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Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive July-December 2005: How do you motivate a 7yr old to do school work?
I have a 2nd grade DS who does not like school work. It's been a struggle since he started Young 5's. I got a call from his teacher yesterday and he even had her upset. They were doing a paper on Thomas Edison as a class. It was a paragraph of 5 sentences and then 5 questions, where they are learning to repeat the question with the answer. After the first question he was lost, so he put down his pencil and quit working and when asked why he wasn't working he shrugged his shoulders. She is going to move a desk next to hers for him (this has been done in K and 1st also) he says the other kids bother him. He is a very social child always needs to know what is going on. When he does pay attention to the task at hand he can complete it. I sit with him every night while he does his homework so I know he can do it. Should I leave him alone to do his work? Whatever work is not completed in class has to be brought home and finished and returned the next day. We spend up to two hours a night doing this. The days they have library or computer or gym are the worst, he doesn't finish any work. The teacher says he has no motivation. We have taken away the TV and he can use the computer for educational games only, this started yesterday. He can read pretty well, I have him reading at least one book everynight. He has a hard time remembering what he read unless it's something he likes. He's very head strong and only wants to do the work he likes. I notice when he reads directions he someimes says a word that is not even close. I asked if he can see OK and he said sometimes it's blurry. I made an appointment to get his eyes checked as I saw a segment on TV Sunday that said a lot of kids are being diagnosed with ADD when actually they have an eyesight problem. We haven't done any type of testing for ADD or whatever else there is out there. None of his four techers so far felt this necessary. I know there are a lot of primary teachers on this board so would you please give me some ideas. I need to nip this right now!!! I'm a WOHM, he is up at 6:00am and goes to daycare before and after school. We generally get home by 5:30pm and then there is dinner, homework, shower, and in bed by 8:00-8:30pm with a book to read. We don't have much free time but I will do whatever it takes to get him on the right track. He goes to a Catholic School and I know their curriculum is tougher than public school as my older DS went into 9th grade this year at public school and has two advanced classes and algebra I (missed algebra2 by 1 point). I'm beginning to wonder if this school is just not the right place for this child. Thanks in advance. Sorry this is so long, I could still go on but will wait to see what others have to say.
I will be interested to hear this as well. I
I hear you Beth!! I commend you for keeping him back in first, that was a wise choice. Here in MI the cutoff for K is Dec. 1st and my DS bday is Nov. 28 so we held him back and put him in Young 5's first, so he is actually the oldest in his class and should be doing much better. Mine wants to join cub scouts also but I was holding off because I felt that might add more stress because of the studies to earn the badges, is it hard for them?? We've also tried the soccer, baseball (coach-pitch) and swimming, hoping this would improve the studies but he's just not athletic. What kind of testing do they do for ADD? I've checked sites for symptoms and he only has a couple so I'm stuck. I too was beginning to think I was alone in this as I've talked to other parents of his classmates and they don'thave problems. Hopefully we'll get get insight from others here.
I bet Deanna (Reds) will have something good to post, once she's on here again.
It is hard to see the ADD in my son because he is not hyper at all. It is definately just his attention. For testing him for ADD basically the teachers just filled out a paper asking them questions about his attention ect...that the doctor gave us and we did. We also talked to the doctor and told him about what we saw. That was the part that was scary for me. It didn't seem very scientific or defintive to me. The doctor would have put him on meds then. But we wanted to wait and try holding him back first. My son's problems appear more to be that he can do the work its just following the directions and he spaces out a lot. He has been going to speech for 2 years and he does the same routine everyday and he will still act like he doesn't know what to do when he comes in the room. I think its a processing issue. He does not have much self confindence. He is afraid to mess up. I am getting the school thinks he is trying as do I. But it so frustrating. As far as boy scouts. My husband is the leader so I think this helps. He doesn't have a problem doing the fun stuff or even memorizing he gets all his spelling words right every week. I think we don't notice it as much at home also because I am so used to at this point telling him to do things again. He does okay with sports as far as being athletic. But like this year this is fourth season for soccer and sometimes he acts like he has no clue what to do. I would really like to try Karate because its one on one but its $80 a month and I can't afford that. I am going to take him to the doctor this next month. We will probably try the meds at this point. It can't hurt. Good Luck!
My oldest is ADHD (among other things). He's almost 12 now and was dx'd when he was in 1st grade. He does have the hyperactivty involved, though so the dx was a welcome relief and the medication worked wonders for him in school. I agree that your son could be ADD (without the hyperactivity) OR it could be something else. You're already having his eyes checked. That's good. If that's not the problem then you can check other things. From what you've posted I'm seeing a couple possibilities (and remember this is totally my humble, UNprofessional opinion, based on what you've posted and the years of researching what MY son's problem could have been). First, if he's getting frustrated it could be that he really doesn't understand and is just shutting down. If that's the case then some extra help may be in order. Maybe a tutor or after school program (if the school has one). Another possibility; does he tend to be a perfectionist? With my son if he didn't feel he could do it a certain way he wouldn't do it at all. It's great that he's reading well. One thing I've found with my son is that reading is a "goal" for him. To get from point A to point B. He doesn't alway remember what he's read because that really wasn't the point for him, unless he's really interested in what he's reading. And like it's already been said, maybe he's just a little distractable and it may just be immaturaty that he'll outgrow. I have a nephew that sounds similar to your ds and his do wanted to put him on meds for ADD when he was in 1st and 2nd grade, but my SIL didn't want to. He got much better in 3rd grade and is now doing wonderfully as a freshman in college. Good luck and let us know how the eye exam goes.
Thanks Beth and Cat you both have given me some good information. I too would like to stay away from meds at this time and will continue to work with him. The teacher suggested I not sit with him all the time just to help with directions and set a timer and try to let him master the work on his own. He is very stubborn and wants things to be done his way only and gets frustrated when he has to do exactly what the directions say.
I think I've been to Southfield. I know I've been to Detroit (been through Windsor, Dearborn, Livonia, and some other places). I miss Michigan.
Isn't it heartbreaking when our kids struggle with things and we don't know how to fix it? One thought that comes to my mind (again like Cat my unprofessional untrained mind ) is dyslexia. Often times it is not just reversing numbers but it is very much a processing issue. They may be able to read and write with little problem but they don't retain or comprehend what they have read or written. Also they could have problems with following multi stepped directions so they stop. Dyslexia takes various degrees. If you have a Children's Hospital near you start with them to see if they can recommend or if they have their own ADD/ADHD and/or dyslexia evaluation program. I think you would be much more comfortable with the results if it were a more thorough testing process. Here in Columbus our Children's has an ADD/ADHD clinic where they diagnose it and from friend's and client's experience it is very involved. Not just teachers filling out a form. I also think the eye test is a good idea. Has his hearing also been tested? Best of luck!!!
As a parent I would want a thorough evaluation done concerning ADD and/or possible learning disabilities. Has the school suggested testing?
I never thought about dyslexia, I will look into that and I'm going to call the insurance to see where I can begin the testing, we do have a Children's Hospital in Detroit. His hearing was just checked in June and the ped said it was very good, sometimes I think he only hears what he wants to. The school/teachers have not suggested any type of testing yet and I know they would it they felt it necessary as I know other parents who have been asked to have children tested and/or outside tutoring. The teacher did suggest my trying to let him do the work himself and not sit with him to make sure he does it correctly but to explain the work then leave and return to check after it is done, to force him to work on his own. Will give that a try and see what happens. Thanks!!
I never thought about dyslexia, I will look into that and I'm going to call the insurance to see where I can begin the testing, we do have a Children's Hospital in Detroit. His hearing was just checked in June and the ped said it was very good, sometimes I think he only hears what he wants to. The school/teachers have not suggested any type of testing yet and I know they would it they felt it necessary as I know other parents who have been asked to have children tested and/or outside tutoring. The teacher did suggest my trying to let him do the work himself and not sit with him to make sure he does it correctly but to explain the work then leave and return to check after it is done, to force him to work on his own. Will give that a try and see what happens. Thanks!!
Sometimes a colored filter helps with reading, if he is slightly dyslexic. You can buy a see through blue folder and put it on his paper. Sometimes the black/white contrast is hard on them. Heck, it's even easier for me to read and I'm not dyslexic.
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Colorado is great, don't get me wrong. But Michigan will always be "home".