Ugh! DD (2.5) is driving me nuts! She has completely regressed in potty training to the point of screaming and having a tantrum over having to go potty. SHe is pooping in her underwear and even if we ask her if she needs to go she'll say no. Sat her on the potty yesterday because you could tell she was ready, nothing happened. Five minutes later, messy pants. Her all around behavior has been awful in the last few weeks. I'm so frustrated right now because I can't figure out what in the world is the matter with this kid. How do I turn this around before I lose my mind?!

By Kim on Friday, December 2, 2005 - 07:23 am:

I don't have a lot of time, but definitely do not punish her for what is happening. It may make it worse. It doesn't sounds like she is ready to give up control yet. Do you have training underwear? I know its messy but usually kids do not enjoy sitting in their own poop . It took my oldest boy until sghortly after 3, oldest daughter almost three and younger two maybe the age your daughter is now to be fully day trained. She is almost there, don't give up!

By Kittycat_26 on Friday, December 2, 2005 - 07:47 am:

You have my whole-hearted sympathy on this. It's no fun at all. When my DS was 18 months he was actively working on potty training (daycare, need I say more). Well about 6 months later, he just refused to do it any longer. He fought and screamed. It became a battle of the wills that both of us were determined to win.

I found that when I just gave in and put the diapers back on that about 7 or 8 months later, he was potty trained. By the time he was 2 3/4 we were done with diapers all together. We didn't even use them at naps or at night.

Go figure! I guess this is just the first in many battles to come. I hope they all resolve so easily for us.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, December 2, 2005 - 08:13 am:

We have all been there... Here are some books and movies for her. DD seemed to get it better when she had a visual and knowledge that it was okay..

Books

Movies

Most of these are available at your local library or video store. I, as well as many of my friends and sisters used them as visual tools with our kids. And believe it or not, knowledge is power even when you are only 2.

With my oldest, I potty trained her probable 6 times before she finally stopped regressing. You can do this but you need to put it into prospective. One, it is only your and her business if she is not potty trained. Anyone else's opinion of it doesn't matter, unless they are willing to break her for you they need to mind their own business. Second she will not be messing her pants when she is headed off to Jr high, eventually it will become a priority for her too. To many children, growing up is scary and this is actually the only thing they can control that you can do NOTHING about. I suggest getting some visual tools and encouraging her to watch/read them over and over. I also suggest trying to let go of the pressure you have yourself under to get this done and get this done now. She will get it and all this will be a vast memory... Because trust me, every major hurdle will seem so minor when you look back on them, but they sure make you feel like a failure while they are going on... You both can do this.. It just takes encouragement and patients... Big hugs.. There is no quick fix...

By Kaye on Friday, December 2, 2005 - 08:24 am:

I found with all my kids they regressed with PT somewhere between 2 weeks and a month of being trained. After the first kid I figured that maybe it was there way of seeing if this is really worth it I don't think I would punish her, but I probably would make a big deal about not getting to do big girl things. I might put her in a diaper part of the day, and then comment about being a big girl and not having to wear them. Etc.

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, December 2, 2005 - 11:38 am:

If she were more than 3 years old, I'd be a bit (only a bit) concerned, but at her age, I agree that it is just a phase. This is a time when children are learning to separate their personal selves from mommy, and this is one of the few things she can control.

I'd put her back in diapers, put her pretty underwear away "until you are old enough", and see what happens.

Oh - and why do you think we call it the "terrible twos". It is this whole control thing - hey, I am not "part" of mommy, I am "separate" from mommy (which is, in itself, a scary concept) - OK, what does this mean? What can I control and what can I not control? There is a lot of testing and trying out done in this phase, and it is a pain in the neck and elsewhere. This too shall pass, however - you still have beginning school, and learning things from peers, and adolescence and teenage years ahead of you. What joy!!??!!

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, December 2, 2005 - 11:38 am:

P.S. One of the advantages of cloth diapers was that when I was toilet training, my boys quickly learned that dry bottoms were more comfortable than wet ones.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Saturday, December 3, 2005 - 08:12 am:

I had one more thought. You better be prepared for major melt downs. All my children and my nieces and nephews all went through major fit stages when they were around that age. Like Karen said that is the time they start exhibiting their self independence. Something she liked yesterday will no longer be liked. You will pick the wrong glass to give her her drink in. Or you will cut the bread wrong on her sandwich. All this is normal behavior for a child that age. They fight so hard to be independent. Melt downs are a typical occurrence and have nothing to do with your parenting skills. Just as potty training doesn't really have much to do with you and more to do with the child. Like Karen said... this to shall pass..

By Kellyj on Saturday, December 3, 2005 - 11:11 am:

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling better today. Yesterday morning I was so frustrated but took some time to think about some different approaches. It's just so hard to watch her take steps backward. I definitely would not punish her for accidents. We had been slacking on rewarding her for doing well with the potty because it had become routine. So we're working on new rewards and reminding her what a big girl she is. She did much better yesterday and this morning said she didn't want to potty but changed her mind and went without problems.
As she gets closer to 3 I am definitely seeing the independence coming out. The major meltdowns are a challenge but thankfully we only see those when she's really tired...for now! Bobbie it's funny that you mention the wrong glass thing. She got upset about that this morning. I told her that if she didn't want to drink out of that glass then she didn't have to but that I was not pouring another. I set it on the table and a few minutes later she was over it, the juice was gone.
Thank you for all of your advice and support. None of my friends have kids yet so they are of little help.

By Unschoolmom on Saturday, December 3, 2005 - 11:14 am:

I backed off. It's really stressfull for them. Not that we'd go right back to diapers but I'd clean them out without much comment aside from, "Oops! Missed the potty." and then just go on with the day. When they did go in the toilet then we'd have cheer but nothing much aside from that. I think kids see the advantage of the toilet and if they have the space to make the decision for themselves and support from us when they get it right then they'll do okay.

I sort of think (soapbox position alert!) there's way too much emphasis on toilet TRAINING anyway and think if we viewed what we did as gently supporting them (just show them the toilet, put them in underwear, clean up mistakes without comment) we'd get further faster in most cases. I know with my son, as soon as I left it up to him and trusted him to learn when he needed to, he went to the toilet.

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, December 3, 2005 - 11:20 am:

That sounds like what I did with Emily. She wanted underwear, made a few mistakes, realized she'd messed her pretty underwear and then never did it again. She was 3, though.