Yet another inappropriate comment from a classmate!
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So, some of you might remember the little boy in KS who told Madison on the bus that he wanted her to have sex with him. Well, we had an incident here in FL a couple weeks ago where a boy on her bus hit her with a seatbelt. The assistant principal had left me a message about that incident, and I wasn't overly concerned, because it was being handled. They have assigned seats on the bus, so she is stuck sitting with this boy.
Fast forward to last night, the kids are at the table eating dessert, and Shane asked me about a sign language sign (He had held up "B" and wanted to know what it was.) Madison makes a crude gesture with her finger poking her hand, and says "My friend says this is the sign for sex!" I nearly fell on the floor. I ask what friend told her that, and she tells me "Cody", the same name of the boy who made the comment in KS. I asked if this was a boy here, or the one from KS, and she told me it's the boy here who hit her on the bus!! (It seems everyone is a "friend", they don't even like this little boy but she called him her "friend")
So, we talked about how that's not appropriate, and if anyone tries to talk to them about sex that is not me or their dad, a doctor, nurse, or teacher, they are to run away and yell "No!" or "Fire!", and to tell a trusted adult. I also told them I was going to have them moved so they are sitting with each other on the bus. I called the assistant principal a few minutes ago to report the incident, and request they be moved, she assured me that she is going to take care of that this afternoon.
Their dad told me last night (when I had told him what happened), basically kids will be kids, that is one of the oldest ones in the book, and things like this will happen in public school. He agreed that I should report it and request they be seated together on the bus, but thinks we should expect things like this. I just didn't expect it while my kids were so young!! (The kids told me this boy is "bigger", so I assume he is a bit older.) When I was their age, we had "Primary" school, K-3. Their school now goes to 5th grade, which for me was middle school. It breaks my heart, because I think things like that take away their innocence. 
Regardless if it is to be expected, I would have my child moved to another seat as well. Knowing things happen is one thing, but taking precautions to keep it under control is another. I think men have a different view of things than women do on this stuff too.
this boy has clearly made his attitude clear and it is not something you want to have your daughter near if you don't have to.
I would request to have them sit together, too. Good grief. My kids never talked like that to anyone and I don't think anyone else did, either. I really don't think it's a "kids will be kids" sort of thing. Maybe that kid is being sexually abused, or some other problem at home. I wonder how he lost his innocence, because it sure doesn't seem like anyone at home, helped him to preserve his innocence.
Update: So the assistant principal apparently didn't get the opportunity to handle the situation today. When the kids got home, I asked if they had their seats moved and they said no. Then Madison told me more stuff this kid had said, like "It's ok to learn about sex." and "Don't tell anyone about this." Well, I called and talked to the AP, who apologized, and said there had been an emergency that prevented her from going to the bus driver today, but they were going to pull the bus tapes to investigate. After getting off the phone, I pulled Madison aside to talk to her, and explain how they were going to check the tapes, so she needed to make sure she was telling me the truth, and not leaving anything out. She then tells me he touched her inappropriately on Friday. **Pause for heart attack here** I take her in her room, and ask her a bunch of questions, she keeps indicating he touched her, and I have her show me on a doll where exactly. Since she is saying it happened, I decide the best way to deal with it is go up to the school.
On the ride to the school, I tell her repeatedly that she needs to tell the truth about this, she won't get in trouble as long as she doesn't lie, and that it is very serious. When get there, and the AP is gone, but we catch the principal. We talk with her, and eventually determine he picked on her, and touched he in various ways, but not in the way she first indicated. I was embarrassed for the false alarm, but I figured better safe than sorry. Either way, we have a letter for the driver to move the seats, and they will be reviewing the tapes to see what has gone on. Mads and I had a long talk about good touch/bad touch, and telling the truth. Unfortunately, the end result of this whole thing is my 6 year old daughter is talking about sex, and knows things I would rather her not learn for a while.
It's been a crappy afternoon thus far, let's hope it gets better.
I guess my first question is does she know what sex really is? Did you teach her or did someone tell her about it? She just seems very young to have the concept....I would also really be wondering why she told you he touched her and then changed the story. Did he honestly touch her and she just backed out of telling? If not, why did she make up the story that he did? I just see a lot of flags here.
Honestly, I would want to view the tapes myself to see what is going on and maybe, after you view them, have her watch them with you and explain what is going on.
What a harsh thing to go thru. I bope everything gets straightened out quickly. And I am so sorry your daughter is having to go thru this. Just having to go over this stuff, and all the questions is so tough on them.
Well, as for knowing what sex is, when the first little boy (in KS) said something to her, I asked her to tell me what it meant, and she said he told her it's when adults take off their clothes and kiss. I explained to her that sex is something that grown-ups do when they love each other, and are married, which is really all I felt I should explain, given the situation. Now she knows that it's something that is only for grown-ups, so it's not appropriate for someone to try and talk to her about it. As for why she said he touched her, and changed her story, I haven't been able to get a reason why. I'm concerned about that as well... it's not good either way. There were spots in her story that weren't very consistent, but I can't understand why she would make that up. I didn't even insinuate that when asking her to tell me everything that had happened with this little boy, she just blurted it out. UNFORTUNATELY, Madison isn't the most honest child at times, although it's usually more lying when caught doing something wrong, not making up stories about stuff. Still, with such a serious matter, it makes me worry... I don't want to not believe her if something is wrong, but I don't want to falsely accuse someone either. I would still rather err on the side of caution, which is why I took her to see the principal.
We did talk on the way to the school about how important it is to not make things like that up, and how you should always tell someone if that really happens, but never say it did if it really didn't. After that, when re-telling the incidents to the principal, that's when the story changed. Do you think I made a mistake in our conversation prior to getting to the school? I'm seriously second-guessing everything, I'm terrified I'm going to handle this wrong, and of the ramifications of it either way. I'm going to continue the dialogue over the next few days, and see where it goes from here.
I am sorry you are having to go through this, kids make me so mad at times. Six year olds should not know what sex is and it's such a shame that you are having to deal with this already.
I'm here if you need me, email me!
Thanks, hon! It definitely makes me wonder what happened to being a kid, and that's surprising because I grew up very fast, but not *this* fast!
When I went thru something similar with my daughter in 2nd grade, at FIRST it was the actual event or words that were of concern. But let me tell you, it quickly changed from what did or did not happen to MY DAUGHTERS SELF IMAGE. All the constant questions and clarifications and further discussions of topics that would not have been part of our conversation at that age all got too much for her. She became fearful of saying the right or wrong thing. She started to try to say what she thought we wanted to hear. It all became about her, and not about the incident that she witnessed. She started to doubt herself, what she saw/heard. It was a very stressfull time and it lasted for a full year until the little girl moved away and took away the pressures of simply having her in our life....even if it was just seeing her riding her bike.
I tried very hard to keep my questioning soft. I made sure to not accuse my child of wrong doing, or lying. But when you see those red flags and you want to protect your child, the only way to learn more is to ask. And the only way to teach about white lies, telling the truth, exagerating etc is to explain it. But, for us, it was just too much pressure for her, to have to know about things that happen children (and I still wonder did she somehow get personally offended against by that little girl, her older brother, or even the mother). The other little girl was a avid lyer, and DD really had a difficult time learning the hard facts of not being able to trust what your friends tell you. We had the school counselor involved and I had called DCF when my suspisions of abuse were made beyond a shawdow of a doubt. So it was very scary for DD, esp knowing that it put this other little girl as risk of losing her family. Not that yours circumstances will come to that. My point was that even though it was the other little girl who was of concern and had the problems, it my DD who was carrying a lot of pressure. So tread very softly with your child thru thos. I tried, but just going thru it is a lot, no matter how gentle you are.
On the possitive side, she is much more mature now, has grow past the problems that we had during that difficult year or more. And she now has a life experience to learn by and make her a stronger person when she is an adult. I would never want to do it again, but she did learn things I never had to go thru. Shoot this was my first time dealing with abuse that I knew of, and I was in my 40's.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Dana... second guessing myself has been the hardest part so far!
I called the AP this morning, because I wanted to request Madison speak to the school counselor. Apparently, we had the same idea, and I had just missed a message from the AP requesting my permission to refer her to the counselor anyway. So, we agreed to do that, and she told me she had spoken to both children separately this morning, as well as the other child's mom. She said the boy indicated they play a "poking" game where they poke each other on the arms, legs, and shoulders. Madison apparently corroborated this later. He also admitted to saying some inappropriate things, so that issue is being dealt with. The AP said Madison basically indicated the same things she told the principal yesterday afternoon, and did not indicate she was touched inappropriately, other than the poking and tugging on her hair. From what the AP says, the other mother is very cooperative and willing to help get to the bottom of things, and the school will continue to work with the boy on his issues. As for Madison, I think seeing the school counselor will help determine why she would make up something like that, and help her understand all of the things that have happened this year. I feel good about this, the school has been wonderful, and I feel like we are working as a team, which I know doesn't always happen. Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers, I think we're going to need them to get through this rough patch.
On a (kind of) funny note, know how you can tell when the stress is starting to get to you? When you get angry with a Pop-Tart for breaking open and burning you with the filling. I got ticked off with my snack, it might be time to relax!!!
I think things will work out. I didn't mean to imply AT ALL that you should be second guessing yourself.
A few years ago I was going through something very stressful with dd and I remember I broke down in tears one evening because I couldn't find a glue stick. Started ranting like a mad woman that I couldn't even buy a glue stick and have it be where I put it when I needed it. The next night, dh came home from work with a DOZEN glue sticks. LOL Which of course made me cry again. LOL
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