My 9yo DD has been stealing. A while back DH took her to the firehall. He is a volunteer fireman. When they got home he realized she had taken some candy without permission.

Then today, her teacher catches her stealing bubblegum from behind the teacher's desk. The teacher has noticed this had been happening but she didn't know who was doing it until today.

So, this is what I have so far for punishment:

1. No TV/Computer for a week
2. Must replace the gum using her own money
3. When our priest returns from out of town she will go to confession

Is this enough? We are planning on seeing a live theatre production of Peter Pan this weekend. Should I take that away too?

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 07:34 pm:

I think the discipline you list above is sufficient. Taking away the theatre would be overkill.

Look, at some point children take what doesn't belong to them because they want it. Every child, or almost every child. Children have a hard time learning the rules about what the Romans called meeum and tuum, and that they can't have what they want just because they want it.

Yes, you have to act on it, which you did. And I think the disciplines you list are appropriate. She must learn, first, if it's not yours - leave it alone; and second, that actions have consequences. Candy and bubblegum are small things, but that is where most children learn the first rules about property rights and not taking what isn't yours and isn't given to you. Almost all children try this, and almost all children - if their parents are smart and jump on it right away - learn the lesson very quickly. I remember taking my oldest son back to the neighborhood drug store to pay out of his allowance for the candybar he had taken and not paid for.

But you really don't want to overkill. You might say that you had been thinking about taking away the theatre, but decided that the punishments you had put in place were sufficient - this time. But that if it ever happens again, the discipline/punishment will be a lot more severe. And that you thought about taking away the theatre experience will give her a good idea of what "more severe" could mean.

By Emily7 on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 08:50 pm:

I agree with Ginny.

By Paulas on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 08:55 pm:

Oh and I forgot to mention how she lied about it several times today before finally admitting the truth.

By Melanie on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 09:03 pm:

I also agree with Ginny. I am not surprised that she lied about it...she was trying not to get into trouble. Perfectly normal. Be happy the she tried this and got caught now when the price tag is very low. She will learn an important lesson at the age of nine that some kids don't learn until they are 16 or older. This is a wonderful learning opportunity for her. What you have set up as consequences are just right. Don't ruin the lesson by going too far.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 11:10 pm:

I don't remember anymore what my bad thing was. I just remember sitting in the living room talking about it with my parents. I think I was about 10 or so. I was supposed to go on a trip to an amusement park the next day. They asked me what I thought would be an appropriate punishment. I did say, that maybe I shouldn't go on the trip. My parents said that was a good idea, but that it was already paid for, so they would let me go. I can't even remember if I got a separate punishment or not. I just remember the discussion and the fact that I still got to go. I really think discussing it was embarrassing enough that I must not have done it again.

Anyway, I think the list you have should be sufficient.

By Insaneusmcwife on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 07:31 am:

I agree the list is good for now. So far I haven't had to deal with that yet and don't know that I will with ds. He has been on the other end of the stick and had stuff stolen from him so he knows how it feels. He often talks about how the other kids at school steal things from each others desks and thats why he doesn't leave anything at school. My dd on the other hand, I don't think has attempted it yet, is still young and we just may go though this with her. Oh the joys of parenting, sigh!

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 10:45 am:

Yeah, Emily has had her mechanical pencils stolen often enough at school. We buy plainer pencils now. Seems the cool ones were just too coveted by other people.

By Groovepickle on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 04:16 pm:

Her stealing seems to revolve around food maybe she feels she doesn't get enough snacks? Just a thought. Did you ask her why she was doing it? In my oppinion most kids steal things at one point or another and usually learn a valuable lesson from it like Melanie said, I'd be more concerned about the lying.

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 06:43 pm:

I would suggest that the reason she focused on candy is that she is a 9 year old and kids like candy. I wonder, by the way, if the candy in the firehouse was in a bowl or jar that might make a kid think it was open for general eating. The bubblegum - if the teacher is using it for a treat for the kids, frankly, shame on her. I don't think teachers should be giving kids candy or bubblegum. If it was confiscated, it should either be given back to the child from who it was confiscated at the end of the day, or thrown out.

None of which excuses your daughter taking something that wasn't hers and that she didn't have permission to take. But, I do wonder about the circumstances and the level of temptation. My personal rule of thumb in my house was that if I left the cookie jar on the table in easy reach, I was as much at fault as the boy who took some cookies from the jar, at least until the boys were mature enough to understand why they shouldn't have a treat if they wanted it and it was in plain reach.

By Paulas on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 10:26 pm:

Alyssa, she has lots of snacks in her lunchkit...just not candy. She has nutrigrain bars, cheese whiz and breadsticks, real fruit gummies and a fruit..in addition to her sandwich. So, it is more that she has a sweet tooth than not getting enough.

I'm not sure about the candy at the firehall but I do know that the teacher (and yes, it is used as a reward...that's a whole other sunject ) suspected that someone had been taking it so she put tape on the container that is kept behind her desk. She put tape on two sides so it could still be flipped up on two sides. Does that make sense? I'm not sure when exactly she took it, whether it was through the day or afterschool while she waited for me. Yes, I work at this school which makes this very embarrasing.

One positive thing-as she was being spoken to yesterday about this, she went and got a sparkly new pencil and handed it to the teacher. She then explained that she had given one of her classmates some gum in exchange for this new pencil so she was returning it. AHHHH, a glimmer of hope