Granted, Connor is only 18 months, but I've put him in a "timeout" the instant he hits and feel I've done it long enough to see if it works. It does not, apparently, unless I need to have more patience? I've been doing it for at least 2 months.

He came up to me today, after I asked him if he wants mommy to read a book, and just hit me as hard as he could. I was sitting down in a calm manner and he just up and hit me. He's quite strong and it really hurt. I'm afraid he'll hit his playmates, which he hasn't, but if it hurts me I'm sure it will hurt another 18 mo old.

How do you deal with hitting?

ps- I pick him up and say "Connor, we don't hit." in a calm voice and then I put him on his back and ignore him for 45 seconds-1min and then hold him afterwards to soothe his crying a bit. It *totally* breaks my heart when he cries. But, I want him to learn. Should I just be more patient? I thought for sure he would have outgrown this. I feel I give him lots of attention during the day, so I feel at a loss.

By Heaventree on Thursday, December 29, 2005 - 10:33 pm:

I tell Matthew the same thing "We don't hit and that hurts Mommy". This age is still really young for them to fully understand time outs, but I guess it's good practice. You really have to get down to his level and make eye contact and talk in a lower register so he knows you mean business.

If Matthew is in a hitting phase, I try to anticipate it and stop it before it happens. I usually say something like "Nice, nice, no hitting" or "Give mommy hugs and kisses".

You can also try just changing his environment when you see he's getting edgey. Take him to another room to play. We have a living room and a family room, sometimes I just take Matthew out of a situation and change things up a bit to distract him from this kind of behaviour. We spend a lot of time in the family room so I'll take him to the living room or go and do something in the kitchen.

Lately I find that this is a difficult stage, Matthew goes through bouts where he refuses diaper changes, won't come out of his room so I leave him there then he throws a fit, doesn't want to go down for naps, eat lunch, get dressed. It seems like everything is a battle.

Does Connor do this more at a specfic time of day, maybe when he's more tired and a bit wired? Watch for signs and try to figure out if something is causing this, like, hungry, thristy, wired, tired over/under stimulated etc.

I guess it will get better, but I'm so there with you right now.

By Cat on Thursday, December 29, 2005 - 11:02 pm:

Heidi, my rule with the little kiddos I care for is "You hit--You sit." We start this probably around 1 1/2 and believe me, these kids are smart and if you're consistant they learn quickly. Time Out in my house is by the door that leads to the garage. The only thing there are coats and shoes. They can't see anything except the kitchen and the front door. They get one minute per year/age. They do not get any attention from anyone while sitting there (sometimes hard to keep the other kids away!). When their time is up I reinforce why they were there and have them apologize to the person they hit (or whatever). Even if they can't talk or say "I'm sorry" they can hug or give a gentle pat (I have one little guy that likes to pat on the head--it looks like he's trying to pet the other kids, but he's not verbal yet at 2 1/2 and it's how he says "I'm sorry"). I explain to them hitting hurts and I will not allow you to hurt anyone--you must find another way to express yourself. I know it's hard, but it's worked for me through many kids. Also, like Cori said, watch him to see if there are times or circumstances that he's more likely to hit during. You'll get through this. Keep us updated. Hugs, Hon.

By Andi on Thursday, December 29, 2005 - 11:06 pm:

I grab and hold both of her hands, look her in the eyes and very sternly tell her, "NO HIT"!

Then she will usually laugh and I say it to her again. Then I just hold her hands together until she gets mad at me, about 10 seconds or so. I let her hands go and tell her "Be Nice", and about 95% of the time she will very softly rub my face and just look at me with a smile on her face. The other 5% she will hit again and I just repeat the above. The second time around it almost always works.

I don't think Time Out works at this age, they just don't understand. In a couple months I think TIme OUt will work much better for you.

Good luck and hope my advice helps a little, it's working for us.

By Reds9298 on Thursday, December 29, 2005 - 11:13 pm:

We did exactly the same scenario as Andi. Hitting ended for us (at least for now) about a month ago, and it was pretty bad before. Sometimes now if she's angry about something, I can literally see in her face that her first reaction is to hit me/dad, but then she remembers and will go and hit something else. (a stuffed toy, smack the wall or couch) She will look at me as if to say "Can I hit this?" I don't mind it...it's a way for her to vent frustration at this age and it doesn't hurt anything/anyone.

I also agree that time-out is really just not for this age. We did time-out once and decided against it. She didn't get it and it really just seemed pointless to us.

By Dawnk777 on Friday, December 30, 2005 - 01:28 am:

I think I did what Andi did, just grabbed their hands and said no hit, or hitting. It's hard to remember. I just know when I see kids hitting each other on the Nanny shows, that I would have never tolerated it, as much as some of these parents seem to.

By Karen~moderator on Friday, December 30, 2005 - 10:02 am:

I did exactly what Andi did also.

By Amyk on Friday, December 30, 2005 - 12:14 pm:

My ds went through this between 15-18 months - though it only lasted 3-4 weeks. We did a firm "NO HITTING" - but didn't act too worked up - as we didn't want him to think that hitting made him powerful. It took a lot of consistancy - and it is hard b/c sometimes... it HURTS! Now, at just over 2, he still does it when very frustrated - If I'm holding him, I set him down immediately - and really change my mood - kinda shut down - no eye contact/talking for a couple minutes - so he'll know he gets no attention w/ this behavior!

By Kiki on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 11:10 am:

I am going through that now with my 18 month old Julianna and let me tell you she can really hit! I would have to agree with Red regarding the time-out issue. I think in about another 6 months the time-out scenario might be more tangible but for now the old familar "No hitting, hitting hurts and we don't hit" routine will do. However, I like the spin of "you hit, you sit".

When Julianna hits she usually does it out of frustration or jealousy of her sisters getting the attention. When she has hit someone, I tell her that hitting is wrong and that it hurts. I then tell her to give the person she has hurt a kiss and hug (her way of saying sorry). She feels bad so I know that it's working. I also tell her that I know that she is upset/angry but we use words instead. Patience is the key.

By Enchens on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 06:24 pm:

I pretty much did what Andi did too. DS was also hitting out of frustration. He couldn't communicate to us what he needed or how he felt. One he started being more verbal, the hitting stopped. Timeouts didn't work. We had a yellow plastic chair that was the timeout chair, and he actually started to enjoy sitting there. So we scrapped that.

By Amecmom on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 07:55 pm:

All great suggestions. When Randy started in with any behavior that I didn't like - I tried to see what happened just before the inappropriate behavior. Most often he was tired, fristrated, overstimulated, etc.
See if you can find out what sets him off and redirect him before he can hit.
It is so hard, and frustrating. You really wonder where they learn this stuff!
Keep on doing what you're doing and just know it will pass.
Ame

By Mrsheidi on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 11:07 pm:

Ladies, I've been so busy lately...we're selling both our cars and buying a new one.
But, I did read this...it has helped SO much.
All of you are right. I'm SO VERY glad I asked!

By Pamt on Sunday, January 1, 2006 - 02:00 pm:

I put my boys of the floor, told them no hitting, and "ignored" them for about 30 seconds. A couple of times of doing that was about all it took.