Help for a friend...ideas anyone?
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive July-December 2005:
Help for a friend...ideas anyone?
My neighbor (whom I highly admire) co-sleeps with her son. (He's 18 months)
Lately, he hasn't been going to sleep as easily and often wakes up at 1 or 2 in the morning. I want to try to help her think of some ideas, but Connor and I don't co-sleep, so I am not a good candidate for ideas I think. Connor sleeps very very well in his crib and I'm sure he wakes up in the night, but he's good about putting himself back to sleep. (I'm sure my next one will be quite different.)
If you did or are doing co-sleeping, when is the transition? Or, are there things she can do to help ease the bedtime process? I know this hurts her sleep as well. And, with her DH in Iraq and no family nearby, she doesn't get much of a "break", you know?
I will add that they got back from a trip to Texas last week and he recently got over a sinus infection. I don't believe he's waking with a fever though.
Her son, by the way, is the most precious thing...I get to watch him for 2 hours a week and I look forward to it EVERY time! 
How lovely to have friends with well-behaved children! It seems to be more and more rare now.
We co-slept with my youngest until she was about 15 months and she became too restless for my dh and I to get a good night's sleep with her in bed with us. The transition for us was pretty painless but I am beginning to hear that is the exception, rather than the rule. Has your friend mentioned wanting to transition him out of her bed? If she hasn't, I wouldn't suggest it. Many co-sleeping parents are fairly defensive of their decision. And, if there have been as many changes recently as it sounds, this may not be a good time to do that. If she has, I think it's easiest to talk up the big boy bed, making it sound like a fun thing and giving her ds a chance to get used to the idea before actually moving him into a bed. When our dks woke up in bed with us, the rules were similar to crib wake-ups. Keep the lights low, interact with the child as little as possible, tend to their needs (diaper change, drink of water, comfort from a nightmare) and then say "it's still dark and we need to sleep" and pretend to have fallen asleep. Rinse and repeat as necessary through the night. Nobody wants to be awake through something that boring and the wake-ups should fade out. Hope that helps!
If you did or are doing co-sleeping, when is the transition?
I think if you asked 5 different families who co-sleep what age they made the transition, you would get 5 different answers. With my first two kids, I transitioned them to their own beds by the time they were 2 years old. With the last three, I made the transition by the time they were 3 yeas old.
If and when she's ready, you could suggest that she introduce him to his own bed and let him familiarize himself with it as Cori mentioned. Then, establish a routine that involves bath-story-tuck-him-in-and-say-goodnight or whatever routine she wants to establish. And, as Cori said, if she hasn't brought up the subject of him moving to his own bed, I wouldn't mention it. I know if I was in her shoes - DH overseas and just me and my son, I might not be as anxious to make the transition.
In the meantime, I started very early telling my little ones that when the sun went to bed, it was time to sleep, turned out the lights and kept saying goodnight when they wanted to play or get out of bed.
*years, not "yeas" sorry
By that time I just simply said, It is nite time, go to sleep My middle kid moved out of our bed quickly because he fidgeted so much and we weren't getting any sleep. My youngest guy transistioned out later about age 2, but came into our room for several years later, at 7 he knows that if he crawls between us and is quiet we don't usually notice but he only does it on a rare occasion. When we transistioned my dd, we put a pallet on the floor and we slowly moved her out of our room. We tried cold turkey but it didn't work.
I wonder if he is still suffering from the sinus infection or got a minor ear infection from it. That is not uncommon.
I am not a fan of co-sleeping, so I can't help there.
Getting over a sinus infection is a tricky thing. It takes a long time and the effects on sleep can be long lasting. Helen was a GREAT sleeper until a very nast sinus infection from which she is still on antibiotic (day 30 off and on and still counting). Her sleep has been light, erratic and she is so used to waking in pain that she's finding it difficult to put herself back to sleep.
Don't really have any advice, except to say that I think you are a good friend to try and help your neighbor this way .
Ame
We co slept with all four of our children and each child was very different. So it isn't just different families it is as different as the child you are co sleeping with. Our oldest was crawling into our bed until she was 6 or 7 and our middle was in his own bed by the time he was three years old and the girls switched from our bed to a joint bed when they were 2 but they still snuck in every once in a while.
I agree do not suggest she take him out of her bed if that is not where she is going. Because if she is use to him co sleeping she won't get any better sleep than she is now with him in his own bed. Something is going on that his sleep has been shifted. Him being sick, out growing one of his naps, their trip out of town. Is he cutting teeth? I would suggest a routine too. One based on him winding down for the night.
Thanks for all of these ideas. I think I'll just remind her to look out for an ear infection, just in case, and I think she is looking for a routine too.
And, thanks Ame, I try to empathize with her. I told her I'd watch him for 2 hours every week, just so she could get some "alone" time. I can't imagine not having my DH around and I know what it's like not to be around family. Connor really loves having him here too, so it all works out. Her son cries for a few minutes when she leaves and is in need of more attention when she's gone, but heck, I don't mind one bit. He's SO snuggly!!! Connor gets jealous a bit though...it's kind of cute.
Anyway...keep the ideas coming...and, I'll suggest some from above.
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