Where do I go from here?
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Where do I go from here?
Going anon because this is painfully personal, but most will know who I am anyway.
My 15yo son had an appointment with his psychiatrist yesterday. I sat across the room from this man as he told me that it is probably unrealistic of me to think that my son (who was sitting next to me, but didn't really understand what was going on because he was a bit manic) will ever live independently or hold down a full time job. He thinks we need to start looking for a residential placement (out of state, there's nowhere in my state that would place him unless it's voluntary on ds's part because of his age) so he can start learning the skill to try and live independently. I almost asked him, so he's just supposed to learn basic skills, get a cheap or government subsidized apartment and live on social security the rest of his life? That's IF the SSI program is still there in 10 years! He talked about some of ds's behaviors being symptoms of aspergers, but he won't diagnose him! We have two official diagnoses, and three (possibly more) "probable" diagnoses, aspergers being one of them. My son is incredibly bright. He has trouble controlling himself. He was in rare form at the doctor's office yesterday. He hasn't acted that way with this doctor in years. Funny, for the past 3 years this doctor has always just said, "Everything looks good" and sent us on our merry way at every visit (about every 6 weeks). Yesterday ds acts up and he suggests residential? To say I'm upset is an understatement. I'm downright depressed. I haven't been myself in a couple weeks now (lots of adjusting going on here!) and this may just push me over the edge. I still refuse to believe that my child can NOT have a productive life. There are people far worse off than he that have proven it can happen. I'm seriously considering changing my major to psychology or sociology. I'm just really at a loss, though. Hey, on the plus side, maybe I'll finally loose some of this weight that hasn't budged for the past 2 years. (yes, I'm the eternal optimist, even when I'm down)
Anon, ((((hugs)))). I do not have any words of wisdom for you but you know the moms here will give you some great advice!
Thinking about you and family.
Could your son have acted up on this visit because he knows he needs more help and this doctor isn't giving him any help? Your son is bright...he might be trying to "tell" the doctor and you, something in his own way.
Hang in there 
((anon)) I would definitely get some more opinions before you consider residential.
(((hugs)))
I have to say I think he is off on the idea of residental placement.
I think he may be right in the fact that your son may never live alone. As we deal with that possibility too. But I just think there has to be so many other options. Anyway, no advice, just hugs.
Of course you refuse to believe your child won't live a productive life.
I think that you need to get as many different opinions until you find the person that seems willing to want to help your child and not just write him off.
I am so sorry that you are going through this, lots of (((Hugs)))and thoughts coming your way.
I'm sorry that your doctor said something so ridiculous to you. It's funny, my hubby and I were just talking about this issue with our youngest. We refuse to let her go through life just knowing that she can live off of a disability pension. She has so many great skills, and she WILL live a productive life! She might not ever do well in schooling, but that doesn't mean she can't do well in life.
Maybe your son will never live on his own, but there are certainly great alternatives that aren't the same as residential care.
Why does your doctor have an issue with formally diagnosing him? I'm not sure about there, but in Ontario, having a clear diagnosis = funding and support. The main focus is on supporting families so that they can support their kids at home, rather than having to consider something like a residential setting.
Marcia, one of the official diagnoses is bipolar and ds's doctor believe that encompasses everything so additional diagnoses aren't needed. I've been asking for months now to add AS, OCD and ODD to his official diagnoses. I think it'd help with school and working on getting him social security when the time comes (he can't be on our insurance forever). I think I need to talk to him again.
I've thought about a second opinion. Psychologists are limited around here and we're already on our 3rd. 
(((HUGS)))
I would really find another doc... even with limited resources, this doctor refuses to give a complete DX (bipolar does not cover everything!) and has basically written your son off. All signs say that is not the right doctor for your son.
I have no advice but HUGE HUGS to you!!!
I HOPE this doctor hasn't written my son off! We've been working with him for over 4 years now. We had made a lot of progress. Ds's progress has basically stalled over the past couple of years, though. We have another appointment with the doctor (psychiatrist, not psychologist like I said in the previous post) next month. Hopefully something will change by then.
HUGS
Maybe you can speak with him without your son present for a little bit before or after the appointment.
Make a list of your concerns and questions and take it with you. Even if you sent him an email or a note prior to the appointment with the list.
Oh lots of hugs!! If this is a doc you've been working with for a while, then talk about your concerns with him. Make an appt. to see him without your son present and lay it all out on the table. Tell him that you need the other DXs to bolster your case for help from school and other places.
Ask why he's now suggesting residential when everything has been fine up unitl now.
If after a good talk he still is not responsive, then try another doc.
Don't wait unitl next month, though.
Ame
That is a blanket DX and it doesn't incompass your DS sons condition. Just bipolar my left eye.
If he doesn't DX him then what in the heck is he treating? Bipolar???? If he is treating him for bipolar and he has other issues he will not show long term improvement. Dh was DXed as bipolar for years, turns out he was Schizoaffective. So many conditions parallel each other that it is easy to misDX and darn it a misDX leads to wrong treatment plans and wrong medications and the bottom falls out...
There are other options beyond residential...
Never give up on your child. Follow your instincts on this one. Get a second opinion. I think suggesting residential is a cop out on the drs. part. That's his way of saying he doesn't know how to help this child. Well, there are other therapists that do.
(((Hugs)))
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