My dd who is in the first grade crys just about every morning some times it is frustrating well this morning I took her in and she started crying harder than usual the reason why was her older sister is at home with streep throat.so her teacher ignores her and I standing there and me trying to get her to sit down she is crying she wants me to stay.(her past teachers would take her and make her do something for them to take her mind off me leaving this is going on 3 years now) Her teacher asks whats wrong with Grace ( I told her in the beginning of school year as well as parent teachers meetings that she cried last year the year before and the year before that) I told her that oldest dd was home sick and she wanted to stay home dd teacher says well Grace don't need to miss school kinda rudely and leaves the room and I am still trying to get dd to sit down and the young girl who is in her class starts talking to dd and I started to leave and dd teacher comes back in and asks again rudly who is sick in your home. and I told her again. she acted like she was either bothered or discusded that dd was crying. and she isn't sick no fever no sore throat so I didn't want to keep her home just in case a few days down the line she decided to catch it. but It just bothered me that she acted like that to us. I think today when I pick up dd that i am going to talk with her and tell her she needs to speak to dd old teachers and they will tell her she did the same thing it just takes her a little while to get use to going again

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, November 2, 2005 - 06:13 pm:

First, it seems to me that some people should just not be teachers, or at least not teachers of young children.

Second, however, it does seem to me that if this is the way your daughter has been behaving for 2+ school years, it is time to step back and re-examine what is going on. Is she manipulating you by crying every morning. Is she like this when you drop her off at a friend's house or grandmas? can she be using the crying to make you feel bad? Are you, perhaps, over-reacting and over-mommying? I urge you to take a good look at this behavior, and maybe need some help in changing her behavior and yours.

By Vicki on Wednesday, November 2, 2005 - 06:53 pm:

I agree with Ginny that while the teacher may not have handled it properly, it does seem time to get to the bottom of it. I don't know how to say this without sounding rude, but I am sure the teacher has many other things going on every morning and I am sure that dealing with that daily has to be getting old to her. I am not sure when your school started, but we started the end of August. If that is when you started too, than this has been going on for about 9 weeks or so now. That does seem like a really long time to get used to something.

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, November 2, 2005 - 07:05 pm:

I agree that the teacher handled it in totally the wrong way, and I'm a teacher of young children! I see where Ginny and Vicki are coming from, but really your child is only in first grade. The other two years must have been in Kdg. and before that in Head Start or preschool. She is still young and first grade is such a HUGE adjustment...the biggest of any elementary grade change IMO. She's going all day now and likely "all of sudden" (I disagree with this) but she is probably expected to suddenly sit still all day and do worksheets. It's a totally differnt environment than her previous school experiences. I'm just guessing here but that's been my experience.

I agree that you should maybe sit down and talk with her about why she is so distressed about going to school each day. See what you can come up with there. Maybe you can sit down and talk with the teacher about working together (if this teacher even understands that phrase!) on ways to help your dd get more comfortable/adjusted/have a better experience at school.

I hate to hear about teachers like this! Everybody has their days, but really. Your dd is only in first grade and her impressions of school right now are going to set the stage for how she feels about school the rest of her life. Good luck!

By Shann on Wednesday, November 2, 2005 - 09:54 pm:

I spoke with dd teacher and all she could do was aplologize she said she wasn't thinking right when we had came in. I dh and dd sat and talked with her teacher. She said she felt bad because dd was being left of the morning activities (breakfast and outside play) She also said she had no problems preoccupying dd she said she always has something for dd to do. We both asked dd what was wrong in the morning is there something we could do different. dd just shrugged her shoulders and said nothing. Teacher asked if dd has ever been left at school and we didn't pick up on time which that has never happened I told her no. I am always on time or early. We were talking for almost an hour and havent figured out anything we are just hoping it is a phaise she is going through like she did the previous years. It lasted about 4 months and she was fine after like nothing ever happened I dont know. I taked again this evening with her and she said that she hates going all day and she hates getting up in the morning so we are going to work on the mornings and figure out something that works

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, November 2, 2005 - 10:49 pm:

Is this the first time she has gone to school all day? Did she only go in the afternoons before?

By Kittycat_26 on Thursday, November 3, 2005 - 08:18 am:

I know it's different ages so I don't know if this helps or not. With Timmy and daycare, I learned that he fed off of my guilty feelings. I started simply giving him a kiss and telling him that I was going to work and would be back to pick him up after his nap. It took a week or so but when I stopped making a big deal out of him not staying happily, he seemed to perk up and be okay with it. We've gone through this with every new change we've had at daycare so I've had to do it a couple of times now. Just a thought.

By Shann on Thursday, November 3, 2005 - 02:55 pm:

This is her first year of going all day previous years she was out by noon so that is a big adjustment for her

By Reds9298 on Thursday, November 3, 2005 - 04:21 pm:

You're so right! It's a huge adjustment. I'm sure she'll work into it like she has in the past.

By Eve on Thursday, November 3, 2005 - 04:45 pm:

Poor Pumpkin! I can't even imagine what a big adjustment this is for her. I'm so glad to hear you talked to her teacher. I hate to hear that, because kids are smart and I'm sure she picked up on the rude tone as well. Can you try a reward system to get her to school without tears? At least she seems to be doing ok when you leave and can be distracted--that's good news. It would be tough for me, but I would try to shorten the time you sit with her when she's crying and say "Ok, Mommy loves you. Have a good day" and give her a kiss good bye. I hope it gets better soon!

By Momofmax on Thursday, November 3, 2005 - 09:02 pm:

This gets me to thinking, and I would like your opinions on my situation. I have one son who is six. I went back to work 3 months after he was born with the most guilt and angst a mother could have. I just wanted to be home with him. Around the time he turned one he had his first eye surgery (not a huge deal, outpatient) and my mother kept him home for a month after that to make sure everything healed well. Since then he has HATED daycare and then school. I ended up quitting my job when he was 2 1/2 because he cried every morning and each evening when I picked him up he was crying because the other parents had been arriving and he wanted me to be there. I do not regret quitting work for a minute and loved every minute of being home with him. It's what I really wanted to do but probably wouldn't have if he was happy in daycare. But here's my problem... He HATES school also. He counts the hours and all through kindergarten complained to every ear that would listen how much he hated being there for so long each day. First grade began the exact same way then hurricane Katrina hit and school was out for six weeks. I began homeschooling him while school was closed and for various reasons (he was way beyond the work that his school was giving him, his dad is working out of town and we fly to visit often, etc.) have continued homeschooling. He has tons of friends in the neighborhood so he doesn't miss going to school at all. So what I'm wondering is, how many of you think that I should be tough with him and force him to go back to school after Christmas break and how many think that kids are just different and some aren't cut out for that many hours of school when they are so young? One part of me says that I should just toughen him up and make him go to school but the other part says that he's still little and we should enjoy our time together. My husband is OK with whatever I decide and is sort of liking the idea that we don't have to pay for private school.