Needy baby?
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive July-December 2005:
Needy baby?
Do/did any of you have a needy baby?? How did you do it?? Raya has to be held all the time. It's draining me.
The worst part for me, is we can't go anywhere. Not as a family, at least. She's SCREAMS her head off in the carseat. Once we get to our destination..she has to be held the entire time! By the time we get to where we are going, I'm so stressed out that I'm just ready to go back home.
I'm a social person. I HATE being at home all the time, but that's what we do. It's so depressing. I feel lonely all the time. Like today, my friend(who is a teacher) is home today. She called and invited me to lunch. So, I called a couple of people to see if they would watch the kids(I hate doing that). Everyone was busy, so I told the friend that I couldn't go. None of my friends are married or have children, by the way.
I guess this turned out to be more of a vent.
I cry all the time. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm stressed out all the time too. I feel like I'm always biting people's heads off, and that's sooooo not like me.
I don't do anything all day, other than tote Raya around. I know it's not good to do that, but it's easier than listening to her cry all day.
I told my husband last night, that I would give anything to have a friend(in real life) that's close to my age, and has small children.
Anyway, how did you guys do it???
My baby (nor my DD) is a needy baby. However, I can't do alot with him like I could w/ DD. He hates to be in a car for longer than a few minutes. I used to take trips w/ DD. Not gonna happen w/ DS.
Luckily I have a friend w/ a baby the same age. We go to each others house. We get nothing done except talking and watching the babies. I feel so much better after our visits. We do it each Thursday for just a couple hours.
See if you can find a moms group if you don't already have friends w/ babies. Just getting out and talking to other moms w/ the exact same problems as you will really help you feel better. Check w/ your pediatrician, the hospital, local churces, book stores and library to find events that have babies. It will change your life. You really need to be near another adult who understands that your attention is mostly of the baby and only partly on them. It is really a stress relief to know the other person understands and you can be yourself.
Hang in there, and try to encourage your little one to be patient on outings. Go anyway, but go to baby friendly places only (like a baby store for some window shoping or story time for TODDLERS/BABIES not preschoolers) If you keep giving in, it will just get harder and harder to help them become independant. Also you will find another mommy out there who is just like you and looking for companionship.
Do you have as sling? That is what saved my life and my sanity. It left my hands free and she was much more content! In terms of going out- we just did it! The more she was in her car seat the better it got! I know it is stressful- but hang in there- this too shall pass!
Can your other help entertain her in the car...sing, show her books etc?
There was a kid cd that used to work in the car sometimes...does she like music? I used to sing my head off in the car!
Also check out the askDr.sears.com website- there is alot of info on high needs babies!
As far as friends go, how about a mommy and me organization?? You can go online and it will point you to the nearest chapter! It is an easy way to meet other moms with kids the same age!
((((Nikki)))) Oh man, can I ever relate. My DD was a very needy baby. Fussy all the time and had to be held. NEVER ever took a bottle and often screamed in her car seat... Your post brought back memories. Heck, she's still high maintenance but that first year was especially rough. She had GERD (acid reflux), and putting her on Zantac was a big help but she was still fussy a lot. I wore her often in a BabyBjorn carrier. How did I do it?? Well, I did it because I had to. What other options did I have?! She never took a bottle and nursed every 2 hrs. so I rarely got to go out alone. I do have fond memories of cuddling on the couch while reading books to DS and nursing DD. We did that A LOT because it was one of the few things that kept all of us happy, myself included. LOL!
Hang in there. It WILL get better, I promise. Recruit help and take breaks whenever possible! Even if for just a few minutes. That was the point when I *strongly encouraged* DH to help out more with the kids. 
Faith was needy as well. She didnt scream though. She hated the carseat for the longest time. I would cringe If I "Had" to be somewhere and had to drive with her. She also liked to be held or rocked all the time. Thankfully, she grew out of that. She still will only tolerate the car for a certain length of time. Sometimes we can drive 30 mintues before she gets fussy, sometimes 5 mintues LOL.. If she is entertained in some way, that always helps.
I had a needy baby, too. I called him my Cling-On. We did not venture out much the first 14 months at all, except for walks around the block. He was okay with a stroller. I hung out with a nanny across the street. That helped my sanity. From 14-22 months we went out a bit more, McDonalds playground, the mall.
At 22 months I put in full time daycare and got a job. The daycare workers were able to pass him around as their patience wore thin. He needed a TEAM of caregivers. Not just me.
He's 11 years old now and an absolute delight (although he has some dx's that may be related to all that fussiness back then). But, really, now he's just lovely. Very even tempered and popular and a highly sought after playmate by his friends.
When he was a baby I remember standing in front of the TV everyday watching the OJ Simpson trial and coverage surrounding the Oklahoma City bombing and holding him on my hip. He was content during those times. He would scream if I sat down at akk or ate. I had to sneak bites of food behind his back. If he saw me eat he would lose his mind and have a temper tantrum.
My youngest was my needy baby. First it is okay to hold them 24/7. You are teaching your baby that you love them and they are learing to trust that you will take care of her no matter what. Don't worry about spoiling her, this too shall pass.
Second, it is time to employ hubby for help. You need one night a month (or a week if you can manage) to just get out. It will do so much for you. Find a scrapbooking group, take a class at michaels, or just go sit in barnes and noble and just read for a bit. Just getting a short break can make a world of difference. Plus it teaches baby to bond with daddy and daddy gets a clue what your life is like 
This will pass. They grow so fast. Sit and rock and hold that baby, spend time reading to the baby and Kolby. I found once my child liked listening to books (at about 5-6 months) i could go in the car and play books on tape and life was sweet
If you are a church person, find a church, they often have MOPS groups, or bible studies with some child care, there you will meet some other moms and get some time to yourself to.
{{NIKKI}} !!! No advice, just wanted to say that when I read this post, I tilted my head and dropped my shoulders in a feeling like I wish I could give you a break...it must be hard, sweetie.
No one ever knows just how hard it is to have a baby sometimes and sometimes we wonder just what ever happened to "ME"...you know??
Can you join a mom's group? Maybe do a Google search and try to find other friends? I always hate it when people ask me to go someplace that isn't kid friendly in the middle of the day. Makes me feel like I'm missing out on something, you know?
Keep us posted and give yourself a break, girl. You deserve it!!
My third baby was a needy baby. I did go on to have a fourth, so you will get through this, too.
You want to meet friend for lunch. Meet her in an outdoor cafe/mall foodcourt so baby can fuss but not be too loud for an indoor crowd. Meet for a quick dessert and cup of coffee instead of a long lunch. Go see a midday movie with friend. It won't be crowded. You'll be able to chat a bit and nurse dd. Buy some soothing baby cds for the car rides.
Be honest with friends that you want to meet with them but are concerned that fussy baby might be a turnoff. I can say if they are true friends they won't care. They want you to be happy and want to spend what time they can with you. Remember they might be in your shoes someday.
I remember feeling overwhelmed by traveling in planes with my kids. I was so stressed. Now when I see a new mom getting stressed that her baby is crying I smile and give her encouraging words. We have all been babies. It's a part of life.
(((Hang in there))). I hope this helps a bit.
Oh I do, I do and her name is Lauren. She loves to be held...all the time, so I bought a sling and Voila! there you go, unless I sit down with her..then there she goes again. I can so relate!! ((((hugs)))) Nikki!
but I should add that we go out and to the park and she is great she loves being outside. So she's not all bad. just so I didn't sound all negative. I am sure it will get better for both of us. And I agree with going to a moms group. You really need other moms around you not just single friends. You should just move here!
My DD is needy! She is now 13 months and still hates the carseat. The first few months it seemed like all i heard were cries, from the both us! I felt like i was doing something wrong. She also was on Zantac for reflux, it helped some, but didnt fix the crying. she still needed to be held as an infant and still wants to be held as a toddler! She still cries in the carseat, and at her witching hour of 5-6, but it is getting better, especially now she is able to entertain herself. I guess it helps to know that you are not alone. I agree with all the others' advice. Friends that are "Moms" give the best support, Thanks goodness for the my friends and family that supported me thru the whole first few months! ((((hugs))))
P.S. A baby snuggly saved my sanity! (but not my back lol )
My yongest was a very needy baby and she also was a acid reflex baby. Thanks goodness she grew out of it.
I now babysit for a very needy baby it it's driving me nuts.
Thanks everybody!! I had a total melt down yesterday. I cried most of the day. My husband thinks I need to go to see a doctor. He may be right. I feel bad for him.
Anyways, thanks again for the supports!!!!
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