Toddler Meal Times ARRRGGG!
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What do you do when your child will not eat the lunch you made or the dinner you made?
I know he won't starve himself and I don't want mealtime to become a battle ground, but I also do not want to cook different meals for different people in the house.
He hardly ate lunch today and refused dinner. I gave in and gave him a smoothie. I'll get DH to try to get him to eat a little later, but I'm sure the smoothie filled him up.
Any suggestions?
LOL, don't give in and give him a smoothie! ;)
I've never been one to worry about whether or not my kids eat at meal time. If they don't eat dinner, no worries, breakfast is in twelve hours. If they are hungry enough, they will eat. I don't harass them about it and I certainly don't become a short order cook.
Others think this approach is too harsh, but it works in our house. Figure out how you want to deal with it and then be consistent. Good luck! 
My dks are a little older but have always been picky eaters (still are!). If they don't want what they've been offered, they can have a piece of fruit, a veggie or a healthy snack like a fruit leather or string cheese. I refuse to make a separate meal for any member of the family. I have such picky eaters that I'd end up making five different meals every night.
You are right. Your ds won't voluntarily starve. And you are right, you should not be a short order cook.
So, to repeat what others above have said. Here is dinner. If you don't eat it by the time the rest of us are through with dinner, breakfast is at (time). No snacks, no special meals, and especially no treats. I don't even like Tink's practice of a "healthy" snack - you eat what is put in front of you or go hungry is the way I was raised, and the way I raised my children.
I'd be a bit more flexible about lunch, as you don't have dh to take into consideration. You can have (1), (2) or (3) for lunch, your choice, and these are the only choices. Make sure the choices are (a) healthy, and (b) at least one something he has eaten before.
You are not battling, you are just stating the ground rules and the facts. And don't battle about it. If he whines or cries, he can be excused from the table. But don't argue with him. It isn't open for discussion - this is the way it is, kid. Learn to live with it. (And if you think I'm a mean mother, you're right. I am. Live with it.)
My oldest son tried not eating what was in front of him, and the advice I gave above is the advice my doctor gave me. He went a couple of days eating only one meal out of three, and then decided it was not a battle he could win. With him as the example, I never had that battle with the other two. I didn't raise any picky eaters, and you shouldn't either.
Allergies are different thing entirely. If he is allergic to something or something really upsets his stomach, you have to take that into account. Otherwise - here is the meal I have prepared, and the next meal I will prepare is at (time). Bon appetit.
Heaventree- We are going through this right now! I am a bit worried usually because Natalie is already a small kid. She used to be such a big eater! I have to say she eats healthy foods, but she ate about 4 bites for dinner tonight and that is getting to be the norm these days.
DH and I discuss it all the time. We've decided we will give her a healthy alternative that I DON'T have to cook, and if she doesn't want that, she's down from the table and moves on. Tonight I offered her a cup of applesauce, she ate 3 bites, and that was it. Since she wasn't eating the dinner I made AND not eating the applesauce, she was finished.
I think it's hard! You worry about them getting enough to eat, but I agree that I also am not fixing different meals for different people and I don't want to set up a pattern that she can just eat what she feels like eating at dinnertime.
We're thinking of switching from the high chair to the booster seat and see if she is more interested in dinner. I'm sure it won't help! She eats little breakfast and little dinner these days, but eats a decent lunch. It's so frustrating!!! I wish I could NOT worry about this!
We used to say our kids were living on air! Sometimes they would hardly eat anything. Other meals, they ate everything in sight!
If my husband and I are having, let's say, fish for dinner with carrots and a salad and I know my son doesn't like cooked carrots but does like them raw and hates xyz in his salad then I'll just put the raw carrots in his bowl and pick from the salad bowl lettuce and whatever else he likes. That's about all I'm willing to budge. It's not preparing a separate meal but it does take a little separate prep. For some dishes I prepare I'll put a small portion of it aside before I add an ingredient (pepper, onions, etc.)that I know he hates.
It's just so hard to know sometimes. He's usually a good eater, he loves carrots, brussel sprouts (no really), broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, green beans, yogurt, oatmeal, all fruit. A little picky with meat, but will usually eat some of it.
I guess I just doubt myself when I cook something out of the norm. It's so frustrating taking so much time to prepare good healthy food and they don't eat it! I know it can be a control issue, so I'm trying not to push it.
Anyway he definately does not like avocado.
Ginny, I like your comment about being a mean mummy, I think we want our kids to like us and we run around trying to accomodate them too much sometimes.
You guys are right as usual, I'll tough it out and he'll eat when he's ready.
Thanks.
When my kids tell me I am mean, I agree and tell them I am the meanest mom in the whole world. (With a huge smile, of course) LOL.
Sometimes they try to up me by saying they don't like me. I smile and tell them that's okay because I have enough love for both of us. LOL. That leaves them no where to go. ;)
Remember, in the end he will become a happy, well-adjusted adult who is not a picky eater. This phase he is going through is just a blip in time. Keep it in perspective, and it will all be just fine.
Melanie, that is exactly what I did with my sons. And when they said they didn't like me or didn't love me, I'd say that's OK, you don't have to - but you do have to respect me and you do have to do what I tell you.
YOu are exactly right - if you say it, it leaves them nowhere to go. I always thought of it as preempting what they might say.
We laugh about it now, and they have said that they will probably raise their kids the way I raised them.
I have a 2yo and I still make him a separate meal - I don't think I can expect him to eat all the things that we like as adults. I think he is too little for me to explain the whole "just take a bite" thing and when we do have things that we know he'll like, then he eats with us. If he refuses a meal in hopes he can just go straight to getting a cookie, well then his only option is something healthy. As he gets older, I will expect him to try more things and make sure that I serve some things at each meal I know he'll enjoy.
When my kids were 2yo I didnt battle at meal times with them or try to discipline for not eating. My doctor is one of those that is really into not making it a battle and he always told me they wouldnt starve themselves. So if they didnt eat at mealtime (usually lunch was the problem meal. they ate breakfast fine and dinner fine when we were all seated as a family). As long as you are offering a healthy lunch and offering healthy snacks, and he is eating some of it (whether it be the lunch or the snacks. Or 2 bites of lunch and 4 bites of a snack) I wouldnt worry about it!! He will be fine.
When my kids were older is when we started the *if you dont eat at this meal, its a long time until your next meal*... (at 2 yo mine had no concept of time really)
My older boys are 13 and 12 and I promise you they are capable of eating alot at mealtime. ROFL
You are doing fine!!
I don't battle either unless of course we are having desert. If we have desert then then they have to eat a sufficient amount in order to get it. That is usually only on Sundays though. Other than that if they don't eat then that is fine. There will be another meal in a few hours.
Ditto most everyone else. They will NOT starve. And I did NOT cook more than one meal. Often *pickiness* has more to do with a phase, a growth spurt, boredom with the food, illness, a power play or the fact that they just don't like something.
Just keep doing what you're doing. You definitely DON'T want dinner time to become a battle ground. You discover over time that each child will have specific likes and dislikes with food, but those are not set in concrete either, they change with time. Also, when you force a child to eat and to clean their plate, you can be setting them up for eating disorders/weight problems.
I use to pack healthy lunches for school for the kids, and as we all know, kids trade stuff at lunchtime. Some days mine came home with *most* of their stuff still in the lunchbox. Other days they came home with wrappers from someone else's lunch. Other time, it was empty.
Some nights they cleaned their plates, some nights they had second helpings, some nights they barely ate.
Point - they didn't starve, and neither will yours.
I did, and would suggest that you too, have a rule, you don't eat dinner, you don't get dessert.
Ditto the others. They will not starve. This is a very common stage. Once they reach toddlerhood their growth rate slows down and they simply don't need as much food intake as they did during the first year. Also, keep track of what they eat over several days, not on a daily basis. My kids went in spurts. They would eat hardly anything at all for several days and then CHOW like little piggies for a day or two. Serve healthy meals and snacks. If they choose not to eat, no biggie. If my kids (7 & 9) don't want to eat they have two options, 1) Don't eat, or 2) Fix themselves a sandwich. *I'm* not going to prepare separate meals, but now that they're old enough, they're welcome to do it themselves. LOL! Usually, however, they don't want to be bothered to make a sandwich and will either eat what is being served or wait until the next meal. Most moms get worried when their children enter this stage. It's normal and not worth the battle.
A good article:
How to avoid making meals a power struggle
Matthew usually has his lunch after his nap. Today he napped from 12 pm to 3 pm. 3 pm is late for lunch but I can't get him to eat at 11:30 and he needs his nap at 12.
So today I gave him some apple, cheese and milk as a snack. He drank all the apple and ate some of the cheese and apple.
By dinnertime 5:00 pm he was starving, he was acting up. I made some great pasta with a cream and blue cheese sauce, added some chicken and some vegies. He loved and was eating it so well. Then I noticed red blotches on his face. He is allergice to the blue cheese, I guess.
I can't win these days, the stuff I get him to eat he's allergic to. I had to give him applesauce, yogurt and the rest of his snack for dinner along with another milk.
I give up.
Oh no. Sometimes you can't win for losing!
Kids eat in spurts and they will not starve themselves. Have at least one thing on their plate that they like and have them try the new things.
Never use dessert as a coax to eat their meal.
Add a cup of milk and their tummies are full.
If dinnertime is a few hours away from bedtime then you might want to add a snack before bed (on hour before)of crackers, fruit, milk, hot cocoa, etc.
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