying to play with the older boys. But I can tell he is sad. When he told me this I was heart broken. Ds is such a sweet and sensitive boy. I am planning on talking to his teacher today and considering even pulling him out if they continue to alienate him and hurt his feelings. But then am I giving him the wrong message by teaching him it's ok to run away from the situation and not deal with it? Every time I imagine how he must have felt when they told him to "go away", I tear up. I know I am way too sensitive but I feel so bad for him. Any advice ladies?

By Heaventree on Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 12:59 pm:

Oh Sweetie, no advice here, it is sad.

Lots Of Hugs.

I'm sure you'll get some good advice from some of the ladies here.

By Debbie on Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 02:55 pm:

Since they are such good friends, do you know the little boy's mom that your ds had the fight with? If you do, I would suggest getting together with the mom, her ds, and you and your ds. Talk to the mom first and let her know that her ds and your ds got into a fight and they are not speaking, and that you want to work it out. I would try to work it out before you think about pulling him out. Most dks at this age don't have a lot of social skills as far as solving problems. If you and the other mom help, I am sure they can work it out.

By Tklinreston on Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 03:55 pm:

I did speak to his mom today. She was just as upset as I was about it and told me that she would speak to her ds about it. We are hoping to get them together. I know this is a learning experience for ds but the mom in me wants to put a protective shield around him all the time. I know I can't and I have to let life happen around him and do my best to simply guide him the best I can. I only thought about pulling him out if the alientation by all of the boys continue. Hopefully, it won't come to that. Thanks for listening.

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 04:49 pm:

One of my bosses had a similar situation with his 9 year old son, and we talked about it, trying to strategize, because I've raised sons who survived to adulthood.

One of the ideas we came up with was to have some special event, like going to a movie or something, and invite one or two of the boys who were former friends and are now avoiding him, and then talk at school about what fun it was - in an effort to separate the lead bully from his followers. Unfortunately, bullies get lots of followers because they are afraid they will be the next target otherwise. And what this boy is doing is bullying, make no mistake. It may not be physical, but it hurts and he knows it hurts. I hope his mom can get through to him and make it clear it has to stop. I would also definitely speak to the teacher and try to get her to see that this excluding is really a form of bullying. Surely there are some videos and/or books on bullies and bullying she could share with the class in an effort to end this.

By Amecmom on Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 05:46 pm:

Ditto the others. Kids make up pretty quickly. I'm surprised this has gone on for so long. Is there another boy who maybe was not tight with the group before, but has taken your son's place who might be instigating and adding fuel to the fire so to speak?

I'm glad you and the little boy's mom are on the same page.

Ame

By Debbie on Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 05:50 pm:

I'm glad you talked to the little boy's mom. It is great that she is willing to step in and talk to her ds. Hopefully, with the help of both of you, this can be resolved. I completely understand where you are coming from, there is nothing worse then watching our dks be hurt. Like Ginny suggested, I would definitely talk to his teacher if it doesn't get worked out. Your ds should not have to deal with this at school.

By Colette on Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 08:42 pm:

I would also talk to the teacher. She should do a group lesson about how words can hurt your heart and that hearts take a long time to heal. That little talk always works quite well with 5/6yr olds. Especially if she adds in that it makes her heart hurt to know that any of her students hearts hurt.

By Tklinreston on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 11:04 am:

Me & the mom too were surprised as to how long this has been going on. It's not natural for a 6 year old to hold a grudge for so long. The mom says she thinks a neighborhood older boy whom she really dislikes is influencing him. I also spoke to the teachers. There are several teachers watching over a group of kids during open time, which is most of the time (kindergarten to 6th grade) but each age group does have their own teacher to keep an eye out. When I started telling them about the reading incident & how "according to my ds" he was told to go away & not follow them, the teacher nods and says she overheard those exact words and that it was not acceptable to her. She says she is pretty sure it was addressed. Pretty sure?? And if it was addressed why did Josh end up alone? Any why didn't anyone tell me what happened? I told them these children needed to be supervised and that kind of rude behavior & alienation should not be allowed in a place where I pay good money for and entrust my child to. I also found out through other moms who have actually witnessed my ds not getting fair time in organized games outside. Needless to say I wasn't happy. We are definitely considering pulling him out because we are not happy with the staff & it's expensive. He is only there 1 1/2 to 2 hours/day and it costs $650 mth. If he was happy there and well cared for, it would be worth it. Again, thanks for your supportive words and understanding!

By Vicki on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 11:36 am:

Just don't do anything too quickly. I too and surprised that it has been going on for this long. I have always thought that boys got over things soooo much faster than girls. This to me sounds like a girl thing! They can hold grudges forever!! Anyway, give this a little time to work out. They are young and need to be taught ways to work out differences. If they had that great of a friendship before, I am willing to bet that they can get past it. It has just been recently that all parties have started to work on it. See what you and the other mom can get worked out between the boys outside of school. I would also be curious to hear what some of the others boys version of the events are. The teacher may have heard those words, but what is their version of what happened before that? I am willing to bet something happened that they each have their own version of. The truth will be somewhere in the middle of all of it. Just don't pull him out really quick because you could have all of this resolved fairly quickly.

By Tklinreston on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 01:27 pm:

Vicki, I know you're right. I do need to give it some time. His mom and I are going to take the boys out to lunch this weekend and I'm sure it will be fine between them. My ds wants to write a letter to his friend to let him know that he misses playing with him and wishes they could be good friends again and give it to him on our lunch date.