Child who gets into everything! Help!
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Hello everyone. I introduced myself a few weeks ago but this is my 1st time posting a question.
First of all we love our son very much. He's a bright, happy, and smart 4yo (nearly 5). But he's had a problem with getting into things for years - and I mean just about everything. He just cannot seem to stop himself from touching, using, exploring, and/or breaking things.
We went through this with our older child for a while - around age 2. But it was a phase & soon passed.
We are at our wits end about how to stop or curb this problem with ds. It's gone on for so long and causes so many problems. A couple of years ago we discussed this with our ped (because at 3.5y it seemed he should have been past this stage) and were pretty much told to feel lucky that we had such a bright & curious child. Yes, we're lucky for that but it seems as if there should be some balance and/or that he needs to learn to use that curiosity in a better manner.
To give you some examples of his behavior -
We've had to put safety latches on the pantry door & fridge because he will get into and eat treats, he's well fed, not going hungry but if he asks for a snack & I say no (if it's too close to dinner time for instance) then I can pretty count on him trying to sneak that snack (today he stuck his hands in a cake on the counter - he was grounded for an hour, but then he did it AGAIN).
He has broken several of his older brother's projects or toys. Recently he broke a wooden plane his brother made (& was very proud of) - even though he was told not to touch it & it was placed in an out of the way spot (we thought). He was first given the chance to look at it and hold it under supervision - but still decided to get into it later & somehow broke it. Yesterday he broke brother's new model train set. This is becoming a real problem between them, older brother is always worried about his things, always trying to find a hiding spot, and becoming very resentful towards his younger brother. We've had ds apologize, use his allowance to replace broken items and talked till we're blue in the face.
He will get into all sorts of things - my perfume sprayed all over the bathroom, dad's cell or wallet left on the counter, paperwork, mail, just anything. Imagine your 2yo and all the things they get can manage to get into & that's my son.
We've worked hard to praise him when he's seemed to control his impulses. We've not only told him what not to do but what to do instead - tell himself no, walk away, etc. I do my best to keep him busy - preschool 3 mornings a week (some times he has the same problems at school just not as often), library & park the other mornings, a craft project or 'school' work in the afternoons, play dates. I think he's well supervised, but I can't & don't want to keep him velcroed to my side. He should be able to play by himself for a while & have some freedom.
He is the sort of boy who doesn't talk much, it's hard for us to get out of him how he's feeling and often times when we talk with him he looks away or even tries to walk away. We really have no idea (no way of telling) if what we say is getting through to him.
It makes me sad, just breaks my heart that my little boy is in trouble so often. It's nearly a daily thing and so frustrating. I try so hard to balance it out with fun & praise for good behaviour.
I'm sorry this is so long but I wanted to give a good picture. I'm open to all ideas and suggestions, even if you think it's something we're doing wrong. I just want to help our son and I am especially worried about the relationship with his older brother. Thank you for reading.
Welcome!
I am not suggesting that this is the case with your son, but I thought I'd throw it in. My son had speech issues and when I had him evaluated, a Sensory Integration Profile was done. One of the things I was concerned about was this constant touching of things and people. He was very huggy. He didn't get into things, but he did have trouble not touching something and also seemed clumsy - breaking thiings, tripping, etc.
It turns out that he has Sensory Integration Disorder. He's had several months of OT and he is much better about touching things.
Your son probably is just a very curious and exuberant 4 year old. I just wanted to share this with you as something to consider.
Ame
Thank you Ame. Our son isn't very huggy (I wish he were! it's so nice when he does want to snuggle). If he weren't just 4yo I'd say he's pretty much like that sterotypical male - not very affectionate & silent about his feelings.
I also don't think he's any more clumsy than a typical 4/5yo (he doesn't trip or spill his milk or drop things).
Maybe though there are different types of sensory disorders - I will keep this in mind & bring it up with his ped.
I am curious how the OT has helped him not touch things - is there anything we might be able to apply to our son?
Hi Mia,
I don't know much about 4 year olds, but these are my thoughts after reading your post.
I would get him evaluated as I don't think there is any harm, talk to your ped. again.
My guess is that he does not want to be in trouble everyday but for some reason he is having a hard time not getting into trouble. If he is having a hard time expressing himself, he might be feeling misunderstood as well and in my opinion it would be better to get a handle on this now before he's older.
It sounds to me that you are doing a great job, there is no failure in asking for some professional advice on helping your child learn to cope and deal with the world. Kuddos to you for being such a good mom and looking for a solution to help your son.
(((HUGS)))
Yeah, you might want to think about an evaluation of some kind. You might even be able to get the school district to do some of it for free. You can contact the neighborhood school he would be in if he were school age and see about getting a special ed eval. You might also go to the pediatrician and ask for a referral to a developmental pediatrician for an eval.
You want to rule in or out things like ADHD, sensory integration, learning disabilities, non-verbal LDs, Aspergers, speech and language disorders, expressive and receptive language isues, oppositional defiant disorder, pervasive developmental disorder, etc.
There are little tests on the internet you can look at - here's one for PDD
http://www.childbrain.com/pddassess.html
Here's an ADD test
http://www.amenclinic.com/ac/tests/add_test1.php
You are lucky you have another child and it makes it easier to see when things might be atypical. Might be. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with your child.
Also there is a "under age 5" forum on www.conductdisorders.com that is helpful for any parent with young kids having difficuties whether there is a dx or not.
Hugs to you. Glad you posted!!
Thanks everyone, you've been kind. I was expecting responses more on the line of "try a chart with reward stars" 
It sounds like you've exhausted all those options, Mia. You've got a busy little guy and, if you've been consistent and it hasn't worked, I'd start looking in other areas. I have a 4yo girl who is more than able to play by herself for half an hour or so, unsupervised, without getting into things she shouldn't or breaking our rules. I would be more concerned that there is some kind of impulse control issue and the deception he's trying to use to sneak around and get snacks or into his brother's special things. Try to get an evaluation through the school district. My ds has high-functioning autism and the evaluation process is pretty good. Good luck, I know how tough it can be to have an atypical kid. He's lucky to have a mom that cares enough to teach him how to cope and not to just blow it off as "boys will be boys".
Yes, it's leaning that way Tink. Honestly something more serious had not occured to me until reading these responses. I have been thinking for a long time that it's just something I'm not doing right, that somehow I'm not finding what works with my sons personality. He did have a very difficult birth and at the time I worried that he may have problems because of that, but it's been a long time since I worried because of the birth.
Mia, I have so been there. Your little guy is extremely intelligent and needs constant stimulation. I have a child that is very similar. We had to lock our frige and pantry as she would hide food all over the house in little stashes. She is well fed also. She could pick the door locks at two if she found a screwdriver and unhook high latches at one with a broom. She was/is a climber and we can't hide anything in the house. She'll find it. She has gone through the breaking phase, the permanat marker phase, the nail polish phase (these on furniture and walls). She drank nail polish remover and many other things....poison control was called often when she was younger. THERE IS HOPE. She has outgrown SO MANY of these things. I bought so many books...the spirited child book and workbook, discipline books, help me I am going insane books! The best thing I found I could do was be as consistent as possible in everything, from routines t discipline. K needs a strong structure or she falls apart. I researched high functioning autism when she was little because I thought it was something along those lines. She is 7 now and has calmed down so much in the last year. Things are still frustrating but she can go to the store now where before the meltdown would begin within 10 minutes. I would also def have him evaluated. And if they do not find anything keep going with the consistency. I have four kids and K broke SO AMNY of their things! SHe now will get into the sibling things but doesn't break anymore. Sometimes she will take things though. Maybe put a lock on brother's door?
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that in my case it got better. Its not gone, but I am not pulling my hair out every day. Let us know what happens, ok? And vent anytime!
Thanks for the hopeful message Kim. I laughed about the picking of door locks, our son does that too. We have resorted to putting a chain lock up high on some doors, but they get forgotten sometimes or he will use a chair or anything else he can stand on. Luckily no poison control yet No meltdowns in the stores but he refuses to stay at my side so he gets one warning and then I resort to holding his hand on the cart. He does do a lot of whining and defiant 'grunt' noises. I've noticed the structure thing too, it helps if I really plan out his days. But I have a younger child too and it gets really difficult and frustrating to have to always be on top of a 4 almost 5yo (independence isn't just for kids, it's for mommy's too! lol). I'm really glad to know your dd is outgrowing her behaviors, it sounds like you've worked really hard & well with her. We'll keep up the routines & consistency & also talk to his ped about testing. I also mentioned on the Zyrtec thread that he's been taking it for 2 years - I'm going to ask about stopping that to see if it makes a difference. Thanks!
yes, door locks...Kayla would run out naked in the snow when we lived in IL.....anything to be free....:o) Kayla also has food allergies, well, dye allergies I believe. I have to limit her exposure to red and orange coloured snacks and drinks. LOL, Kayla STILL grunts! She grunted before she could talk. And BOY did she get her message across well! Yes, it is frustrating and we DO need independence! I am for the first time able to get an occasional breath of air!
When he starts school be very up front with the teachers, even if he ends up having no dx. K's teachers know from the other teachers that I am a work-along Mom and will try to thelp them with her in any way at home. I think having that united front is extremely inportant with kids like this.
Just from my own curiosity, did your ds have GERD when he was a baby?
Sorry about all of the typos...I was in a rush this morning!
Kim, what's GERD?
Mia, hope it gets better with your son.
Gastro-Esophageal Reflux Disease
Gastroesophageal reflux is the term used to describe a backflow of acid from the stomach into the swallowing tube or esophagus.
Thanks Dawn!
You're welcome!
Yes Kim, he had GERD - he had 'colic' for at least his first year & the doc said it was GERD though the medicine never seemed to help. What a long year that was! My dh and I slept in shifts and the baby cried probably 75% of the time. He also has allergies and eczema, and his birth was difficult resulting in breathing problems & seizures and a weeks stay in the NICU.
He starts K next year and I'll be sure to be upfront with his teacher/school. He seems to do okay in Preschool but that's only 3 hours 3x week & is very structured.
He recently had his speech tested at the advice our his ped - no problem found. And he had his adenoids removed just a few months ago.
Oh my, the door locks! Last summer the police brought my boy home!!! He had gone down the street 2 blocks after our dog (I was nursing the baby for a nap & had sat ds down to watch cartoons - didn't even know he was gone  Now there is a key deadbolt at the top of the front door & garage door - and a pin lock on the back patio door. It's like Fort Knox here!
Thanks for your btdt advice
Sounds like you have had a rough time with him! My sister had a baby who didn't sleep much and she had her DH were exhausted.
Well, I hope you don't feel bad about the police thing! I could tell you stories about Kayla, somewhat similar. SOmeday it will be funny. I just hope I make it through until she is an adult!
I find it interesting that a lot of kids like this had GERD. Kayla was the same, colic and terrible GERD for the first year, screamed for hours and hours every night. The GERD got better as time went on. She has allergies and eczema also. I wonder if there is a connection. Kayla is hypersensitive to sight smell sound, etc also. Hmmmmmm, just something to think about!
Kayla used to call 911 if she was mad.....talk about surprise surprise...
Randy had, and still has gerd.
Ame
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