In desperate need of some ideas!
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DD, almost 5 has been having a difficult time since the birth of DS in November. She is wonderful to him and never acts angry at him, she loves to spend time with him and asks to help with him. She's angry with US!
She has always been a pretty good kid. She is not prone to meltdowns, unless she's really tired. They were pretty uncommon around here. Lately, it's been TERRIBLE! I can't even stress how awful she's been. Holy heck has broken loose! We have a tough time even making it to school or anywhere, because she breaks down into tears and if you try to even talk to her she screams and says "I'm thinking! I can't handle this!"
We're trying to remain calm and I've given her choices. If I say "Do you want to wear a bow or a headband in your hair?" she breaks down into tears! DH helped her get dressed last night for bed and he bunched up her pj's bottoms like you would for putting on tights and she lost it! Last night she was screaming for DH to get away from her and she was telling me that she "Doesn't love Daddy anymore because he hurt her feelings." We are just at a total loss here!
This has slowly been building since I got pregnant, but this is heartbreaking! We were at a playdate and my friends commenting how shocked they were when DD had a little emotional meltdown because another kid took a toy. They said they couldn't believe it, because they've never seen her act this way. Her teacher also made a comment that she could tell she was going through a transitional time because she has been getting angry at kids in school. The teacher (Whom is wonderful,btw!) placed a special toy in a quiet corner for her, if she needs some time away.
Will this pass?? Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? Her teacher said to justbe really patient and it will pass. My Mom thinks DD needs time away to spend with her, so she will miss us. I think she needs to be here, so we can make this better though.
This is rough!! Help!
{{{{{Eve}}}}} This must be so tough for all of you. I tend to agree with your dd's teacher, but Robin wasn't even 2 when Randy was born, so I never had to deal with this. Maybe someone's that btdt will have some better advise for you. All I can offer is hugs.
Oh Eve, I'm sorry I know this is a really hard time for you. Matthew was a bit difficult after Cameron was born but he's much younger than your DD and we have settled into a nice routine. I'm sure it will get better in time.
My only advice, and I know it's hard to do, but try and spend some one on one time with your DD. Just you and her shopping or some sort of activitly. I would suggest your DH do the same.
HuGs, it will get better.
Oh, Eve! What a hard time Syd must be having with all of this. I think it's important for her to stay with you guys at home. Kids can misconstrue things and I wouldn't want her to think that she is going to grandma's because she's been bad or because you love the new baby more than her, etc. I'd try to focus on spending time one-on-one with her but also being very firm that the way she's acting isn't the way you like her to act and that you know she can choose better ways to show you how she feels. Talk about other ways to express herself like drawing a picture, telling you that she needs some time by herself, taking deep breaths when she starts getting angry, all the coping skills that we (as adults) know but she may need to be reminded of. I'm a firm believer in NOT allowing a child to speak disrespectfully to adults but teaching them ways to express themselves so I can respectfully discuss it with them. We're doing this a lot here with Bella and she doesn't have a new baby to be angry with. I think some of it is just age-related. Testing boundaries and trying on new personality traits. It's my job as her mom to say "This is a great thing to do and this isn't acceptable in our family." Did her teacher have any suggestions beyond being patient? Good luck, Eve! {{{Eve and Sydney}}}
Eve,
This isn't uncommon for children that are spaced apart. Sydney has had one on one for so long and now her little world is turned upside down. I went through this with Lotte. She started acting out, and crying over anything.I think it is very necessary that you spend alone time with her. Even if you just pick her up from school and bring her out for a treat without the baby. The same goes for Jay, allow him time alone with Syd. If possible both of you take her together like old times sake. Lots of love, time and understanding is the only cure! Hang in there 
Eve,
{{{Hugs}}} This is all good. It shows that Syd is a normal little girl who is comfortable enough with you guys to vent her frustration. From her perspective, she's been an only child for so long and now she has to share. She probably feels very unsure of herself right now and I bet she has feelings of anger toward her little brother and does not know how normal they are or how to express them, so she lashes out in "safe" places - playdate, with you and your husband, school, etc.
Ditto the others that patience, love and understanding will help. You might want to talk to the teacher at school and see if there is a guidance counselor. I know on the elementary level, they really just deal with the behavior problems, but in this case they might see her for a bit so that she has somewhere to let out her feelings without feeling like she's letting you down.
I know this rambles. I'm sorry. You see, I'm the little sister who came along 10 years after my sister had her mom and dad to herself. I always wondered why she disliked me so. It was only after therapy as an adult that she was able to admit that she resented me for stealing her parents. Now we have a great relationship.
Whatever you do, don't send her away. She will really think she's been replaced.
I'm sure things will get better!
Ame
i agree with the other ladies. If it is possible, have some one on one time with her. It's a great idea to get someone to watch the baby while you and your dh take Sydney out together, to dinner, or Chuck E.Cheese or a movie or something for old times sake.
Hang in there!
Eve, I've already e-mailed you, but wanted to add that I would be happy to watch Mason any time.
Thank you, everyone. Yesterday and last night were really good!I don't know what I did right. LOL Last night and the night before, I made sure to completely turn off the tv early on, she had a bath and a snack and then we climed into Mommy's bed and we read a book. Then, I gave DH the baby and we just cuddled for a bit. So, maybe she does need more of my time. Our Ped. said the same thing, but it's so tough to find the time!
Thanks for the offer, Trina. Maybe one day after I pick Syd up from school....Although, last night, he actually refused the bottle! Now, I'm a little worried. LOL
I just want to post a different side. It may actually have nothing to do with the baby. She may just be coming in to her own.
My advice is simply to stay firm and consistent. I think sometimes we get too emotional and worry more than we need to. It may be related to baby, it may not be. But you can't let her act this way and the reward that behavior with special time and treats or it will spiral downhill. Make sure you stay consistent, when she says that she doesn't love daddy anymore, make sure you tell her that is a mean thing to say.
You do need to find a way to get her some extra hugs and time, but really try hard not to do it as a direct result of a meltdown (at least not all the time!)
I dont disagree that she probably has had a tough time since the new baby. But want to add that When Blake turned 5 he turned from a sweet baby boy into a holy terror to me. It really hurt my feelings. lol He was my baby and *sometimes* he will come and snuggle with me. But its nothing like it use to be. He seems more like a boy instead of my itty bitty baby.
He would pretty much do whatever we asked of him and now it can be a battle if we let it get to that point. argh... So he spends lots of time in time out, lots of time grounded from computer or TV or from having friends over in the last yr. I am just sticking to my guns and dh and I are making sure we immediately back each other up. I dont think dh really *got it* until Blake began to do him the same way. It also took him hearing Blake talk very rudely to me when I simply asked him to do something simple. He is getting better. 5 has been a strange year for us! There are things that I always use to do for him, that he would rather his Dad help him with now. My dh has actually helped Blake clean his room a couple of times now and has pretty much taken over bed time with him lately!!! I guess he decided ds needed a little more male bonding time.
Anyway, thought I might throw a different take on it, at you... Did anyone else notice a change in their child at around the age of 5?
I've already e-mailed Eve about this, but yes, my DD (Bethany, 7.5 yrs., Syd's cousin) is a Drama Queen, and the peak of her DRAMA was at 4-5 years of age. My guess is that there are two things going on - the transition of having to share mom & dad and normal developmental issues at this age. A double whammy! Follow your instincts, Eve. Spend special time with her when possible, yet ignore the drama. Easier said than done! LOL!
I touched on this in my reply but Bella is going through a lot of this same stuff right now and there's no new baby to compete with. She's lying about doing things (or not doing them), arguing with her older siblings, and crying over anything that doesn't go her way. She yell "No!" at me, if we tell her to go to time-out. She's always been such an easy kid that we really had to sit down and spell out what was and wasn't acceptable and what would happen when she acted that way. We did try to increase the one-on-one time we spent with her but it was always completely disconnected to her meltdowns and fits.
I think life changes so much for kids at 5. They're more aware of themselves, apart from their parents and their siblings. B started school this year so that was a big change for her. We're expecting her to act more like a "big girl". I think kids, at this age, are trying on new personality traits and testing boundaries to see what is acceptable and what mom and dad will put their foot down about. We just reinforce the rules that we've always had and make sure we don't allow any exceptions that could be seen as a mixed message.
Just chiming in with Conni and Kaye. I do think that the age may be some of it but the new baby is, of course, going to change the dynamic of the whole family. {{{Eve}}}
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