Bullying and Mean Spiritedness in Classroom
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We have loved my son's school but this year there is a new teacher who encouraged kids to police their peers and tattle on anything other kids did wrong. It has resulted in a very mean spirited classroom. My youngest child doesn't want a part of any of it. He doesn't insult or name call or blame others in the class. Its actually made it hard for him to be there. Any one else deal with this in their child's class or school. What did you do?
The only thing I could think of is switching classrooms, which means talking to the principal. I don't think that the teacher is going to change the classroom management at this stage, and the rest of the students have learned that the behavior they have displayed is both encouraged and acceptable. It's too bad that this is the method the teacher chose to manage the class.
I don't know what you would say to the principal or really if anything would be done.
(HUGS) for both of you.
Hi Enchens,
Thanks for the suggestion. 100 kid country school. One class per grade. Great great great when it works. Serious lack of choices when it doesn't.
I think it helps though to hear you suggest things because its easy to throw up your hands and say things to him or myself like: "kids will be kids" or "you have to learn to get along in the real world where not everyone likes everyone else" or "learn to fight back". I don't really believe those things nor do I personally live that way so I am praying for the best for his class as well as him. I am going to start by speaking to other parents, very carefully I might add. Especially a couple parents of the main perpetrators who interestingly enough are girls entering an early puberty. I don't think the parents are aware of the change in classroom dynamics unless their child gets hurt.
I meant to ask you, is this a fifth grade class, possibly?
Fourth but its a very precocious class - smart - smart something I used to like. A number of them are performing or playing sports with fifth grade teams or performing groups.
whoa ......
That's very difficult when you have NO options ..... is this a period of the day or all day long ? Have you spoken to the teacher ? How long have you been dealing with this situation ? Probably with some personalities, this would work, but with others, it will just encourage those who are already withdrawn to withdraw more (like one of mine) and those who are bullies to be just more so ... those who are competitive and respond to positive peer pressure may do well, but then again, it's very possible that it just might make more policemen than citizens ..... I'd probably want to talk to the principal anyway, even knowing probably nothing will be done, just so it can go down on record that you don't agree in case something goes south with this type of a classroom.
My prayers are with you !!!
I agree, I would talk to the principal. I don't think that behavior is acceptable for 4th graders. You are probably not the only concerned parent and if enough of you speak up, things will have to change. My son has a teacher who would throw things at kids. Parents spoke up and he no longer does it. There is power in numbers.
Hi you guys,
Thanks for all the empowering feedback. Did meet with the teacher and a volunteer in the class who is also an M.S.W. The teacher really is clueless about her part in the difficulty but with the help of the volunteer who loves my child, we all agreed that the priority was to get him re-engaged and reduce bullying/ridicule etc..
The teacher felt like she had been dealing with the bullying/name calling/tattling issue recently. She may have but it sure hasn't taken effect in my little guy. Trust is easily broken and to rebuild takes time.
She was worried about his lack of productivity so I tried to help her see the connection between misery and lowered productivity. Not sure she got the connection. Her evaluation from the school as a first year teacher is on test scores and not losing any kids academically. Anything else isn't on her radar.
The teacher agreed to let up on some of the punitive work and restore recess (did I mention that she had also taken away his recess). I didn't come away rejoicing but I felt like at least there was a witness to the problem (the trusted volunteer). I will see how this next week or so goes. Anything would be progress.
Hi everyone,
The school is more aggressively(oops) addressing the ridicule/name calling issue - focusing on being kind etc. Don't know if it will make a difference in my own child's psyche but I think directly addressing it helps.
If they've done anything in your child's school you like would love to hear about it.
Linda
Our school did Second Step training for all the teachers and the aides, who then had a once a week class with the kids. It's a lot of empathy training. Here is a link
http://www.cfchildren.org/programs/ssp/overview/
Colette,
Thanks so much for the link. Looks great. How old were the children when it was first introduced?
This may be the kind of third party program I've been looking for. Will probably have to find someone willing to financially support it. The other complaint is that there isn't enough time to do it. Did they do it as part of social studies or some other subject already scheduled?
Linda
hey there North Country Mom .... how goes things now ? I'm just getting caught up here, so I thought I'd check in with you .... ?
~h
Hi harlena,
Glad your back - missed you!
Linda
I don't know. I think third and fourth graders are kind of mean. Except the third and fourth graders from parents on this board of course. And all our friends kids too.
Hope they grow out of it. They do grow out of it. I remember third and fourth graders being mean when I was little too.... Werid.
I am glad I am not in third or fourth grade again is all I can say about it.
Home schooling sounds better every day!
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